mark1210 Posted October 2, 2005 Share Posted October 2, 2005 Is this possible? I feel when I am single that I am the lonliest person in the world. Maybe a lot of that stems from the fact that when I moved here 6 years ago I didn't meet many friends. Most of them I knew have moved off elsewhere. The two main friends I have now are in relationships so I rarely see them. I'd like to think of myself as a pretty laid back kind of guy, but I refuse to go out in public alone. Especially out to eat, or to a bar or club alone. Maybe doing so would help me meet people (friends or possibly more) but I don't know. Certainly I am not the only one that has ever been in this situation before. Maybe my lack of friends causes me to seek out women that aren't best for me. All I know is, I am tired of dating people that are not right for me and use me and are full of issues. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 2, 2005 Share Posted October 2, 2005 One thing you can do is enjoy afew hobbies. Whether it's joining a gym or joining a local sports team (baseball, hockey etc...) that would be a good way of atleast being with people. Spending too much time alone isn't good. Gives ya too much time to think and feel abit yuk! Another idea is take a course somewhere, once a week or something, that's a good place to meet people. Start involving yourself more, pursue your friends! So what if they're in relationships, friends are friends! Get afew dates out of it too, see if their partners know someone for you. I'm sure it's hard for you at times. I can understand not wanting to go to eat alone and seeing a movie alone. Kinda sucks. On the other hand, when you grocery shop, have fun! Smile and see if there are single gals pushing carts! Stranger things have happened. Hope this helps. Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted October 3, 2005 Share Posted October 3, 2005 Hey , I think you are handsome so its certainly not your looks. As far as doing things alone, give it a try. Going to a movie or concert alone seems unthinkable but if you really want to see that movie or that band and no-one is interested in going , then go anyway ! Yeah it feels weird at first but if you look around the theatre , there are attractive people that go alone . Amazing huh ? Its the mentality . Overcome what you think is weird and give it a try, at least 2 times. Link to post Share on other sites
konfuzd Posted October 3, 2005 Share Posted October 3, 2005 Mark, I am a girl in a very similar boat. I moved a year and a half ago to a new city. I'm a small town girl, moved to the big, scary city, and I work in an office with 2 other people... my boss who is 70, and a girl my age who is my exact opposite.... needless to say, I don't see them outside of work. I have endured some of the best & worst times of my life, and felt like I had no one to comfort me, and no one to celebrate with me... it is a terrible feeling. I know exactly how you feel! I tried all of the advice, I took classes, I volunteered, started hanging out at coffee shops, all to no avail.... I missed out on many opportunities for social events because I was too afraid to go alone, especially being a young girl. The problem is that you're engaging in these activities for the sole purpose of meeting someone, and when you don't, you get discouraged to try again. I eventually got to the point where I said, "screw it, I'm just going to go out on my own and have a good time" Once the pressure to meet people is off, the activities are much more enjoyable, and you end up doing things you enjoy, rather than things where you are bound to meet the most people. When you stop sending out the "please talk to me, I'm so lonely" vibe, people will respond. I went to a bar for the very first time on my own, not to pick up guys, but to see a band who was playing, and low and behold, I got hit on by 2 different guys (who weren't all creepy and drunk)! Never in my life has that happened before... Movies and concerts, for me are the easiest, because you are there, people are focussing on the event, not the fact that you're alone, and as you're exiting the theatre/concert venue, you already have a conversation starter... "wow, I'm so glad they played XXX song" or "what a waste of money that movie was".... try it, sounds like as in my case, you've got nothing to lose. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mark1210 Posted October 3, 2005 Author Share Posted October 3, 2005 konfuzed--- Thank you for the advice, I've tried going out to eat alone once, it felt like everyone was starring at me. It drove me absolutely crazy. But I probably was giving out the signs of talk to me, talk to me please! Never crossed my mind on the movies/live band type of deal. Guess I should give that a try, certainly that should be easier. I think going to a bar alone would be easy fo me if I was a smoker but I'm not. What seems really odd, is that people all the time in my family and small circle of friends tell me I am a good looking guy and shouldn't have a problem meeting someone of the opposite sex, but here I am. It must be either my looks, or just the vibes I give off... I have no idea. Link to post Share on other sites
fusangite Posted October 3, 2005 Share Posted October 3, 2005 I don't recommend that "just go out alone" approach. If you are from a small town, you are used to public space (ie. restaurants, sidewalks, etc.) being places where people interact. In many big cities (not all by any means), public spaces are actually more private than your own home. So, not only is being alone in public space uncomfortable for you, it won't actually produce results because people will not come out of the woodwork and interact with you. I am highly skilled at making friends so that means most of my advice will be useless here because most of what I do comes to me naturally and unconsciously. However, a few pointers: - join organizations, political parties, clubs, etc. Remember that you don't have to believe strongly in what the organization is about; most volunteer organizations are so thrilled to have new members, they will do all the work to keep you around. - register on an internet dating site. Remember that if you are really short of friends, you can always date women you don't even find attractive and then actually mean it when you say, "let's just be friends." - seek counselling. Nobody is staring at you when you are out eating by yourself unless you are doing something weird. Best of luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted October 3, 2005 Share Posted October 3, 2005 Exactly Konfused ! I also just DO IT now , go whereever I want and if I dont happen to have a date or a friend that can go , I go ANYWAY ! Mark : I go to concerts alone and always get someone hitting on me for a drink and I am like : okay ! hehe. You dont go to the concert with the expectation of meeting someone....you are going for the MUSIC. And in that environment there are others who enjoy what you do....You may not talk to anyone all night but highly unlikely in an energy charged event like that. I too dont like eating in a restauraunt alone and reserve that 99% of the time for dates... But there is a lil secret. You can go to TGI FRidays and sit at the bar and order food and act like you are watching football and keep checking your watch like you are waiting for someone and maybe some pretty girl will come over and ask " hey are you waiting for someone " ? lol Theres LOTS to do...alone...Did you realize you are MISSING out on Life ! Dont stay home. Force yourself to get out there and practice practice until it feels pretty kewl. I guarantee after the second movie alone ( which can be fun because there is no-one to Please ) you can effectively TAKE YOURSELF out on a date ! Why not ? Dont you deserve Red Lobster tonite ? Or your fav bands ? Look if no-one is going to care if you go to a rock concert then you CARE and go ! I do lol Link to post Share on other sites
SilentPrayer Posted October 3, 2005 Share Posted October 3, 2005 hey, I think it might be the vibes...deffinatley not the looks. I think you are HOT. I know how to feels to be in a new city, no friends. I did that when I moved to Calgary...and it felt pretty ****ty haveing no one to spend my days with. I felt like a big loner, walking places alone, eating alone, going to movies alone. I was always walking alone even though I had a boyfriend who had a car and all that wonderfull stuff. I didn't always want to do things with him..and I didnt want someone I dated to be my big CIRCLE of my life. I went out and made friends. I made mostly guy friends basically because I connected with them more. You could make guy and GIRL friends. I think it is usually easyer to make friends with girls...tell them youde like to be friends...that you dont know many people..as in guys or girls..she will probably introduce you to her girlfriends..boyfriends...and ta da~ new people to hang with. Give it a try....its not hard...people are everywhere..and in citys...people spend more time alone then you think. Link to post Share on other sites
Firehawk Posted October 4, 2005 Share Posted October 4, 2005 All I know is, I am tired of dating people that are not right for me and use me and are full of issues. Everyone has issues; just gotta take time in dating a person to decide whether you can deal with those issues... I usually "date" for around 3-6 months before I make the decision to label someone a "girlfriend" because I've realized that if you rush into "falling in love" that can be a major turn-off or you'll find that the person has all sorts of baggage you just can't handle... As for what you can do about meeting new people you might work it out this way: join a gym and be regular, depending on your work schedule... Then after you're done at the gym volunteer one or two nights per week at an animal shelter- this helped me get through a break up a while back because it combined my love of dogs with meeting people... And if you find a nice bar don't be afraid to drop in alone... But if you're prone to verbal disagreements I'd avoid dive-type bars as you can quickly find yourself in a fight with several drunkards who by themselves might not be too much to handle, but their guns might be... Plus talk to some people online- get some AIM screen names from people on this board or maybe join one of the dating sites... You never know who lives right around the corner or across town! Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted October 4, 2005 Share Posted October 4, 2005 Hey Fire thats a great idea to donate time to the animal shelter. I have a high deposit to own a pet so I put off because I live in an apartment. But my animal shelter is less than 5 miles away and I love dogs and cats. Great idea I will give that one a shot Link to post Share on other sites
Firehawk Posted October 4, 2005 Share Posted October 4, 2005 Now you realize that since I gave you a great idea that you either have to name your first/next born child after me or name your next puppy after me... Shelters are great, and the girls that work there are usually awesome... Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted October 4, 2005 Share Posted October 4, 2005 Thats soo sweet Link to post Share on other sites
Firehawk Posted October 4, 2005 Share Posted October 4, 2005 Thats soo sweet I just want the ego boost girl! C'mon! Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted October 4, 2005 Share Posted October 4, 2005 Oh God your wonderful ! Any pets ?? Link to post Share on other sites
Firehawk Posted October 4, 2005 Share Posted October 4, 2005 Not at the moment... Part of that past relationship I mentioned was owning my first dog- along with my ex of course... But while for the first year of her life I took care of most of the care and training/disciplining she still actually lived with my ex... So of course she stayed with her when the relationship was over... Recently we exchanged a few emails in which I asked her to take some pics of her and send them to me... Of course she didn't like something I said in the email and we talked on the phone and I decided to go NC with her, so I doubt I'm gonna see any pics of my dog... lol, such immaturity... I'm 26 now and past the age where I would date someone between 17-21, but at the time we were together she was 17-21 and that is the absolute WORST age of girl to date... Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted October 4, 2005 Share Posted October 4, 2005 Maybe you can follow her to the park and snap pics of your puppy with your cell phone...Thats just mean of her to not send you pics of your baby ! Link to post Share on other sites
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