HopefullyLove Posted November 8, 2019 Share Posted November 8, 2019 I met this guy at work. I was oblivious to his interest for some months. I enjoyed the banter and speaking to him. Well he would always find a reason to come to my desk and talk. He eventually asked me out. We had a fun “date” ,it lasted for hours and I ended it because I never hung out with someone that long before. After that we have had coffee/lunch dates, road trip date lol, and other evening dates. So we worked together for roughly 5 months but hung out outside of work/kissed for about one. I’m really confused as to why he has stopped initiating contact with me. Our last conversation he said we would do so many things and that he is looking for a special lady. He said he can’t wait to play Xbox with me, we are both gamers lol. I’m not pressuring him for a relationship. I genuinely enjoy spending time with him. During our road trip we stopped by a car dealership and he told the salesman I’m his wife and he told me I give him legitimacy. I am saying all this to say, do you think it’s ok to ask him why the change? I figured if nothing more we were friends. We have rapport for working together for 5 months. Part of me is like maybe he was moving to fast and spooked lol but I don’t know. His behavior is illogical to me and I like clarity. I did text him a week ago to let him know I was thinking of him. He said he missed me and would like a picture to remember me by. I asked him if he wanted to go see a movie and he said sure but we never set plans. We were just hanging out so I know he is not my man but I don’t understand this strange behavior. He is even being rude to my other coworker when we all would talk a lot, she says he doesn’t speak to her anymore. What is going on? Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted November 8, 2019 Share Posted November 8, 2019 He's just not interested anymore. He doesn't dislike you, but he's decided to move on and that you are not who he is interested in romantically. It's possible someone at work was talking, too, and so he clammed up in general to stop the carnage. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 8, 2019 Share Posted November 8, 2019 It seems like you guys were just friends that hang out and once had a kiss. Whatever the reason it's clear he still likes you as a friend and wants a picture to remember you by (btw is saying you won't be around). Maybe he just started seeing another girl but seemed to still be nice to you. I don't know why your friends are being ignored. Maybe they are annoying to him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HopefullyLove Posted November 8, 2019 Author Share Posted November 8, 2019 It seems like you guys were just friends that hang out and once had a kiss. Whatever the reason it's clear he still likes you as a friend and wants a picture to remember you by (btw is saying you won't be around). Maybe he just started seeing another girl but seemed to still be nice to you. I don't know why your friends are being ignored. Maybe they are annoying to him. I’m so confused because do friends say you are so beautiful, sexy, you would make a good wife. Tell the salesman I’m his wife lol. I’m so confused. When we kissed he just shoved his tongue down my throat. Saying we can go to the Caribbean next year. I guess I feel like I’m getting mixed signals. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted November 8, 2019 Share Posted November 8, 2019 Dating is to find out if you can see a future with a person by getting to know them better. Dating rarely lasts forever. You date someone or see them and then it's either on or it's nah, don't think so. He may have also been dating someone else this whole time. Not sure why he wants a photo. Souvenir, I guess. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HopefullyLove Posted November 8, 2019 Author Share Posted November 8, 2019 I am back on the scene after a long term relationship so I haven't dated in over a decade lol. Thanks guys, I appreciate you all taking the time out to read my issue and respond It means so much because I really have no one to talk to this about. I know logically this shouldn't even be bothering me. Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted November 8, 2019 Share Posted November 8, 2019 I think he was making an admittedly clumsy attempt to move towards a more involved relationship but I think your confusion shut him down. When you first meet someone there is a short period of time to connect and once past that moment well, the thrill is gone. If you have an interest in him buy him a few lessons at dating school and give it another go. or if you run into him at some social event you might teach him yourself. Consider him a project. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HopefullyLove Posted November 9, 2019 Author Share Posted November 9, 2019 I think he was making an admittedly clumsy attempt to move towards a more involved relationship but I think your confusion shut him down. When you first meet someone there is a short period of time to connect and once past that moment well, the thrill is gone. If you have an interest in him buy him a few lessons at dating school and give it another go. or if you run into him at some social event you might teach him yourself. Consider him a project. lol ok....ummmm he is almost 50 I would assume he would know something. He would do weird things like not really hit me, but it was like a tap, I told him you can touch me but not like that. I am confused because he would say all these flattering things, inviting me on a trip and we are just getting to know each other lol, he asked me did I want to take it slow and I said yes. Who kisses someone by immediately inserting tongue lol. Then he said I seem like I have morals but whores put out so idk. I'm torn, seems like his mask started to slip but I figured at minimum he could tell me why instead of just disappearing from the planet. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted November 9, 2019 Share Posted November 9, 2019 Plenty of people would french kiss out of the box. I'm trying to make sense of his comment which sounds like it may be a bad sign anyway if it is what it seems like. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HopefullyLove Posted November 9, 2019 Author Share Posted November 9, 2019 Plenty of people would french kiss out of the box. I'm trying to make sense of his comment which sounds like it may be a bad sign anyway if it is what it seems like. I felt such magnetism to him but since he has pulled back I have been able to look at things. He mentioned the whores put out then he said guys love when women want to be fwb. He never came out and asked me for that. He said we need to get more intimate and asked me if I want to take it slow I said yes. He said he believes that a person should be better because of knowing someone lol but I don’t consider what he did nice. I’m a big girl I can accept him not wanting me I thought at minimum we were friends. That is what hurts. He told me how much he made lol I guess to impress me and drove me by where he used to live. I’m assuming he wanted sex but too cowardly to ask for it. Never met a man like him. Like he overly complimented, almost seemed disingenuous but rarely made a move. He asked me if I wondered why he hasn’t kissed me then he went for it lol. Strange. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted November 9, 2019 Share Posted November 9, 2019 He sounds like a pretty bad game player, honestly, like he's intentionally playing with your head. Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted November 9, 2019 Share Posted November 9, 2019 I'm torn, seems like his mask started to slip but I figured at minimum he could tell me why instead of just disappearing from the planet. Yeah, well it seems anything goes today. The way you describe his actions is making me feel a bit leery of him. I can understand your confusion. He may indeed live behind a mask. I agree there is something wrong here. It could be a touch of Autism or something darker. Proceed with caution. Link to post Share on other sites
healing light Posted November 9, 2019 Share Posted November 9, 2019 I think he either met someone else that he is dating or he started to feel rejected that you guys didn't move closer to sex/coupledom, so he has decided to pull back. But from what you've written here, it sounds like he lacks tact. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HopefullyLove Posted November 18, 2019 Author Share Posted November 18, 2019 So I have an update for you all. Since this situation was bothering me, I decided that I would call him and discuss this because I just found his behavior to be downright strange. We talked and met up for coffee. He told me that he "does not chase women" and is not my "gay best friend" and that he was glad I reached out and he missed me lol. So he called me the next day and we chatted a bit, then I called him a few days that week on my way home because I figured, why not. It's like if I don't reach out to him, I don't hear from him, but he will ask me out when I reach out. For example, I called him Friday and he was like hey, you want to go to dinner, so we went. We already had plans for Saturday. It makes me feel like I am an irritant because I am used to a man calling me. Then Saturday night, he asked me was I paying and I did not, but at the end of the night I did hug him and he told me to text him when I got home. I let him know I made it home and he did not respond. Lol this is so stressful, I am used to men who are more...let's say, I don't want to use the word "aggressive", but men who go for a kiss if they want one, who call or text. Well my ex wasn't a big texter but he always called me. Does this mean he isn't really interested? He says he is introverted and I am as well, but come on dude. How on one hand you say you missed me when we didn't talk for those weeks but you say you don't "chase" lol. I appreciate a man respecting me but he was all in my face for some time and now he acts like this, I'm flabbergasted. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 19, 2019 Share Posted November 19, 2019 No unfortunately he isn't really interested in you as said before. You contact him and he responds. He treats you as an after thought. I don't know why you keep chasing this guy. He is doing everything to turn you off. I don't understand why you are complaining about a kiss when you don't like his kisses anyway. May I ask your age? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HopefullyLove Posted November 19, 2019 Author Share Posted November 19, 2019 No unfortunately he isn't really interested in you as said before. You contact him and he responds. He treats you as an after thought. I don't know why you keep chasing this guy. He is doing everything to turn you off. I don't understand why you are complaining about a kiss when you don't like his kisses anyway. May I ask your age? I'm mid 30s....yes I get it now, initially as I wrote I was confused and it did not sit well with me, so I reached out for "closure" I guess, he said he doesn't chase women lol, showing interest is not chasing so I am done. The kiss thing, well I figured that could be remedied, after all it was our first time kissing but oh well lol. Link to post Share on other sites
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