Not wanting to date anymore after breakup

[Leinad92]

So I started a thread a couple of weeks ago. I dated a female friend I've know for years. We dated for a year and a half and had started to plan moving in together. Long story short, she's basically dropped me for someone new a week before my birthday and the same week we were due to go on holiday together. I'm obviously gutted and feel betrayed about it and pissed off.

 

She wanted to stay close and go back to being friends after it. Wanting to be the bigger man, I did consider it seeing as we've been friends for 10 years and she's part of my circle of friends. But I've learned last night she'd been seeing him for a bit before ending things with me and frankly I don't want her in my life at all anymore.

 

She's tried to message me just saying "I'm so sorry, I never wanted this to happen" and the worst part was her telling me that she fell out of love with me a while back. I've told her to stay out of my life. It's her's and another friend's joint birthday this weekend but I've told her to just not talk to me and I'll do the same. I'm really pissed off about the whole thing, I've done everything I can for her the past year or so and she's just dismissed the whole thing as if it never happened.

 

I know I need to move on which I wish I started to do the other week when she ended things but I've been holding out stupidly that things will change.

 

I've got friends of course who are great. I've not really talked to them about it as I don't want to cause a divide in the group, though I suppose they only got closer to her since we started dating so I'm hoping she just goes off to her new guy and his friends.

 

My issue atm is that I just don't want to see anyone anymore. I've done the whole "go out and get drunk/work on yourself" thing. I miss her like crazy but I'm trying to get past that. I have been asked out a few times since then but I don't feel any desire to go through with it. A girl was trying to set up a date with me and I've had to basically just tell her I'm not really in the right place right now. The only reason I've considered it is to basically get back at my ex, not that she'd care but even then I just can't bring myself to do it.

 

I just feel really lost and don't know what to do atm. All of my friends are in long term relationships and I feel constantly reminded of mine ending when I'm hanging out with them. It sucks as well that they're all starting to move on to their new lives, buying houses and moving away. The past two days I've had some time off work and I've done nothing but stay at home. I don't know what I'm supposed to do.

Edited November 14, 2019 by Leinad92

[Maldives]

So I started a thread a couple of weeks ago. I dated a female friend I've know for years. We dated for a year and a half and had started to plan moving in together. Long story short, she's basically dropped me for someone new a week before my birthday and the same week we were due to go on holiday together. I'm obviously gutted and feel betrayed about it and pissed off.

 

She wanted to stay close and go back to being friends after it. Wanting to be the bigger man, I did consider it seeing as we've been friends for 10 years and she's part of my circle of friends. But I've learned last night she'd been seeing him for a bit before ending things with me and frankly I don't want her in my life at all anymore.

 

She's tried to message me just saying "I'm so sorry, I never wanted this to happen" and the worst part was her telling me that she fell out of love with me a while back. I've told her to stay out of my life. It's her's and another friend's joint birthday this weekend but I've told her to just not talk to me and I'll do the same. I'm really pissed off about the whole thing, I've done everything I can for her the past year or so and she's just dismissed the whole thing as if it never happened.

 

I know I need to move on which I wish I started to do the other week when she ended things but I've been holding out stupidly that things will change.

 

I've got friends of course who are great. I've not really talked to them about it as I don't want to cause a divide in the group, though I suppose they only got closer to her since we started dating so I'm hoping she just goes off to her new guy and his friends.

 

My issue atm is that I just don't want to see anyone anymore. I've done the whole "go out and get drunk/work on yourself" thing. I miss her like crazy but I'm trying to get past that. I have been asked out a few times since then but I don't feel any desire to go through with it. A girl was trying to set up a date with me and I've had to basically just tell her I'm not really in the right place right now. The only reason I've considered it is to basically get back at my ex, not that she'd care but even then I just can't bring myself to do it.

 

I just feel really lost and don't know what to do atm. All of my friends are in long term relationships and I feel constantly reminded of mine ending when I'm hanging out with them. It sucks as well that they're all starting to move on to their new lives, buying houses and moving away. The past two days I've had some time off work and I've done nothing but stay at home. I don't know what I'm supposed to do.

 

 

Ye I'm going thru wat Ur going thru tonight. Met this really beautiful actually ladyboy really connected but haven't heard from her since ...on holidays in Bangkok now in Laos it's a **** feeling when feelings aren't reciprocated but I've done it to others so I get it hence that's why me and you are feeling lost

[Piddy]

Another guy on here who is going thru the same thing. I'll give you the same advice. In your case it's pretty fresh and raw, so I'd give it another couple weeks and then you should get back out there and find someone new.

 

That's the quickest way to get get over her in my experience anyway. In my case I moved on in about 3 months from my bad breakup. Although I did have a one night stand about 7 weeks after which helped as well.

 

Also, I went no contact before no contact was a thing (over 40 years ago). And sure enough 2 years later she called me all sweet and innocent wanting to see me again. I had already moved on though and was on my 3rd relationship since her.

 

You can never be friends because it was not a mutual / amicable breakup. So as long as you're not actively dating and still running in the same social circles it could take you forever to get over her.

 

You'll never get in the right place as long as you keep running into her. She left you for another guy. You did nothing wrong. You can't force someone you stay in love with you. Move on and find someone who will love you back as much as you love them.

 

And it might take a few tries, but from my experience you'll find that girl. She's out there, go find her.........

Edited November 14, 2019 by Piddy

[Highndry]

Only time can heal your heart. A few days or weeks are nothing in the grand scheme of things. It can sometimes take years, depending upon the person. It's something we all go through and there is no fast forward or magic elixir that can take away the pain. She's a piece of trash for what she did. There's no excuse for cheating. Unfortunately, women almost always have the replacement lined up before they leave. They don't like to admit it, but they know it's true.

[SumGuy]

Gone through it as well. Don’t fret about it, give this time to healing and doing you. Eventually you’ll want to try again. It can take many months at times, which is ok.

[d0nnivain]

just take a break.

 

Do nothing until at least the beginning of the new year. Live your life. Spend time with friends but really do nothing. I'd probably extend that break to the beginning of next summer in your shoes.

[Leinad92]

Thanks for replying, guys

 

I guess I'm just in shock at the moment so I'm still reeling in it.

 

I've chatted to a friend all night who's put me in a better head space and put things in perspective. It's just the rug suddenly being pulled from under me that's got me all over the place atm. I've had to cancel two holidays I had booked next year. I know my some of my friends won't really want to hang out with her after this (not my doing) but I do have to see her at a christmas party/meal a few of us bought tickets for but I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. Any advice on that would be great.

 

I'll be honest, my relationships the past few years had already turned me off dating anyway. I was living with a girl for two years when she cheated on me with my coworker which sucked. The last serious one before this cheated on me with her ex and moved country without ending things. So a relationship isn't even on my radar anymore.

 

I'm not even going out on nights out with the intention of meeting someone, it just normally happens and I've had my share of one night stands. It's just something I don't even want right now, not even for the sake of it. I'd rather just stay by myself right now and like you all said; just work on myself.

 

Thanks for the replies again, guys and any advice on how to deal with the christmas party would be great.

[backfired]

LET GO.

 

Happened to me before. Girl left for one of my best friends. As soon as I found out, I immediately stopped having feelings or respect for her. You just have to not care dude. Cry it out for a few days, and then say to yourself ITS OVER. And move on. Don't dwell. ITS OVER.