I'm in a Difficult Situation...long thread

[SMB1990]

Hey Everyone, this will be a long post much like the last one did when I was on here over a year ago (different Woman I was dating)

 

I'll go back to when it started up again, So a Woman I met last year who I ended up rejecting (felt I was being strung along, she flaked a few times too) got in contact with me again late September this year, She told me she broke up with the other Guy she got into a relationship about a month after I called it off and were on the phone talking again.

 

We ended up going on a date, had sex (no protection, I know, stupid decision) and I was good, she became very affection really fast, the next day after the date she offered to drive me home (I was living 2 hours away at the time) I appreciated it but felt it was maybe too much right off the bat? she would be constantly putting her hand on my lap and holding my right hand tightly, looking over and smiling at me and so on.

 

A week later, we were still communicated by text or Messenger and I was packed and ready to move as I had planned for weeks, she drove 2 hours again and loaded up her car, still she was very affectionate, did the same things in the car and I obviously hand been reciprocating the first time in the car and again. We dropped off my stuff at a friends house who I was staying with, we went back to her place for sex and all was good.

 

So the 2nd day had passed after we had sex and I noticed my dick was sore, foreskin red and white discharge was oozing out, under the circumstances I was in I wasn't able to get to a doctor for a few days and didn't tell her about it until I saw the Doctor - in those days we didn't have sex. I was very nervous about telling her that the Doctor told me I had Chlamydia, so I did call her to tell her whats happened.

 

I told her I've always used protection and she had been the first Woman I've had sex with and not use condoms (we had sex 3x at this point without it, twice in one day) she broke down into tears right away saying things like "I'm such a slut" or "you must think I'm a slut" I calmed her down Like had before in the week in between seeing her (twice she got worried she was going to hurt me because she wasn't after anything serious unless it was something that was Polyamorous, I told her I'm not into that but we would date casually and see where it goes, yet It was clear to me she was already treating me like an actual partner!)

 

So anyway, we kept on dating, talking everyday but what I consider Red Flags started popping up and she said something I found alarming on the phone the night we started talking again...

 

 

She told me the Guy she was with after I broke it off with her last year was abusive i.e. accused her of cheating & had severe anger issues. At the time she only told me that that he yelled nasty things at her Daughters face And that He trashed her house too, she said that she "slipped another Guy's dick after that outburst from him" She sounded happy and proud that she did it. As I said I found it alarming yet I didn't think much of it as I didn't expect her to get so attached to me so fast or that she would want something serious with me, On the other side of the coin she also told me that she liked flirting with another Guy that worked in the same shopping center as her and told the Guy she was with at the time which would make him upset which I can understand.

 

So more of what's happened: I noticed more things i.e. I went to a Friends party and was having a good time with her and my Friends until I noticed when we were outside sitting at the table and her eyes were locked on another Man there, not at a look you give when you walk past an attractive person, this was an intense gaze - the kind she would give me when I was giving her a good banging, it was going on 5 minutes plus, I pretended not to notice as I didn't want to come off as one of those insecure guys and not sound like her ex, yet I find myself thinking like this: if you say something your insecure, if you do nothing you're basically a weak Man who is scared to rock the boat - I feel like I lose either way. Later that night when I got off the train she started send a lot of lovey dovey messages but I felt like **** and didn't respond until later that morning (was like 2am when I got off the train)

 

The day before the party she said she wants to be officially Boyfriend and Girlfriend, Make it exclusive etc. (already told me not long after the std problem that she doesn't want to date anyone else) and hoped I would introduce her to my Friends as my Girlfriend - Which I planned on doing anyway.

 

I never brought it up with her from what happened at the Party. the next Red Flag was when we were making out and was fingering her, I noticed there was some white stuff on my finger and my first thought that could have been cum from another Guy, I didn't say that but said "What's this?" I wasn't angry either but she tried to pull my hand away and looked sad, she then broke into tears instantly saying "I'm sorry" three times and went to the end of the bed turned away from me crying after a little bit We went downstairs and she stopped crying and we talked about other things and then she left, when I got back into the house she had already sent a message saying that she was ovulating and it's normal to have white looking discharge, so I googled it quickly and yes it happens when Women are ovulating so I wrote it off as that.

 

I found it odd she didn't tell me that before in the house, said that is was a panic attack she had because it reminded her that she gave me an std...personally I feel it was a sign of guilt.

 

Other Info, Not sure if it's important: that same night when she broker into tears she sent me a screenshot of another Man who she added on Facebook - a random Guy and saying she looks cute but already taken, thought he would try anyway to find out. I didn't respond immediately to her but sat there thinking about it and being calm, I said "did you tell him you were taken?" she sent another screenshot, it looked like the end of the conversation they had where he said "Feeling terrible and I'm very sorry x" "bye " "I'm sorry to your partner for being rude to you both" I dunno what else was said but I thought why would she send that to me? she said she thought he might have been a friend of a friend who was looking for work, She sent another screenshot of her blocking him on Facebook.

 

So she went overseas with her Daughter for 2 weeks, she could only communicate via email because social media is banned in China. I might be nitpicking but I had to ask for her email before she got on the plane, I thought maybe I had been too much for her despite not being needy, creepy or desperate, anyway I wouldn't have been able to contact her if I didn't ask.

 

While she was away she got a VPN so we could chat, things seemed good but she got drunk (I can't stand drunks) she told me she wants me and cares about me etc. before she left she kept hinting that she was doing all the work with her In advancing what we have going and that she wants me to take the next step (this was already after saying were official - she never changed her relationship status on Facebook, nor did I though) so while she was away I asked her on Messenger that "I'm comfortable with changing my relationship status on Facebook" She said she didn't want to do that yet and that she had been pressured in the past, so I said was alright and that we can wait, she said were dating exclusively and were boyfriend and girlfriend - sounds kinda weird to me?. She blew my phone up a few hours after I sent a message another night trying to start a conversation, I said "I noticed something about you" when she did respond all I told her was that I noticed she seemed sad and detached, I can't remember the rest of the conversation but she panicked as if I found out something.

 

Another possible nitpick but I noticed she changed her profile picture of her and myself to one of just her (I never complained about it either) the next day after mentioning my relationship status on Facebook, she also brought up that her Daughter asked "Hey are you and ****** were official?" and she told me that she told her Daughter that "We're taking it slow, getting to know each other more and looking to see where it goes" I figured my Partner was wanting to say that to me directly or maybe dropping a hint?

 

The last week she was in China she became really distant, like I don't expect to talk for hours while shes on vacation and I can survive, but she was distant until she got back on home soil and all of sudden became extremely loving, like love bombing me which I found really odd, Saying we're in a Relationship.

 

So she came back nearly a week ago, I've thought differently about her - I cannot fully trust her, I cannot trust someone who has cheated and shown no remorse.

 

So I brought it up a few days ago to get the full details, not an interrogation, more a curious endeavor and she revealed a lot after I said "When you told me you cheated on **** you sounded kinda happy about it...I thought to myself the other day that can this happen to me too? what would it take?" I know I'm not like **** at all but it's making me really uncomfortable"

 

So the breakdown started like this: Her Daughter took one of her now exes blankets in the lounge to her room because her one was still drying outside, when he found out he angry and saying she didn't even ask him to borrow it and that she was disrespectful etc. they were like hey, it's just a blanket. I understand myself this Guy has some serious issues. Anyway, things calmed down but the next morning he decided the hallway drawers belonged to him and the Daughter couldn't use them, My Partner and him went at each other and she left with her daughter so he could calm down, they came home eventually, he was gone but trashed the hallway, broke glass, damaged things etc. he did apologize and said he had a lot on his plate, she said she can't remember what happened next but he snapped again...

 

that's when he went up to her Daughter and he yelled in her face, he said she's "a useless cunt and a piece of ****" so she jumped in between them both and told him "were done" they left again to sound of him smashing and destroying more stuff, he then locked the door with the chain and she decided she had to bust the door open to get back in, She saw him in the Kitchen and attempted to commit suicide by taking a bunch of pills in front of her, she ended up taking him to the hospital and he had to stay overnight

 

She told me the next day that she 'bumped' into an old friend who asked how she was and that she broke down. he asked her to come over for a drink and chat, she said the comfort went too far and they had sex and is the guy she said to me that she "slipped his dick" She admitted to me 2 days ago in the same conversation that there's the part of her that did it because she was vengeful. she told me regretted it (again only when I brought it up, she seemed proud of it the first time she mentioned it) she did this while he was still in hospital and hadn't officially ended it with because of what he did, she told him what she did and he forgave her and wanted to reconcile with her.

 

She told me she doesn't mean to make me feel uncomfortable around her but understands that I may not be able to trust her...which is what I feel, I feel that's how she handles tough situations and again what if? what will it take for her to do it to me? I'm not a violent abusive Man, I'd never do the **** her ex did...still I believe cheaters will cheat again, it will be easier for them the next time around - call me judgmental but that's my belief

 

The breakdown of her relationship happened this September, same month she contacted me, It makes me believe she can't be alone for long and must have someone in her life, It made me feel I may have been a backup plan. I can see she is highly emotional, perhaps more than a Normal Woman. something else I should add is she's on medication for anxiety and has used Valium recently to help calm her for the overseas travel.

 

Things got worse 2 days ago, I was laughing and joking with her at my house and we were good, I had told her about things in life that were bringing me down (not earning enough money, had a suicidal thought, general stress) but I made it clear that they were suicidal thoughts only, I was good and we were going to hang out the day after next and I was going to make dinner, I was texting on messenger to her and didn't get a response because my mobile data wasn't working so I thought "ah no worries I'll chat later and we'll having dinner together" I got off the bus and went to go drinking on my own and had my phone on silent, after and hour and a half I went to toilet and I check my phone, It had 14 messages from her

 

she had tried to video call me multiple times, sent messages too, after I told her earlier that day that I was good and happy, nothing to worry about, she took it upon herself to wait outside my home and constantly ask to let her in the house but I didn't know. She decided to knock on the door, my Housemates Girlfriend opened the door and my Partner asked if I was here, My roomies GF said she wasn't sure if I was home as she was outside looking after her niece and that I may have gone out, My Partner went up to my room to search for me then walked out without say bye to my Roomies Girlfriend and sent more messages to me, I replied to her saying I was alright and just getting drinks, bar hopping etc. it's what do I sometimes, again she sent more messages throughout the night even until 2am.

 

later that morning she joked about me if I had gone out with another Woman and stuff like that and again I had to ease the situation, told her to come over in the afternoon and have dinner.

 

I brought it up after I found out about her searching for me and brought it up with her yesterday, I said it was kinda creepy and she was rude to my roomies GF, I wasn't angry but I couldn't let that slide, things spun out of control and by the afternoon she told me she told me she was only worried about me and was in the car going for a drive with her Daughter (they do that often which is fine) yet again, despite me telling her I was okay she insisted on coming over and her telling me and even then she said she'll be coming over would come over the next day.

 

She said she wanted to come over to tell me that she loves me and that's all, I feel stupid and weak for not ending it sooner and stupid to ask her to come over for dinner, it would be pointless....As any of you reading this know that I had stalling for a bit.

 

My Friends and Family have said that she probably knows you don't want to be with her and she's keeping tabs on me, When on the phone yesterday she was very emotional and constantly hanging up on me then calling me back, putting me on the spot, asking me some difficult questions, I did what I could to calm her down, she apologized for coming across like a stalker but the People I've told all this stuff I've typed up have said she's crazy, she's most likely cheated one, she's showing signs of guilt and is Narcissistic, she knows I'm a very decent Man but she's maybe wanting to have her Cake and to Eat it too...having the best of both worlds.

 

On the other hand, I can't stop thinking that I could I be wrong about her, could there be explanations for everything?

 

and it's why I'm on here again seeking help, My apologies if this all sounds like a jumbled mess, it's taken me hours to complete. Any advice is greatly appreciated and thank you in advance for reading.

[MountainGirl111]

Whoa....just whoa....this reminds me of a runaway train....and she's on it and you're sort of on it too....but you know in your gut you need to get off this runaway train....Slow down....she's going to fast...and you got sucked in too deep too fast with her....and yeah...she does sound like a bit of a sl_t. . I also think she has done a fair amount of manipulating you. Do NOT disregard any warning signals you have gotten with her. She blows up your phone over what, exactly? What you have described is that no, it does seem like she is that type who always has to have male attention however she can get it. I feel sorry for her daughter. Her daughter should not be exposed to any of this. Sad.

[Kitty Tantrum]

Wait. You didn't knock her up, right?

 

Run far, far away. Cut all contact, cut her out of your life, and move FORWARD. In a direction that is definitively away from her. Never backwards.

 

You're not dating this woman. You were never dating this woman. You are one of a revolving cast of characters in the drama that she will never extricate herself from because she clearly thrives on it, loves it, nourishes it, stokes it, etc. She is Broken with a capital "B" and that rhymes with "C" and that stands for CRAZY.

 

Or, you know, stick around and get a few STDs, watch her bang dozens of other men, develop a drinking problem to cope with her neverending nonsense, slowly losing all respect for yourself and faith in humanity - eventually finding yourself caught up in a violent altercation with one of her less stable paramours and actually hoping you end up dead or seriously injured so you can escape without taking responsibility for actually breaking things off with her.

[mark clemson]

^^^^ Yes. People who are trainwrecks have a strong tendency to turn the lives of those in relationships with them into trainwrecks too. This process has clearly already started with you, and is only likely to intensify. Agree that you need to FULLY extricate yourself from this and STAY AWAY. She is NOT the kind of woman you stick around for and won't be until she very significantly changes and cleans up her life.

[mark clemson]

On the other hand, I can't stop thinking that I could I be wrong about her, could there be explanations for everything?

 

There is ONE very clear explanation. She is a mess, pure and simple. STAY AWAY!

[Mr. Lucky]

WOW, what a hot mess. Wouldn’t work for me OP, but if you stay I’d recommend everything from safe sex to separate finances. Keep us posted...

 

Mr. Lucky

[BaileyB]

Relationships just shouldn’t be this much work...

 

If you like the drama, it sounds like you have met your match. If what you prefer however, is a calm, happy, and joyful relationship... you may need to reconsider your choice of partner.

 

Our lives are the sum of all of our choices - be sure to choose wisely.

[Mrin]

Damn dude. Stop sticking your D in crazy.

 

Run away. Run far far away. She's multifaceted bad news .

[snowboy91]

Lot of detail there, I skimmed some bits, but what I feel it all boils down to is that I think she is the kind of person who would only be happy in an open relationship. She wants the comfort of a committed relationship (though not an exclusive one), but also wants to have fun with other guys. It's not something many guys would be open to, and from what I gather you're certainly not open to it. The rest of the "train wreck" probably stems from having other abusive guys in her life.

 

So I'd also suggest ending things with her for those reasons.

[spiderowl]

There's a reason this woman is surrounded by drama - she creates it wherever she goes.

 

You know she's unable to be faithful. She gave you an STD and more or less took it for granted it was because of her sexual behaviour that you'd got it.

 

She has some serious mental or personality problem.

 

She knows how to turn on the charm to manipulate.

 

I don't think she will go quietly. Warn your housemates not to let her in. Tell her you no longer want to date her, then be prepared for the backlash.

 

She will probably tell all and sundry how awful you were. She enjoys all the drama.

 

You know you need to get out of this relationship.

[SMB1990]

Wait. You didn't knock her up, right?

 

Thankfully I haven't

[SMB1990]

what I feel it all boils down to is that I think she is the kind of person who would only be happy in an open relationship. She wants the comfort of a committed relationship (though not an exclusive one), but also wants to have fun with other guys. It's not something many guys would be open to, and from what I gather you're certainly not open to it.

 

Yes, That's I have been thinking of strongly as well and Yes, I'll never be open to that.

[SMB1990]

Hey Mr. Lucky & Everyone Else,

 

So I told her I don't want to be with her any longer, She seemingly took it well but I don't what she's been like as I don't live with her. She's coming over to my place in a few days to drop off things of mine that got left behind at her place and to pick her stuff from me.

 

She's still on my Facebook, wants to keep the photo's of us up but understands if I delete them off my account (which I've done), she asked me to be friends, has offered sex when I want it, can have deep and meaningful chats, hang outs - seeing movies, arcade games etc.

 

She complemented me on making some progress on recording music, said it was awesome and then sent me a love heart....I may be wrong but I think she's holding out that I change my mind, I however don't intend on getting back with her, everyone on here and people I know personally are saying the same thing, it's done.

 

I'm just waiting to get my stuff back before unfriending her on Facebook, I don't want to be friends either.

 

I'll let you all know what happened but right now I'm thinking of gathering everything now and meeting up at the shopping center near her tomorrow.

[Grumpybutfun]

Wtf did I just read? An episode of Days of our Lives? Dude, she’s a hot mess drama queen who is flaky to the extreme and polyamorous in deed even if not in word.

Move on- this situation is untenable.

Grumps

[SMB1990]

I know Dude, I'm moving on from her, Just want my stuff back before fully taking her out of my life.

[Legatus]

I read your story twice yesterday but was too flabbergasted to respond. It looks like you're handling it very well and I wish you get through this. Thank you for sharing your story as it has some very valuable little pockets of wisdom for other people

[some_username1]

Hey Mr. Lucky & Everyone Else,

 

So I told her I don't want to be with her any longer, She seemingly took it well but I don't what she's been like as I don't live with her. She's coming over to my place in a few days to drop off things of mine that got left behind at her place and to pick her stuff from me.

 

She's still on my Facebook, wants to keep the photo's of us up but understands if I delete them off my account (which I've done), she asked me to be friends, has offered sex when I want it, can have deep and meaningful chats, hang outs - seeing movies, arcade games etc.

 

She complemented me on making some progress on recording music, said it was awesome and then sent me a love heart....I may be wrong but I think she's holding out that I change my mind, I however don't intend on getting back with her, everyone on here and people I know personally are saying the same thing, it's done.

 

I'm just waiting to get my stuff back before unfriending her on Facebook, I don't want to be friends either.

 

I'll let you all know what happened but right now I'm thinking of gathering everything now and meeting up at the shopping center near her tomorrow.

 

Does she tell all her male friends they can have sex whenever they want it? Don't answer that, it's rhetorical because having read your opening post I can see that she obviously does.

 

Christ, when mothers worry about the sort of woman their son is going to bring home to meet them it's this woman they are thinking of.

 

Run. Fast.

[SMB1990]

I have Run Away fast haha, She basically avoided having to give my stuff back so I unfriended then days later blocked her on Facebook. I'm throwing out the stuff she left at my place.