Friend leading someone on on my behalf

[dramallama]

I hope this is the right place for this. So I met my best friend's (J) partner's best friend (P) in July, and a few weeks later at the end of August he asked her if I'd be interested in dating him. She asked what I thought and I said a categoric 'no thanks'.

 

 

 

Rather than tell him that, 'so as not to hurt his feelings' she told him I'd been hurt and wasn't dating. I had just started dating someone at the time but figured it wasn't a big deal as he'd forget about it and no harm done.

 

 

Fast forward to now, I'm still dating the guy I'd just met at the time, and P has just sent me a friend request on Facebook early this morning (I haven't seen him or had anything to do with him since July). I mentioned it to J and she said 'oh he talks about you every time I see him '. UGH - why isn't she managing his expectations?!

 

 

 

Now until he actually mans up and asks me out himself, I can pretend I am oblivious, but I'd rather J just tell him I'm seeing someone and nip it in the bud.

 

 

 

The thing that makes this extra awkward is that J and her fella are getting married next year, P will be the best man and I'm likely to be matron of honour. I think they're trying to encourage him in his crush on me because they like the idea of a nice cosy foursome, but a) he's not my type and b) I'm seeing someone I'm really excited about!

 

 

 

J's a bit fragile at the moment and is in therapy so I don't want to make her feel bad, but I don't want them leading this guy on because they've got a romantic idea and she's not listening to me.

 

 

 

What would you say / do? (I'm not accepting the friend request, I've only met him twice, he's not a friend).

[FMW]

No need to do anything directly about P right now. Tell your best friend to let him know you are dating someone, make it clear to her you have no interest in P and that she needs to stop encouraging his interest.

 

I don't understand if she's your best friend why she would encourage her fiance's best friend about you, that seems mean to him. It doesn't matter if she likes the idea of a cozy foursome, it's clearly not an option you would consider. And her being "fragile" and in therapy doesn't mean she gets to mess with other people. Just tell her to stop.

[preraph]

Oh, this isn't a huge problem. It's only bothering you because you are afraid of making your friend mad.

 

You need to just ignore her part in this and her feelings and handle it the way you would any other guy. Do NOT accept his friend request. In fact, block him from even looking at your social media in a couple of weeks after you deny the request. Maybe he won't notice, but if he does you don't have to feel bad about it because it means he's peeking despite the fact you denied his friend request, which is bad on his part.

 

You need be no more than avoidant but polite to him at the wedding. This girl needs to stop pimping you out. It's fine to just tell her, if she finds out you denied and blocked him, that it was she who put you in that position by lying to him and encouraging him.

[stillafool]

i agree with dOnnivain, just block him or find a way to tell him you are happily involved with another man and wish him luck. Tell your friend to stop trying to fix you up with this guy because you already have one. No big deal.

[Lotsgoingon]

You're taking this way too seriously. I am not sure I agree with blocking him. Rather, put on your social media some photos of you and bf let him see those!

 

People change their mind about dating all the time. It's not at all unusual for someone to say I'm breaking up with x and then two weeks later, they tell you they are engaged to X.

 

So, as far as your crushee is concerned ... when he learns you are dating ... his first thought is going to be that you simply changed your mind about being ready to date ... and/or you met someone so hot, so right for you that you cut shut your alleged break from dating. Or he'll think your mutual friend passed on bad info.

 

It wouldn't necessarily occur to your crushee that he was "misled" about your availability.

 

Just note: crushing from a distance ... can be ultra superficial and fickle. I've told half the world about x looking like she's hot ... and then I go on and don't think about crush x for months.

 

You're acting like this guy is going to be devastated to learn that you are dating. Really? You think that?