Strange job situation - should I get out?

[Lurve]

I have started work at a large company 1.5 years ago. My team has a strange dynamic. Our manager is very close to one of his direct reports (my peer). She and him often have long chats and constant email/text communication. I even considered that they may be having an affair but there is nothing to really suggest that. They have worked together for many years so perhaps that's where the closeness comes from.

 

That part is OK to me but what bothers me is that often decisions are made that are very favorable to my peer and less favorable to me. In fact, my manager consults with my peer constantly when making decisions about my future projects and conference attendance for example. I'm kind of uncomfortable that my peer has that much influence on our manager.

 

In 1-1 meetings with my manager, my manager will often give me missleading information to make me think that I'm being favored to my peer when that's not to case. Some examples: my manager recently told me that he has chosen me to give a talk a prestigeous event. He specifically told me that I was chosen instead of my peer because I'm a better speaker. I later found out that my peer was actually asked to attend and give a talk first but she couldn't due to a family event. There are many examples like that. My peer was recently assigned a nice corner window office. My manager made the whole team think that he draw her name out randomly when the whole thing was pre-arranged (I saw an email by accident). He even went as far as to tell me that if he could pick anyone, he would pick me but he had to be fair so he drew the names at random.

 

There is a constant sense of deceit and lack of trust that I feel towards my manager. It is draining to constantly have to doubt every statement. Others in the team feel this too but they are more junior than me and my peer so are less affected.

 

Things are not all negative - I recently went to that manager to ask for a few things: to be involved in the next major project, to attend an overseas event and to change my title. My manager did all of those things.

 

I'm in my late 40s and have worked in many companies and this is by far the oddest team dynamic. However, it's not easy for me to find a comparable position in seniority and pay.

 

Would you start seriously looking and settle for worse pay/title but a healthier team dynamic?

[LivingWaterPlease]

I've always had my own business so I don't know but I think I'd look for another job. Could you find a job in a different city?

[Mr. Lucky]

Would you start seriously looking and settle for worse pay/title but a healthier team dynamic?

 

I would not. And I’d spend less time focused on others and more time honing my own job skills and engagement...

 

Mr. Lucky

[introverted1]

Sue, you can look. I wouldn't accept a cut in pay or seniority, though. In your 40's you still have lots of career life ahead of you and there's no reason to believe you can't find a new job that is a career advancement.

 

 

In the meantime, keep focused on your current job. Yes, the dynamic sounds a little weird but what you say here bears consideration, too, as it's something many people do not have:

 

 

I recently went to that manager to ask for a few things: to be involved in the next major project, to attend an overseas event and to change my title. My manager did all of those things.

[Rockdad]

I would not. And I’d spend less time focused on others and more time honing my own job skills and engagement...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

 

Exactly. The absolute perfect work scenario is an elusive rare find. If you make a move most likely there will be something in that company that rubs you at that place as well. If they have worked well together for years no doubt they have developed good working chemistry. I would agree with you there is probably some favoritism. There is not a manager or business owner that doesn't love having a dependable go-to right hand person. Consider the perspective she has accumulated more years of service and that is to be counted as well.

[schlumpy]

Try to make yourself indispensable by taking on the jobs that other office people don't want. Once you are expert at whatever it is you will find that you are the go-to-guy and when they talk about cut backs - your name never comes up. This is one strategy.

 

A more passive strategy is to do your job as well as you can, don't complain and wait them out. At 40 you have lots of time for this bear fruit although you might find it so psychologically challenging that you will need a bobo doll to take your frustration jout on. It does works though. I outlasted many people when I was working.

 

You can find a new job if that won't rip your life apart. You don't say if you are married or have kids. That is always a consideration with them changing schools.

 

Consider office dirty tricks. Find out everything you can about your peer especially their weaknesses. Are they having affairs? Get pictures. Are they cheating on their expense account? Document it. Sleeping on the job? That's why they put a camera in a phone.

 

Use your new intelligence to plot your peers demise.

 

If the money is good - lay low and feed your 401k and take aim at early retirement. Leave the idiots behind. Thinking about laying out on the beach everyday can provide an amazing amount of motivation.

 

Tomorrow will be a better day.