Envy123 Posted November 9, 2019 Share Posted November 9, 2019 Most women will feel uncomfortable with any man coming on to them (being aroused by them) before they are socially accepted by that woman. Can concur. From my experience, it usually starts from building a friendship and the woman shows you the signs if she is interested (ramps up the contact, being flirty... etc). I spoke to my ex-coworker about things like size cubes (was a retail job) and the weather. She happened to fall for me, though, sadly it was only one-sided. I am sure she had enough of guys trying to get into her pants and if I tried to push things, she would've not fallen for me. Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted November 10, 2019 Share Posted November 10, 2019 I'm pretty sure that your approach to the "fairly attractive," or fat woman will go over poorly. Pay for cuddles. It will work out a lot better. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted November 10, 2019 Share Posted November 10, 2019 (edited) I think Envy has the right idea. If you treat every woman kindly and with respect, not being suggestive in any way but just as a good friend of yours, they will love you as a friend in return. And yes, some will care for you more than that if they do not feel pressured, if they know they are respected and that they can trust you to be a great friend. You can tell them they are attractive but then don't push it further, treat it as a fun thing, that you enjoy the company of a gorgeous woman and are just happy to spend time with her. It does not meant that she is automatically suddenly going to find you sexually attractive, but love can grow and sometimes it does. I do know a guy who is pretty hopeless with woman. He asks them out on dates and they have refused - the reason being, he drinks too much and they are concerned about this. Then of course he drinks too much and it is a vicious circle! But, women do love this guy! He is kind and a total gentleman. If he didn't drink too much and just treated women the way he does, with kindness, affection and respect, he would definitely get plenty of opportunities. He is his own worst enemy in some respects but what can you do? Edited November 10, 2019 by spiderowl 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author GuitarGuy7 Posted November 12, 2019 Author Share Posted November 12, 2019 I just don't know what to do anymore, I don't know how to fix my romantic and dating woes. Iv'e been in this ****ing hell hole for the past four years! I'm lucky to even be alive, I could have killed myself two years ago. I could have killed myself last Valentines day as well, and I have the power to do it. There's only one thing that can end this war, the war inside my head that has raged on for years, and that's to feel validated romantically and sexually by a woman... That's the only way to help me, to save my life! Then the war will finally be over and I can have my peace. Because let me tell you this right now, if I have to go until i'm 30 years old without any sort of romantic experience, then i'll blow my ****ing brains out. I would rather DIE then be a 30 year old kissless handholdless virgn. I'm in a desperate situation here, I need to know how I can get a girlfriend, if it's even possible. Link to post Share on other sites
Garcon1986 Posted November 12, 2019 Share Posted November 12, 2019 As a physician, DO NOT PICK A PERMANENT SOLUTION to a temporary problem. Suicide is never the correct answer. Call for local help immediately. The only way you are going to get to where you desire to be is through a combination of help with your Aspergers, and trying to win women's respect in the social scene by bonding with you over common interests. I am telling you right now if you are so desperate for sexual satisfaction, resort to toys or masturbation for now. Desirable women will 100% reject you sexually until you can prove some kind of social skills. Women will avoid you sexually until you can win their social approval, I can guarantee you that. The only kind of woman who will even remotely be a loose sex buddy is someone with varying degrees of emotional issues, with a possibility for sexually transmitted diseases, who maybe does drugs as well. Women who are genuinely in to hookups will have hundreds of men knocking on their door, and you'll still have to impress them socially. Please get help with your Aspergers - professional help. At the same time, try to bond with a woman over something that you have in common. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted November 12, 2019 Share Posted November 12, 2019 And before that , because that's gonna take awhile and some honing, why not get a girl out to your home , for whatever. Get rid of some of the frustration . They're better than a straight hooker on the street not as bad as that , here there's ads in the paper and on the net. Some are just uni students , it;s just part time job you might say to help . Have a check what's around l know someone did this once and l was on my way out when she arrived. She wasn't bad at all considering ahh, well you know. Could be something for ya just to get started. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted November 12, 2019 Share Posted November 12, 2019 As a physician, ... I didn't know you were a doctor Garcon1986. It's good to know that we have a qualified medical professional here on LS. Where did you go to school and what type of medicine do you practice? Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted November 12, 2019 Share Posted November 12, 2019 I think Envy has the right idea. If you treat every woman kindly and with respect, not being suggestive in any way but just as a good friend of yours, they will love you as a friend in return. And yes, some will care for you more than that if they do not feel pressured, if they know they are respected and that they can trust you to be a great friend. You can tell them they are attractive but then don't push it further, treat it as a fun thing, that you enjoy the company of a gorgeous woman and are just happy to spend time with her. It does not meant that she is automatically suddenly going to find you sexually attractive, but love can grow and sometimes it does. I agree with this but I don't feel the bold ever happens in practice or very rarely, you get friend zoned and its next to impossible to change that BUT I think the OP would benefit from something like you describe, for me I was lucky enough to find this and I think its benefitted me hugely. Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted November 12, 2019 Share Posted November 12, 2019 Call for local help immediately. The only way you are going to get to where you desire to be is through a combination of help with your Aspergers, and trying to win women's respect in the social scene by bonding with you over common interests. I am telling you right now if you are so desperate for sexual satisfaction, resort to toys or masturbation for now. Desirable women will 100% reject you sexually until you can prove some kind of social skills. Women will avoid you sexually until you can win their social approval, I can guarantee you that. Please get help with your Aspergers - professional help. At the same time, try to bond with a woman over something that you have in common. I agree with you. I really think the OP needs to step back from the cliff and look around at the scenery because everyone has tough times dating even the most marketable guys do. Life is more than a date, its more than a kiss, its more than all of what I actually believe is fairly trivial things in the grand scheme of things. Sure, he needs to bond with women but some of us simply cannot so find another solution, work on things, find a women to do projects with, work with, you will get some sort of social attention at least. The answer is for the OP to think more of himself and think more of himself as a value proposition. Frankly you reach a point where impressing people is a complete waste of time, I am pretty smart but the smart I have doesn't impress women at all, the loud mouth fun club type guy does, the guy with fun friends does. Its just the reality of it, accept it and be happier or keep fighting a war you cannot ever win, those are the options. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted November 12, 2019 Share Posted November 12, 2019 Frankly you reach a point where impressing people is a complete waste of time, Impressing people is never a waste of time, surely? Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted November 12, 2019 Share Posted November 12, 2019 There's only one thing that can end this war, the war inside my head that has raged on for years, and that's to feel validated romantically and sexually by a woman... That's the only way to help me, to save my life! You are wrong. You THINK this is the only thing that will help, but it is not. Learning to love yourself no matter what anyone else thinks of you is the only thing that will make you whole (that and a relationship with God). I would take this notion to a therapist and get some serious help. Link to post Share on other sites
Envy123 Posted November 12, 2019 Share Posted November 12, 2019 I agree with this but I don't feel the bold ever happens in practice or very rarely, you get friend zoned and its next to impossible to change that BUT I think the OP would benefit from something like you describe, for me I was lucky enough to find this and I think its benefitted me hugely. Maybe it's different in South Africa vs the UK or I attract a certain type of woman each time, but I have never gotten success in romance by even being slightly pushy. The woman always has been the driving force, not me. GG7, as another point from my view, I am someone who attracts the "Instagram blogger" type for all my life. For the most part - I'd say I wasn't impressed with most of them so I rejected them. Being single is better than being bored in a relationship with someone you're not attracted to. I wouldn't even entertain the notion of going out with someone I don't feel a spark with, even just on one date, because that's just unfair for the both of us. I'd much rather jerk off, then. If you have such urges, start to jerk off if you haven't started already. Just don't creep out more women because you want to know "how it feels like". Link to post Share on other sites
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