People who suffer a miscarriage, it affects them badly. But for some it doesn’t.

[Vanity1]

I was wondering if anyone could relate to this...

 

For example. I’ve been through **** in life.

 

Sexually assulted by my grandfather, he would ‘accidentally’ touch my breath. Then under the same roof, my older cousin also sexually assulted me< with him that happened till I was probably 7, it started god only knows when probably till like I was born. I’m not mad at that, nor have I been bitter about it.

 

Then my who father who beat me like a grown man, had me sleeping in the cold room in the basement, chase me with knives , also had me sleeping in the car for misbehaving. I wasn’t even in elementary school yet. Still love him, it hasn’t made me bitter.

 

Then I had a bf who did the same to me. He Would spit at me, choke me, break my things ect ect.

 

I’ve had a miscarriage, and it totally didn’t affect me.

 

Those are just some examples of things most people would be affect by in some way or another. Or feel some sadness about it I don’t. Does that make me deranged? I’m wondering if anyone is the same way.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

You don't feel affected by any of this or just the miscarriage?

 

I can see someone not being affected by a miscarriage if the pregnancy was unplanned and not necessarily wanted.

[Vanity1]

You don't feel affected by any of this or just the miscarriage?

 

I can see someone not being affected by a miscarriage if the pregnancy was unplanned and not necessarily wanted.

 

I was just watching an interview with Megan McCain where she says her miscarriage was too much for her, basically. And I was thinking to myself, why it didn’t affect me? I felt nothing after. Which inspired me to make this thread.

[Vanity1]

Also. When my grandmother died, she raised me, fed me, brushed my hair took me to school. I didn’t care, i was sad for a second.

[elaine567]

You are numb.

All those bad experiences numbed you.

You learned to not react, to not fall to bits as it would not have been in your best interests to do so.

You thus just carry on no matter what happens.

You don't want to get emotionally involved as to do so would make you vulnerable, so you don't, you feel nothing.

You are protecting yourself

[Gaeta]

Not allowing yourself to feel is a defense mechanism you've developed to survive. I suggest you start therapy to look into it. I am sorry all those things happened to you.

 

I have a 15 year old foster-daughter who also has trained herself to not feel as a survival mechanism against her mother cruelty and neglect. For 1,5 year now we've repeated to her we will not abandon her, we will not get mad, she can tell us anything and we will deal with it calmly. She is just starting to let herself 'feel'. As you were abused and neglected till adulthood it will take a while for you to start 'feeling' again but it's possible.

.

[pepperbird]

it's possible that, to protect your psyche, you don't allow yourself to fully feel things. What you don't feel deeply can't hurt you deeply, and after all you've been through, it actually makes sense that your brain may have taken this step to protect your emotional state and ability to function.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I think you probably have issues way beyond what we lay people at Loveshack can help you with. You've experienced trauma way beyond what most of us have . .

[major_merrick]

I can definitely relate! Your past sounds so much like mine. I was sexually abused, beaten by my father, slept in the basement, yelled at for every little thing. It gets to you.

 

 

The good news is - you aren't alone, and you aren't broken! There can be light at the end of the tunnel. But don't expect to react emotionally the way everybody else does. When you are used to taking pain, you become somewhat numb to it. And other times, it can hit you like a ton of bricks. I've gone for a long time where I can sustain hits more than what other people can bear. Then a small memory or an issue from the past can make me emotionally unstable for weeks. It makes no sense, and it doesn't have to.

 

Years ago, I probably could have dealt with a miscarriage or an abortion like it totally didn't matter. Now, things might be different and IDK what would happen. Just be good to yourself and don't think too hard about it. Over-analyzing things leads to mental issues. And don't be surprised if years from now, it sneaks up on you and you suddenly feel sad. That's normal too. I hope you find a partner who loves you and you have a family if that's what you want.

[mark clemson]

Certainly there are women who mourn their miscarriages to lesser or greater degrees.

 

If the abuse is something you'd like to try to address, then possibly look into a therapist who genuinely specializes in and has a lot of experience in abuse.

[preraph]

I think you've just cut off a lot of your emotions in order to survive your terrible abuse. So sorry you went through all that.

 

That said, I know people who didn't even know they were pregnant and then miscarried and didn't miss a beat, so unless you were desperate for a child, it doesn't hit you that hard.

[pepperbird]

op,

I am sorry you had such a tough upbringing. I honestly don't know if I could have gotten through all of that. You did.

 

I get the sense that, even with all life has thrown at you, you never really broke, and you want to be an emotionally healthy person. That you even thought to ask if it was odd that you felt nothing shows that (at least to me) you have a very solid "emotional core". It may be bruised and battered, but it's still there. Give it some love and care, and it will blossom.

 

All this being said, if you don't mind a gentle piece of advice, if you are planning on having a family and you haven't sought some mental health care already, would you consider doing so? I'm not trying to be judgemental, it's just that I have seen what delayed reaction to emotional trauma can do to a family, and it's bad. really bad. If you can prevent that and heal yourself too, it may well pay off in spades.

[amaysngrace]

It’s called dissociation. You’ve compartmentalized your brain.

 

Things too difficult to process get stored far away to a place where you can’t be affected by them.

 

I’m sorry all those things happened to you and it’s terrific that you aren't bitter but after you’ve processed everything and aren’t bitter should be the real goal.

 

Being numb to your feelings just means you aren’t bitter now because you don’t feel anything at all.