Supernova11 Posted November 9, 2019 Share Posted November 9, 2019 So I broke up from my boyfriend of only a few months, a few weeks ago. I found out he was doing coke and I don’t want that in my life so I know I have done the right thing. I’ve instigated no contact as much as I can but I still work with him and whilst I don’t try and see him, we bump into each other a few times a week and I am always friendly but never chat for longer than a few minutes. I guess what’s brought me here is I didn’t want to end it, my values made me end it. In other ways he’s a great guy, but it makes me sad that we both like each other and we will never date each other again. Even if he gave up the coke, I tow a tough line with drugs as I dated someone once who was clean for a year but then relapsed, I won’t go there again with anyone. Not looking for miracle cures, just tea and sympathy x Link to post Share on other sites
PabloP Posted November 9, 2019 Share Posted November 9, 2019 Sorry to hear about that How are you feeling about it today? Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted November 9, 2019 Share Posted November 9, 2019 Sorry you've had to draw the line, but what's the point of having rules and boundaries if you don't stick to them, and you have good reason to not want to deal with it. Good thing you weren't dating in the 70s when I was! Coke everywhere, everyone. Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted November 10, 2019 Share Posted November 10, 2019 The majority of young people doing drugs do so on an experimental basis and not long term. I would not expect you to want to be involved with an addict that could indeed relapse but people who have tried some drug and later on let it go, are fairly numerous. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Highndry Posted November 10, 2019 Share Posted November 10, 2019 You did the right thing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted November 10, 2019 Share Posted November 10, 2019 You did the right thing. Agree. Just adding support. Link to post Share on other sites
Caauug Posted November 10, 2019 Share Posted November 10, 2019 You did the right thing. You have been down that road that is why you have the values you have now. Stick with it and find someone with like values!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Supernova11 Posted November 10, 2019 Author Share Posted November 10, 2019 Sorry to hear about that How are you feeling about it today? Pretty much the same, I think it’s just going to take a while Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted November 11, 2019 Share Posted November 11, 2019 I am sure there are a lot of people in relationships where they know they need to leave them but they don't. Further down the line, they pay the price of abuse or addiction. Rulebreakers can be fun to be with; they defy convention, make their own decisions. This can be a very positive thing, but if it is a personality trait, it is likely to continue. The difficulties arise when the rulebreaking itself is not for something positive, like protecting the environment, but is simply to defy convention and 'have a good time'. Nothing wrong with having a good time but it can easily become addictive and then a problem when it eats up your money and self-respect and damages your health. It is not a good indicator of a life partner. I think you did the right thing. Love alone is not enough. As you know from experience, you could have ended up on the slippery slope with him. He might just be experimenting and then stop later. How are you to know which it would be? You can't. Better safe than sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Supernova11 Posted November 12, 2019 Author Share Posted November 12, 2019 I am sure there are a lot of people in relationships where they know they need to leave them but they don't. Further down the line, they pay the price of abuse or addiction. Rulebreakers can be fun to be with; they defy convention, make their own decisions. This can be a very positive thing, but if it is a personality trait, it is likely to continue. The difficulties arise when the rulebreaking itself is not for something positive, like protecting the environment, but is simply to defy convention and 'have a good time'. Nothing wrong with having a good time but it can easily become addictive and then a problem when it eats up your money and self-respect and damages your health. It is not a good indicator of a life partner. I think you did the right thing. Love alone is not enough. As you know from experience, you could have ended up on the slippery slope with him. He might just be experimenting and then stop later. How are you to know which it would be? You can't. Better safe than sorry. That is really well put, very well expressed and really helps me to think clearly about the breakup. Thank you and thanks to everyone here. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Supernova11 Posted March 14, 2020 Author Share Posted March 14, 2020 So its been a few months since we split up (November), emotions gradually calmed down even though we see each other at work still. I still know I’ve done the right thing, but the inevitable has happened, he has met someone else and has been rubbing my nose in it about how amazing this person is and how they go partying (and do coke). I’m really surprised this has affected me as much as it has. I finished it in November last year and even then, we only started seeing each other in the July but the level of hurt is suddenly next level, now that I know he is seeing someone else - its irrational. This guy is not good for me. I made that decision to finish it. Why does my heart feel so shattered? I know it will calm down again but the pain is so fierce right now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 14, 2020 Share Posted March 14, 2020 How did you find out he is seeing someone now? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 14, 2020 Share Posted March 14, 2020 2 hours ago, Supernova11 said: So its been a few months since we split up (November), emotions gradually calmed down even though we see each other at work still. I still know I’ve done the right thing, but the inevitable has happened, he has met someone else and has been rubbing my nose in it about how amazing this person is and how they go partying (and do coke). I’m really surprised this has affected me as much as it has. I finished it in November last year and even then, we only started seeing each other in the July but the level of hurt is suddenly next level, now that I know he is seeing someone else - its irrational. This guy is not good for me. I made that decision to finish it. Why does my heart feel so shattered? I know it will calm down again but the pain is so fierce right now. You feel bad because he's evidently trying to make you jealous, and that's not a kind thing. Let them do coke until their noses fall off. You dodged a bullet here; don't let this temporary bruise to the ego lead you to regret you choice to end it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Supernova11 Posted March 14, 2020 Author Share Posted March 14, 2020 I know he’s seeing someone else because he told me at work 😆 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Supernova11 Posted March 14, 2020 Author Share Posted March 14, 2020 4 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: You feel bad because he's evidently trying to make you jealous, and that's not a kind thing. Let them do coke until their noses fall off. You dodged a bullet here; don't let this temporary bruise to the ego lead you to regret you choice to end it. I actually laughed out loud when I read your comment - let them do coke until their noses fall off! Thank you so so much - its amazing how a comment like yours and the silver bullet comment can temporarily brighten my day so much. Thanks! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 14, 2020 Share Posted March 14, 2020 If we were black widow spiders, they'd just die after we were done mating with them. 🕷️ Link to post Share on other sites
Author Supernova11 Posted March 14, 2020 Author Share Posted March 14, 2020 1 minute ago, preraph said: If we were black widow spiders, they'd just die after we were done mating with them. 🕷️ Seriously, you guys are the best!This is what I need - humour! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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