Do I just ignore my ex's messages?

[Avoidance9876]

I broke up with my boyfriend a few months ago and as it goes with some breakups, it was pretty bad. We had broken up and reconciled many times over several years and it was clear to me that I couldn't move forward with him b/c primarily of his lies. I wished him the best and really do care about him/miss him, but don't love him anymore.

 

It started about a week ago with texts of him telling me he was not communicating to reconcile, but only b/c he wanted to tell me some things happening with his family and thought I'd be interested being his partner of almost 7 years. He also told me he met someone at a friend's party only a few days after we broke up and had been out on 6 dates with her who he'd known for a long time, but he was having a hard time being attracted to her.

 

He also asked about how my kids were, etc.

 

so today he texts that he is not busy and when can we play words with friends like we always did....really??

 

Do I just keep on ignoring him or respond and if so, how?

 

I also started seeing someone who I really like but just not sure if it will work out in the long run - he seems like a very opinionated person and somewhat controlling, so time will tell.

 

Please share your thoughts on this matter and thanks!

[stillafool]

Tell him you are now seeing someone and don't feel it's appropriate to communicate with him anymore. Wish him luck with the new girl and his life then block him and move on. No you don't need to communicate with him.

[healing light]

Tell him you are now seeing someone and don't feel it's appropriate to communicate with him anymore.

 

This is a good answer. I feel like if you keep talking to him in the same way you always did, he will have false hope (with all the past reconcilations it probably hasn't hit him that it is over-over); when you do become official with someone else, it will be a shock.

 

I think it's difficult to just throw away years of love in a few months and I definitely relate to missing and caring about someone that was such a big part of your life, hence why some people convince themselves they are okay with friendship when really they want to use it as leverage to have more. For most, I feel like a full-blown friendship with the ex isn't really possible a few months out for this reason--doesn't mean you can't eventually be friends.

 

It seems like he is kind of testing out the waters letting you know he's been seeing this girl, but also that he's not quite into her, etc. Like enough to try to make you a little jealous, maybe, or gauge your reaction.

 

The response above lets him know that you are interested in moving on and don't want to inadvertently keep him hanging in some limboland.

[rjc149]

I also started seeing someone who I really like but just not sure if it will work out in the long run - he seems like a very opinionated person and somewhat controlling, so time will tell.

 

Time will probably tell that you're gut instinct is correct. Are you official with this new guy?

 

I'm going to surmise by you taking the effort to write this post that you still have some feelings for your ex, or it would be easy for you to tell him off or ignore him.

 

What do you want to do?

[kendahke]

Ask him point blank what does he want from you?

[Avoidance9876]

so he (old bf) was trying to reach out to me on Word with Friends and I ignored him but I can see he sent a few messages on it. I waited a day or so and looked at the messages but didn't play the game - 1 of them said he didn't know how the game started and I can play if I want and the other one sent 8 hours later said "Play, it's just a game."

 

That's him...trying to control me even after i broke up with him a few months ago. I haven't even spoke to him since then and he's directing me around.

 

Compare this with my new bf who is so compassionate and always says "I just want to make you happy"; "I am so sweet" and "He's so happy just to be with me".

 

Not much of a comparison hey?

[kendahke]

so he (old bf) was trying to reach out to me on Word with Friends and I ignored him but I can see he sent a few messages on it. I waited a day or so and looked at the messages but didn't play the game - 1 of them said he didn't know how the game started and I can play if I want and the other one sent 8 hours later said "Play, it's just a game."

 

That's him...trying to control me even after i broke up with him a few months ago. I haven't even spoke to him since then and he's directing me around.

 

Compare this with my new bf who is so compassionate and always says "I just want to make you happy"; "I am so sweet" and "He's so happy just to be with me".

 

Not much of a comparison hey?

 

You need to recognized that even though you have a supposedly "compassionate" new boyfriend, you have an avenue of communication you've left open to your ex---and you still want any attention, no matter what form it comes in, from him... does your new boyfriend know that you're keeping this door open to your ex?

 

it sounds to me like you like this attention--because if you didn't, he'd be on block and you'd be moving forward, for real, in your life, not just telling yourself that while awaiting his next rude missive.

 

If your new boyfriend had an ex girlfriend doing what your ex is doing, what would you do? Then do that.

[d0nnivain]

What is the point of responding? You know he's a liar so you have to assume that whatever he says now is a lie.

 

You have had a make up break up cycle in the past. He thinks this is part of the same pattern. You have to make him see that this break up is permanent. The only way to do that is stop communicating. If you don't end this once & for all you are teaching your kids that this type of unhealthy relationship is what relationships look like.

[The Outlaw]

You won't ever be able to move forward if you're still in contact with him. Best thing to do is let him go for good this time or you will never be free from him. He's seeing someone new as are you and he should respect his new potential partner and yours. Wish him the best again and tell him that you don't think the two of you should speak anymore beyond that.

[vla1120]

Ask yourself a few questions:

 

#1 - How would you feel if a new boyfriend still had daily contact with an ex, even if only in the form of a game?

 

#2 - How will your new boyfriend feel if he knows you have daily contact with an ex?

 

I believe the vast majority of people feel like unnecessary "friendly" daily contact with an ex is a sign of someone still holding onto the relationship (especially an unmarried couple without kids who have no valid reason for contact.)

[hippychick3]

Regardless of having a new guy, you need to cut off contact with the ex for good. I’m sure it’s a little boost to the ego to hear from him, but you broke up for good reasons. Take control of your own life and end all contact. It’s over. All you have to say (if you feel you need to say something...you do not have to) is “I’ve moved on. Please don’t contact me again. Best of luck to you.” Then, do no ever reply again. Whether or not the new guy is going to work out is irrelevant in this scenario.

Edited November 19, 2019 by hippychick3

[preraph]

I don't think you should respond at all. I think you should block him so he can't see your social media or text or phone you and if he comes to the door, don't answer. You know he's just being manipulative. He probably heard you are dating someone and is looking for some way to be visible and disrupt that. Block him!