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Was at a bar and a guy tells me, "I'm not hitting on you." An insult?

Metsgal

By Metsgal,
in General Relationship Discussion

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Metsgal

Metsgal

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I've new to the whole bar scene and I was at a bar with a group when it was busy on a Friday night and this guy that was standing right next to me starting talking to me-no big deal, a lot of strangers talk to each other. He then starting saying, "I'm not hitting on you." "I'm not trying to get a date." I was like wth? Sure, he probably wasn't at all, I just felt a comment like that wasn't necessary AT ALL. Women don't want a man to tell some random stranger, he's not hitting on them. That ruined my night as if he was saying, that I'm ugly and that I don't deserved to get hit on.

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MK2020

MK2020

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Nah don’t let a person like that ruin your time. It is hard to say what they were thinking... so I can only guess that I it was some stupid pick up line like “I am not into you” where you are supposed be like fight for him and entertains by stupid joke and say something “why not I think we would be perfect togther.” You give that man too much credit. Looks like he does not have enough experience talking to ladies. Or maybe he took some of your behavior out of context and totally missed the point of conversation and saw you are rejecting him so he got defensive.

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Metsgal

Metsgal

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Yeah, you're probably right. Just kind of odd a guy would say that. I mean, it he's not, then why waste his time talking to me and just walk away when there's plenty of other women around. I'll keep my guard up next time.

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todreaminblue

todreaminblue

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with the world the way it si today and sexual harrasment being thrown around everywhere...i feel people have become more cautious about interactions with the opposite sex...not such a bad thing to be cautious....maybe the guy just wanted you to feel comfortable which is what i would appreciate a guy if said to me ,who had just started talking to me...i would probably reply thats good to know thanks.....

 

..a lot of women dont like to be hit on by randoms ....maybe he had a gf and was defining the communication you guys were having.....maybe he was hitting on you and not wanting to scare you off....who's to know....he knows .....i dont know his mindset....i do know i would not take a comment like this as an insult...unless the conversation before the comment was degrading in any manner or rude language about me or about women in general...even then i would just say laters guy....i have a tampon to change...which should put any guy off me...and instead of feeling insulted and ruining my night out.....i would go dance my feet off.....and have a good time.......deb.....

Edited by todreaminblue
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alphamale

alphamale

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when a drunk guy in a bar comes up to a woman and says "i'm not hitting on you"....he's hitting on her.

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LivingWaterPlease

LivingWaterPlease

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Get sassy with a guy like that, OP! I'd say, "Oh, yeah? You've ruined my evening and broken my heart!" With a huge smile on my face whether I liked him or not!

 

My next door neighbor, a single guy, said to me once, "Hey LWP, I'm not trying to get romantic with you, but would you like to go out on my (some kind of) boat with me sometime?"

 

I replied while laughing, Well, Joe, if you're not going to try to get romantic with me I'm sure not going out on your boat with you!"

 

I didn't really want to go on a boat with him but it was a fun comment to make, anyway.

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spiderowl

spiderowl

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It sounds to me like he was doing just that, hitting on you. He was trying to play it down or maybe throw you off balance by suggesting that he wasn't hitting on you. I would not take it personally; he probably says it to other women too. Who knows why?

 

For someone who was not hitting on you, he was making a lot of noise guaranteed to get your attention ...

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The Outlaw

The Outlaw

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Easier said than done, but let it go over your head and don't let it ruin your night. That's just the bar scene for you.

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d0nnivain

d0nnivain

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He's not a smooth guy. He said that because he was nervous & felt awkward. He wasn't calling you ugly. Don't be insulted. His word choice was more about his awkwardness then your attractiveness.

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LivingWaterPlease

LivingWaterPlease

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And he probably thought that if you thought he was hitting on you, you'd put a wall up. Wait, did someone already post that? Yes, I see that spiderowl beat me to it!

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stillafool

stillafool

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Or, maybe the guy just wanted conversation and you were standing there so he said that so you weren't uncomfortable. Was he actually hitting on you? If not, just let it go. I agree with todreaminblue that these days you have to make yourself clear around women so you don't get in trouble.

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major_merrick

major_merrick

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As others have said, he was hitting on you but trying to avoid the wall that so many women put up when approached at a bar. I've had that exact line used on me a couple of times. My response is always something like, "Well good, because I didn't like your ugly face anyways." Yep, I'm cruel.

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alphamale

alphamale

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My response is always something like, "Well good, because I didn't like your ugly face anyways." Yep, I'm cruel.

 

come on m_m….you don't say that to them. what If they are drunk and are a CPL?

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LivingWaterPlease

LivingWaterPlease

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Or, maybe the guy just wanted conversation and you were standing there so he said that so you weren't uncomfortable. Was he actually hitting on you? If not, just let it go. I agree with todreaminblue that these days you have to make yourself clear around women so you don't get in trouble.

 

So true! Being a woman, that didn't even occur to me!

 

We had a visiting pastor who paid me a compliment about my age, was not even remotely close to hitting on me, yet he qualified his comment a minute or so after he said it in case he "offended" me!

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mark clemson

mark clemson

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Hitting on you or not, it's pretty clear he has poor social skills. Suggest you forget all about him and keep on keeping on!

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major_merrick

major_merrick

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come on m_m….you don't say that to them. what If they are drunk and are a CPL?

CPL? A corporal? I can't decipher that abbreviation off the top of my head...:laugh: I generally have zero tolerance for men in bars, and in my wilder days I loved a good fight....especially one that I started. Anymore I just don't go to bars because I've been pregnant for 20 of the last 24 months. Bars are a terrible dating scene anyways, because all you find there are alcoholics.

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alphamale

alphamale

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CPL? A corporal? I can't decipher that abbreviation off the top of my head...:laugh:

 

in Michigan CPL means concealed carry of firearms (Concealed Pistol Liscense)

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basil67

basil67

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This may be a shocking suggestion, but perhaps he wasn't there to find a girl. Could be straight out of a relationship or there with his mates and just striking up a conversations with a stranger.

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alphamale

alphamale

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This may be a shocking suggestion, but perhaps he wasn't there to find a girl.

 

maybe he was looking for another man? who knows?

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major_merrick

major_merrick

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in Michigan CPL means concealed carry of firearms (Concealed Pistol Liscense)

Around here, concealed carry is prohibited at bars, on the premise that alcohol = bad judgement.

 

 

 

Indeed. I do wonder what is happening to society when being friendly is seen as a waste of time.

I think it varies. In many places, you go out when you already have friends, and approaching strangers is kind of a bad idea.

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Metsgal

Metsgal

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I've had small talk with random guys at bars before, nothing new there, they were just conversations, none that involved "romantic ones." It just striked me odd that he got all defensive and put up a wall saying that he wasn't hitting on me. The random guys that I have had conversations before never told me that they weren't "hitting on me." But whatever. Lack of social skills on his part.

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beldar

beldar

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Bars. Humph.

What he said? It was just a new line he was trying out.

Picking up a woman in a bar is like fishing. Just keep casting. Occasionally change the bait or try different lures.

Sooner or later you'll get a bite.

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