Was he looking for a wife?

[Vanity1]

My guy friend confessed to me that back in high school he had a crush on me which led him to confessing that he still had feelings for me. He liked me. I wasn’t expecting it, nor did I have the slightest clue he liked me back then or even up till recently- ish. I always thought he was good looking but I was always wrapped up into my own drama with other guys. And he had a serious girlfriend at one point, whom he and I would talk about. Mind you we were kind of close in the sense that we would talk and ask for advice when it came to the opposite sex. We were literally just good friends, no flirting, he was never pervy.

 

I entertained his out of a sudden, out of the blue pursue in me. I seen a whole new side of him that he’s never shown me, and I fell for him! This man was amazing. However, I kind of slowed down because of my past with my ex- it was bad bad with my ex. And I kind of started giving him the cold shoulder, and we kind of just turned cold on each other. And somehow we just went back to talking as friends again like the old times. He even started talking about other girls and going out on dates with them. Eventually I started talking to a guy, who was a dick to me and he was like “ hah, that’s what you get for rejecting me”. I didn’t even reject him! It was overall just bad communication. Months 8 later he is married!

 

I’m just like wtf? All that time I was just an option or what?

Edited November 8, 2019 by Hurtx10

[alphamale]

hey liked you but figured you liked your bad boys better

[Vanity1]

hey liked you but figured you liked your bad boys better

 

I don’t know whose more complicated to deal with. Players or normal good guys?

 

My experience with normal good guys is they either like me but are too scared to pursue me. Or They don’t put in work, because they are too shy or something. For example. My cousin told me his buddy liked me a lot but he didn’t do a god damn thing about it. So I did, i got his social media so we could communicate. I opened that door for him, I even sent the first messages... he would not. Like I had to do all the work. But behind closed doors ( because my cousin showed me texts he had sent to him) he was obsessed with me but I would have never guessed.

 

Then I get a player and he pursues me to the death of me won’t leave me alone but he is playing me and acting as if he’s actually interested but he’s not.

[Legatus]

Unfortunately the society doesn't help the shy guys to come out. I used to be one of them. There are too many downsides, especially now, to even risk it, that's why he preferred to adore you from the distance.

 

At the same time it's understandable you would get frustrated after putting all the work. If he doesn't reciprocate, it's possible he wasn't ready to come out of his shell. Some people need a stronger push, some don't.

 

You gave it a try and that counts a great deal!

[Vanity1]

Unfortunately the society doesn't help the shy guys to come out. I used to be one of them. There are too many downsides, especially now, to even risk it, that's why he preferred to adore you from the distance.

 

At the same time it's understandable you would get frustrated after putting all the work. If he doesn't reciprocate, it's possible he wasn't ready to come out of his shell. Some people need a stronger push, some don't.

 

You gave it a try and that counts a great deal!

 

 

Give the shy good guy a chance- nothing

Give the player a chance- headache

[chillii]

Well , your not much better because you turned round and cold shouldered the one that was really interested, so he's decided to hell with it too.

[basil67]

I fell for him! This man was amazing. However, I kind of slowed down because of my past with my ex- it was bad bad with my ex. And I kind of started giving him the cold shoulder, and we kind of just turned cold on each other.

 

How are you blaming any of this on him? You turned emotionally unavailable, were overly complicated and carting around a ton of baggage. He would have been thinking ‘wtf?’ about you. Had he written here for advice we would all have told him to give you a wide berth.

 

Yes he did get married quickly later. I guess he found a women who loved him and fully gave herself to him. Good luck to them.

 

It’s wise to look inwards and question your own contribution to failure before blaming others.

[Vanity1]

How are you blaming any of this on him? You turned emotionally unavailable, were overly complicated and carting around a ton of baggage. He would have been thinking ‘wtf?’ about you. Had he written here for advice we would all have told him to give you a wide berth.

 

Yes he did get married quickly later. I guess he found a women who loved him and fully gave herself to him. Good luck to them.

 

It’s wise to look inwards and question your own contribution to failure before blaming others.

 

Where in my post was I blaming him? I fully understand my part in it.

Before you try to ‘tell me about myself’, please know... I’m aware, no body knows me better than I know myself.

 

The point of my post went over your head. Oh well.

[basil67]

Forgive me. I got confused by your final sentence of "I’m just like wtf? All that time I was just an option or what?" It sounded like you were mad or frustrated at him.

[Vanity1]

Forgive me. I got confused by your final sentence of "I’m just like wtf? All that time I was just an option or what?" It sounded like you were mad or frustrated at him.

 

I made my question as the title for a reason. “ was he looking for a wife”?

 

Everything else was just the back backstory. I didn’t ask about anything you addressed. Funny how my actual questions weren’t addressed though.

 

And then I closed everything off by asking, was I just an option?

“Wtf” was the shock of the sudden quick ‘ onto the next one’ and quick marriage.

It wasn’t frustration, or me being mad.

[basil67]

Perhaps he was looking for a wife or perhaps he just fell head over heels in love and promptly got married. I know of more than one person who’s done the latter and are still very happy together. Taking years to marry is a relatively modern thing to do.

[Springsummer]

Have a story kind of similar like yours..

 

had a guy friend, a model. I know he wanted me, because he wanted to cuddle me, but I pushed him away. He liked every posts of mine in FB, while I rarely like his back. He wanted to have a meal together, I declined.

 

Then suddenly I saw him engage in FB. never knew he had a gf, because I didn't see anything about it in his FB. then married... then saw on his FB that he was with girl soon after we didn't hang out together. why I didn't see any of those pics before his engagement?

 

now, most likely has kids. I don't know. deleted fb, and no communication and no googling.

[basil67]

I should add, for anyone who is relationship minded, anyone they date is an option..until they aren’t an option anymore.

[Vanity1]

Have a story kind of similar like yours..

 

had a guy friend, a model. I know he wanted me, because he wanted to cuddle me, but I pushed him away. He liked every posts of mine in FB, while I rarely like his back. He wanted to have a meal together, I declined.

 

Then suddenly I saw him engage in FB. never knew he had a gf, because I didn't see anything about it in his FB. then married... then saw on his FB that he was with girl soon after we didn't hang out together. why I didn't see any of those pics before his engagement?

 

now, most likely has kids. I don't know. deleted fb, and no communication and no googling.

 

 

Yeah I was taken back at his sudden marriage. He actually showed me a picture of some girl and asked what I thought. Which was so odd because just five days before or so he was majorly crushing on me. I think it had something to do with his culture too.