lostandconfusedsoul Posted November 7, 2019 Share Posted November 7, 2019 So if you go back on my posts you’ll see my last relationship has been a rollercoaster of crap... Been getting over this breakup for the last year now and finally I’ve been good and happy. Now today! My ex emails me.. asking me how I’ve been.. This convo turns into an all night convo of how we’ve been. (She’s still dating someone currently) She’s come out and pretty much said she’s still has feelings, that this talk has brought back a tsunami of emotions and feelings and she’s worried because she thinks she’ll feel guilty (pretty much left it in my hands to end the convo at any time) Pics shared, life stuff. “When are you done work etc” What the **** is happening... what do I do? Someone please help me take the right road here... Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted November 7, 2019 Share Posted November 7, 2019 This convo turns into Well, there's your big mistake. You say it's been a rollercoaster. Yet here you are, willingly taking another ticket, getting in line and sitting in the front row with your hands in the air screaming! Why on earth would you invite this into your life when you're struggling so hard to move on? what do I do? What you should do is tell her look, I am hurting here and continued contact with you is opening up those wounds all over again. Now if you want to try things again please contact me when you're 100% ready to try again. Otherwise, please do not contact me any further. And then you need to ENFORCE that. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Captivating Posted November 7, 2019 Share Posted November 7, 2019 I have to agree with PegNosePete .... also she is testing the waters while being in an existing relationship. The reason is important.....whether she is fighting with the new guy and wanted an ego boost from you, wanting to know whether you would be back with her if she had snapped her fingers....or truly misses you and what the two of you had. The other issue .... would you be really interested in her again knowing that it will be a roller coaster relationship again ?? The issues will be the same. People don't change in a year. Also, I recommend not being so easily drawn into a convo with her, don't lay your cards on the table. Also what did she mean about being worried that she will feel guilty ? Towards new boyfriend that she talked to you ?? If that is the case she, she is committed to him more. I don't think that she know what she wants, I think you should keep your distance until both of you want things back together. If there is a real effort. Familiarity and history together... of course you will have a tsunami of feelings....but that is not enough to keep two of you together. Also, is that a concern of you that she reaches out to you behind the current boyfriend's back ? This can happen while with you. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted November 7, 2019 Share Posted November 7, 2019 There is a six year age gap, which may not seem a lot but she is early twenties and she is young, the world is her oyster She split up with you, she now has a bf and it is "Oh so much fun to catch up with the ex", especially one who still holds a candle, believe me, there nothing better for the ego. "I dumped him and he still loves me... I am so special..." There is also the added excitement of it all being a bit daring. The ex her family didn't approve of and the fact it is all done behind her bfs back... There is nothing in it for you here, apart from trouble IMO. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 7, 2019 Share Posted November 7, 2019 The right road was deleting her email not reading it & having an all night convo. Your only option now is to take the next exit. None of the things that broke you apart have been addressed or fixed. She's back because she couldn't do better & she knew faithful you would be there to stroke her ego. She's not back because she wants you. She's back because she's bored. Link to post Share on other sites
rjc149 Posted November 7, 2019 Share Posted November 7, 2019 Only she knows her true motivation, as no one can read minds, not even me Given that she began dating this new guy 2-3 weeks after you broke up after meeting him at a bar, it's very likely he is a rebound. I don't doubt that she has unresolved feelings for you, and I don't think emailing you was purely for her own ego and validation. It seems likely that her rebound is now beginning to die, and she's reaching out to you to see if you're still there. Partially because she still has real and unresolved feelings for you, partially to stroke her ego and feel desired, partially to prevent the possibility of having to be alone. It's probably complicated. However, what's fairly certain is that if things were going well with the current bf, she wouldn't have reached out to you. Despite the complicated reasoning, at the forefront is her need for validation and support in the face of her likely impending breakup with the rebound. You should not indulge her. You should not being having all-night convos with her. If you want to see her again, make a date next time she reaches out. But, understand a few key things here -- she will reach out to exes, or other available sources of validation, behind her partner's back if she senses her current relationship is shaky. You mentioned there was cheating on both sides. Don't expect this to change. Don't expect your reconciliation, if you have one with her, to be the start of a relationship that is any different from the doomed relationship you already had. Best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Highndry Posted November 7, 2019 Share Posted November 7, 2019 I would be repulsed by the character of somebody reaching out to me when they're in another relationship. My response would have been: "Wow, does he know you're contacting me? How scummy of you. Bye." 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 7, 2019 Share Posted November 7, 2019 Sorry, but this is what you get when you do not block these people from contact. Now you are set back. Rinse, repeat. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted November 7, 2019 Share Posted November 7, 2019 There is always a reason why someone is an “ex.” Despite the passing of time, and the receipt of an email, the reason why she is your ex hasn’t changed. Considering that it has taken you so long to move on from this relationship, it was really unwise to open the email and converse with her all night. As has been said, you are about to buy a ticket to get back on this particular roller coaster. You know the ride ahead, if you don’t want to ride again you need to shut her down... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lostandconfusedsoul Posted November 9, 2019 Author Share Posted November 9, 2019 So I guess you guys were right. Basically hung out with her for a few hours at her work. All her friends and coworkers around boosting my ego on how we should be together etc Her telling me she misses me so much and how she shouldn’t have started dating him to begin with. How I’m much better looking and she misses me oh so much. Talked on the phone all night and then this morning she tells me she feels guilty and it’s not fair for anyone right now so I just said well maybe we should cut it out now then and she went with that with a final “I miss you so much” Link to post Share on other sites
Caauug Posted November 10, 2019 Share Posted November 10, 2019 So I guess you guys were right. Basically hung out with her for a few hours at her work. All her friends and coworkers around boosting my ego on how we should be together etc Her telling me she misses me so much and how she shouldn’t have started dating him to begin with. How I’m much better looking and she misses me oh so much. Talked on the phone all night and then this morning she tells me she feels guilty and it’s not fair for anyone right now so I just said well maybe we should cut it out now then and she went with that with a final “I miss you so much” Would you be happy with her actions if you were her BF and she was talking like this to her Ex? And what if you did the R and she was then talking with her Ex like this? She did it to her now BF with you, she will do it to you if you R! Stay away!! Link to post Share on other sites
Supernova11 Posted November 10, 2019 Share Posted November 10, 2019 Your opening sentence is that you’ve been through a rollercoaster of crap. I guess we would need to go over your posts to know what the crap is but if for the majority of the relationship you didn’t feel loved, respected and special then instigate no contact and be done. I’m not saying it isn’t difficult but long convos like this are not serving you. You might do well to go on youtube and watch mouth of the apes videos about no contact. I still struggle sometimes when a relationship ends but am way stronger than I used to be because of strict no contact. Ask yourself the question: is this relationship/situation serving me? Am I living my life for me? How can I make my life serve me? A rollercoaster of crap...I don’t think it’s helping you Link to post Share on other sites
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