Asked a female friend out, but I’m not sure if she rejected me?

[Occitanie]

I asked her whether she would be up to grab some dinner together.

 

She replied:

 

“Ah ****! I would have said yes but I’ve already made dinner”

 

And then “You should have asked me earlier lol!”

 

 

I mean, if she had just sent me the first text without rescheduling, I would have taken it as a rejection, but I just don’t know... I feel that maybe the door is open?

 

What do you guys think?

[d0nnivain]

She's trying to keep the friendship alive but she's not really interested in dating you, sorry.

[Occitanie]

She's trying to keep the friendship alive but she's not really interested in dating you, sorry.

 

So she’s not hinting that I should try again, but earlier?

[d0nnivain]

I didn't read it that way but I suck a text communication. I need all the non verbal cues of seeing somebody face to face -- the tone of their voice, the tilt of their head, where they look etc.

 

I wouldn't repeat an offer for a date except in person sort of one of those conversations where you hint & say something like have you ever thought about us?

[elaine567]

Ask her out again and give her more notice the next time.

[SumGuy]

Ask her out again and give her more notice the next time.

Exactly, take her at her word. She would of but had plans already.

 

So ask again with a bit more notice, be specific on day(s) like Friday or Saturday evening, then when she picks a day give specific time window like 6-7 and also propose 2 or maybe 3 specific places. Your both planning and giving options. You can also gauge a bit about what she is thinking on the options. There may be the more pub vibe place or the more fancy vibe place or the place with live music, think you get the idea. Of course if you know her and what she likes let that be a guide.

 

Take it from someone who is on the dating scene: she is asking you to try again. Her response was positive.

Edited November 15, 2019 by SumGuy

[preraph]

Pull the bandaid off. Right now, ask her out for dinner day after tomorrow. If she makes an excuse, don't ask anymore. She did kind of leave the door open. You're not supposed to ask people out at the last minute like that. And if she says yes, don't do that again.

[alphamale]

do you have any dirt on her? if you do then tell her to go out with you or you'll let the cat outta the bag

[Occitanie]

I didn't read it that way but I suck a text communication. I need all the non verbal cues of seeing somebody face to face -- the tone of their voice, the tilt of their head, where they look etc.

 

I wouldn't repeat an offer for a date except in person sort of one of those conversations where you hint & say something like have you ever thought about us?

 

Thanks for your response,

 

See, that’s why I’ve asked her out.

 

She’s a fantastic young woman.

 

I don’t want to sound like I’m putting her on a pedestal, but she’s one of kindest, most thoughtful and responsible I’ve known so far. She’s part of this group of mutual friends who have known eachother over the last 20 odd years.

 

Lately, I’ve noticed a spark between us. Yes, in terms of non-verbal cues, I have noticed a few things.

 

I’m not that good at picking them up, but the one thing that has stood up above all is the eye contact: we make a lot of it.

 

When we talk, the eye contact is long.

 

In a group setting, I often catch her looking at me. That’s when I feel the spark the most.

 

When someone makes a joke, or when she does (which she does often, and I’m a sucker for humour) she glances at me.

 

Then there’s how it always seems like even in a group, she’s talking to me the most.

 

I don’t know about her tone of voice, and I’ve not paid attention to her head tilt.

[healing light]

My interpretation is that this woman is open to you asking her out and would like to go out with you but needs advanced notice.

 

Ask her out a few days in advance.

[salparadise]

I read it as positive too. Ask two days ahead, and for a specific place and time. Make it all feel intentional, not a half-baked, last minute idea. I think she'll say yes. If she happens to say she's busy at that time, ask what day would work for her. The eye contact is the tell. If she wasn't into you that wouldn't be happening. She's given you the green light –– now be bold, the man with the plan.

[smackie9]

You need to be more formal in your asking. To grab something to eat or lets hang, isn't a date...that's what friends say. You ask her if she would be available Saturday for a dinner date. or "I would like to take you out for dinner, how's Saturday next week sound?" Step up and be a man about it.

 

Was her response positive?, just tell yourself it is, and ask her out proper.

[kendahke]

It's rare that a woman is going to drop everything for a last minute invite--it feels like the one you'd rather go out with cancelled and you're reaching for the "fall back" chick.

 

Ask her sooner.

[alphamale]

It's rare that a woman is going to drop everything for a last minute invite--it feels like the one you'd rather go out with cancelled and you're reaching for the "fall back" chick.

 

Ask her sooner.

 

yes kendahke, women that are "in demand" and have a lot to offer have a calendar and like to schedule stuff weeks in advance, including dates.

 

guys don't give a **** about calendars or scheduling ahead

[Occitanie]

So I’ve asked her out again, this time asking when she’s free this week.

 

She tells me all her schedule:

 

Work, rugby training, fixing her car, etc...

 

Think she’s just blowing me off.

[d0nnivain]

Sorry but now she is signaling a lack of interest. She had to know the 2nd ask was a request to change the status & this was a date If she was interested she would have found room in her schedule for you.

[kendahke]

So I’ve asked her out again, this time asking when she’s free this week.

 

She tells me all her schedule:

 

Work, rugby training, fixing her car, etc...

 

Think she’s just blowing me off.

 

Sounds like... time to move on

[Occitanie]

This is an instance where I would far prefer the girl tell me flat out "I'm sorry, but I'm not interested in you", and not something so wishy-washy.

 

I really did think there was something there, but I guess not.

[d0nnivain]

Women are socialized not to be that direct. She does care about you as a friend & doesn't want to hurt your feelings. Hence she gave excuses instead of being direct. She's trying to make it less awkward when you see each other in the friend group.

 

Yes, being direct would be more simple but this is what they mean when they say Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus The genders have different communications styles. On some levels you need to be able to speak a "foreign" language. Now you know a few more key phrases / behaviors then you did before you started this thread.

[smackie9]

Just because you get along with a girl smashingly, doesn't mean she has romantic interest. Girls/women can emotionally click with a guy without those feelings. That's why you nip it in the bud, and simply ask them out on a date to show your interest. That's how it's done. Now you know where she's at with this, so you can stop wasting your time and move onto your next prospect.

[alphamale]

... That's why you nip it in the bud, and simply ask them out on a date to show your interest. That's how it's done...

 

and don't wait for six months to ask her out. do it the first or second time you meet her

[SumGuy]

So I’ve asked her out again, this time asking when she’s free this week.

 

She tells me all her schedule:

 

Work, rugby training, fixing her car, etc...

 

Think she’s just blowing me off.

 

Maybe she is. How did you ask? Asking someone when there free is not asking them out, it is kind of wishy-washy, beating around the bush.

Depending on her personality it may not be a blow off, you asked, she answered...(some people are like that). Was there any free time in there?

 

I consider good asking is to be specific like, last time didn’t work would you like to go out for drinks and dinner this Friday after work?

 

Will agree though if she was interested AND the type who will make a first move this would be going easier. I’m thinking 90% you are in the friend zone. However, if she has single friends you like that is not a bad place to be. She may not date you but could be your “wing man”.

[Optimystic]

This is an instance where I would far prefer the girl tell me flat out "I'm sorry, but I'm not interested in you", and not something so wishy-washy.

 

I really did think there was something there, but I guess not.

 

As someone else said, you weren't direct in asking her out either. You might get a more direct answer with a direct question.. gotta give what you want.