Women making the first move (on men)

[alphamale]

It never worked out for me when I made the first move on a guy.

 

I dated a lot of women who made the 1st move on me...

 

some only lasted 2 or 3 dates, some lasted 6 months or more, the average was probably around 3 months

[major_merrick]

I find it interesting that even these days women are not very likely to make the first move. I tend to be more aggressive than most women, so when I was looking for female partners I was usually the one to do the chasing. I think my husband and I chased each other equally, but we were friends long before it became romantic. I can't recall him ever pulling one-liners on women or aggressively chasing anybody, so some guys don't have to work as hard at it as others.

[alphamale]

I find it interesting that even these days women are not very likely to make the first move.

 

woman make the first move all the time, it's non-verbal

[major_merrick]

Well, no wonder that men typically miss the signs... I'd have to say my methods are non-verbal at first too. But they are unmistakable.

[Trail Blazer]

I'd say that in my experience, 50 percent of the time women make the first move. They're the 50 percent who I didn't pick up on their non-verbal cues, hence they had to make the first move! The other 50 percent I got, and appropriately acted!

[ZA Dater]

I'd say that in my experience, 50 percent of the time women make the first move. They're the 50 percent who I didn't pick up on their non-verbal cues, hence they had to make the first move! The other 50 percent I got, and appropriately acted!

 

I always find this quite befuddling because so much of these apparent moves can be open to interpretation. In some instances I simply ignore what I thought were their moves because if they cant verbalise I am not going to take a guess.

 

Frankly I don't see why any guy should need to make any move at all, women should indicate blatant interest, after all they expect the guy to be the protectors, provider so the very least that can do is indicated interest....ok I am joking but only partly.

[mark clemson]

woman make the first move all the time, it's non-verbal

 

Indeed I'd go so far as to say if you haven't waited for some sort of non-verbal cue there's a good chance you're just wasting your time (although I supposed one could be lucky and she gives you a shot).

[Envy123]

I used to hang out with two girls at school - each at two separate times. I don't think they fancied me, looking back. The girl who once called me "sexy" on Facebook could have fancied me or was just playing.

 

Correct me if I am wrong.

[alphamale]

I used to hang out with two girls at school - each at two separate times. I don't think they fancied me, looking back. The girl who once called me "sexy" on Facebook could have fancied me or was just playing.

 

you should have hit on all three of them, one would have coughed up the goods

[chillii]

watching from the sidelines I see this first move thing caused by men loosing their way in dating. probably due to political correctness ,it seems at present, men are being erased, in my city they're even removing urinals. I still feel women love to be pursued.. one of my favorite tell tale signs she's interested on a first encounter is a woman's inability to look at you ,blushing, turning away. I always make it a habit to stair straight into their eyes ,they can feel your interest..this type of woman I feel are the keepers

 

 

 

 

Wtf are you saying men are being aeased , wth bs is that ? And removing urinals , whattttt?

What so only women pee there now?

[chillii]

Well, not initially. He kept chasing her and then she eventually became receptive.

 

I thought that I should push it that way too, before I realised that it was a bad idea.

 

 

 

 

Not really , my dad did too with mum, married 56yrs and doting on each other, men were men women were women.

lt still goes now for many and in other cultures, it's just that all the others don't understand how it works anymore these days apparently, it's all lost.

lt's busted up to pieces anytime it comes up round here though or usually anywhere forums, bloody funny really , people are mortified especially the American guys .

Edited November 23, 2019 by chillii

[chillii]

I always find this quite befuddling because so much of these apparent moves can be open to interpretation. In some instances I simply ignore what I thought were their moves because if they cant verbalise I am not going to take a guess.

 

Frankly I don't see why any guy should need to make any move at all, women should indicate blatant interest, after all they expect the guy to be the protectors, provider so the very least that can do is indicated interest....ok I am joking but only partly.

 

 

 

 

 

 

They usually do , no not verbalize or blatant interest as you call it, hell she mayas well ask him out at that rate. People watching could tell you if she likes you or she's showing interest .

l dunno , your a man aren't you that's all you need, you should be able to tell and take it from there then or do you expect her to do everything. Could be why you don't get far.

[elaine567]

Yes I think men in general should and do know when women are interested.

BUT if few or no women are actually interested in them, then I can see why some men find it difficult.

They are never seeing signs of blatant interest from women.

They imagine all sorts, then get turned down flat as there was no real interest there in the first place.

 

Interested people usually act interested.

Yes, there are shy people and "complicated" people who can look and act uninterested when they are highly interested, but they are best avoided unless you are an "expert" in reading people.

[chillii]

Yeah good point, you could be onto something there and the other side to the equation.

[Trail Blazer]

I always find this quite befuddling because so much of these apparent moves can be open to interpretation. In some instances I simply ignore what I thought were their moves because if they cant verbalise I am not going to take a guess.

 

Frankly I don't see why any guy should need to make any move at all, women should indicate blatant interest, after all they expect the guy to be the protectors, provider so the very least that can do is indicated interest....ok I am joking but only partly.

 

I know your post is only semi-serious, but in truth, I generally know 100 percent of the time if women are interested. Many, I'm sure, aren't. However, I tend to only notice and focus on the one's that are.

 

Having said that, for the most part, I meet women through OLD. Many of my more recent dates, they've been the initiators. I've gone along. The dates that have gone well, progress to something more. They're usually quick to signal their ongoing interest.

[Trail Blazer]

Yes I think men in general should and do know when women are interested.

BUT if few or no women are actually interested in them, then I can see why some men find it difficult.

They are never seeing signs of blatant interest from women.

They imagine all sorts, then get turned down flat as there was no real interest there in the first place.

 

Interested people usually act interested.

Yes, there are shy people and "complicated" people who can look and act uninterested when they are highly interested, but they are best avoided unless you are an "expert" in reading people.

There are men who, perhaps very unfortunately, have not experienced any interest. So, they never really know what it's like to experience a woman interested in them. In my experience, when I woman is interested, she doesn't really hold back.

 

That's not to say that some women don't play games or wish to be pursued. I've connected with a few girls who seem like perpetual game players. If I'd put in enough leg work, I might have won one or two of them over. But really, why would I even bother when other women I have liked just come straight out an flag their interest?

[Mysterio]

I have posted this before.

 

When I look at my life within the romantic context of dating women etc. What has seemed to work for me is the woman making the moves on me. Never me making the moves on them, which is basically asking them out for Lunch/Dinner.

 

If asking women out first was great or resulted in great results with just basic dating. I don't even think Love Shack would exist.

 

To put it in blunt terms. If I want to have a LTR. It will sprout from a woman who has romantic interest in me. Not me going towards them with romantic intensions.

[Envy123]

I think times have changed and Western countries have different attitudes to dating. While back when my parents were students in Russia, the man was expected to constantly chase the woman. I was naive enough in thinking that this works over in the UK. No, it doesn't.

 

Interestingly enough, it's always been the same sort of woman who has been attracted to me - the blogger type. All other women who are not in that particular pigeon-holed type, there was never success. Maybe the blogger type is more receptive to neutrality, as a higher proportion of men chase them?

[elaine567]

The bit where the guy chases the women only works if she wants to be chased.

In cultures and times gone by where chasing is/was the norm, many men became expert in sussing out when or if a woman is interested and they acted accordingly. Or in some cases men have/had the "right" to bully women into accepting them, whether she really wanted to or not..

 

Where a lot of modern guys go wrong, they chase women who are not interested, then "blame" women for not wanting to be chased.

Women in general love to be "chased", but only by who she considers to be the "right guy".

 

Many of the posts on here are not from women moaning about men being too "clingy" or about men who chase.

They are about men who do not/will not chase, men who show little interest, men who play hot/cold games, emotionally unavailable men, aloof men, cold men...

 

I believe there needs to be mutual attraction.

Waiting around to be "chosen" and then accepting whoever turns up and shows interest in you, is not really a good strategy whether you are a man or a woman.

[Envy123]

Or in some cases men have/had the "right" to bully women into accepting them, whether she really wanted to or not..

 

My father kept pushing romance onto my mother, until she gave up and "gave him a chance". That's generally what I meant by "chasing". The gradual "build-up" to romance, I class more of a "mutual effort".

 

Semantics aside, I do agree with you. All romantic relationships in my life have been formed by mutual effort after some time of getting to know each other.

 

Giving up on dating is isolating oneself, or being cold as you said.

[isolatedgothic]

Any time I have made my interest known to a man, he has run the other way. That happens in real life and in online dating. While I'm no Claudia Schiffer, I'm also no bow wow. Just an average redhead, slender, semi-cute I suppose.

 

It just makes me think men do not want you to chase them unless you are drop dead gorgeous. If you're average, better to sit and wait till someone decides you're attractive. I've given up trying to show any interest, because men don't seem to want it from me. Wish I knew the secret to getting a guy to show interest.

[Envy123]

The only time when I ran away when a woman has shown interest, was when I tried to tell her through signs that I only see her as a friend but she ramped up the contact regardless.

 

You do make a very good point. For a while, I was confused about why only conventionally attractive women have always shown interest in me throughout my entire life and my only relationships were with them. Whereas women closer to my level, there was no success. But it does make a great deal of sense now.

 

It is likely that I also attract women closer to my level, but they likely keep quiet about it and I never knew about their feelings towards me. The conventionally attractive women, on the other hand, have always been louder in terms of their intentions.

 

It is a problem, because my relationships were not particularly satisfying and were only ever short-term. I feel like I would emotionally connect better with women closer to my level. But then again, I am risk-averse and don't like ruining a good friendship.

 

I resorted to accepting my fate and hoping that one woman of the successful subset would be someone who I'd click with and have a LTR with, as opposed to now when it was just brief relationships that I mostly ended because I was bored.

[mark clemson]

It's odd because I've sort of had the opposite experience. For the most part, (there were exceptions) the 6-7-8 set seem to always come on strong with me and the 9-10's are more standoffish. Since I'm not that fussy, for the most part I've been with 6-7-8's.

 

 

Any time I have made my interest known to a man, he has run the other way.

 

Odd, but you never know what's going on with a person or what they're thinking. How many did you try with - lots?

 

It just makes me think men do not want you to chase them unless you are drop dead gorgeous...Wish I knew the secret to getting a guy to show interest.

 

Gussy yourself up to be as attractive as possible. Should help, although there's certainly no guarantee of a relationship formed this way lasting (not that there is if you meet when you're in "normal" mode either, really).

 

If you can look really good, start a relationship with a man, and then stop "bothering" to look really good, some men will read this as a sign of loyalty. They know you're "hot" but you're toning it down since you're "only interested in them". So if the relationship is going well, "regular you" can be a good thing that helps it last.

[alphamale]

Since I'm not that fussy, for the most part I've been with 6-7-8's.

 

 

there is nothing wrong with a strong 7 or an 8. I draw the line at 6s

[Garcon1986]

In ancient times (2004), ~2 women did approach me first. I wasn't smart enough to respond to their advances back in those days and regret it. I am more educated now in the unspoken ways of dating. If I knew what I know now I probably would be happily married with a kid, but you live and learn.