JackieDaniels1977 Posted November 8, 2019 Share Posted November 8, 2019 (edited) I'm 42 and my Best friend (GUY) is 50, He's married and I'm married. the last couple of months we have been getting closer. He looks for me at his shows and makes it a point to let me meet his friends and we have both be huggy with one another here more lately. last Saturday we were hang out during a 20 minute brake, we were outside and it was cold. I snuggled up to him on one side and another friend was on the other we were keep him warm. Are talks went from the other friend and I were talking about face hair on men. the other girl asks where his wife was at and he looked at both of us and said do you see here. she never comes to any of the shows and we don't even have sex. hadn't not has sex in years and he was upset about wanting kids. and he asked me about my husband and I said ya I have one kid with him and I put myself on birth control because I didn't want anymore with him. He looked at me and said you hated your husband that much? I said yes. then the other girl walked off and it was just me and him. He told me he has to jerk off and so other stuff, he had to go back on stage and we didn't finish the talk. My Husband has been wanting to work on our marriage and I want to leave. I also want more from my friend, Should I tell my friend How I feel. And does any one have any ideas on a good way to tell him, I have feelings for him? Edited January 16, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 8, 2019 Share Posted November 8, 2019 If you want to end your marriage do that but not because you think you might have something with this guy. Cheating isn't the answer. Neither is monkey-branching. Finish one thing (your marriage) before you start something else (this affair) Since he is married you need to assume he's lying to you. MM like him often say what they think their AP needs to hear to get that person into bed. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted November 8, 2019 Share Posted November 8, 2019 I agree with d0nnivain. Don't be a fool and get caught up in all these feelings because they are misguiding you. Step back and take a goooooood loook at what was said by him. If any of this was true, then he has absolutely no frigin back bone to simply end the marriage years ago or even try to address the issues and make it work. Nope instead he wallows in his misery. You have to wonder why would anyone do that, or is it even true? I bet money on it he has no intention of leaving her, and 99% of the time this is true in all affairs. It's very suspect IMO. And yes MM groom their potential affair which I feel he is doing. He senses your weakness, and taking full advantage. Everybody around you two knows what's going on and they are all talking about it. There's one in that crowd that's going to tell her. Do the right thing and end your marriage proper. Heartbreaking or financially difficult, etc it will be, it's only fair for everyone involved to stop dragging this on..get a backbone. Next, protect yourself from this man you so desire. If he is interested which I'm sure he is, he needs an ultimatum. He must be divorced as well before the panties come off. Until then you will remain just as friends, hands off physically and emotionally. If he thinks you are worth it he will follow suit. If he drags his feet which I know he will, you just saved yourself from heartbreak. If you like the security of non-commiment which some women who have affairs with MM do, then go for it. Meaning if you have no expectation of him leaving his wife then that's what you do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted November 8, 2019 Share Posted November 8, 2019 So, why don't you leave? It's not hard. You have nothing but contempt for your husband. If it wasn't for him and the brat you could live the life that you've dreamed of all these years. Why suffer as the frumpy housewife when you could be soaring like an eagle with your destined to be one true love. Your lover understands. He also has a boat anchor around his neck dragging him to the bottom of a sludge filled river. He also thinks about what he could have been if not for one tiny mistake. A mistake you can rectify. You can save him from that life and he can save you from yours. So take his hand in yours and jump from the cliff and your love will carry you both aloft. By all means do tell him how you feel. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted November 8, 2019 Share Posted November 8, 2019 (edited) First things first... grab hold of your absent integrity and just divorce your husband. If you dont' want anything more to do with him, make your behavior follow suit. You actually don't know for certain that he's not getting sex from his wife==he's telling you what he wants you to know, not necessarily the truth. And how can you expect the truth out of someone disparaging his wife while sniffing in behind other women for attention? Perhaps if he wasn't chasing other men's wives, his wife would be more amenable to having sex with him. No one here is a prize. This is just messy messy messy. At the very best you are the temporary rebound/belly warmer, not the long term relationship he's going to eventually find with someone else because you will remind him of this time which he's going to want to forget. Edited November 8, 2019 by kendahke 3 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted November 8, 2019 Share Posted November 8, 2019 Oh, I think your friend already knows how you feel given the snuggling and conversation. What you need to do is settle your marriage one way or another before you drag someone else into that mess! And so does he, but sounds to me like he wants to keep his wife, so beware. Or he'd already be gone. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted November 17, 2019 Share Posted November 17, 2019 I believe he feels the same way, probably wonders how you feel but likely suspects. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 13, 2019 Share Posted December 13, 2019 On 11/7/2019 at 9:33 PM, Hoplesslyinlovewith said: My Husband has been wanting to work on our marriage and I want to leave. I also want more from my friend, Should I tell my friend How I feel. And does any one have any ideas on a good way to tell him, I have feelings for him? Sure tell your friend how you feel; but make sure to tell your husband first how you feel about your friend and that may help him to want to end your marriage. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
notbroken Posted December 13, 2019 Share Posted December 13, 2019 So your husband wants to work on the marriage and you want to leave......SO LEAVE. Have some integrity - divorce your husband before you flirt/cheat with other men. You are in fantasy land and your husband can't compete with that. Divorce your husband if you want/have the nerve and then go off with your fantasy guy (if he's not married - otherwise you are a party to adultery and I promise you that no good for you will come from that. You will go down with him). Get a divorce. Then you will be 'free' to date. Be careful though - the grass is NOT always greener on the other side. Often there is just more of the same grass on the other side. The problems may be with you - not with your husband. Link to post Share on other sites
Lost33 Posted December 21, 2019 Share Posted December 21, 2019 You're probably seeking this attention from him because you're not getting it at home. If your relationship improved with you husband, would you want to stay? I agree with everyone that this guy probably won't leave his wife for you and you're just a fill in for attention. Once his wife finds out about this, she'll either end it or try to fix it. If she tries to fix it, guess who gets kicked to the curb? My bet is you. Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted December 21, 2019 Share Posted December 21, 2019 Hopefully you're getting the message from all these responses - the first and only thing you do right now is deal with your marriage and either work on it or end it. What's stopping you from divorcing? If you've been on this forum for more than an hour, surely you've seen all the many stories of how these things go. Your conversation with this guy was clearly him signalling he was open to hooking up with you (or the other woman there) and then you responded with a similar signal. No wonder the other woman left the two of you alone. His conversation was straight up about sex, not about anything more tender or emotional or he wouldn't have brought that up in front of the other woman. He could have simply said "she's not interested in coming to my shows" in response to her question about where his wife was, why jump right to talking about sex? He's not going to be your romantic Knight rescuing you from your boring marriage. Getting involved with him while you're both still married is only going to make a big mess. Again - what's stopping you from divorcing? And what's stopping him? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JackieDaniels1977 Posted January 15, 2020 Author Share Posted January 15, 2020 I've Talked about my guy friend in other posts.... I will call Him Rob. Current Problem: Something happened between 12/20/2019 and 12/23/19 , then he blocked me on facebook. Didn't think much of it because he has a shared account with his wife. His Band was playing at an event New years eve, (mind you he made sure, I was going to be there.) When I got there he ignored me and went out of his way to give me the cold shoulder the rest of the night. The next day I asked a friend that we share, to ask what was his problem? our friend came back and told me this message : "Tell her to go away and leave me alone and leave my wife alone. I tried to be her friend and I can't when she wants more. I'm married and She is married and I can't have a jealous husband making problems for me." I can't call him to find out the whole story and I can't keep dragging our friend in to this. I don't even know what happen to make him say this. Yes at first I wanted more but I wasn't hitting on him and I wasn't try to do anything to him but work on us becoming friends. He made it sound like I'm the one who, was at fault. and he did no wrong. I wasn't the one hugging me once in awail, I wasn't the one looking for him when he got off stage for a break, I wasn't the one walking around and introducing all my friends to me. I wasn't the one sharing personal stuff about my marriage and asking personal questions and flirting out the ass. When he would do this to me, I would do it back to him. I let him have the lead. I have his phone # and I know where he lives but out of respect I will not call him because he has never given me permission to come see him or call him so I don't mess with that. I'm upset because I miss Rob so much and I guess it also means I should not go see his band play any more. But I'm friends with two other band members and they have asked me. Why I'm not coming around and I don't know what or if he has told them anything. I don't even know if he will ever talk to me again. We work together and work has been slow so I haven't had to run in to him. I do love him so much. and I'm at a lose. my other problem is I don't know if my husband has done any thing to cause this. He's been really happy about it, Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 15, 2020 Share Posted January 15, 2020 Band guys want bodies at their gigs, for money and so they will keep getting more gigs. Look, I'm not saying he's all innocent or anything, but he has decided not to interact with you anymore. You may continue to be told about gigs by him or other band members or friends, but if someone said that to me, I wouldn't go ever again. Clearly you want more than friendship and that's why you're all upset. Otherwise, you wouldn't be. Anything further you do now that you've been "served" notice ("Go away and leave me alone and leave my wife alone") would be considered disrespect and, well, stalking, so you need to get a grip and leave him alone. You don't need to talk to him about it. It's not your business "what happened between Dec. 20 and 23." He has pointedly asked you not to leave him alone. Stay away from him. Get off his social media and off his band's social media. If you see him at work, don't make eye contact, because he could file a complaint on you now that you have been officially put on notice. Maybe it's time to find new employment, even, if it will make it less complicated. What your husband knows or doesn't know, well, that's between you two, but doesn't sound like he owes you any explanation either since you're trying this hard to get next to another man. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 16, 2020 Share Posted January 16, 2020 He is fed up of you hanging around acting like a lovesick puppy and causing trouble between him and his wife. If she hasn't actually witnessed your attempts to steal her man, she will no doubt have been informed by his friends or other people attending the gigs or even by your husband.... Now he wants to purge you from his life. Stay away from him, he is not interested, he probably was never interested, only you deep in your infatuation thought there was something deeper there... He is in the business of making his fans happy, maybe that was all there was to it. You have been told in no uncertain terms to leave him alone, so you need to listen. You are a married woman, start acting like one. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Hip Pocket Posted January 16, 2020 Share Posted January 16, 2020 I would not have anything to do with a man who said anything like that to a mutual friend. He is immature and not worthy of friendship. If I felt like approaching him at all after that I would corner him and ask him if this was true. If it’s true I would be completely done with him. If it’s not true then I would stop using friends as go-betweens. This all sounds so immature. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 16, 2020 Share Posted January 16, 2020 She sent her friend to ask him, so she knows he said it. So she needs to leave him alone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JackieDaniels1977 Posted January 16, 2020 Author Share Posted January 16, 2020 I don't like using this one friend, but Rob is closer to them then me. two the only time , I have been any where near his wife, was at a Bar. He told me she was going to be there and I was there with 15 of our friends we have in common, when they showed up, he sat here away from us and made it clear, with out saying a word that he wanted me to stay away from her, and I did. I was actual using his Fb page to make sure I didn't run in to them out side of work and band events. and like I said, He is the one that would come find me at the gigs. I made it a point to stay out in the crowed and away from the stage. I could move around to different tables and He was still able to find me no matter where I go. I never follow him around like a lost puppy dog. Hell one night, I didn't even stop to tell him I was there and was looking for a place for me and my 2 other friends to sit an the next thing you know, he comes out of no where and asked if I wanted to follow him and the rest of them up the street for a beer. I told him I would see him when they came back, the same night he grabbed me around my waste and pulled me into him. and Then when I was going home he, pulled me off my feet and I fell in to him. SO its not just me. On two different times I was talking to people and rob wanted my attention to the point where he would but in and just start talking to me. I was backing off and not messing with him as much. When I don't go to a show he's the first one to ask me why I wasn't there and that I was suppose to be. one of my friends I see at the shows the first night she meet me, even she couldn't get over how it seemed like he had his eyes on me all the time and how much he would come over to see me when they take a brake. She even asked me if we were a couple and told her just long time friends and co-workers. I told her about this crap and she seems to think, He liked me too much and had to cut himself off. Any ways I've been keep myself busy and not doing anything with him, not that I did before other then keep him company. Yes I blocked him on FB and other sites so He's not spying on me. on the other hand if you read some of my old post. my husband doesn't know everything and doesn't need to. I've tried many times to get my husband to meet rob and He refused. He doesn't like that I go out on the weekends and that I don't drink around him. one the only time he is off is Monday and Tuesdays and I don't drink durning to work week and I refuse to stay at home, when I can hang out with my friends when he is at work. because he has problems with most of my peeps. Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted January 16, 2020 Share Posted January 16, 2020 Why would your husband be interested in meeting his replacement? Do you wish to humiliate him that badly? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JackieDaniels1977 Posted January 16, 2020 Author Share Posted January 16, 2020 no,,,, Rob wanted to meet him and let him know there was nothing between us but that was like 8 months ago.... Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted January 16, 2020 Share Posted January 16, 2020 But there is something between you and you want it to be true. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted January 16, 2020 Share Posted January 16, 2020 Rob should not spoken about such intimate things regarding his wife. He was very likely fabricating allot of it though. I think what he saw between you was banter and fun harmless flirting. But backed off completely when he realized you had taken it way too literal. You don't love him. You are infatuated with him because of the attention he gave you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 16, 2020 Share Posted January 16, 2020 Rob's wife is fed up with you. All of this was for her benefit. He has chosen. He picked her. Leave him & his wife alone. Fix your marriage or get a divorce but stop being untrue to your husband. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted January 16, 2020 Share Posted January 16, 2020 14 hours ago, Hoplesslyinlovewith said: I've Talked about my guy friend in other posts.... I will call Him Rob. Current Problem: Something happened between 12/20/2019 and 12/23/19 , then he blocked me on facebook. Didn't think much of it because he has a shared account with his wife. The only people who share free account on FB (or anywhere) are people who've been caught cheating and the BS insists on the sharing. Sounds like your guy has been caught before with his hand in the cookie jar and his wife is trying to make sure it doesn't happen again. Have you left your husband yet? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Daisydooks Posted January 16, 2020 Share Posted January 16, 2020 15 hours ago, Hoplesslyinlovewith said: I can't call him to find out the whole story and I can't keep dragging our friend in to this. I don't even know what happen to make him say this Are you serious? 15 hours ago, Hoplesslyinlovewith said: then he blocked me on facebook. Didn't think much of it because he has a shared account with his wife. You should think more about this, not disregard it. His wife knows there is something up. He has cheated before if they share an account. He blocked you because you are a loose end and he couldnt trust you not to send something over messenger that would ruin his marriage. You could have derailed his entire life with a message about that show, and with your flirting it would have been clear to her there was something brewing. He wants to stay married, so blocking you was the best thing to do. You aren't friends and this isn't platonic so stop pretending it is. Playing stupid is your least attractive trait. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 16, 2020 Share Posted January 16, 2020 You need to stop trying to stay involved in this. He's done. You are out. Continuing the drama isn't going to change that. He gave you the clear message to leave him alone. Just drop it and move on with your own life. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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