DesperatelyUnsure Posted October 2, 2005 Share Posted October 2, 2005 Hello there... here's the delima Recently Hubby and I have seperated. It was my decision..however I really feel he was waiting on me to make the move because he didn't want to be the "Bad guy" his exact words.. ok..so I bit the bullet and i'm the bad guy. We have one child together and I have two children from a previous marriage to whom he doesn't like and has made no bones about not liking them. They have been a huge issue in recent years. They are heading into there teens and starting to get into discovering and following there own lights. They are my children and they are good kids...I just think he's at a point to where they're not his kids and he doesn't want to deal with them or the ex husband (also is not a problem). We have been in counseling for the last year and it just wasn't working. Only because I really think he's wanted out for sometime and just wasn't able to be honest with me about it. I have dealt with many issues over the course of our marriage...Lying, staying out all night and other women. The actualday I moved out he took my daughter over to his "Friends house" (yes, one of many reasons for my leaving) for dinner. Totally devistated me!! I'm like what the hell!! IT was a big slap in the face that he would be so cold and so unconcerned for our daughter or for myself. We were married for 8 years and I feel that i've just waisted the last decade of my life. Emotionally I gave this man everything my soul, my heart my life and I feel he's just crapped on it. The problem i'm dealing with is that I still love him. I know reconciliation at this point is out of the question. I've been to hurt and there's to many things that can't be taken back or forgiven. but how do you let go..and how do you move past all the anger and hurt. How do you stop loving a man to whom you've given everything?? There are day's i'm alright and then others when I just fall to pieces. I want him so much to know how deeply he's hurt me. I want him to feel as much heartache and pain that he's caused me. There are days when he's just so cold and then there's day's he's making sexual comments to me. It's so confusing. I have not fallen into the trap where most couples that are seperated sleep together. For the longest time i've felt that sex was all I was good for in our marriage...and for that I absolutly refuse to sleep with him. Not to mention how emotional to me it would be. I would just be used and I have no interest in giving into that.I guess my problem is this..Yes I know I was the one who decided to leave..but I still love this man. I just don't know how or where to begin the healing process. I hate feeling like this and I hate that my kids see me break down over this man. I try really hard to hold it in and for the most part I do a pretty good job..but there are times when it get's to much to hold in. Any advice?? :lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
hooghie Posted October 2, 2005 Share Posted October 2, 2005 I don't know all of the reasons that led up to your separation. I think you should talk to him and find out what he wants- does he want to work things out with you/does he still love you, etc. If he wants to work things out, he may need to compromise more with your children. He knew you had these children when he married you 8 years ago and I'm assuming that he accepted them at that time. Perhaps there are some things you can do to help their relationship and even things he wants from you. If he says that he does NOT want to work things out then it may be too late. I know that only when deep inside I feel DONE with a relationship, have I ever said that I don't want to try anymore. either way good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted October 2, 2005 Share Posted October 2, 2005 The only consolation is: times cures everything. Trust me on this! I've probably mentioned my case about 100 times here, but I will again. My ex-husband decided to leave me when our kids were still babies. I suffered a lot and went through the same feelings as you - wanted to tell him so many things and I still loved him. I wasn't even aware that our marriage was unhappy. In a couple years I got over him. Now I have another man and am very happy. So don't despair, look forward to new adventures and lovers. He is history now. Besides, his feelings towards your teenage children were doing harm to them. Not to mention that he also wanted to leave you so at least you're not the dumped one! You'll get over. Try hard (as much as possible) not to think about him. The time needed for your wounds to heal will pass easier and faster if you engage your mind in other activities (perhaps try some new hobbies or courses). Whenever you think about him switch to other thoughts, have a lot of rest, and above all KEEP THE FAITH! Your nightmare is over. You'll be happy sooner than you think. Link to post Share on other sites
MassiveAtom Posted October 8, 2005 Share Posted October 8, 2005 Excellent post rp. The only consolation is: times cures everything. Trust me on this! just don't trust he ron this one. It's not time that heals all wounds, it's like she say later, It's WORK that heals them. <snip> You'll get over. Try hard (as much as possible) not to think about him. The time needed for your wounds to heal will pass easier and faster if you engage your mind in other activities (perhaps try some new hobbies or courses). Whenever you think about him switch to other thoughts, have a lot of rest, and above all KEEP THE FAITH! Your nightmare is over. You'll be happy sooner than you think. see? set about living your life on YOUR terms. Small steps are best but do it. AND consciously. Best of luck. MA that's my 2 mil Link to post Share on other sites
Devildog Posted October 8, 2005 Share Posted October 8, 2005 blah, blah, blah Best of luck. MA that's my 2 mil Who the hell are you? :lmao: Anyway, to the OP: you might be surprised how easy it becomes. I felt much the same way when my marriage was crumbling around me. But once we separated, and I had some distance, got away from the situation, and the poison of the relationship had gotten out of my system, I could see all to well what a horrible relationship it was for me. Looking at my marriage from a distance allowed me to see what people from the outside were trying to tell me. That my XW was a manipulative, controlling psycho with attention issues. Link to post Share on other sites
tonyp56 Posted October 9, 2005 Share Posted October 9, 2005 DesperatelyUnsure, I can relate to your situation. My wife that I've been with for 11 years and married almost 7 years (Nov. 3rd was our anniversary) left me on Sept. 8th. She has acted like the last 11 years meant nothing to her, and that she never really wanted me. She has completely threw me away, she says that she loves and cares about me, but she doesn't show it. To top it off, she has someone living with her, someone that she's had an affair with for the last 6 months, the affair that I was stupid enough to forgive her for. Anyways, I am still having a hard time with my situation, but I can say that it gets better everyday. My bad days now are no where close to my bad days three weeks ago. So the idea that time heals everything, is very true. Just hang in there and you'll make it. I know that I can make it, and the thought of her not being in my life is getting easier everyday to deal with. The hurt is still there, but it doesn't hurt near as bad as it did at first. Good luck, and I am sorry for your situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts