he was never in it and I realise that now

[Lisabeth]

I’m not going to go through our whole love story, it hurts too much. Basically we met in England, spent a year apart, I moved to Prague. He moved to be with me. We had 5 years together, had plans to move to America together and begin another life and maybe even get married. Though throughout this we had problems, of course. I thought we would work through them, and I thought he did too. Until we had a fight on Sunday, just like all fights—but I told him I need someone who can commit to me and I want him to be that person and I have to be sure he is. I told him if he couldn’t, to just tell me there and then so we could end it. I never expected he would say no. I was sure he was committed, I had spent so much of my energy checking in on him and making sure we were on the same pages so when he stopped talking and looked at me with the saddest eyes and I realised...he was going to end it. He said no, he couldn’t give me what I wanted despite all the times he said he did want it. So now instead of moving to the us with my love who I built a life with for 5 years, I am moving home to the us with my mom at the age of 29, alone. I don’t know how to survive this. I can’t stop thinking about his love and beauty and sweetness and I can’t elive he broke up with me. He uprooted my life, and I still love him. I don’t know what to do.

[d0nnivain]

It's tough. There are a lot of changes you face right now including the end of the relationship & relocation.

 

It will be a fresh start. I'm sure some parts of it were real. It's just that every problem was another straw until the final one broke the camel's back

[kendahke]

Sounds like he may not have wanted to move to the US--lots of people across the world have that view these days. Also, how was he going to stay here indefinitely when he's not a citizen?

[ExpatInItaly]

I'm curious why you assume he was never in, OP.

 

Perhaps he did want the same things, but his feelings have changed and he no longer does. My guess is that something, somewhere, was giving you some niggling doubts about his actual commitment if you spent so much time and energy checking with him to make sure he was on the same page.

 

What sort of problems existed in your relationship?

[elaine567]

Whose idea was moving to the US?

I guess as he is staying and you are moving with your mother it was't his, is that right?

Is he staying in Prague or going elsewhere?

[Mr. Lucky]

He uprooted my life, and I still love him. I don’t know what to do.

 

Well, the first thing would be to look at him realistically.

 

I'd guess he knew some time ago he wasn't on the same page commitment-wise, but decided to ride things out until you forced the issue.

 

Certainly not someone putting your feelings and well-being first, so I'll leave it to you to decide if that's the kind of person you'd want to marry.

 

You may have dodged a bullet here...

 

Mr. Lucky

[schlumpy]

Expect to flounder for awhile as the memories come in waves. Your recovery relies on developing a consistent routine that will bring you back to your center.

 

Get up in the morning and go to bed at the same time every day. Make an effort to have a reasonable diet and take a walk at least 3 times a week. Dedicate certain days of the week for work detail such as Tuesday is laundry day. Thursday is cleaning day. Friday you go grocery shopping.

 

For a time, schedule your life so you have activities that can you pull your thoughts away from what you thought you had.

 

This will not quell your obsessive thoughts as they will own you for awhile. But a routine will help you over time, come back to your center where the pain will be less.

 

I find it very odd that one partner would follow the other to another country to be with them and then bail at the end. Like you, I would have read that sacrifice as a very strong signal that my SO was thinking life long commitment. I would not have looked for what happened to you.

 

If you had stayed in Europe would you two be together or did he feel that the relationship had run it's course? It's very possible he didn't want to move to the states. It's the small things in life that you are familiar with that makes it easy for you move through life. Things like getting a feel for a different measurement system or being exposed to different pollens that trigger allergies you've never had before. He may have seen it as leaving comfortable familiarity for a struggle.

 

Please post. You will find many sympathetic ears.

[snowboy91]

I'm sorry to hear you're upset OP.

 

I'll echo ExpatInItaly's sentiment and say that it's not true that he was never in it, but that he was but his feelings changed over time. But he still didn't feel comfortable saying how he felt until you asked him explicitly.

 

It sucks. But at least there are no doubts, and know where each of you stand. You're at least not moving on your own - you have your mother for support, for a start. Focus on building a new friendship group /support network once you get there (which is something I imagine you would have done anyway). All the best.

[momofjust2]

I am so sorry you had to go through this-I know your heart is breaking, and it will continue to hurt for a long time, I'm sure. Nothing I say can make it easier or a shorter recovery. Please believe that things will get better and your pain will eventually ease. I hope that you surround yourself with positive, upbeat people, and will let yourself heal with support and encouragement. Please post back and let us know how you are doing.