Sometimes even Chads forget that they are Chads

[Trail Blazer]

I work with a Chad. Okay, so the guy's name isn't actually Chad. The guy is, however, a true Chad in every sense. We all know a Chad or two in life. You know, the guys who all guys wish they were; the guys all girls wish they were with.

 

Chad, who I work with, stands about 6'5" tall. He's 29, perfect skin, hair, teeth... works out... the guy pretty much looks like Chris Hemsworth. The (very few) women we work with fawn over Chad like few men I've ever seen have such an effect on women.

 

In my industry, we all work generally for up to one month straight, then we go home for a month to do whatever our heart's content. Not only does Chad have everything going for him in the genetic stakes, but he's also a pretty switched on guy to boot. Chad is an Alpha in the true sense of the word.

 

Chad lives in San Diego. Chad earns a very high income. Chad has a place on the water, with all the toys (jet ski, sports cars, etc.) Essentially, Chad lives a Playboy lifestyle when he goes back home.

 

Chad is the kind of guy who, when all he does his flash his pearly whites, can get any woman he likes. So much so, in fact, that he doesn't even bother with online dating because he picks up easily in real life. From the beach, to tourists and random girls at bars, Chad has no problem in that department. Which is why I was so surprised when Chad spoke with me yesterday and told me something utterly surprising.

 

Chad asked me if I'd met any decent girls in my time off, to which I told him that I had. "Awesome", said Chad, as he proceeded to tell me about how he'd planned to meet up with a girl he met on Venice Beach in August when he was in L.A. for one of his buddy's weddings. Chad hooked up for the weekend with this girl. He kept in contact with her via Instagram, but hadn't really said much to her in those few months since.

 

Chad and I got talking after work back at camp. Nine days ago I didn't even know Chad, as I'd been working in Texas previously, but now, thankfully, I'm on a Californian crew, much closer to home. For all the negativity that "Chads" get by jealous guys, this Chad is actually a hell of a nice guy. Chad and I clicked. There's no jealousy from my end (okay, maybe a little), I just have a lot of respect for the guy and how he goes about his work.

 

So, anyway, Chad told me about this 10/10 Insta model stunner he picked up in L.A. on the weekend of his buddy's wedding. Chad told me how he had planned to head back to L.A. on our next time off and that he planned to meet up with this girl again. Chad told me how he really liked her and, then, followed up with a drop the mic comment straight afterwards. To my utter amazement, Chad said that he couldn't believe her answer was 'yes' when he asked her if she wanted to catch up again while he was back in town. To quote Chad, "she is out of my league"

 

So Chad, being the nice guy that he is, was probably being slightly modest. I'm thinking to myself, Chad's are the top-teir men, so no woman is essentially out of their league. However, I digress....

 

Now, the point of this thread; Chads have actually very little to do with the point of the thread. Misleading title and long-winded example aside, Chad only serves one purpose; to illustrate a point.

 

See, something I've grappled with myself for sometime, and something which essentially made the penny drop and crystallized everything for me was having this conversation with Chad.

 

Chad genuinely likes this girl. And really, what sets her apart from all the other stunners he's been with in the past? Well, seeing her pictures, not much objectively. All the women he showed me pictures of who he's dated, are absolutely smoking hot. So, what gives then?

 

Well... the thing that hit me is that unlike all the other hot girls Chad has been with, this one he actually likes. A lot. In that moment when Chad actually thought he might not have things all his own way, and he worried that the outcome he desired might not happen, his own perceived value dropped.

 

That's right. Even Chad forgot that he was a Chad.

 

I felt like saying to him, "Dude, don't be ridiculous, you could literally have any woman on the planet. So of course she said yes and agreed to meet up." What I actually said was, "Awesome, man! I'm happy for you. I hope it all goes well."

 

I remember being so madly in love with my ex-girlfriend that I'd do almost anything for her. She had an effect on me which seemed to work well when she was into me, but sucked when she lost interest and pulled away.

 

I was shattered. I couldn't believe that the woman I'd invested so much time, love and energy into, was pulling away from me. My dignity and self-respect were on mute while I continuously toiled away, trying to make things work. My confidence was bruised and my heart, oh my heart, was hurting.

 

I've vowed to never let myself get into that position again. I vowed to keep up my guard and to not fall for that innocent and naive "new love energy". Sad, because I've never been happier when I immersed myself, even smothered it all over myself, that new love energy. The love I felt was beautiful. But ultimately, it was my downfall.

 

I acted shamefully clingy, because I couldn't bare to face the reality that the woman I loved so much no longer felt the same. Essentially, the thing I really wanted had an impact on my confidence and self-doubt. I'd lost touch with reality. The reality that, while I'm no Chad, I still do okay on the datng apps. I know that there's plenty of other gorgeous women out there I can get with, but at the time, I didn't.

 

Sure, I didn't want anyone else, either. But I was convinced, because I loved her, that she was the best thing ever and that I had to fight. Now, I'm not trying to be too hard on myself. However, the reality is, it took me way too long to back in myself to know when it was time... time that I deserved better. Because I llved her, I believed she was the best I could get.

 

Unlike Chad, however, I've had my heartbroken and so, I'm a little jaded. But, having my heart broken has had a silver lining. I've come out from the experience a better, stronger and more confident person in the end. Today, as it stands, I'm a new man. I'm no better or worse than I was 6 months ago when I had a broken heart. However, the lessons learnt from the experience has allowed me to re-focus on myself. It's allowed me to understand and accept that there was nothing more that I could have done to fix the relationship.

 

It wasn't about me, it was her not valuing what I bring to the relationship and as a result, the resultant snowball effect saw a further departure from behaviors and mentalities which enabled me to be the best version of myself.

 

Perhaps Chad needs to have his heart broken in order to re-discover the fact that he's a Chad. But for now, I'm just going to sit back and watch Chad indulge in the innocence of 'new love energy' and hope that, for his sake, his heart doesn't get broken, and he doesn't have to re-discover Chad to move forward. Because, while I'm stronger for having gone through it, I would have gladly stayed with the woman I loved, if only she'd loved me equally.

 

Alas, it wasn't to be. And nor will getting my heart broken be again, hopefully... because I value myself too highly to invest too much in people if it's not being matched. Valuing one's self isn't about being jaded and non-committal. It's about knowing when to invest, and knowing when to walk.

Edited November 6, 2019 by Trail Blazer

[preraph]

I liked your stories there. And this is what I mean when I respond to the bitter "Why don't women like nice guys" or "Why do women only like bad guys?" threads with "Good looking guys can be nice guys too." A lot of people assume if you're good looking, that you are a smug tool, and that is just not the case.

 

My "Chad" was more a "Raven," more exotic but irresistibly good looking in a less conventional, more interesting spectacular way. I never even saw him with a woman who was anywhere near a 10. Like your Chad, I think he would have viewed them out of his league. In reality, they were perhaps in a different league, but not a higher one.

 

He was also successful for a young man in his 20s, had his own commercial art agency and staff. Was incredibly talented as an artist.

 

I met up with him again decades later when he was 55. By then, he'd been exploring the world and not even living in the US for many years.

 

He had a beard (which kind of ruins it for me because it was his face that was so amazing, but I knew it was under there somewhere), and his body was really just the same. He wasn't real muscled out, but just naturally well built and tall. He didn't have to work at it. He did 30 situps before bed.

 

When I knew him when young, I mean, I would just get tunnel vision when I saw him in the room. He was just spectacular. The way he looked, the way he acted, the way he talked, the unusual things he did and said to you. There was no one in that midwest town that could hold a candle to him in presence.

 

So when we talked decades later, I was surprised by the story he told me. He had been considered chronically ill as a child and wasn't expected to live a long life. It was some immune disorder. So he spent his kid years under this umbrella of protection but also feeling he had no control over what happened to him. He said he felt a "sink or swim" vibe from his parents most of the time. Because they had no control over it either.

 

And then he made it past childhood against the odds and decided it seemed like he was going to survive, and then he totally remade himself and reinvented himself into the guy he wanted to be. He changed his whole image. The question he asked me before he recounted this story was, "When you knew me back them, did you think I was weak?" And I was just shocked. I said, "Gawd, no! To me, you were just Cock-o-the-Walk" (an old expression for strutting around on top of the world, king of the mountain, the MAN.

 

So you never know what people go through, how they perceive themselves, what they had to do to become the person they are. He worked hard at that and never stopped.

 

Men were always jealous of him, but I'd noticed early on his male employees stuck by him and hung with him, those who actually knew him. He was kind of a loner though overall.

 

I'm glad I caught up with him later in life because I learned some things . And one of the things I learned is that I was not exactly his type, though he always seemed interested in me over a number of years. The type he'd really stick with though was someone like his mother, someone just warm and undemanding, and I knew that finally when I brought up the subject of his mother and he got his little crooked smirk and his eyes twinkled talking about her. Then a couple of his more nondescript girlfriends over the years made sense. He and I were more "two of a kind" and on separate but similar quests and reinvention, and that's why we were of interest to each other.

 

You can't judge a book by its cover.

[Ruby Slippers]

I have an older brother who's a Chad, and I've been in relationships with a few.

 

In spite of the mystique around very beautiful people, under the beautiful surface they're just like the rest of us.

 

What all these men have in common is that they appreciate being loved for who they are, not what they look like, their status, and what all that can bring their partner. I noticed right away that every one of these guys got uncomfortable when complimented on his good looks.

 

I was recently messaging with a Chad on a dating site who said he was widowed a few years ago. His profile specifically expressed that he'd appreciate talking about things other than appearances, as he's more than his photos and is sure you are, too.

 

While it's easy for them to attract women, it doesn't seem much easier for them to find real love than the rest of us.

[preraph]

^ That's right. The one I wrote about grew a beard to cover up his greatest asset so he could convince himself he had value other than his own looks.

[PRW]

^ That's right. The one I wrote about grew a beard to cover up his greatest asset so he could convince himself he had value other than his own looks.

I know one. He said back a few years he let his hair get a bit shaggy and he shows up with varying degrees of razor stubble. He said he got tired of looking good and just wanted to look bad. And then he said that to his shock, "It didn't make any difference".

[mark clemson]

A few thoughts (not to detract at all from your story and point, which are certainly interesting in it's own right!)

 

 

 

Chad is the kind of guy who, when all he does his flash his pearly whites, can get any woman he likes...

 

I felt like saying to him, "Dude, don't be ridiculous, you could literally have any woman on the planet.

 

 

This is never actually literally true. Apart from lesbians and asexuals (some of whom are quite attractive), there are women who would feel he's "too mainstream", assume he's shallow, or assume he wouldn't remain loyal and so reject him on those grounds. There are "monogamously wired" women who intend to stay loyal to husbands or current BFs. There are women hung up due to a breakup, and in some cases "simply not looking right now" (and they really mean it).

 

So it's never 100% (although that tends not to matter in urban centers with lots of women around).

 

 

So, anyway, Chad told me about this 10/10 Insta model ... To my utter amazement, Chad said ... "she is out of my league"

 

Part of that might be that, though well off, he has a regular type of job, whereas if she's Instagram-famous enough she might be able to aspire to date D-list celebrities and similar (esp in LA).

[preraph]

there are women who would feel he's "too mainstream", assume he's shallow, or assume he wouldn't remain loyal and so reject him on those grounds.

 

I agree with that. I was from the first group, no matter how good looking, "too mainstream" would ruin it for me, and being in big football type states, you have a plethora of guys that didn't do it for me, but they had their pick of women from their own crowd. Actually, being from the generation I was from, for some time, any short-haired guys were not attractive to me. They had to at least have had forehead hair. Shallow? Yes, but it also meant something at one time.

 

I had a friend who chose less good looking guys because of the second reason, though I don't know why she was worried about them being loyal when she was the one who wasn't going to be loyal.

[divegrl]

There’s so much more then looks and income.... and I think this Chad knows it.

 

As to you other point, the gut wrenching time of heartbreak, provided me with an enormous amount of growth. I would never had known the love and joy that I have in my life, had my husband not walked out on me all those years ago.

 

My favorite poster on LS always said.... Pain equals growth.

 

Have a beautiful day my friend.

[healing light]

I liked your stories there. And this is what I mean when I respond to the bitter "Why don't women like nice guys" or "Why do women only like bad guys?" threads with "Good looking guys can be nice guys too." A lot of people assume if you're good looking, that you are a smug tool, and that is just not the case.

 

Side note: This made me laugh. I have never known a truly "nice guy" who complained about nice guys finishing last. Usually it was a passive aggressive guy, not particularly attractive in any way, who became bitter when their gestures with strings attached for sex were turned down. Typically guys who were average or below average looking who would only go for 9s/10s and then lament when rejected.

[Envy123]

there are women who would feel he's "too mainstream", assume he's shallow, or assume he wouldn't remain loyal and so reject him on those grounds.

 

I generally feel the same way with those women who show interest in me. It's always the "Instagram blogger" type and I am rather wary of them. I don't actively avoid them but I do say hi and do small talk with them - on the other side, I do not force anything.

 

That, I guess, shows confidence and attracts them.

 

On the other side, other women (those who are more homely) have not been attracted to me at all throughout my entire life. Probably because I felt less confident with them and it showed.

 

I am well-groomed and dressed but it's obvious I have a double chin and a beer belly. I am no Chris Chan but I am no Adonis, either.

[Trail Blazer]

There’s so much more then looks and income.... and I think this Chad knows it.

 

As to you other point, the gut wrenching time of heartbreak, provided me with an enormous amount of growth. I would never had known the love and joy that I have in my life, had my husband not walked out on me all those years ago.

 

My favorite poster on LS always said.... Pain equals growth.

 

Have a beautiful day my friend.

I hope that one day I find someone I can love and trust to not have flakey commitment issues. I don't ever want to fall in love and have the rug pulled up from under me. It will take me a long time to trust again.

[Trail Blazer]

A few thoughts (not to detract at all from your story and point, which are certainly interesting in it's own right!)

 

This is never actually literally true. Apart from lesbians and asexuals (some of whom are quite attractive), there are women who would feel he's "too mainstream", assume he's shallow, or assume he wouldn't remain loyal and so reject him on those grounds. There are "monogamously wired" women who intend to stay loyal to husbands or current BFs. There are women hung up due to a breakup, and in some cases "simply not looking right now" (and they really mean it).

 

So it's never 100% (although that tends not to matter in urban centers with lots of women around).

 

Part of that might be that, though well off, he has a regular type of job, whereas if she's Instagram-famous enough she might be able to aspire to date D-list celebrities and similar (esp in LA).

 

You're right. Literally might have been a wrong choice of word. I guess I'm thinking that any eligible age-appropriate woman would not say no. From a biological perspective, the guy is an amazing physical specimen. But he's way more than just that, as he's intelligent, calm and has great leadership skills.

 

Looks aside, he has all the attributes which women find irresistable. Many guys punch above their weight on account of this, yet he seemingly has it all. The all-round package. He comands respect from all levels, the company men, the drill superintendents above him and everyone else working under him. All this and he's not even 30 yet.

 

As for the girl he's going back to see; I guess what has been suggested could be true. Chad might think he's just an ordinary guy in the sense that he's not any part of tinsel town, and that she could be in that circle, potentially. I don't know how many followers she has, whether she's a true "influencer" or if she's just an "Insta fitness model" for her own enjoyment. Either way, I hope it works out for him.

[Ruby Slippers]

I guess I'm thinking that any eligible age-appropriate woman would not say no. From a biological perspective, the guy is an amazing physical specimen. But he's way more than just that, as he's intelligent, calm and has great leadership skills.

I think women are wired to be more wary of men "out of their league," to an extent, whereas most men go for the highest-league woman they can get without considering the practical ramifications as much.

 

It probably comes down to reproductive stable strategy - the woman isn't just thinking about the genes/offspring, but is also thinking about whether her mate will be trustworthy and reliable enough to stick around to support them. Men in general aren't thinking about the day when men more attractive than him are enticing his more attractive woman away. So a male 5 will go for a female 9, whereas your typical 5 woman will be more suspicious of a 9 male showing interest in her.

[Trail Blazer]

I think women are wired to be more wary of men "out of their league," to an extent, whereas most men go for the highest-league woman they can get without considering the practical ramifications as much.

 

It probably comes down to reproductive stable strategy - the woman isn't just thinking about the genes/offspring, but is also thinking about whether her mate will be trustworthy and reliable enough to stick around to support them. Men in general aren't thinking about the day when men more attractive than him are enticing his more attractive woman away. So a male 5 will go for a female 9, whereas your typical 5 woman will be more suspicious of a 9 male showing interest in her.

That all makes sense. However, Chad won't ever find himself in a scenario where women would be suspicious of his motives, as he'd never go for a 5 when he can land a 10. So, in that sense, I guess I couldn't envisage a situation where a woman would look at him and think, "I could do better." The guy looks scarily like Chris Hemsworth, only he's not famous. And really, famous or not, would anyone woman not go for Chris Hemsworth?

[SumGuy]

I'm not a woman and straight but even I'd go for Chris Hemsworth

 

A guy like thats only "problem" is trying to find a woman who like him for him and not just his looks. It's a real problem if he is looking for a long term relationship.

[some_username1]

I think women are wired to be more wary of men "out of their league," to an extent, whereas most men go for the highest-league woman they can get without considering the practical ramifications as much.

 

It probably comes down to reproductive stable strategy - the woman isn't just thinking about the genes/offspring, but is also thinking about whether her mate will be trustworthy and reliable enough to stick around to support them. Men in general aren't thinking about the day when men more attractive than him are enticing his more attractive woman away. So a male 5 will go for a female 9, whereas your typical 5 woman will be more suspicious of a 9 male showing interest in her.

 

I don’t think that’s the case as OLD proves. Many a poster on here has lamented the overweight female friend who gets hit on by some buff dude and she misconstrues his search for easy sex as validation of her dating market value.

 

In fact it could be argued that the lack of suspicion on the part of the more unattractive woman when something too good to be true turns up is part of the reason why online dating doesn’t work and ends up with women across the looks spectrum skewing towards the hotter guys meaning people struggle to line up with their ‘looks match’ (to use that awful red pill term), average guys can’t get a match and there isn’t much equilibrium in the dating market.

[elaine567]

Everyone on OLD is presented with a line up of "hotties".

Desirable people that make everyone else look "ordinary" or downright "ugly".

Undesirable people are not blind, they don't then want Mr or Miss Undesirable, why would they?

Desperation and hope makes them susceptible to "hot" guys who want easy sex or "hot" girls who want a shed load of money spent on them...

[Ruby Slippers]

Desperation and hope makes them susceptible to "hot" guys who want easy sex or "hot" girls who want a shed load of money spent on them...

True. I'm sure most women have been approached online by hot guys who want one thing, and not-so-hot guys who want to "take them shopping." And probably most men have messaged with hot women asking for free gift cards and crap, and not-so-hot women who would let them come right over that night.

 

Most people are looking for something more meaningful than that, which they'll find in the middle, in someone who's similarly attractive, intelligent, and so on.

[Envy123]

Interesting. It does explain my situation an awful lot.

 

A few "bad apples" ruined it so much, that when a conventionally attractive woman expresses interest, I am very wary and act neutral towards her, with the (possibly incorrect) assumption that she is not going to be loyal or she's just fooling about. This is assumed to be confidence or me being a "bad boy" on the outside, when the reality is quite different, so some just kept pushing it. One pushed it too much that I don't want to even be with her as a friend.

 

The problem is that I fail to attract women who are more in "my league". I have been more attracted to the "girl next door" than "Instagram blogger", myself.

[mark clemson]

Trust is an issue (warranted or not). Dating the attractive isn't for everyone.

[Envy123]

Trust is an issue (warranted or not). Dating the attractive isn't for everyone.

 

I've been pranked too many times by the wrong (conventionally attractive) women back in secondary school, so I still am rather wary of conventionally attractive women in general, to this day.

 

But what I do, works in terms of attraction. I'm kinda leaning towards just doing the same as I've always done, and hope that one woman out of that subset would be someone who would be loyal and I'd click with. Rather than risking it with a whole new strategy.

[mark clemson]

In my case, I get a LOT of attention from 6, 7's, 8's. In some cases they come on QUITE strong. Since I'm simply not that fussy, they tend to "win" my attention (attn only since I'm married) simply by being assertive/first in line.

 

9's and 10's are sometimes attracted to me as well, but are a bit more reserved about it. So, I'm only with them if a 6-8 hasn't gotten me first.

 

It was like that when I was dating too.

 

I'm not averse to any of them, although I do feel a bit more emotionally secure with a non-10 who I know will tend to "hang on to me" once she has me. But, I've had a definite 10 GF before as well.

[Envy123]

The next time round, I will give it a shot if I'm into her.

[Trail Blazer]

In my case, I get a LOT of attention from 6, 7's, 8's. In some cases they come on QUITE strong. Since I'm simply not that fussy, they tend to "win" my attention (attn only since I'm married) simply by being assertive/first in line.

 

9's and 10's are sometimes attracted to me as well, but are a bit more reserved about it. So, I'm only with them if a 6-8 hasn't gotten me first.

 

It was like that when I was dating too.

 

I'm not averse to any of them, although I do feel a bit more emotionally secure with a non-10 who I know will tend to "hang on to me" once she has me. But, I've had a definite 10 GF before as well.

You've had a 10 have you, bud? Wow, for all my dating activities online, I can't ever say I've had a 10. Good for you, my friend.

[Trail Blazer]

I'm not a woman and straight but even I'd go for Chris Hemsworth

 

A guy like thats only "problem" is trying to find a woman who like him for him and not just his looks. It's a real problem if he is looking for a long term relationship.

I was at the gym with him tonight and a few of the other guys on our crew. My god the man can lIft. He pushes all of us boys as well. I woke up this morning pretty sore. I'm not sure how I'm going to see the day out! Lol.

 

He's not really been in a relationship for a while. He's a bit of a player; always with a new girl each time we head back home for three to four weeks. He genuinely likes this girl and is excited to meet up with her again. Who knows, maybe he's going to look for love now that he's very close to being in the dirty thirties.