So about this separation

[Mr. Lucky]

He said ok because he feels certain he wants the D and when I heard that I hesitated and told him that we were just both too emotional to make that decision and we should wait to see how things progressed and he agreed.

 

Hopeful928, I'd guess he only agreed because he saw your reaction.

 

Since he's moved out, told you he doesn't want to be with you anymore and "feels certain he wants the D", hasn't his decision already been made?

 

Mr. Lucky

[Hopeful928]

Hopeful928, I'd guess he only agreed because he saw your reaction.

 

Since he's moved out, told you he doesn't want to be with you anymore and "feels certain he wants the D", hasn't his decision already been made?

 

Mr. Lucky

 

I don't know, this is all very new to me. While he has said all of the above he also has said he has not looked into more permanent housing, has not spoken to a divorce lawyer and is not closing the door on anything. I am getting two different messages and since this is a painful time I am not sure which is the message he truly means. I'm going for positive right now.

[stillafool]

Hopeful928, I'd guess he only agreed because he saw your reaction.

 

Since he's moved out, told you he doesn't want to be with you anymore and "feels certain he wants the D", hasn't his decision already been made?

 

Mr. Lucky

 

I agree with this. He only agreed because "whatever". He is out of the house which gives him peace and he certainly isn't going to rush out and marry again right away so he can wait a while for divorce. He does still want it though and I imagine he will go through with it.

[Mr. Lucky]

I'm going for positive right now.

 

Seems a longshot, but I certainly wish you well in the process. Hope you get the outcome you want...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Hopeful928]

Seems a longshot, but I certainly wish you well in the process. Hope you get the outcome you want...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

Thank you very much!

[Hopeful928]

I agree with this. He only agreed because "whatever". He is out of the house which gives him peace and he certainly isn't going to rush out and marry again right away so he can wait a while for divorce. He does still want it though and I imagine he will go through with it.

 

He very well may go through it and yes most likely still wants the divorce. Only time will tell.

[College_girl]

I am in a similar situation as you. I didn't appreciate my boyfriend of 5 years as much as i should have. I had anger issues that would come out when drinking and I would say things that I regretted so much. I would always apologize however I now know that each hurtful word accumulates pain in a partner and its better to NEVER cross those lines.. Eventually the pain can lead to resentment. However, its never too late to change! I haven't fought with my boyfriend for months now and it has helped. I give more back rubs and am trying to be an equal partner... However, I am in a similar situation as you because he left for a week to work on himself.. He kind of hit rock bottom himself but I know the relationship isn't something he could always lean on.. I want him to be able to lean on me in tough times.. Here is my advice to you!!! As hard as it is...

 

-TRUST HIM RIGHT NOW

 

-Give him space

 

-I wouldn't keep bringing up "the divorce"

 

-Work on yourself

 

-Maybe express that you respect his wishes and you understand why he feels the need to have space since you acted the way you did in the past and that you don't deserve him.. (reverse psychology)

 

-Maybe be away on one of the weekends he comes to visit the kids? You could tell him its just too hard to see him and you wanted to give him some time alone with the kids that you decided to go on a little trip by yourself?

 

- I wouldn't do any snooping or accusing.. If he is cheating then whats the point in finding out now?

 

-Patience can be your friend.

 

 

-When you are around him of course be attractive.. Have a white light of love shining so bright inside of you he couldn't help but want to be around your amazing Vibes.

 

-Everything is energy in this world... If your vibration is raised and your energy is bright and your thoughts have been positive he will want to be around that kind of version of you..

 

-Meditate to raise your vibration and love yourself

 

-He fell in love with you once for a reason

 

-Never play games or be fake. Be your best self. your true self. You are not an emotional mess. You are a strong, confident, beautiful, funny, & high value woman!

 

-Yes you might have made some mistakes in the past but you are not a bad person!

 

I don't want to give you false hope! This is just what helps me in my relationship.

 

Also, remember: He is free to leave. The door has always been there. He can do whatever the **** he wants. You are not afraid of him leaving!

 

REMEMBER TO NOT BE AFRAID OF HIM LEAVING!!

 

Never let fear control you. Choose love not fear!

 

**** FEAR!

 

What can help you finally feel free like a bag of bricks is finally lifting off of your shoulders is to look in the mirror and tell yourself this:

 

"Husband, I set you free. I accept that it may be over. I am releasing the fear of losing you. I don't want to be afraid anymore. I let go of the anxiety of worrying so much about HOLDING ON. Im going to let this one go and smile."

 

The relief of FINALLY NOT FIGHTING against the flow of the universe and just riding the waves will put you in a good zen space to deal with all of this.

 

Trust the universe, it will all work out exactly as it is suppose to.

 

 

 

Im curious, Whats the update?

[giotto]

My story is complicated, but I can only tell you that anger, especially over a prolonged period of time and regardless of the circumstances, does untold damage to a marriage. The trust goes and you can't get it back. It's too late.

[doh]

I'm in your husbands position.

I've been living in an apartment for 9 months now.

My wife keeps asking if I'm seeing someone else, she doesn't understand why I left, despite me telling her repeatedly.

After our last couples session I agreed to put the divorce on hold for a while, in the hope that our therapist finally got through to her (not that it was all her fault, of course I have a significant amount of blame too), but that anger accumulates over the years, for the first few months after I moved out I'd have severe anxiety going home to hang out. It's ****ed up.

But I don't have anyone else, I'm not looking for anyone else, I'd love to have my family and life back the way it was before, but if those anger issues aren't addressed in a way I can visibly see and believe then there is no hope for our future as a couple.

I still don't think she understands it. At least you seem to be actively trying to fix things in yourself.

Our therapist said we need to forget fixing us right now and focus on fixing ourselves as individuals without the other.

I am working hard at it, I hope she starts to do the same, but I'm skeptical right now.

If your anger issues have been impacting your husband for some time then this is going to take a lot of work from both of you to fix. It's hard, agonizingly painful work and I don't think it can work at all without professional help for you both.

I wish you the best of luck.

Edited November 28, 2019 by doh

[CoderPro]

It sounds like he may be trying to start your relationship over and rebuild it from the ground up, but he needs to see you are serious about it and does not want to lose you or what you had, but believes you needs to work on your issues? At least that is my take on what you said, not knowing either of you. That is a difficult situation and that is very hard to walk through, but counseling will help and your marriage is worth saving and working on.

 

Hope it works out for the best for you.