Is it rude if a meetup host doesn't introduce you?

[Metsgal]

I've attended 4 events with the same meetup group, 4 of which was the same host-I know the host by now, we chatted quite a bit. The last event that I went to was last month, we all met up at a gaming center. There were 5 other people there, it appeared that I arrived early-which means "ontime" while others usually get there at a bit late for some reason. The other 20 people arrived like 1 hour late. The host was buying everyone drinks-he bought be a drink, and then we both went to hang out with the people from the meetup group, it appeared that he already knew everyone else-he's been hosting for about a year and attended meetup events for like 5 years now. He didn't bother to introduce me to anyone, I didn't know anyone, they were chatting and I was standing there really awkward. I was like wth? It wasn't until the other 4 people came up to me and introduced themselves. What I noticed is that he doesn't introduced anyone else either. He knows what person is a newbie and all, so why not do a formal introduction to the group? I'm like, well, he's the host, and its not like he's new to it. When I first went to a event, one of the guys in the group was introducing me to everyone including the host and he introduced me to his friends, which was courtesy on his part. But my god, someone who is hosting and doesn't bother to say, "this is so and so.."

 

What should I do next time? Just stand there and wait until someone makes eye contact with me, gives me their hand to shake it and introduces themselves?

Edited November 16, 2019 by Metsgal

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

 

What should I do next time? Just stand there and wait until someone makes eye contact with me, gives me their hand to shake it and introduces themselves?

 

Just go up to people and say "I'm new here, my name is...."

 

Also, maybe nicely mention to the leader of the group that it would be nice if he introduces new people to the group. He maybe woefully (socially awkward?) unaware that this would make new members feel more at ease.

 

Nothing to get worked up over. Easy fix.

[Metsgal]

He doesn't seem socially awkward at all...but yeah, next time I see new people at an event, I'll just yell out, "hey, my name is....." maybe the host will take a hint.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

He doesn't seem socially awkward at all...but yeah, next time I see new people at an event, I'll just yell out, "hey, my name is....." maybe the host will take a hint.

 

Ha! I think some people are just really unaware how difficult it can be for other people to enter an already-established group so they aren't in tuned with the whole "introducing them" concept.....I would imagine most would be like "Oh! OK I can do that easily!" if they were made aware of it .

[preraph]

Lame host, I must say. So here's all you need to do. When you are all there and gathered, speak up yourself and say, Shall we go around the table and all introduce ourselves and give a brief description of ourselves?

 

That's what needs to be done anyway to start conversations. Even if you've met them all before, do it anyway to get the conversation rolling.

[LuckyM]

I don't think it is rude but it is not very nice or sociable. You are on your own here. I attended numerous meetups of many kinds and occasionally I was introduced. Maybe the host did not know some of the names? Some people are just like that and don't care...I knew one host very well for years and he never introduced anyone at all. Didn't want to. If you go around the table or circle saying your name, people will forget it.

 

I stopped going to meetups because I never met anyone...that's why.

[Ellener]

I've done tons of meet-ups over the last decade and had mixed experiences! One of the first groups was brilliant for about two years, so many fun events and seeming friendships then suddenly- everyone either got married, left town or had children and it all fizzled out and closed down. Another group I went to last year was meant for singles but the hostess brought a last minute date which was a bit strange I thought! he kept trying to hold her hand and put his arm around her only to be rebuffed!

 

Saying something like 'will you introduce me to everyone' seems to work generally, I just excuse myself early if I'm really not enjoying it. I live in a big city so there's always something new to go to.

 

One group I love I find the organiser is super-shy/introvert at times, so his hosting can be hit or miss! Other people jump in now and help him out.

[d0nnivain]

What should I do next time? Just stand there and wait until someone makes eye contact with me, gives me their hand to shake it and introduces themselves?

 

While it would have been more polite for the host to introduce you most people no longer have that sense of good manners. I'm loathe to call it rude but you now know the host is not great at this. I'm shocked the host bought drinks. That sounds expensive for the host to treat everyone. I would not expect it all the time & hope you reciprocated.

 

Anyway, what you should do next time is learn to take initiative. It's hard but if you can be brave & stick your hand out to say "hello I'm Metsgal" even to Yankee fans , you will all the better for the effort. Do not yell that out to the group in general as you jested that you would.

[S2B]

Introduce yourself. Don’t rely on others to do what you can do yourself.

[Metsgal]

I'm not the type of person to introduce myself that's ONLY if I see the other person looks friendly/approachable and is looking my way. Other than that, if the other person looks cold and disinterested, I will not go up to them.

[d0nnivain]

I'm not the type of person to introduce myself that's ONLY if I see the other person looks friendly/approachable and is looking my way. Other than that, if the other person looks cold and disinterested, I will not go up to them.

 

 

You need to become the type of person who introduces herself. Yes there are visual non-verbal cues that somebody is open to being approached. You do need to learn & respect those but life does get easier & can be lived more on your terms if you become more active in your social life rather than passively standing there expecting others to come to you

[Metsgal]

You need to become the type of person who introduces herself. Yes there are visual non-verbal cues that somebody is open to being approached. You do need to learn & respect those but life does get easier & can be lived more on your terms if you become more active in your social life rather than passively standing there expecting others to come to you

 

Yeah, I've had bad experiences with that in the past. And that doesn't always work, some people will not reciprocate. I've initiated and gone up to people only for them to be short and dismissive with me. Don't assume people are friendly and good, because some of them are not, some don't want to be bothered. I don't deserve to be chewed out or spit at by people that have no interest in talking to me.

[S2B]

That’s ok... some won’t be cordial...

 

But it’s IS up to you to introduce yourself. Lean to read people - body language.

 

Learn what different ques mean. Act on those ques.

 

Even when someone new shuts you down that tells you something - that they aren’t “open” to new people. So that’s useful too.

 

Open body language looks much different than closed body language. Assess your own body language and then learn to quickly assess what others are telling you without speaking a word.

 

And certainly some people are grumpy by nature. Most grumpy people end up loving me - I’m skilled at that since I was a young kid - I know how to handle grumpy with precisioned timing. It’s an art form. But growing up around grumpy is normal for me. I don’t get scared off by a grumpy nature.

 

Learn how to be skilled at approaching lots of different personalities! It’s a lifelong asset.

 

Never depend on anyone else to do for you - what you can/should do for yourself.

[The Outlaw]

Should he not introduce you next time, take the initiative and just introduce yourself. You shouldn't ever feel like you need anyone to make the introductions for you. 

[basil67]

On 12/2/2019 at 8:53 AM, Metsgal said:

 

Yeah, I've had bad experiences with that in the past. And that doesn't always work, some people will not reciprocate. I've initiated and gone up to people only for them to be short and dismissive with me. Don't assume people are friendly and good, because some of them are not, some don't want to be bothered. I don't deserve to be chewed out or spit at by people that have no interest in talking to me.

While I suspect being "chewed our or spit at" by strangers is an enormous exaggeration, we've all had the experience of trying to make a new acquaintance and the conversation failing.  So what we do is move on and find someone else to talk with.   Refusing to make conversation with new people because of a few bad experiences only hurts ourselves.  

[The Outlaw]

I'm sorry that I didn't read into this further earlier but if anyone is cold and dismissive of you when you attempt to introduce yourself that's not cool of them but it says more about them. You gave it a go and if it didn't work, you're better off but a few bad experiences shouldn't keep you from trying again. Meeting new people is always nerve racking, but gets easier with time. 

[d0nnivain]

On 12/1/2019 at 4:53 PM, Metsgal said:

 

Yeah, I've had bad experiences with that in the past. And that doesn't always work, some people will not reciprocate. I've initiated and gone up to people only for them to be short and dismissive with me. Don't assume people are friendly and good, because some of them are not, some don't want to be bothered. I don't deserve to be chewed out or spit at by people that have no interest in talking to me.

 Spit at?  What kinds of folks are you meeting?   Even Yankees fans aren't that mean to Mets lovers.  

 

Anybody who isn't polite when you meet them isn't worth bothering about.  They are rude & boorish.  There is also a world of difference between somebody who is cool at the introductions & perhaps uninterested vs outright hostile. 

 

There is a bit of a science to meeting people in groups.   You have to learn to read the body language on who wants to be approached.  If you look closely you will see some people who want to meet new people.   The easiest to spot is 2 people talking to each other.   If they are square towards each other so they are facing parallel with their shoulders in symmetrical alignment, that is a closed conversation & they do not wish to be disturbed.  But if the are slightly askew with one set of shoulders slightly closer & the other two farther apart, forming a bit of a V that opening is an invitation for you to approach.  

[PinkFlamingo]

I understand your irritation, but also why the host may have seemed a bit self-centered.

The host probably didn't feel like a real host, for example, like someone who is hosting a party at home for his friends, because most public events are on a quite superficial level. He doesn't know you and he is eager himself to meet all the people he knows and meet more newcomers. Honestly, if I had been the host, I might have been willing to create an event where people can show up to meet other people, but I would not necessarily want to be burdened with the responsibility for every single guest. It is a public event after all and everybody is an adult and should be able to take care of him-/herself to some degree. 

Having said that, I know how it can feel if you're somewhere new and don't know anybody else, where a kind word can mean a lot to take away the awkwardness. The thing is, you won't be able to eradicate the shallowness of those events, you will probably not even be able to avoid shallow behavior yourself, so the best solution for your problem would be, learn to introduce yourself and be more self-reliant. And if the other guests irritate you too much, don't attend these parties anymore. If something doesn't really bring you joy, stop doing it and find something else that is better suited for you.

[alphamale]

I own a meetup group and host about 25 events per year.  It is not my job to introduce people.  You have to take the bull by the horns and introduce yourself.  I cannot remember everyone's name and don't have the time to introduce each new person to the group.