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Is great sex enough?

SumGuy

By SumGuy,
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SumGuy

SumGuy

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Is great sex enough to maintain a relationship with a person who is fun and decent but you don’t connect with on most interests (although do agree on big issues)? And by great I mean mind blowing, when and how you like it, all the things you think of when you think great. What if it was the best you ever had?

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preraph

preraph

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I think the answer will be different for men and women. I think some men will say yes. I don't think most women will. Women don't tend to marry the best sex they ever had. And some men don't either if the woman is "too good" and they are judgmental about it or feel outperformed.

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Blind-Sided

Blind-Sided

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NOPE!! Not at all. Sorry.

 

 

In my younger life... I had a short relationship with a girl with a great figure, and was a monster in the sack. But she was rather dumb... and I simply can not do dumb. So... it was fun for a while, but eventually... the dumb caught up with me, and it was over.

 

 

Also... mind blowing sex is a menial thing. Eventually... it will not be mind blowing.

Edited by Blind-Sided
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CautiouslyOptimistic

CautiouslyOptimistic

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So... it was fun for a while, but eventually... the dumb caught up with me, and it was over.

 

Hahaha "the dumb caught up with me." :lmao::lmao::lmao:

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mark clemson

mark clemson

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I'd say it's definitely not enough for a LTR. If she's awesome in bed but you realize she's just not LT material, I'd most likely enjoy it as a fling but then move on.

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d0nnivain

d0nnivain

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I had a relationship that lasted for 10 years. In the bedroom we were amazing. . . mindblowing even. We could talk about a variety of subjects but disagreed vehemently about relationships. Most everywhere else we were a train wreck yet I foolishly preserved for 10 years because I thought he was the love of my life; he stuck around because the sex was so good & as long as I didn't want to talk about "us" he liked my company but hated my family & friends.

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lavenderandvelvet

lavenderandvelvet

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Is great sex enough to maintain a relationship with a person who is fun and decent but you don’t connect with on most interests (although do agree on big issues)? And by great I mean mind blowing, when and how you like it, all the things you think of when you think great. What if it was the best you ever had?

 

I guess the question I have is - what do you mean by not connect on most interests. Does that mean you like to spend your time differently/different hobbies? Or does that mean you have nothing to talk about.

 

I think if you can spend enough quality time together- not sharing interests can work. But if there is nothing to talk about you are screwed.

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spiderowl

spiderowl

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I don't think different interests matters greatly, unless they are so different that you would hate them. I can be interesting to share another's hobbies or to go along occasionally - they probably do not want you there all the time.

 

Attitudes - political, moral, religious, financial - tend to matter more because they determine how a person behaves and treats other people.

 

One needs to feel more than a sexual connection, to feel you are with a good friend, lover, and the person you would naturally turn to if you needed to talk or needed support. If that is not there, then what is?

 

Great sex does make a difference and can keep you in a relationship for longer than it deserves. It is not enough in the end though.

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carhill

carhill

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Been rare for myself but the best most satisfying synergy is where the sex part is the icing on an otherwise very tasty cake of everything else. The rest of it is so awesome that the sex is 'well, yeah!', a wonderful expression of the rest.

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basil67

basil67

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I don't think different interests matters greatly, unless they are so different that you would hate them. I can be interesting to share another's hobbies or to go along occasionally - they probably do not want you there all the time.

 

Attitudes - political, moral, religious, financial - tend to matter more because they determine how a person behaves and treats other people.

 

One needs to feel more than a sexual connection, to feel you are with a good friend, lover, and the person you would naturally turn to if you needed to talk or needed support. If that is not there, then what is?

 

Great sex does make a difference and can keep you in a relationship for longer than it deserves. It is not enough in the end though.

 

Yep. This sums it up for me nicely.

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alphamale

alphamale

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Is great sex enough to maintain a relationship with a person who is fun and decent but you don’t connect with on most interests (although do agree on big issues)? And by great I mean mind blowing, when and how you like it, all the things you think of when you think great. What if it was the best you ever had?

 

good sex alone loses its lustre after about 6 months

 

i'd much have average sex with a great connection

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Blind-Sided

Blind-Sided

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OP... I realized you already know that answer. If you thought it could work out... you would have never asked the question here.

 

 

.....i'd much have average sex with a great connection

 

 

I would even go so far as to say... I would rather have boring, non-adventurous sex, and a great connection over mind-blowing and dumb. LOL

 

No, but it makes for a really fun weekend ;) ...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

Absolutely !!!

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GorillaTheater

GorillaTheater

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What happens when the sex disappears ?

 

It goes from being around 10% of the relationship to around 90%.

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SumGuy

SumGuy

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OP... I realized you already know that answer. If you thought it could work out... you would have never asked the question here. ..

In that blind-sided you are correct. I know where I stand and think on it.

I am on the edge though if it could work out longer term.

I am more than happy to incorporate my partner's interest in my life, I get enjoyment from their enjoyment of it. However, I would like to start a bit closer in overlapping interests.

 

Yes we are certainly aligned on the bigger moral, political, religion and values things in life...wouldn't be sleeping with her otherwise. She is not dumb in any way shape or form.

 

My question is to more see how others view it, and even if this is not a great representative sample for gauging her mind it is helpful...and an interesting topic.

 

Maybe a better question, since I think everyone says it is not enough, is how long do you give it and how do you end it?

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RecentChange

RecentChange

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Is great sex enough to maintain a relationship with a person who is fun and decent but you don’t connect with on most interests (although do agree on big issues)? And by great I mean mind blowing, when and how you like it, all the things you think of when you think great. What if it was the best you ever had?

 

What exactly does this mean? What sort of relationship?

 

Do you mean that sex could be so great that you both can live in harmony under the same roof for decades even though you don't connect?

 

Come on' I think you know the answer.

 

I feel ya though. I have been there. MIND BLOWING had no idea anything could be that good sex - with someone I was only luke warm about outside of the bedroom.

 

For us, we had a really wonderful FWB relationship for two years. Had a lot of incredible sex, both of us grew a learned a lot of the experience.

 

I considered him my friend and vice versa - but both of us knew we would never be a real couple, definitely no marriage potential.

 

But the sex! OMG. His poor neighbors were probably thrilled when things came to an end because we make quite a ruckus.

 

For us, we agreed to basically be place holders. We enjoyed spending the evening hanging out together and screaming like monkeys :lmao: but it was known that we were both dating and looking for someone that we could have a complete relationship with.

 

Serendipitously we both met other people around the same time and were forced to call it quits.

 

He married the girl he met and I married the guy I met.

 

I look back at our time together fondly and I am thankful for it - but I would never in a million years think that just because we connected cosmically in the sack, that we could build a life together.

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SumGuy

SumGuy

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Thanks RecentChange,

I am on the fence about the relationship, or more precisely moving it forward. I'm certainly a miner for a heart of gold.

 

I can see making it work for decades, I'd incorporate her interests more into my life and if there was space for mine all is good. Kind of sounds like the traditional male/female dynamic with a man cave and all that. So can see many thinking what I am looking for is extra, not needed, and maybe she thinks that way as well.

 

Thus, especially appreciate the answers from the women here.

 

We both know the disconnect and she is telling me how mind blowing i am, like the best ever hands down. The sex is great and I tend to believe her, not just from an ego perspective but for other reasons. Alas for me, I've been lucky in that great mind-blowing sex is almost a baseline...so I don't know how others, for which it is more rare, value it in the overall scheme of things. For me it may be necessary but not sufficient.

 

Not really looking for specific advice though, insight from peoples answers is enough.

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RecentChange

RecentChange

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Take it from someone who has been in a relationship for almost 2 decades.

 

Great sex helps - but you need a whole lot more.

 

You don't sound like you love her. Common interests really do not matter much at all - but being so madly in love with someone that the little stuff doesn't bother you, and you are willing to work through the hard stuff with all your heart and soul does.

 

From my experience ever lasting relationships don't really start with a question if it would work, but rather you meet someone you never want to be without.

 

My husband is into mountain bikes, I am into horses.

 

He is into football, I am into cooking. Those things do not matter.

 

But we see eye to eye on the big stuff, and most importantly we love, admire and respect each other immensely.

 

Do two have a common vision for the future? Agree on pursuit of careers, having kids, etc?

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Piddy

Piddy

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Is great sex enough to maintain a relationship with a person who is fun and decent but you don’t connect with on most interests (although do agree on big issues)? And by great I mean mind blowing, when and how you like it, all the things you think of when you think great. What if it was the best you ever had?

 

The answer to this question isn't just a no, but hell no. My wife and I just celebrated 41 years together (I'm 64 and she is 62) and for any long term relationship IMO compatibility is the secret sauce over time. You need to like each other as well as love each other. You need to be best friends.

 

Great sex over time will dull no matter how great it is at the beginning. And as someone else said you can have separate interests, but for us we connect on the bigger issues like politics etc..

 

I like golf, my wife likes shopping. :D In the end you can have great sex by yourself, but your life would be pretty lonely. So sex has it's place. Sex is the icing on the cake. But you need the cake (or foundation) underneath to withstand a long term relationship.

 

Some people might like eating just the frosting everyday. But for most that would get pretty tiring and unfulfilling pretty fast.

-------

 

Oh btw, we had some great sex on Saturday night celebrating 41 years together. ;)

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Merge and remove superfluous quote
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