MK2020 Posted November 14, 2019 Share Posted November 14, 2019 After breakup, Is it ok to tell your side Of the story to your mutual friends if you know your ex is making you look bad? Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted November 14, 2019 Share Posted November 14, 2019 Of course you can tell your side to whomever you like. A breakup is usually the time when you find out who your real friends are. Mutual friends usually take one person's side, even if externally they still act like friends of both. And the side they choose is not the one whose story they believe most or who behaved better - it's the one they are better friends with, which is usually the one they were friends with first. If these friends are closer to your ex then they probably already believe your ex's side, and you're probably wasting your time. Link to post Share on other sites
snowboy91 Posted November 14, 2019 Share Posted November 14, 2019 I think it's OK to tell your side of the story period. Anyone who is friends with both people in a relationship knows that each is going to be feeling different kinds of awful for different reasons when they break up, and each is going to make their ex look bad because they're angry/upset. If the mutual friend is a real friend, then they will understand your point of view too - I've kept a couple of friends from my last relationship for that reason. And there are others that hate my guts last time I heard. If they're closer to your ex than to you then it's likely they will take their side, unfortunately. Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted November 14, 2019 Share Posted November 14, 2019 I usually wait to see who will ask. That tells me something right there. When I do get a chance to tell my side of the story I tell it without demonizing the other person and I also try to avoid using mutual friends as a go between. It just makes matters worse. If you want to say something to your SO do it directly. PegNose is right, you will find out exactly where you are on the social acceptance chart in regards to the people in your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MK2020 Posted November 14, 2019 Author Share Posted November 14, 2019 (edited) I love all three answers. @ schlumpy when you said: “I usually wait to see who will ask.” That was deep. Made me think. I also remember a mutual friend once tell me: “I THINK it would be good for you to move on AS WELL.” Made me think if she encouraged him to move on as well due to her own agenda or if she was saying that he moved on therefore you should too. While I never asked, she never even hinted about how he feels. She was very protective of him without me even being inquisitive. And knowing my ex, I know he did not move on after our break that easily and that quickly. But I guess I will never know. Edited November 14, 2019 by MK2020 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted November 14, 2019 Share Posted November 14, 2019 I think it's OK to tell your side of the story period. I personally think it's better to stay above the fray. We learn in high school you can't stop gossip, and trying to present your side simply gives credence to the whole discussion. OP, in your case, if someone were to say to you "Ex says you dumped him and treated him unfairly", I'd just smile enigmatically, reply "I'm sorry he feels that way" and move on. But maybe that's just me ... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted November 14, 2019 Share Posted November 14, 2019 most people realize that there are two (or more) sides to every story Link to post Share on other sites
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