Can someone explain the whole platonic friendships becoming romantic ones?

[Metsgal]

In order for one male and female to have a strictly "platonic friendship" one or the other has to find some attraction about the other person/quality? And become some leech until one day they will make their move?

 

I know personally know people that have started off as "friends" and became something more later on. I mean, friendzone is something no one wants to hear. So, if I'm friends with a guy and just that "platonic" no sex, no fwb, none of that- there's a 1% chance that he might like me as something more one day? I really don't have any guy friends but just hypothetically speaking.

Edited November 16, 2019 by Metsgal

[somanymistakes]

Platonic friendships are just that: friendships. They are not "friendzones". They are not "leeches". They are friends.

 

Men and men can be friends. Men and women can be friends. Women and women can be friends. Some people are very bad friends, or can't be friends with other people. This all varies, because people are different.

 

Sometimes friendships develop into romance. Sometimes they don't.

 

It's a bad idea to be friends with someone just because you hope that someday they will like you romantically. If you do that, you are being a bad friend. You can't be actually friends with someone if you're just hanging around creeping on them, constantly miserable and resentful and only pretending to enjoy their company. If you do that, you ain't in the friendzone, you're in the creepzone, and you put yourself there.

 

On the other hand it's fine to be friends with someone you're attracted to, as long as you actually are friends with them! In some friend circles it's considered polite to even tell them upfront that you have a bit of a crush on them, but you don't expect anything. It helps defuse the tension so that you can carry on being friends, while also letting them know why you might look at them a little too long sometimes, and letting them know that you're interested if they ever decide that they are.

 

But you've got to be fine with actually being friends. You've got to be fine with hanging around them, doing non-romantic things with them, and seeing them happy with another partner. If you're so madly infatuated that it drives you crazy being around them and not dating them, then you are not their friend and you need to back off.

[d0nnivain]

Many friendships are friendships. The people involved enjoy each other's company. It's not a matter of one biding their time waiting to jump the other. Sometimes all togetherness awakens romantic feelings over time. It really depends on the people. The possibility of some friend developing feelings is no reason to cut yourself off from opposite sex friendships.

[preraph]

Most guys are hanging around only because they do have some attraction for the woman. But the same is not true for women, who are fine being "just friends" forever and will befriend a man they have no attraction for. There are exceptions, but from what I can tell, being long-term platonic is the kiss of death for romance. If the woman was attracted to the hanger-on, it wouldn't be just platonic. There would be momentum towards romance. Many times, it's just a stalemate because the guy is too meek to make a move (the opposite of sexy) and so that's how that works. Even if she thought he was cute or whatever, the longer his inaction due to fear goes on, the less attractive she finds him until there's nothing left but some guy hanging around for no reason.

 

If you have an interest in someone and you are a woman and they are hanging around as a friend but nothing else is happening, all you can do is show them that you are approachable by doing some innocent touching, like putting your hand on their arm or knee, and if that doesn't prompt them to reciprocate, it's useless and just get them out of your life or keep them and accept them only as a friend, but don't let them hang around and block you having a real boyfriend, because that isn't one.

Edited November 16, 2019 by preraph

[stillafool]

I have had men as platonic friends for years and neither of us wanted anything romantic. Normally when guys were romantically interested in me they let me know right away.

[SumGuy]

Many dream of a soul mate, some who is not just a lover, or partner but our best friend. The best friend part is often the hardest part, hence all the man cave, chick flick, ...stereotypical gender dichotomy. So when you find someone who is your best friend, who also falls into your gender preference not surprised it could grow to more.

 

Also though can have platonic friends of the opposite gender. Have two long term ones and purely platonic, we even help each other figure out the other gender.

Edited November 16, 2019 by SumGuy

[mark clemson]

Consider how it happens in high school. You are friends with lots of people but also have a SO (and some of your opposite gender friends have SOs).

 

At some point, you and one of your opposite gender friends are both unattached. You have met/know each other and so you both "give it a try".

 

I think it works the same way as adults except that one tends to have less time for friends and so fewer of them and fewer still opposite gender ones since there will be less reason to "hang out" with opposite gender friends (+ your SO will be more on the lookout due to potential jealousy etc).

 

But I think it's ultimately not so different. You're friends and then, if you both happen to become unattached at the same time, you're there and can give it a shot. A matter of serendipity rather than deliberate timing or action I think.

[Metsgal]

See, I wouldn't mind having a male friend to chat/hang out with. I always thought it would be better to be friends with a guy first, at least I would show my true self, not hide or try to impress him, find my flaws ..whatever. Rather than going on a first date with a guy-being nervous, win or lose-not having a second chance, not taking the time to get to know me. I hate first dates.

[salparadise]

I personally know people that have started off as "friends" and became something more later on. I mean, friendzone is something no one wants to hear. So, if I'm friends with a guy and just that "platonic" no sex, no fwb, none of that- there's a 1% chance that he might like me as something more one day?

 

I don't believe that friends and romantic interest are degrees of the same, nor are they the same except for the inclusion of sexuality. They are completely different categories of social interaction and attachment. Sure, there are examples where couples either converted or merged the two, but I think these are fairly rare, and that the romantic spark was likely there from the beginning albeit suppressed or denied for some reason.

 

Certainly friendship exists within a romantic relationship, however, it is almost always secondary and dependent upon the romance. It may be somewhat different for women (women usually have different criteria), but being confused about which it actually is does not mean they exist within the same plane.

 

If I am interested in someone romantically I usually know it from the moment I first lay eyes on them. There is physical attraction and a vibe that occurs with only a small percentage of women. That feeling, in and of itself, is enough to motivate me. However, if that feeling is absent and the person is interesting for some other reason (shared interests, etc.) they might have friend potential. Even so, being platonic friends with a woman is quite different than friendship between men (regardless of the degree).

 

I have thought about this quite a bit, and have had enough friends of both genders, and romantic relationships, to intuitively know the difference. Precisely defining that difference is not as easy, but I'm open to exploration of that topic if anyone else is interested in it.

 

As I wrote in my OKC profile in response to one of those inane questions... I don't try to phukk my friends, and if that's the basis of my interest it will be apparent. And, I hate transmutation of language to try to render concepts vague, confusing, and malleable.

Edited November 17, 2019 by salparadise

[Mysterio]

Friendships between men and woman are tricky. None of my male friends for the most part have female friends that they are hanging out with.

 

I have three female friends. One is AG who is 47 she is like a sister. One is DS and she is 68 and we are great friends. The other is JC who is 38.

 

All three are attractive women. DS and JC are very attractive women. If they wanted to sleep with me. It would be hard to say no. DS is attached. So I would not really go there. I once told DS that I am sexually attracted to her. She said she knows that already and seemed happy about it.

 

JC has the looks, but I can't see her wanting me romantically. I can't see how her and I would fit dating wise.

 

Its tricky. If I look at my male friends and their SO. None of them were platonic friends and then went to BF/GF and then Married/Cohab.

 

I can't see myself telling my friend JC that I want to date her and being accepted with open arms.

 

Its hard for two people that can bio make a child to be completley platonic 90% of the time. Especially if they are close in age. Until I get a GF whenever it happens. I will always have a physical attraction to JC. Adding to my thing with JC. If I say I want to date her. All that means is that I want JC and I to Hold Hands/Hug/Kiss Make out and Make Love on a weekly basis. We would also mix in having Interesting Conversations and Laughs/Social and Recreational activities.

[lavenderandvelvet]

Around a year and a half ago I met this guy at a party. I thought he was great looking. We connected right away. He checked all of my boxes for a partner.

 

We exchanged numbers. Went on a bunch of outings in the first couple of weeks. We were talking for hours at a time. Went his place 1:1. He told me embarrassing stories about childhood. He totally sent mixed signals for a while. It was clear that he was not interested when he brought a date with him to an outing.

 

But what was funny. Don’t get time wrong I really really like talking to this guy. He is also very affectionate. The type to put his arm around your when walking. The whole bit. I got close to him and felt zero sexual attraction. And I was like oh wow crush is over.

 

And now this leaves us as affectionate friends. I am. It his type. And at this point I have seen him go through many women and short term flings. I will warn the ones I meet, stay far away if you want a relationship. This guy is only looking for open relationships. But he is very fun to hang onto with.

 

It turns out I landed on a really good friend, even though my first thoughts were for something more.

[carhill]

Can someone explain the whole platonic friendships becoming romantic ones

At the risk of oversimplifying, people change.

[SomeDude007]

I have two female friends that are actual friends, not just acquaintances. I have never really looked at them as anything more than friends. They are just people whose company I appreciate and enjoy. We talk about normal friend things. I've also found that they are easier to talk to about things like feelings and emotions than my guy friends, and can give pretty sound advice (and I hope I do to them).

 

There was maybe one short instance where I was in a vulnerable position (hospital) and one of the two female friends was showing real genuine concern for me that I thought "Hmmmm..." but then quickly remembered that we are two completely different people and would likely end up hating each other if we actually ever dated

 

Basically, they're my friends because of mutual respect and fun times. Gender doesn't really factor in to it.