How open are male strugglers to dating unattractive women?

[Eternal Sunshine]

A question from another thread.

 

 

I am talking about women that are overweight/obese, average face, glasses, nerdy, socially awkward? I have a friend like that, she is 36 and can't find a bf no matter how hard she tries. She goes to many singles events and never gets picked up.

 

 

I get the sense that male stragglers here wouldn't even consider her. Yet, she is probably in the same league looks-wise as them.

[Mysterio]

Time for a makeover. If she is heavy set. She might as well start loosing weight. Glasses make them fashionable. Where more clothes that are flattering and be soft. Maybe a little make up.

[alphamale]

for women some makeup, a short skirt and heels go a long way

[central]

The old saying is, "Beggars can't be choosers." However, this doesn't really apply, because those whom you call stragglers can - and often do - choose not to date, even if they are unhappy and bitter over their lack of attractive prospects. Also, plenty of women aren't realistic, either.

 

Some do choose to date, and are realistic about their prospects. Some are great guys in many ways and manage to date above their appearance number on that basis.

[divegrl]

Hi,

 

Yeah, I have a feeling that when guys say they can’t find a girl to date, what they really mean is “I can’t find a 6-10” to date.

 

Have a beautiful day

[stillafool]

Yeah, but the only difference is men seem to get really bitter when they can't land an attractive woman instead of going for one on the same level looks wise as them.

[mark clemson]

I am talking about women that are overweight/obese, average face, glasses, nerdy, socially awkward? I have a friend like that, she is 36 and can't find a bf no matter how hard she tries. She goes to many singles events and never gets picked up.

 

 

I can't speak to the main question, but clearly whatever she's trying hasn't been working.

 

IF she could loose significant weight, not to the point of skinny, but to the point of being "a bit" overweight then she's probably do just fine as plenty of nerdy women eventually find love. I'm personally kind of into nerdy women.

[Blind-Sided]

First... glasses and nerdy can be SO HOT !!!!! So, just take that off your list. Also... there are a lot of guys who don't mind a bigger girl. I personally would rather have a "Curvy" girl over a twig. (just me) But this is not obese either. Think Meghan Trainor not Mama June

 

 

OK, now to the problem at hand. If your friend is heavy, and not shaped well... and she's not dressing nice for her body type (glasses/nerd comment) then going to a public social gathering place is the wrong tactic. Basically, if I'm going to a bar... I will simply be looking at faces, and bodies. And yes... I will probably look right past someone not built nice. With that said... no, I'm not the most handsome, well built guy out there... but I'm just saying the truth right now.

 

 

If she isn't interested in a makeover, and getting into shape... then she will need to connect on an intellectual level. So... that would be a hobby type of meet up where guys aren't specifically looking for a girl. AND, where she could get to know, and talk to people with same interests.

Edited November 18, 2019 by Blind-Sided

[elaine567]

I believe many male "strugglers" have no real idea of where they really are on the dating value scale.

They base their "value" on the women they feel entitled to, and not on the women they can actually attract.

[elaine567]

"Socially awkward" is I guess the main problem she has.

[Art_Critic]

I believe many male "strugglers" have no real idea of where they really are on the dating value scale.

They base their "value" on the women they feel entitled to, and not on the women they can actually attract.

 

I think this is correct so going by that they wouldn't be open to dating someone in their own league.

 

I have noticed that many men who have trouble finding dates are trying to date out of their realistic league.. not the league they think they are in.

 

I have literally seen a heavy set man say he couldn't date a chubby woman or a woman with his same type of body.

I have also seen a man who was 5 only contact 8's and higher because that is what gave him a boner.. that isn't to say he can't date out of his league but he needs to start inside his league if he can't find a date

 

Having a realistic view of yourself is a good start

[SumGuy]

A question from another thread.

 

 

I am talking about women that are

 

First I'm not struggling to meet or even have relationships with women, I am looking for my soul mate though (basically a geek/intellectual like me) so looks are not the primary criteria and frankly when I am in love with someone that filter is worlds better than beer goggles.

 

overweight/obese,

It is a matter of degree. Like 10-20 lbs on someone 5'4" is like no worries, maybe even my preference, but obese not really.

That being said if I really digged her otherwise I am the kind of guy that will work out with her and help her on her diet (like make the food) so she can get in shape and keep in shape, added bonus is I get in better shape as well. I don't just say this, have done this though she wasn't obese.

Even if was just in the friend category i would help a good female friend who was obese.

 

average face,

No problem. I find that certain models faces are like meh. There are women whose faces I find amazing that others find average, so to each there own. Also, everyone looks better in candlelight and in bed.

 

glasses,

Love them, i think they are sexy. They can be very flirty.

 

nerdy,

Far from a negative, kind of a requirement for me. My OLD profile i think makes this pretty clear, always amazed by women who ignore that part.

 

socially awkward?

I bet she isn't at least in the realm of nerdy and intellectual and ideas conversation. Maybe not great at small talk, which is kind of de rigueur at singles events.

 

I have a friend like that, she is 36 and can't find a bf no matter how hard she tries. She goes to many singles events and never gets picked up.

 

I get the sense that male stragglers here wouldn't even consider her. Yet, she is probably in the same league looks-wise as them.

 

I hate to say it, even nerdy male stragglers can have their heads up their posterior. Maybe they don't have enough experience to know that the best women are the nerdy nice ones. I can see though that the things I like (glasses, nerdy) or don't bother me (socially awkward, frankly lets talk nerd stuff not small talk) would be negatives to the mainstream dating crowd.

 

Has she considered meetup groups with a nerd / geek focus?

 

Does she have the confidence to say to a guy she likes him? And even be upfront with I may be a little overweight for you but working on it and would like to hang out with you.

 

I know that takes a lot and lot of guts to do. I'd suggest she get to know a guy first and make sure he seems kind and nice (so any rejection will be kind and nice).

 

Also, if she can, think on the Myers-Briggs personality types. Certain types are more open to such advances than others. Some even like it.

 

Have a conversation on personality types to see.

 

I'm basically giving her a road map for someone like me, an INTJ (mostly, women always question the I part).

 

She may think someone like me who is in shape and social and at ease in groups (wasn't always the case) but 100% nerd in so many ways, would be out of her league. Not in the slightest. The way to a my heart is through my mind. I will admit my personality type is rare so likely how I see it is rare.

[clia]

It's hilarious how many people are offering advice on how OP's friend can find a date when that wasn't even the question.

[SumGuy]

It's hilarious how many people are offering advice on how OP's friend can find a date when that wasn't even the question.

We are here to help.

[Shining One]

How open are male strugglers to dating unattractive women?

I can't speak for others, but I was very open to it during my years of struggling. I reached out to unattractive women on OLD and I talked to the "ugly" women at events. The vast majority of them rejected me.

I have a friend like that, she is 36 and can't find a bf no matter how hard she tries. She goes to many singles events and never gets picked up.

Has she tried picking men up at these events? I'm curious as to what she's tried. I know a few women who fall into the unattractive category. They find success by being aggressive.

[central]

I can't speak for others, but I was very open to it during my years of struggling. I reached out to unattractive women on OLD and I talked to the "ugly" women at events. The vast majority of them rejected me.

 

As I said, many women also have an inflated value of their attractiveness. There are many wonderful men and women who can't find someone because of their appearance. They may be able to fix some things that decrease their appeal, but even then, many won't - because it's hard.

[thefooloftheyear]

Lose= didn't win.

Loose= not tight...

 

 

With that out of the way,, it seems like guys that are undesirable physically still don't think they have to settle...I have a buddy(he struggles) that may not be fat, but has an atrocious looking physique...So bad that if I were him, I wouldn't ever go to a beach, pool, or be in front of anyone that may see me naked...Yet this guy thinks that he deserves, in his words, "a woman that isn't bigger than a size 4 and no heavier than 125#.....Delusional...

 

TFY

[alphamale]

male strugglers: "We choose to go to the moon in this decade and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard, because that goal will serve to organize and measure the best of our energies and skills, because that challenge is one that we are willing to accept, one we are unwilling to postpone..."

[chillii]

Goin on this forum and the big talk, not the real world , mine anyway is nothing like things going around in the forum, but l'd be wondering how open female strugglers are open to lowering their standards ,or whatever the problem must be for them.

The guys certainly moan more that's for sure. But l've known of quite a few single women over the years that just can't get a relationship, many been single for years, some given up all together.

 

l have a friend over in the states right now, she's absolutely gorgeous , she's also beautifully unique, has more to offer than 10 women, and she has a voice like silk, italian. Yetttttt, 6yrs single . And from her stories, and stories around ls, man l'd hate to be a single woman there, l think l'd leave the country, really.

Me , there seems to be so much tough talk around the forum , oh options options, butttt, yet so many women and men too, can't find someone.

 

And yeah , l think a lot of the struggling guys do shoot way too high as by the sounds of it self compared , but then , so do so many of the women, well if their talk here is anything to go by.

Many of the guys do seem to have interest, but it's just not good enough for them.

The women, no clue really what the problem is.

You truly gotta wonder just what is really going on.

Edited November 18, 2019 by chillii

[Mr. Lucky]

I get the sense that male stragglers here wouldn't even consider her. Yet, she is probably in the same league looks-wise as them.

 

So if the guys she meets are janitors or trashmen, she’s OK with that?

 

I think there’s some unrealistic expectations on both sides, and social media and OLD only fan those flames...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Tamfana]

It's hilarious how many people are offering advice on how OP's friend can find a date when that wasn't even the question.

 

Noticed that too.

 

OP's right, lots of struggling men are unrealistic about themselves.

 

The words "deserve" and "settle" are way overused in conversations about dating, in American society overall. People think they deserve something or other and shouldn't have to settle for "less." I suppose it'll all come down to natural selection and for the surprise ending, nice guys could win! by science!

[basil67]

I think this is kind of unfair on the 'strugglers'. You've got nothing nice to say about this woman but then question guys for not dating her. It doesn't even sound like she has the kind of personality which would draw people towards her.

 

Yes, there are people (male and female) who sit outside the realms of conventional attractiveness but do the best they can with what they've got. But there are those who make no effort, look odd and have poor social skills. I can't see that one person who fits this latter description would be any happier with someone as undatable as they are than they would be alone.

[chillii]

So if the guys she meets are janitors or trashmen, she’s OK with that?

 

I think there’s some unrealistic expectations on both sides, and social media and OLD only fan those flames...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

 

 

 

Yeah , exactly right.

And if you go on all the tough talk and of the oh so many options and next parade getting about in forums and all over the net, if your silly enough to believe any of it, all that's just putting out those flames with gasoline too.

[Blind-Sided]

I can't speak for others, but I was very open to it during my years of struggling. I reached out to unattractive women on OLD and I talked to the "ugly" women at events. The vast majority of them rejected me..............

 

Right... this goes both ways. There are girls with issues who want a perfect male body, looks, and hair. (don't want to date in their league) I had a cousin like this. She is a big girl... and she is also tall. But she was always targeting "Hot" guys. We hung out for a lot of years (late teens, early 20's) and I showed her how to be more realistic. And she introduced me to all her friends. LOL. She eventually found a nice guy and got married. But, I found it a little disturbing that her husband reminds me of... me.

[Blind-Sided]

............ but l'd be wondering how open female strugglers are open to lowering their standards ,or whatever the problem must be for them...............

 

 

I've met a BUNCH of those. They tend to be clingy, and act desperate. Not very attractive.