Equave111 Posted November 15, 2019 Share Posted November 15, 2019 as above, why would a guy always message back no matter how small or irrelevant the message is or reply is, if he is not interested? I am referring to a guy I was seeing (not in relationship) with a few months ago, he had to end it at the time due to circumstances beyond his control but i am just so confused Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted November 15, 2019 Share Posted November 15, 2019 Two guesses: a) he has good manners or b) he sees her as a friend Link to post Share on other sites
GoreSP Posted November 15, 2019 Share Posted November 15, 2019 People like getting attention. If they never text back, that attention goes away. I believe it's called breadcrumbing nowadays. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Equave111 Posted November 15, 2019 Author Share Posted November 15, 2019 so in essence hes not truly interested then? its a false interest? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 15, 2019 Share Posted November 15, 2019 It's not about interest he's being polite. People get offended when their text isn't replied to and he has good text etiquette. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Equave111 Posted November 15, 2019 Author Share Posted November 15, 2019 To generic snapchats though? A lot of my own friends don’t even reply just look and leave it. He always sends a message to follow up and replies almost instantly. I know if I wasn’t really interested in a guy I wouldn’t reply and often have done so. Link to post Share on other sites
Zippy2000 Posted November 15, 2019 Share Posted November 15, 2019 Hard to say about anyones real intentions but there are some people who just want to be friends and keep in touch. I have had some girls who have done that. Told me they aren't into me and then have stayed in touch. I have two girl pals why have stayed in touch. One for 8 years and and another for 5 years and theres nothing in it if there are no feelings involved. However that said there are others who are just curious if youre still around and if you are still available. Others may look for attention when they have no one in their lives of they are just looking for a "back pocket boyfriend/girlfriend". Link to post Share on other sites
Author Equave111 Posted November 15, 2019 Author Share Posted November 15, 2019 I don’t think it is a friends thing, could be wrong. We were romantically involved until October recently came back in contact again and I have approached the topic of meeting again, but I am confused now Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted November 15, 2019 Share Posted November 15, 2019 His interest isn't interest enough to go any further with you. Despite what happened up until October, he's changed his mind about investing, emotionally, further with you, as is his right. Texting takes no effort. Having an audible conversation, spending time in your company takes tangible effort and he's not doing any of that anymore, is he? As far as he's concerned, why be unnecessarily rude to you? He won't be until you step out of line and make him unzip the lizard on you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 15, 2019 Share Posted November 15, 2019 You say he had to end it due to circumstances beyond his control. That is some indication that he still cares, hence his responsiveness. he's trying to stay on the recipient's good side in case circumstances change. Still if they haven't changed by now, I wouldn't hold out too much hope Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted November 15, 2019 Share Posted November 15, 2019 You said you weren't in a relationship, so why is there even the hope that he wants one? #1 - What kind of guy isn't in control of his own circumstances, and why would you be interested in a guy who doesn't control his own circumstances? It seems very flimsy. Whatever is going on with him, he chose somewhere down the line something that put him in this circumstance. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted November 15, 2019 Share Posted November 15, 2019 I say whatever circumstances they were, he still likes you, and I'm guessing when whatever it is blows over or changes, he would like to possibly start up again. BUT that means he's keeping you on the hook for his own benefit. It is up to you to not waste anymore time and date other guys. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TheFinalWord Posted November 15, 2019 Share Posted November 15, 2019 Actions speak louder than words. I can see why it's confusing, but if you reach out to a guy and he does not initiate getting together, he's either not that interested, or he's too weak to make a move. Both outcomes are not desirable. See what he does with your text as the real test. A man that is interested in a woman is going to see contact initiated by you as an opportunity to ask you out. If he's not doing that, try not to read too much more into it than that. I would also stop texting him if he's not pushing things forward because all it's going to do is frustrate you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted November 15, 2019 Share Posted November 15, 2019 Your recent thread about him strongly suggests he's just interested in sleeping together at this point, but not in dating you. Him replying to your contacts is likely just an extension of that - willing to see if you might warm up to that arrangement again. If I recall correctly, you two had quite the falling out just days ago. What has happened since then? I'm gathering you were probably the one to reach out to him again first, or? Link to post Share on other sites
jspice Posted November 15, 2019 Share Posted November 15, 2019 You can ask “why” till you’re blue in the face. Why does he respond? Why does he get jealous? Why won’t he go away? Because he’s an ass. Please have some dignity and stop this nonsense. This “man” is messing with your head and you allow him to. If he’s not interested in asking you out, or even free to go out with you ( my guess is he’s married, right?) then you need to delete him from your life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Equave111 Posted November 16, 2019 Author Share Posted November 16, 2019 Thank you all for replying. It ended as he had family commitment and family issues going on at the time and still remain. It may sound flimsy but it is genuine. I asked him about meeting last week and he asked me to give him time, that he was overwhelmed with study for an important exam at the moment and he would contact me after the exam. The exam was during the week, and while he did respond to two snapchats he didnt mention anything about meeting. Hence why I am confused Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted November 16, 2019 Share Posted November 16, 2019 When a guy doesn't respond, or contact you or give you an answer, it's because he doesn't want to.....not because he's got family issues, exams or sick or too stressed or too busy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted November 16, 2019 Share Posted November 16, 2019 You are looking at it like it's a light switch: ON/OFF, INTERESTED/NOT INTERESTED. It's more like a dimmer switch. NOT/SLIGHTLY/MODERATELY/HIGHLY. You get the idea now? I would say he's slightly or somewhat interested that's why you get some contact from him. However, pay attention: you are a low priority--it looks like everything else is higher priority to him than you are. So that lets you know where you stand with him. Purely for the fact that you care enough to have made a thread about this signifies to me that your interest is higher than his in you. Bad deal for you. You should put HIM on the back burner and keep searching for others. Timing and/or his real interest is not good now. Don't wait for him or you will get hurt and strung along. Don't make any effort toward him. If he does to you, you can respond but cautiously and with a grain of salt. You should see repeated strong effort over time to give him your REAL attention again. Good luck 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted November 16, 2019 Share Posted November 16, 2019 Oh and he is responding back because it is YOU that is making the real effort and effectively pursuing him. You are a sure thing, he sets his parameters and maybe he just wants to leave his option open and is polite/friendly/sees no reason not to. It take NO/VERY LITTLE effort for him to respond to your texts. Do nothing and see if he makes ANY effort to see what his real interest is. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 16, 2019 Share Posted November 16, 2019 It seems that he is the one responding to your texts instead of him texting you first. Let him come to you and stop texting him so much. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Equave111 Posted November 16, 2019 Author Share Posted November 16, 2019 Should I give him an ultimatum, for example should i ask him straight out once again if he wants to meet or not and tell him I want a direct answer as this fluffing with not answering me is not good enough, if he says no then at least i can begin to move on. At the minute I am still in between as he hasnt said yes or no and the lack of clarity will wreck my head Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted November 16, 2019 Share Posted November 16, 2019 When a guy is interested, you just KNOW he is interested. There is no confusion, no waiting around for contact, no mixed signals, no ultimatums necessary. He wants you, he wants to be with you, there are no excuses. He shares his worries, he tells you about his family issues, he includes you, he values your opinion. He will include you in his studying schedule too, if busy he will meet for a quick coffee or lunch he will not go MIA. Every woman needs an interested man. This guy is NOT interested in you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted November 16, 2019 Share Posted November 16, 2019 You're in no position to issue an ultimatum. He's already told you to back off and give space. So don't humiliate yourself by making him mad giving him an ultimatum! Just stop contacting him, see if he ever contacts you, and get on with your life in the meantime. It's not as if he's asked you to sit and wait faithfully for him. Date. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted November 16, 2019 Share Posted November 16, 2019 Should I give him an ultimatum, for example should i ask him straight out once again if he wants to meet or not and tell him I want a direct answer as this fluffing with not answering me is not good enough, if he says no then at least i can begin to move on. At the minute I am still in between as he hasnt said yes or no and the lack of clarity will wreck my head I think you should not. No ultimatum. If you think about it, what will that do with a person with little to no interest in dating or dating you specifically? It will not spur him to action but the contrary. If you want to know where you really stand with him, do nothing and see what he does. IMO, impatience on your timeline (i.e. an ultimatum) does not work and only pushes someone away or further frustrates you. You can't want a relationship (nor shouldn't) with someone that doesn't want one--you can't push him into one. Also the way you keep wording it makes it seem as if you have never been out. Have you? BTW, he told you to move on. Whether you are fully accepting that information or not is on you. He's given you clarity, yet you are the one who chooses to reopen the door for him, effectively putting yourself as an option with someone that is saying no to making you a dating priority. Just because he responds to a text doesn't mean he's open to dating you again. I definitely think interpreting it that way is a detriment to you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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