Work situation

[jah526]

The xMM and I work in the same building. I recently decided to take a transfer, knowing he’d be in the other office a couple days a week, and I’d have to face him then. Up until now I have arranged my schedule so we only overlap one day a week, and we work in separate offices on that day, so I rarely ever see him. Now I’ve heard he interviewed for a job in my area, which I believe he’ll likely get. If that happens he’ll probably be in that area at least 4 days a week, but it would be after I’ve moved to the new location.

 

This is all making me feel kinda crazy. The job he interviewed for is a high paying job which I’d been told I’d be right for, but due to the fact that the hiring manager doesn’t like me, I decided not to apply. It makes me feel horribly jealous that this guy can do whatever he wants, get whatever he wants, and reap the rewards with no consequences while I am trying to make do with scraps in a little corner.

 

I guess I should be grateful I may never see him again, but even that doesn’t make me feel great. He looks amazing these days. I texted him because I wanted to find out, but no reply. He lives a charmed life, even though he’s a horrible person. Oh well, he’ll fit in with the other pit vipers in that group. Even better, that group has plenty of women. He’ll be in hog heaven.

[BourneWicked]

I'm sorry Jah. The work thing sucks the most. I've been NC for a minute (two weeks, then responded, now two weeks again) and it's just terrible. When I'm not at work I barely think about him. When I'm at work it's near constant. He reached out and I deleted but now I'm struggling again.

 

I wish you had applied. I think you might be selling yourself short.

 

Anyway I'm going to be surfing some baggage reclaim to remind myself why I NCed in the first place.

[stillafool]

What did you text him to find out? You should stick to NC as it pertains to him. You also should have applied for the job you felt qualified for whether you feel the hiring manager likes you or not; instead of complaining about him trying to move up. He isn't letting you stop him why are you letting his ambition affect yours?

[d0nnivain]

If that other job is still open & you'd be perfect for it, apply. If you get it, then he won't be where you are.

 

Perhaps it's time for you to look outside your present company. You need a full break from him, including getting his # out of your phone so you can't text him.

 

He didn't reply because he recognized your inquiry for what it was. . . an opening hoping to reconnect.

 

You are playing with fire here.

[jah526]

I texted him to find out if he got the job. I’ve been pretty beaten up by the people in that work environment. It’s a government job, lot of corruption, favoritism. I’ve worked really hard at it though with no recognition at all, while others slack off, skip work, mess things up and then get rewarded because they’re part of the clique. There’s just no winning for me there. So I decided to take a transfer to someplace less corrupt.

 

I guess if I’m looking at it from a distance, it’s a place for players/politicians. And I’m just not good at that. MM is. I guess part of me envies that.

 

As far as playing with fire, I don’t think so. I think he’s found someone else. Ugh, yes, getting out of that whole situation is probably the best option. I will miss some of the older folks there who have been in the trenches with me.

[jah526]

I’m thinking of not going through with the transfer for various reasons, one being that it would be a downgrade in level. So I think I’m going to end up in the same office with him, although I’ve avoided him for over 2 years now and am sure I can continue to do so. I am faced with a heartbreaking choice. I’ve been having extreme anxiety over this. And yeah, I should’ve applied for that job. Nothing I can do about it now.

[jah526]

I'm sorry Jah. The work thing sucks the most. I've been NC for a minute (two weeks, then responded, now two weeks again) and it's just terrible. When I'm not at work I barely think about him.

 

Wow, I think about the guy all the time. In some ways I think it was better when I was with him, less lonely at least, although he was really hurting me, as well as his family. My best friend says I have an unhealthy obsession with him. He’s right, of course. I miss him and I hate him at the same time.

Edited November 11, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[BourneWicked]

Wellll to be honest I think about him pretty regularly. But when I'm not at work I am totally NC for a variety of reasons and bridge-burning. So during the non-work time I am less focused on him because I know contact is extremely unlikely. So I kind of just think of him in a fond, distant kind of way. I might see a family at a restaurant with a good-looking dad, and think, "that's probably what MM's doing right now." Or just think of something funny he said, one of our dumb inside jokes, etc etc.

 

At work, the NC is painful because he is right there at my fingertips, and we chatted on and off all day. For years. He's never really been a part of my actual daily life (outside my head) so that makes it all a little easier away from work vs. at work. If that makes any sense.

 

It really has been helpful to self-focus. Those things that I wanted? I've started doing them. If your future is not in the bureaucracy above you at your work, what does your future look like? I highly recommend analyzing what makes you jealous; other than MM, that's probably what you want. Anything that made me feel "less" I've attacked with a plan for how I will feel more. Finishing a certificate for a certain designation, involving myself in the community, reaching out to and spending time with friends... I'm an introvert at heart, but the more involved I get, the better I feel and the less I feel the need for MM.

 

I'm sorry you're struggling. I'm there with you. But, it seems like the longer I go the better I feel. The more I focus on me, and why I am good enough, the less I think about him and imagine that I'm not good enough.

[jah526]

@BourneWicked.....

 

Thanks Bourne. I’ve been trying to self-focus. One way was trying to get out of the environment I’m in. But now I feel like I’ve messed up. And I’ve hurt someone else in the process, someone who needed that job to advance. Either way I go now, I’m hurting someone.

 

Someone said to me the other day that they try to make things better for themselves and it just ends up worse. That’s how I feel. To be honest, I am lonely as hell. I moved somewhere very isolated because I thought buying a house would be a good thing, and that’s where I could afford one. But now I have a monster commute and nothing to do. It’s like everything I try to do turns turns to sh**.

 

The guy is advancing even though he’s done almost no work for the past several years. But he is a likable guy. I’m the only one who knows who he truly is. I don’t actually want him. I want him to go away.

 

I guess all I can do now is try to undo the damage.

Edited November 11, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[jah526]

To anyone thinking of getting involved with a married coworker, just don’t. I had rearranged my whole schedule after going NC with him just so I would never have to run into him. And it worked for about 2.5 years. Now he’s probably going to be in a new job in my area. He could likely become a manager. I can take a demotion that is going to cause other issues just to get out of there. Or I can stick it out and have to deal with seeing him everyday. I’ve been having severe anxiety over this for about a week now, not able to sleep and I’m driving everyone crazy with my flip-flopping. If I could just go back and take a different path. I wish I’d said no, a million times no...