How often should you hear from someone you started dating while they're traveling?

[Missy Love]

I recently started seeing someone, only for a few weeks, but the chemistry has been pretty solid, as in we saw each other three times the week before he left for a vacation. In total, we've gone on about eight dates, all went a bit longer than anticipated. He left for a family vacation over the weekend, and we hung out the night before for a while, and he made it clear, he wanted to see me again when he got back. However, since he's been gone, I haven't heard much from him. He did send me some pictures, but that's been it. I guess I had been anticipating more communication from him, as it's starting to lose some momentum. I haven't wanted to initiate contact because I don't want to bother him when he's with family. We aren't official, but I don't think either of us are seeing anyone else. By the time he gets back, I worry that some of the chemistry will have fizzled, especially if I've only heard from him once. Any advice?

[Vj.]

Send him about one message a day. If he doesn't respond to one of the daily texts, don't contact him till he does.

 

Don't worry too much my dear. If he likes you, he'll be back. Take from a guy, the frequency of us contacting a girl, and how much we like her, doen't always correspond.

 

Don't do so much to look needy, don't do so little to look like you don't care. Send 1 text a day. After 2 or 3 days of you being the first to contact, stop, until he does

[Blind-Sided]

I travel for work... and sometimes the day just gets away from you. also, if there is a time zone change... that can make it hard too. Honestly, if he has been in contact at all while gone... I'd personally say... its good.

[kendahke]

I wouldn't have expectations of anything---expectations are future resentments under construction.

 

This is brand new and you're not exclusive yet, I take it, so don't expect exclusive treatment from someone when you're not there yet. Let him miss you enough to reach out. If you keep showing up with "remember me?" texts, that will get tiresome.

 

Let him enjoy this vacation and when he gets back and is in your presence, that's what you enjoy.

[PRW]

I wouldn't have expectations of anything---expectations are future resentments under construction.

 

This is brand new and you're not exclusive yet, I take it, so don't expect exclusive treatment from someone when you're not there yet.

Very good I like that. The first line should be a "quotable".

[d0nnivain]

MAYBE 1-2 times during the week. I give people a pass while they are traveling.

 

the only person I ever spoke to every day when I or they were away was my husband. I didn't even talk to my parents every day when we were traveling.

[fromheart]

To be absolutely honest, if a woman told me we weren't exclusive and then went traveling with little messaging, I'd forget about her.

 

He's most probably seeing other people, I'm sorry to have to say that. If you want FWB this situation is fine, if you want romance then I'd advice looking elsewhere. Know that's probably not what you want to here, sorry about that.

[Mr. Lucky]

He's most probably seeing other people, I'm sorry to have to say that.

 

Well, sure. They're not in an exclusive relationship and have only been on 8 dates. Same could be true of the OP were she to decide to go out while he's gone. Doesn't make him a player or lock them in to FWB. It's early ...

 

He did send me some pictures, but that's been it.

 

He contacted you once, time from you to reach out to him once. See where it goes from there...

 

Mr. Lucky

[elaine567]

He has not gone "travelling", he has gone on a family vacation.

Unless that "family vacation" includes his wife and three kids, then surely he has time to fire off a quick text to keep in touch.

[Interstellar]

I wouldn't have expectations of anything---expectations are future resentments under construction.

 

That is a phenomenal quote.

 

This is brand new and you're not exclusive yet, I take it, so don't expect exclusive treatment from someone when you're not there yet. Let him miss you enough to reach out. If you keep showing up with "remember me?" texts, that will get tiresome.

 

Let him enjoy this vacation and when he gets back and is in your presence, that's what you enjoy.

 

Indeed, just RELAX.

[Missy Love]

I don’t think it’s a good sign I’ve only heard from him once this past week even though he’s on vacation. It makes me suspicious he is seeing other people. I don’t think I’m going to reach out to him, as I already saw him the night before he left and texted him to have a great trip. He said he’d follow up when he’s back and see me the week he’s back. It’ll be telling if I hear from him again. I also don’t want to create a habit of being a person that is just available at another person’s convenience.

[RecentChange]

I would put family vacation on a totally different level then let's say a business trip.

 

I HATE being on my phone when around friends and family - find it a time waste and ride. If I am visiting my parents for example - I don't check my phone.

 

I would give a pass for a family vacation, he probably has very little privacy or alone time.

 

I would probably tell him to have fun, and that I couldn't wait to pick up where we left off as soon as he gets back.

[alphamale]

dating 0 months - 1.5 month: once per week

dating 1.5 month - 3.0 months: 3-4 times per week

dating > 3.0 months: everyday

[RecentChange]

dating 0 months - 1.5 month: once per week

dating 1.5 month - 3.0 months: 3-4 times per week

dating > 3.0 months: everyday

 

I strongly disagree with this. Humans, the vast number of variables that come into play when two individuals interact - do not follow math formulas.

 

I think many who don't follow instinct, or are not confident in themselves and turn to formulas of how it should work and get lead astray.

[alphamale]

I strongly disagree with this.

 

it's just a guideline RC, nothing hard and fast

[Mr. Lucky]

It’ll be telling if I hear from him again. I also don’t want to create a habit of being a person that is just available at another person’s convenience.

 

You're way over-thinking this.

 

Look, either it will or it won't work out when he returns. Neither outcome has anything to do with how many times someone you've dated briefly texts you on a family vacation.

 

Relax a bit or the outcome you're worried about will be self-fulfilling...

 

Mr. Lucky

[kendahke]

He said he’d follow up when he’s back and see me the week he’s back.

 

Is he back or is he still on vacation?

[stillafool]

. He said he’d follow up when he’s back and see me the week he’s back.

 

He was pretty clear with this statement. Why are you expecting more?

 

I find it interesting that all of these men have vacations planned right after they start seeing and having sex with a girl. Women ask these guys if they have any trips planned before you go out with them and if they do, tell them to contact you after they return. This is all sounding like bs to me.

Edited November 16, 2019 by stillafool

[Missy Love]

I'm not going to worry about it anymore, it's going to be what it's going to be. I just got scared that I wouldn't hear from him again, but no use worrying about it, and just see how it all goes once he's back.

[winny]

in the future you can just ask - hey will you have time to text on vacation and act accordingly.

for now, be patient. let him be back. give him space to enjoy and also miss you.

[winny]

He was pretty clear with this statement. Why are you expecting more?

 

I find it interesting that all of these men have vacations planned right after they start seeing and having sex with a girl. Women ask these guys if they have any trips planned before you go out with them and if they do, tell them to contact you after they return. This is all sounding like bs to me.

 

agree. i see that trend on LS a lot.

everyone seems to be traveling and vacationing too much or what LOL

[Maggiemay1]

I don’t think it’s a good sign I’ve only heard from him once this past week even though he’s on vacation. It makes me suspicious he is seeing other people. I don’t think I’m going to reach out to him, as I already saw him the night before he left and texted him to have a great trip. He said he’d follow up when he’s back and see me the week he’s back.

 

You said you aren’t official meaning you aren’t exclusive.

So why are you talking about being suspicious that he is seeing other people?

You are both free to at this point right??

He is on holiday seeing family. If he is seeing others they are more likely to be people closer to home and you.

 

Up to you if you want to play games. I don’t think he is. He is just simply with family. He sent you some pictures that’s nice. What have you sent him?

 

Momentum requires both to interact. But you seem to be a bit stand offish!

 

Are you considering his perspective or just yours???

[fromheart]

Forget the 'rules,' on inclusive, exclusive. 8 dates but still having casual sex with other people might be nonsense to you. What you want and makes you happy is key. Does the communication make you happy is the question.

 

If not, then its better to meet someone that fulfills your needs and vice versa.

[Versacehottie]

I agree with Recent Change. Some people (especially guys IMO) use a vacation to disconnect from their normal life and are more in the moment wherever they are. TBH, i think that's smart and normal for a decent amount of people. I'm going to think he will think it's needy of him/you if he needs to be tied to his phone to reassure you during this time. Much better to give you the update of how it was and what he was doing when he gets back. Some people are like that.

 

It also gives you insight into his personality or communication style. He doesn't sound like the sappy, over-attached type. Does not need constant contact.

 

I also think you'd be wise to take into consideration that his communication style and your own are not quite aligned if this upsets you a lot--otherwise it's just about learning who he is. Secondly, take into consideration that he may not take your relationship as seriously as you do. And that he is more in the moment, in the place, not emotionally attached yet.

 

Don't worry and don't contact. Let him enjoy his vacation. And just to be clear this is not like you are patiently waiting like a dutiful girlfriend back home--make sure you do and he is aware of how you've kept yourself busy while he was gone. If you act like you've been sitting there pining for him, it's pressure and clinginess. You want to be the girl that can slip out of his fingers if he doesn't give you attention not the one that is sitting there like a puppy dog waiting for his return. Good luck

[alphamale]

^this.....