Metsgal Posted November 11, 2019 Share Posted November 11, 2019 (edited) Meaning, when the girl isn't his girlfriend, just a lady friend that he hangs out, nothing serious. Does it mean when the girl constantly reaches out to him to see him? Which I don't see what the problem is, if he states that they are friends. When the girl gets upset if he doesn't want to hang out? Edited November 11, 2019 by Metsgal Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 11, 2019 Share Posted November 11, 2019 It means just that. Stop acting like a girlfriend expecting to hear from him every day, expecting to hang out with him, expecting to keep tabs on what he's doing. It means that girl is only a buddy and he will get around to her when he feels like grabbing a beer. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Metsgal Posted November 11, 2019 Author Share Posted November 11, 2019 (edited) Looks like I was doing that-keeping tabs on him, begging to come over, etc, etc. I mean, its been 3 months since he told me that and when he told me to "stop acting like a girlfriend" I literally stopped communication with him, I never once responded to that text or reached out to him since late July. I mean, if he really thought that we were just buddies, wouldn't he have reached out to me and asked how I am doing? Don't male/female friends do that? Don't they keep in touch? Should I assume I'll never hear from him again? We both agreed to do something casual, see what's out there, and if we come off as friends then it will be as friends, if something more, that that. He specially said that he wanted to meet people and see "where it goes." Well, did he mean that he didn't see me as someone he wants to date since he left me in the dust? Edited November 11, 2019 by Metsgal Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 11, 2019 Share Posted November 11, 2019 Well I can go months without reaching out to my friends but when I do we pick up right where we left off. A romantic/sexual partner - you need to see often to get your physical/emotional needs met. This is why you haven't heard from him. The problem is most people don't have that much time for friends these days. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 11, 2019 Share Posted November 11, 2019 Why do you want to be his platonic friend so bad? If he said you guys aren't going to date what do you need him for? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Metsgal Posted November 11, 2019 Author Share Posted November 11, 2019 We weren't doing a "platonic friendship." If felt like we were dating. We would cuddle/watch movies, have sex. I wanted him to come over to have sex but he kept saying that he was too busy. What man doesn't want casual sex? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 11, 2019 Share Posted November 11, 2019 So you are a FWB. Well guys who don't rush to come over for sex, are either not that horny, have no shortage of sex partners and I would imagine it is the latter. Find another more horny FWB without a lot of options. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Metsgal Posted November 11, 2019 Author Share Posted November 11, 2019 And the fact that he hasn't even reached out to me since summer to have sex means he doesn't even want me. Am I too easy for him or something? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Metsgal Posted November 11, 2019 Author Share Posted November 11, 2019 (edited) So you are a FWB. Well guys who don't rush to come over for sex, are either not that horny, have no shortage of sex partners and I would imagine it is the latter. Find another more horny FWB without a lot of options. Well, I'm having a hard time finding another FWB, and I sure as heck will not use Tinder! I mean, sure he probably has other options, but why not come back to me and keep me on rotation? I don't get it. Edited November 11, 2019 by Metsgal Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 11, 2019 Share Posted November 11, 2019 Because he has probably made another girl his girlfriend and no longer needs you as a FWB. Guys rarely make FWB girls their girlfriends. Why are you holding out for him? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Metsgal Posted November 11, 2019 Author Share Posted November 11, 2019 Because I want something more obviously. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 11, 2019 Share Posted November 11, 2019 I would move on if I were you. The fact that you haven't heard from him since summer pretty much says you are off his radar. You need to remove him from yours as well so another man can come into your life. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 11, 2019 Share Posted November 11, 2019 A woman should never have to beg a man to come over or chase him. He would be begging and chasing you if he were interested in you for more than just a few hours of sex. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted November 11, 2019 Share Posted November 11, 2019 Not to be too blunt but the calculus for FWB's is pretty straightforward: The First Law of FWB: They'll be your FWB if the pleasure they get from sex with you is greater than the perceived "costs" to get it AND they don't have another option with a more favorable ratio of pleasure vs. cost. In this case, he either has another option or he felt the costs outweighed the pleasure to be had. Honestly, both pleasure and cost are highly subjective. Most likely, the dude has another option because: The Second Law of FWB: There is an inverse relationship between the length of going without sex and the perceived costs of having sex with you. and/or The Third Law of FWB: There is a direct relationship between the length of going without sex and the perceived pleasure of having sex with you. This is the leading cause of the late night "I miss u" and "heyyy" text phenomena. We can safely conclude that the male subject in this particular instance does indeed have another option by the pronounced lack of late night texts. That, or he does one hell of a job rogering himself. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted November 11, 2019 Share Posted November 11, 2019 Because I want something more obviously. Men tend to put women into boxes There is the "relationship" box - he is proud of her he wants to show her off, he wants to be with her, he sees her as mother and wife material in the future. There is the "casual" box - he is not proud of her, he hides her away, he likes the sex, the fun, but she is not wife and mother material, he sees no long term future. Women can put themselves in the casual box too, "I am not looking for serious", "Lets not put a label on it" but once she is in that "casual" box, there is usually no getting out. Here he was looking for sex on his terms, you wanted more, he didn't want that complication, so he let you go. FWB is often something that works well for men, they get a woman on call for sex without having to pay her. He didn't want a girlfriend, he didn't want you calling the shots... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lana-banana Posted November 11, 2019 Share Posted November 11, 2019 I mean, if he really thought that we were just buddies, wouldn't he have reached out to me and asked how I am doing? Don't male/female friends do that? Don't they keep in touch? Yes, but not without mutual interest in sustaining the relationship. It sounds like he wasn't interested in any type of relationship with you. Should I assume I'll never hear from him again? It's possible. If you do hear from him again, it's because he wants a one-night stand---nothing more than that. We both agreed to do something casual, see what's out there, and if we come off as friends then it will be as friends, if something more, that that. Generally speaking, guys who are really into you won't agree to be casual for long, if ever. And when he says that he wants to "see what's out there" that very explicitly means he isn't looking at you as a potential girlfriend. He specially said that he wanted to meet people and see "where it goes." Well, did he mean that he didn't see me as someone he wants to date since he left me in the dust? Correct. He put you in the "friend" category, and that's almost always a permanent placement. The second a guy suggests he doesn't think you could be girlfriend material is when you should shrug your shoulders and move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 11, 2019 Share Posted November 11, 2019 You said you were OK with casual but your behavior was showing you to want more. The guy didn't want that. You also admit, at least to us, that you want more. He's staying away because he knows it's not fair for him to have sex with you when you want more & he doesn't. You are right that some guys do want casual sex. This guy is one of them. However, he knows that sex with you is no longer casual because you want more. That makes him a stand up guy for not taking what you are offering when he knows there are strings. Move on. You two are not friends in the sense that he cares about you as a person & wants to keep in touch. He's probably not a bad guy; I doubt he harbors you any ill will. But he also is not going to come back around because he knows that to do so will give you the idea that there is more here then there is or you will think his feelings are deeper / more committed. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted November 11, 2019 Share Posted November 11, 2019 it means he doesn't really care about you or care if he makes you mad or hurt your feelings and that you should leave him behind. He does not like you well enough for a girlfriend. I don't know whether you're having sex with him or not but if you are that's the only thing he wants and he's not going any further and he doesn't want to be friends either. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Metsgal Posted November 12, 2019 Author Share Posted November 12, 2019 To add, when I was begging him to come over, he asked if I had another fwb. then I replied no. Then I asked him why he didn't want to have sex, surely every man wants it, and he replied, " I don't crave sex often, another man would suit you better." Then I asked for the heck of it if he had another fwb, then he said, "a couple." To which I flipped out and asked him why haven't we gotten together and if I sucked that bad at it and why he was making excuses not to see me... and do you know what he said? "Girl, I've been busy handling things in my life, stop acting like a girlfriend." I was mad, he just said that he has "other" fwb's, but he's tooo busy to make the time to see me??? Makes no sense. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 12, 2019 Share Posted November 12, 2019 YOU are acting like you are his girlfriend and I don't blame him for being turned off. Why are you chasing a FWB? When he told you he has a "couple" you then decide if you want to be number 3 or move on to someone else. Clearly you don't know how FWB works or you were saying you wanted a casual relationship hoping to trick him into being a boyfriend. At this point you look desperate and need to move on. He has already told you to find someone else. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted November 12, 2019 Share Posted November 12, 2019 I was mad, he just said that he has "other" fwb's, but he's tooo busy to make the time to see me??? Makes no sense. It makes perfect sense surely? He has other women in tow so he is not desperate to have sex with you. He is "busy" with his life and these other girls, so you are low priority to him. Please give up. When men reject you, you do not hang around like a lovesick teenager, you tell them to f. off and you go look for someone else who will appreciate you. Stop selling yourself short with casual and FWB arrangements, they just lead to heartache with men who do not care a damn about you and treat you like a hooker... demand more and get yourself a better quality man. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted November 14, 2019 Share Posted November 14, 2019 (edited) Meaning, when the girl isn't his girlfriend, just a lady friend that he hangs out, nothing serious. Does it mean when the girl constantly reaches out to him to see him? Which I don't see what the problem is, if he states that they are friends. When the girl gets upset if he doesn't want to hang out? Haaaaa getting upset alone is gf all over for a start, so is constantly bugging him or wanting to hang out or whatever too. By the sounds there's probably many other way way too a gf things she does and ways she acts too even going on just that, l'm already cringing. A guy doesn't wanna deal with all the emotional crap and wants from a chick that's just a friend, we only got tolerance for one of those if we do have to deal with all that and she'd have to be a gf or wife, not just a friend. ps,,,,Oh , just read your sleeping with him too, surprise surprise well. Yep , makes perfect sense. l dunno how people can do that crap anyway but nope, it's still not a gf , your using each other , your a piece of rump , it's as simple as that and that's all it is . After that it's just an adios till next time. He's not interested in seein ya only getting his rump after that you can go count sheep for all he cares. Edited November 14, 2019 by chillii ps Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted November 14, 2019 Share Posted November 14, 2019 Most intelligent women realize that most men don't want to "buddy up" with women...If you want that type of an arrangement, most men will probably only do the "friend" part to placate you and keep you from complaining/whining... He's sending you a message that he isn't into the friend part of it, because either he doesn't want to hurt your feelings or maybe the sex part isn't worth the physical/emotional investment he would have to put in to keep that going... Its as simple as that...Give him some credit for not taking what you are handing to him on a platter, so to speak... TFY Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted November 18, 2019 Share Posted November 18, 2019 To which I flipped out and asked him why haven't we gotten together and if I sucked that bad at it and why he was making excuses not to see me... Yes, this is acting like a someone who wants to be his GF and, to be blunt, an insecure one at that. You should not assume the sex was bad for him. In a FWB situation where there are 2 others it may literally be that they live closer to him than you and nothing more. I would guess that he probably has an easy time with women. There ARE some guys who are all about the chase and "conquests" - they're actually MORE into going out and finding new partners than following up on existing ones. Believe this is more common in an urban environment where there are lots of potential partners floating around. It's possible. If you do hear from him again, it's because he wants a one-night stand---nothing more than that. In the unlikely but possible event you get a "Heyy" text from him at some point, suggest you keep this in firmly mind. Lots of good advice in this thread IMO; hope you are taking it to heart. No point spending any more of your life thinking on this guy. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted November 18, 2019 Share Posted November 18, 2019 The First Law of FWB: They'll be your FWB if the pleasure they get from sex with you is greater than the perceived "costs" to get it AND they don't have another option with a more favorable ratio of pleasure vs. cost. The Second Law of FWB: There is an inverse relationship between the length of going without sex and the perceived costs of having sex with you. The Third Law of FWB: There is a direct relationship between the length of going without sex and the perceived pleasure of having sex with you. I would add the fourth law: don't forget the friends part. Most people concentrate on the benefits, in which case you're not FWB, you're a F buddy. "Girl, I've been busy handling things in my life, stop acting like a girlfriend." I was mad, he just said that he has "other" fwb's, but he's tooo busy to make the time to see me??? Makes no sense. It makes perfect sense. He wants no strings sex with different women. You want a relationship and you're starting to question his actions, asking him about others, etc. That is why he is giving you the slow let down: he just wants NSA sex, no hassles, and he's made that very clear to you. If you're not cool with that (which obviously you're not) then you should move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts