Memory lane

[mortensorchid]

A few weeks ago I was on a road trip and drove past my college. Seeing it from the highway made me think of a former friend of mine who was deep in addiction.

 

If you were to meet her, you would not think she would be the "type" who would be one. Mostly because she was morbidly obese and she had a certain demeanor about herself that implied she was sweet and somewhat naive. During sophomore year she went abroad to Italy and she dove head first into a landmine of partying and addiction. Alcohol, drugs, sex, you name it. She ODed on heroin and was locked up in a hospital for a while. She was quite arrogant about herself, seemed almost proud of the fact that she had wiped clean her long term memory and couldn't remember anything that happened before age 9 or 10. She had horrible screaming matches with her family and friends. Eventually she dropped out of college and was living at home with her parents - how they stood it I will never know.

 

When I was in my early twenties and still relatively naive I decided she was my friend and I would stand by her no matter what. She proved to be a lousy friend of course. She was never friends with me or anyone else unless there was something in it drug wise for her. One week I wrote her an email saying I was going to Ann Arbor,MI and I could come swing by if she was around. I didn't hear from her so I went as planned. While still in Ann Arbor she finally wrote an email asking when I would be passing through. I said I was already in Ann Arbor since she didn't respond. She wrote back immediately and said AA has great heroin she should have joined me. It wasn't until that that I saw the light with her and said she cared more about drugs than she did me or others. After a year of silence she wrote me and said she had grown up now and saw the error of her ways. I talked to her once or twice since then, and then one day I ceased communication. Why was I friends with this person? It was also a form of addiction on my part to keep childhood friends, I realized (in this and other relationships that turned toxic).

 

When I got home I googled her. Apparently she's married and lives in Indianapolis, other than that there was no other information that was available (ex. Arrest records). I ceased communication with her because she and I had outgrown each other in many ways. I don't think there's anything we need to say, there's nothing unresolved between me and her. I hope she's made the changes she needed to make, I wish her all the best, and I hope she's happy.

[Blind-Sided]

It's good to think about friends sometimes, and I can empathize with you on that. For the most part, I stayed off of social media because I got mad at friends while in collage and ICQ ruled the world. I left my computer on between classes, and I had a couple people get pissed because they thought I wasn't responding to them.

 

 

Anyway... a couple years ago... by the request of a couple long distant friends... I got onto FB more regularly. But I still only friended people I really wanted to message. AND... more to the point... people who would invite me into their home if I showed up. But since my issues started... I decided to open up my circle to old friends who I hadn't stayed in touch with. One of my old friends I found out, turned into a meth head... he was close to death, and he eventually found the help needed to clean up. He has been clean now for 10 years, and has turned his life around. But I have a few HS friends who turned their backs on me, and didn't want to be my friend back when I was young... and I refuse to friend them.

 

 

I know this isn't an exact correlation... but I understand. I think we all have similar situations.

[mark clemson]

Just to share stories, I had a number of friends who "went bad" in various ways (others that did not).

 

One guy in particularly became a career criminal, but not the kind who joins gangs or anything (at least when I used to know him, who knows now).

 

Although he had issues for many years at a low level, this all truly kicked off when he had a job as a nighttime gas station attendant. One shift he drank a bottle of Jack, robbed the register, and left the bottle on the little counter.

 

I think internally he was terrified of "normal life" and didn't think he could hack it. At any rate basically he does crazy, stupid stuff with a complete disregard for being caught. So he gets put in prison and as soon as they let him out he does something to get put right back in.

 

Another example - was let out, stole booze and a car and went on a drunken joyride. Naturally he got put right back in. Again no effort to be discreet - he clearly wants to get caught. There's no reforming this guy I think, he prefers prison to being homeless and I doubt he has other viable options.

 

He used to try to look me up occasionally, calling my parents old house and so forth. I've avoided him since the earliest days of college.

 

I looked him up (curiosity, not to try to contact him) and the only place he shows up, not surprisingly, is mugshot.com.

[major_merrick]

I think people run into drugs and misbehavior for various reasons. Usually there's some kind of emotional hurt or some trauma from the past. I was a "closet addict" for quite a while. On the outside, I was able to function. When others weren't looking, I was perfectly happy to consume pills and stick needles in my veins. I stopped for a couple of reasons....one was that I ended up in the hospital. The other was that I found my GF#1. She was too cute to lose, so I had to stay clean.

You can look back on life and remember the past, but living in the present is better. Either the past drags us down with regret, or we see it with rose-tinted glasses and think it was better than it actually was. All I know is that my today is so much better than my yesterdays.

[alphamale]

I live 40 minutes from Ann Arbor

[lakerman34]

First, I live in Ann Arbor! WOOT!

 

Second, it reminds me of my best friend's twin sister.

 

He and I have been best friends for 23 years now. His twin sister was also a friend of mine. I even developed somewhat a crush on her in middle school and high school for a little bit (if I acted on it, I'd probably be telling you a different story right now).

 

Something happened towards the end of high school and into "adulting" years. She got heavy into the drug scene. Ended up doing heroine, got arrested multiple times for attempted burglaries (a few), possession, you name it. During those years, I never said more than a couple of words to her.

 

Now, she's cleaner than anyone else in her family (her family is filled with alcoholics, pot smokers, and cigarette smokers -- she does none of that). She goes to NA meetings, and is married to a former addict (I don't really like the guy for a few reasons, but whatever).

 

I didn't go to her wedding.

 

I feel terrible, because I remember the girl I used to have a crush on. She was beautiful. She was kind and friendly. She seemed to have her head on straight.

 

Now, she is clean, but the little interaction I have with her, she isn't pretty anymore, she seems very meek and has no self-esteem. I feel awful for her, but I don't call her a friend.

 

Sucks. But it's life.

[alphamale]

interesting story lakerman34