I know my doctor is flirting with me and I am not mad about it...

[KaiKai39]

Thanks guys it’s been stressful. I broke down and told my mom about what happen and she did not believe me at all. Well, to a degree. She accused me of being a sl*t for sleeping with him(which I didn’t) and feels like I deserve to suffer whatever consequences for messing around with a married man.

 

She told me I should meet up with him rather than hide behind my phone because I have to set things straight with him face to face like an adult or else he’ll keep calling me. And if I don’t her Ultimatum was not to paying for my degree anymore. I’m already paying an arm and a leg for my bachelors and my

Parents agreed to pay for my master’s while I pay off my BA.

 

I felt kind of force to call him. I decided to

met with him this afternoon on my lunch break at a restaurant. I told him I’m not interested and if he continues to try to reach out to me I’m reporting him. In trying to make him realize I was serious I said I already told my mother. He just laughed at me and said nobody will believe me and considering I met with him alone he assumed my mother didn’t believe me either (which is true). Even worst, He told me that he always gets what he wants and I can continue playing a “tease” if I want, but eventually I will give in. I never met anyone so entitled. I feel so stupid for trusting him.

 

Him and my mother really convinced me that there’s really nothing else I can do. I ended up walking out in tears because he’s right. I just have to wait it out until he gets disinterested or give in. If I can’t even convince my own mother about what happen how can I convince the authorities/board.

 

I even told my roommate and she didnt even see it as a “big” deal because he’s a doctor and wishes she was in a similar position. She doesnt even understand why I haven’t slept with him yet. >.>

 

I’m just feeling really defeated right now. I literally hit a wall and all I can do ignore him, but he doesn’t seem like the type to stop trying to reach out until he’s completely disinterested.

 

I remember back in high school I dealt with something similar but it wasn’t someone I knew it was a random. He would change his Facebook page a few times a day to message me because I blocked him. After a while, he stopped and it never went further. I’m going to have to go forward with the same mentality.

 

I learned my lesson that’s for sure and now I’m

Reaping what I sowed.

[GorillaTheater]

Well, it was probably a mistake to meet with him, since ****ty people are almost certain to say ****ty things.

 

But it's done. Chalk it off as a learning experience and move on.

 

If you have the misfortune to ever be alone with him again, which should obviously be avoided, record the conversation.

[BaileyB]

I’m sorry. I’m sure culture plays a big role here, but your mother is wrong. I’m so sorry that she was not more supportive. You deserve to be believed by your mother.

 

You do not have only two options - to wait for him to lose interest or give in. You are in control of your own life and you do not have to do anything you don’t want to do. Do not feel guilty - you have done the right thing by ending this flirtation.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Sorry about your ****ty mom! That is not cool.

[LivingWaterPlease]

Sorry about your mom. I'm really surprised at her reaction.

 

You need to document what happened, the dates, the times. I doubt you'll ever face anything more about it but if you do it'll be very helpful if you've documented what happened.

 

OP, you are a very smart woman to have put a stop to this at this point.

[mark clemson]

Not the world's most supportive Mom, is she. More the "tough love" type. Doesn't really matter though. Just put him behind you and move on. Don't worry about his lame attempts to boost his own ego back up with "I always get what I want" talk, it's just baloney. At least you can see his true colors now...

[whichwayisup]

He’s my primary. He didn’t compliment my body in a creepy way just made a brief statement. I’m kind of ashamed of the age difference tbh, I still can’t believe I did what I did with him, but I’m 24 and he’s in he’s 53.

 

Does he have kids?

 

You may believe him when he tells you he's divorcing, but he isn't. My guess is you're not the first patient he's had a fling with.

 

Find another Dr asap! He already could lose his license/job by doing what he's done with you.

 

You're old enough to date an older man, just pick one that isn't married and isn't your family Dr!

 

End it. You're going to get your heart smashed into a million pieces if you choose to pursue this further.

 

Edit to add: Just read the rest of your thread, I see you've ended it and now you see what a scummy person he truly is! Your mom shouldn't be name calling her daughter! That's not nice at all.

Edited November 15, 2019 by whichwayisup

[pepperbird]

In your shoes, I'd report him, but I know that easy for me to say when I'm not in your position.

 

If you don't feel like you can report him to whatever agency monitors his profession where you live, then you might try checking out come of those "rate my MD" websites. I know it may sound silly, but a negative review, including some details as to why you left it, will at least warn other women to be careful around him.

 

 

btw, ignore your mom. none of this is your fault.

[vla1120]

Well, you met with him, as your mother demanded, so you lived up to your end of the deal as far as your parents paying for master's. I've been on the receiving end of a disbelieving mother, so I understand the frustration. Don't let that derail you because YOU know the truth.

 

I agree with GorillaTheater that if you are ever alone with him again (though I would not recommend it), you should record the conversation.

 

A predator MM Doctor took advantage of you. Stand your ground and do not be derailed by this.

[KaiKai39]

Thanks guys for being so supportive through this. My mother means well (she's not awful). She is just very disappointed. I did let her know what happen after I met with the doctor and she was appalled by his response. She told me that it proves that he feels invincible and has done this several times before (like mentioned by some of you guys in this thread) and she seems really concern now. At least I got her on my side, she still thinks I am a home-wrecker and has clearly stated this on more than one occasion. However, She does not like how he is going about things, and said I can stay with her until it blows over, but I dont think I need to move back in with my parents. That's like the last option on my radar. But, she is very adamant now of me staying with her because there's a chance he knows where i live, but that just seems so far fetch.

 

I haven't heard from him after meeting up for lunch. I did get an anonymous call this morning, but I didnt answer (it could have been him). But for now, its good that I blocked him. I made all my social media pages private, so theres no way he can contact me through my any of my social platforms.

 

I do like the idea of going on Google Review or similar and warning other women. As much as I would like to put this behind me, this would give me a chance to tell my story without judgement. But, I know he will know it was me if I post it. I just hope it doesn't blow up in my face.

[spiderowl]

I am pretty shocked to read your posts and the way this doctor is behaving. He sounds narcissistic and entitled. He is used to using his power and influence to get his own way.

 

I am sorry your mum was not supportive beforehand but at least she realises the seriousness of this now.

 

He is much older than you, may be lying about his divorce, but he is breaking all professional boundaries.

 

I think he should be reported. I would understand if you felt you could not do this, for whatever reason.

 

There are very worrying things here. This guy has access to your personal information - your phone number, email address maybe, and your home address. He probably has your work address too.

 

The fact that you have rejected him makes him realise he cannot easily influence you. This means you may talk about him and that is a big threat to him, his professional status, his livelihood. I think you should be careful of your safety. Be aware of who is around, make sure no-one is hanging around outside, lock up when you are at home alone. Make sure you are not inadvertently sharing your location with contacts on your phone. This guy has few scruples and has a lot to lose. I don't want to scare you but people have killed for less.

 

I was shocked your mother suggested meeting him. I am just glad you met in a public place. This guy does need to be reported.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

So where are you staying?

 

And of course he knows your address....it's in their computer system....

[LivingWaterPlease]

I do like the idea of going on Google Review or similar and warning other women. As much as I would like to put this behind me, this would give me a chance to tell my story without judgement. But, I know he will know it was me if I post it. I just hope it doesn't blow up in my face.

 

Again, you are a smart woman for thinking it could blow up in your face. Before putting anything in writing or online I would check into the consequences you could face were he to try to take any type of legal actions against you.

 

And he very well could do so, depending on the laws where you live. Even if he were to lose, you still may end up with legal fees, etc., from getting representation to protect yourself.

 

He may or may not have greater financial resources than you do and sometimes in a lawsuit it boils down to who has the most money to drag out the situation which could amount to emotional stress for you

If you're going to expose his behavior or accuse him of anything you'd best have proof of what you claim happened.

[KaiKai39]

I am sorry your mum was not supportive beforehand but at least she realises the seriousness of this now.

 

He is much older than you, may be lying about his divorce, but he is breaking all professional boundaries.

 

I think he should be reported. I would understand if you felt you could not do this, for whatever reason.

 

There are very worrying things here. This guy has access to your personal information - your phone number, email address maybe, and your home address. He probably has your work address too.

Yes, I am happy to have her support. She has been texting me non-stop.

 

There has to be an overseer who does checks and balances to make sure he is not abusing his authority over patients records. I know in a hospital environment there is(monitoring of who and how often patients records are being looked at digitally because there's a digital thumbprint whenever someone logs in), but private practice I am not sure if its a free for all, if so that sucks for me.

 

Nonetheless, I can only tolerate my mother at short intervals. I can't stay with her 100% of the time for a few days, weeks, or months. I may stay tonight into the weekend because my boss (who never text anyone or gives his number out) text me to come in and finish up a project by tonight, so I have to go in no excuse, so after I finish up its going to be late, I'll probably head to my parents. My roommate is also out of town for the weekend visiting her parents, so it works out.

Edited November 16, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
quote edited

[KaiKai39]

Again, you are a smart woman for thinking it could blow up in your face. Before putting anything in writing or online I would check into the consequences you could face were he to try to take any type of legal actions against you.

 

And he very well could do so, depending on the laws where you live. Even if he were to lose, you still may end up with legal fees, etc., from getting representation to protect yourself.

 

He may or may not have greater financial resources than you do and sometimes in a lawsuit it boils down to who has the most money to drag out the situation which could amount to emotional stress for you

If you're going to expose his behavior or accuse him of anything you'd best have proof of what you claim happened.

 

I didn't even think of the legal consequences. I am not sure if that directly applies to my state it's only if the other party can prove that its completely false and done out of maliciousness. But, I can see how he can drag it out in attempt to make it appear that way.

[LivingWaterPlease]

If you were to put anything online or in writing he may perceive it as a threat to his business, which it probably would be even though it's true. And he then may file a law suit claiming your post is slanderous. Again, I would check with an attorney before doing anything of the sort. He could make your life miserable as a revenge tactic.

 

I'm not counseling you to allow him to get away with it. Just be wise and check with an attorney before you proceed. Some of them work pro bono and also you could even check with social services as a starting point to see if they could advise you as to how to proceed if you tell them your story, not naming the physician.

 

Please be cautious as to how you handle this.

Edited November 16, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
quote removed

[pepperbird]

I don't know where you live or what the laws are, but I expect there's some sort of regulatory or licensing board that governs his profession and can offer you advice and direction. Speaking with an attorney is also a good idea, and if cost is an issue, there may be free legal clinics that can help. Laws in this area can change frequently and sometimes, the public may not even be aware, so it makes sense to perform your due diligence.

 

If you do hear form him, or someone you think is him, you might want to consider keeping a record of all of it. That way, at least you have documentation and proof, even if it's just for yourself.

 

 

I did want to commend you again for how well you have been handling this. Your mom should be proud she's raised such a strong daughter who has a good head on her shoulders ( sorry if that sounded lame... you're not much older than my own daughter, and it gives me hope she can also be a strong person:))

[KaiKai39]

I don't know where you live or what the laws are, but I expect there's some sort of regulatory or licensing board that governs his profession and can offer you advice and direction. Speaking with an attorney is also a good idea, and if cost is an issue, there may be free legal clinics that can help. Laws in this area can change frequently and sometimes, the public may not even be aware, so it makes sense to perform your due diligence.

 

If you do hear form him, or someone you think is him, you might want to consider keeping a record of all of it. That way, at least you have documentation and proof, even if it's just for yourself.

 

 

I did want to commend you again for how well you have been handling this. Your mom should be proud she's raised such a strong daughter who has a good head on her shoulders ( sorry if that sounded lame... you're not much older than my own daughter, and it gives me hope she can also be a strong person:))

 

If you were to put anything online or in writing he may perceive it as a threat to his business, which it probably would be even though it's true. And he then may file a law suit claiming your post is slanderous. Again, I would check with an attorney before doing anything of the sort. He could make your life miserable as a revenge tactic.

 

I'm not counseling you to allow him to get away with it. Just be wise and check with an attorney before you proceed. Some of them work pro bono and also you could even check with social services as a starting point to see if they could advise you as to how to proceed if you tell them your story, not naming the physician.

 

Please be cautious as to how you handle this.

 

 

Thanks guys about the legal advice and everything. But, I screwed up. I am soooo not strong, far from it. Ugh. The night I went back to my parents, I met up with some friends from HS and we all got drunk. I told them about what happen after a few drinks and one of my friends decided to stupidly message him on Facebook telling him off. Her Facebook is not private and she tagged me in a million photos at the bar we were at(I didn’t even know until later).

 

After a few more drinks, we were about to grab an Uber because we were out of it. My doctor ended up showing up at the bar (obviously from my friend’s post) and I remember my friend yelling at him to leave.

 

He pulled me aside and told me to stop what I was doing but when I’m drunk I just think everything is funny so I’m laughing at him. This just frustrated him even more and he called me immature, so I pushed him out of my way so I can go back to my friends. But, he pulled me into the nearest bathroom and told me to wash my face because I was acting belligerent, which I wasn’t at least I don’t think I was at the time. But, Idk how it happen but we ended up making out and messing around. I already know it was dumb idk why I did it or who initiated what, but I was clearly not using my better judgment like normal. It felt like an outer body experience that’s how gone I was. I haven’t been that drunk since I was like 21/22.

 

I’m just like 0/0 for making great decision lately. Anyway, once I got back to my parents place and threw up for 5 hours straight, I ended up getting a new phone and number later that next day and I’m just going to stay with my parents for a few weeks. I already arrange for a friend to move in and take over my portion of the rent, I don’t want to just leave my roommate abruptly like that. We’re in NYC, so there’s no way she could cover my half because she’s in the same position as me paying off her Bachelor’s. Rent here is ridiculous.

 

I already told my mom I’m staying short-term and she was supicous because she knows I hate staying here. She figured something happen, so she didn’t question me too much. I also told my boss I needed a few mental days, and considering I never called out in the 5 years I’ve been there since starting out as an intern and transitioning to permanent, he said I can have a week and work from home the next week.

 

I really just need some time to myself to self reflect because I’m becoming those girls and thats not what I want to be :/

[mark clemson]

I'm not sure of the legal status of this action on his part. No doubt it was extremely distressing for you. Also, your friends weren't thinking before acting, clearly.

 

At any rate, I take this as his "always getting what he wants" move so he can tell his bruised ego that he "got what he wanted". He's clearly quite ego driven at his core.

 

Don't know what advice to give you as to next steps except to stay stronger (much stronger) in the event you run across him again. Consider hollering rape if he ever corners (or even tries to engage) you again.

[BaileyB]

Tough love coming here KaiKai.

 

You and your friends behaved with the maturity of a group of teenage girls. Your behavior was stupid and unsafe. You need to be more careful with your personal safety. If you play with fire, you are going to get burned.

 

I’m glad you are staying with your parents. Don’t contact this man again.

[KaiKai39]

I'm not sure of the legal status of this action on his part. No doubt it was extremely distressing for you. Also, your friends weren't thinking before acting, clearly.

 

At any rate, I take this as his "always getting what he wants" move so he can tell his bruised ego that he "got what he wanted". He's clearly quite ego driven at his core.

 

Don't know what advice to give you as to next steps except to stay stronger (much stronger) in the event you run across him again. Consider hollering rape if he ever corners (or even tries to engage) you again.

 

Tough love coming here KaiKai.

 

You and your friends behaved with the maturity of a group of teenage girls. Your behavior was stupid and unsafe. You need to be more careful with your personal safety. If you play with fire, you are going to get burned.

 

I’m glad you are staying with your parents. Don’t contact this man again.

 

I am trying my absolute best to never run into him again. My friends and I were not at all level headed that night (instant regret). I already told people to not publicly tag me in anything. I am trying to be non-existent for a while.

 

And yes, he is very egotistical, he did some weird stuff after hooking up that didnt make any sense, but I guess it was part of him ego tripping. I can't even stop thinking about what happen, it's like haunting me right now. It could have turned out much worst, I guess considering I really put myself out there.

[Mrin]

 

He pulled me aside and told me to stop what I was doing but when I’m drunk I just think everything is funny so I’m laughing at him. This just frustrated him even more and he called me immature, so I pushed him out of my way so I can go back to my friends. But, he pulled me into the nearest bathroom and told me to wash my face because I was acting belligerent, which I wasn’t at least I don’t think I was at the time. But, Idk how it happen but we ended up making out and messing around. I already know it was dumb idk why I did it or who initiated what, but I was clearly not using my better judgment like normal. It felt like an outer body experience that’s how gone I was. I haven’t been that drunk since I was like 21/22.

 

Don't really know what to say here. I think you're heading for a very unpleasant wake up call in life.

[Ameele]

Well, he takes it for the creepiest doctor. I really hope, you are safe now and this man is completely out of your life. He is old enough to be your father!  I do not want to judge you, but you really need to find someone closer to your age, who is not in the position to take advantage of your lack of experience in life. It is just not fair. It's like me a grown woman playing scrabble with my 5 year old nephew and being proud if I win. Not comparing you to a 5 year old, but this creeper's "win" is not really a win, its pitiful because a woman his age would not tolerate his behavior.  SECONDLY, I hope you reported him directly to the police. You were very drunk  and not in the right head space seems like you have some time lapses because you can't remember how you two even started to "mess around". From the post it seems like he was completely sober. That is rape. I agree with the previous poster, if he comes near you scream rape or rapist. 

 

I sincerely hope you took whatever precautions necessary to NOT get pregnant if messing around is what I categorized as messing around, but I am not too sure what that may include with people your age. Either way, pregnancy is the last thing you want you would be tied to this man for the next 20+ years. Stay safe and make better choices. 

[Piddy]

Just read this thread and towards the end she exposed it as being a work of fiction IMO.  The part about him pulling her into a bathroom was a little over the top.  She did a nice job up until then though.

[Ameele]

25 minutes ago, Piddy said:

Just read this thread and towards the end she exposed it as being a work of fiction IMO.  The part about him pulling her into a bathroom was a little over the top.  She did a nice job up until then though.

 

I dont know, there is always a possibility people can lie on the internet  that is nothing new, but stuff like this does happen especially when you have an older man and younger woman situation. I have dealt with some crazy situations in my life with guys when I was younger that I didnt share back then  because I knew it would not be taken seriously.  But at the same time, there are a lot of woman out there who want attention and make things up making the "real" stories look like another grasp for attention. I think that is  probably why she shared on here because in real life it is hard to build the confidence to even talk about this.