How open are male strugglers to dating unattractive women?

[carhill]

While I struggled to find single women, I don't feel superficial appearance was ever a marked factor, rather how I felt around them. My exW was always chunky but she was a blast to be around, very chill and mixed well with men and women and she always put her best foot forward. It was who she was that was attractive not the superficial image part. I've seen many examples of that throughout life. Other men might have choked on that, IDK. Everyone is different. I only struggled because everyone I met was married; once turned loose in a demographic with more singles I did fine, even dated a few hotties that turned other guy's heads. I think the struggle to find those helped me appreciate women more for who they were/are versus what they looked like.

[major_merrick]

How open are unattractive women to the idea of losing weight and not wearing sweatpants?

Historically, men's chief value has been income and stability. Women's chief value has been reproduction. Even in our modern times, that is still the baseline in our brains, but society doesn't always match that. Relationships are pretty much a transaction. Western men's value has declined due to the modern female attitude of "I can do anything and be the provider too" as well as men's inability to compete for decent-paying work.

 

In other words, the sexual marketplace is slanted in women's favor more than it used to be, although women may not have become conscious of it. As long as an unattractive woman can make money, she can stick her nose up at most men until she finds one who will have her. The unattractive woman who does not make money can't be quite as picky, but can still be pickier than she could have been 20-30 years ago. Drop pounds, gain boyfriend....pretty simple recipe.

[thefooloftheyear]

From what I have seen, the male strugglers have literally zero options, so it isn't a matter of them lowering their standards to get a date. Their female equivalent is out there having a good enough time partying on the weekends and getting used for sex by better-looking guys. They friendzone the struggling male dudes.

 

 

While this may be true, there does come a time where a woman's desirability falls to such an extent that even those guys do eventually get their shot..

 

"when their circumstances matches your looks"...

 

 

 

:lmao:

 

TFY

[major_merrick]

While this may be true, there does come a time where a woman's desirability falls to such an extent that even those guys do eventually get their shot..

At which point their fertile years have been wasted and so little time (if any) is left that the exercise is basically pointless.

[NuevoYorko]

Who wants to date people that they don't find attractive?

[chillii]

From what I have seen, the male strugglers have literally zero options, so it isn't a matter of them lowering their standards to get a date. Their female equivalent is out there having a good enough time partying on the weekends and getting used for sex by better-looking guys. They friendzone the struggling male dudes.

 

 

 

 

Yeah god l dunno , or care really but there's a few here that moan about the over weighters seeming to be the only ones interested.

[chillii]

How open are unattractive women to the idea of losing weight and not wearing sweatpants?

Historically, men's chief value has been income and stability. Women's chief value has been reproduction. Even in our modern times, that is still the baseline in our brains, but society doesn't always match that. Relationships are pretty much a transaction. Western men's value has declined due to the modern female attitude of "I can do anything and be the provider too" as well as men's inability to compete for decent-paying work.

 

In other words, the sexual marketplace is slanted in women's favor more than it used to be, although women may not have become conscious of it. As long as an unattractive woman can make money, she can stick her nose up at most men until she finds one who will have her. The unattractive woman who does not make money can't be quite as picky, but can still be pickier than she could have been 20-30 years ago. Drop pounds, gain boyfriend....pretty simple recipe.

 

 

 

 

See , this is the typical stuff all over the net , but as l said in my post with even that one example, that's not what the real world looks like to me, not even close.She's on 119k a year and others l know even better , they just want a companion , a partner, a half decent guy that they get along and can share life with. They sure don't wanna live life alone just because they make damn money, money's nothing, l personally know they've all had bf's with plenty of money, so what, they're as lonely as hell they've told me , don't need to l see it.

 

And l can say the last thing l gava fk about even back before l was married was a chicks reproductive whatever, didn't even cross my mind actually , maybe well on the way to marrying my w later but if l even thought about it at all then which l don't even think l did. Never in my life ever had a mate or any man mention stuff like that to me or around me that's the last stuff they're thinking about when they meet someone. l just basically wanted the same as above there. That's all everyone wants.

Edited November 19, 2019 by chillii

[elaine567]

Their female equivalent is out there having a good enough time partying on the weekends and getting used for sex by better-looking guys. They friendzone the struggling male dudes.

 

No, the female equivalents of the male strugglers on here are the women who get NO attention, who are not partying, they don't like parties or socialising.

They are so awkward or lacking in social skills they do not get past the first date.

They do not have the confidence to sleep with anyone.

 

BUT yes I agree they do not find the struggling dudes attractive, just like the struggling dudes do not find these women attractive either.

 

Attraction comes from looks to a certain extent but a lot of attraction comes from social interaction, how people make us feel.

If a person is lacking in social skills they make us feel bad, awkward or creeped out. That is no basis for a friendship never mind a relationship.

[somanymistakes]

Plenty of "less mainstream attractive" find other "less mainstream attractive" people perfectly interesting and get married and live happy lives.

 

Some folks struggle much harder because of social problems, isolation, or a massive sense of entitlement leading them to reject all options.

 

Really, the world is huge and full of a complex mix of people! Not everyone wants the same things, not everyone tolerates the same things, not everyone hates the same things. If you are willing and able to keep looking in different places, you are quite likely to eventually find someone that you're compatible with.

 

If, however, you write off most of the world's population without even knowing them... if you assume up front that all men/women are evil creatures having big parties without you... well, you're not really helping yourself be open to opportunities.

 

 

(Sorry, I'm still utterly shocked at the idea that anyone would think all lonely women are "out there partying every weekend" having tons of sex. WTF???)

[SumGuy]

...

(Sorry, I'm still utterly shocked at the idea that anyone would think all lonely women are "out there partying every weekend" having tons of sex. WTF???)

 

Yah seriously, and doesn’t sound “lonely”...thought lonely kind of required you to be alone. It’s also a total lack of understanding of women as people who struggle as well, of course women struggling in dating doesn’t sit well with certain narratives.

[d0nnivain]

I am talking about women that are overweight/obese, average face, glasses, nerdy, socially awkward? I have a friend like that, she is 36 and can't find a bf no matter how hard she tries. She goes to many singles events and never gets picked up.

 

But how hard is she really trying if she won't even wear makeup, try stylish clothes & update her glasses?

 

Also who is she setting her sights on?

 

My MIL is a beautiful woman, although a bit overweight. She's pushing 70 but looks 50; seriously she looks my age or younger. She will not date her age range or close to it. She wants men in their 20s but she doesn't have the funds to be a sugar mamma. She prefers men who are younger then her children but whines all the time that she can't find a good guy for a relationship. Her picker is warped.

 

Who wants to date people that they don't find attractive?

 

Nobody should have to date people they don't at least find interesting. As I've aged I've become more forgiving because I don't have the same body I had in my 20s so it'd be hypocritical to expect my partner to have that either. Still the person must be able to carry a conversation & be attractive to me.

[schlumpy]

There is a reality show here in the states called "My 600LB life." One episode centered on very obese woman who lived in a rural district attempting to prepare herself for gastric bypass surgery.

 

In one episode it was bath day. She went outside, stripped and had her boyfriend hose her down as she soaped up.

 

The moral to this story boys and girls is that although she was in a rural district which lends itself to social isolation and she was very much overweight, she still had a boyfriend.

 

He might be a psychological mess or suffering from White Knight syndrome but she did managed to find someone.

[thefooloftheyear]

There is a reality show here in the states called "My 600LB life."

The moral to this story boys and girls is that although she was in a rural district which lends itself to social isolation and she was very much overweight, she still had a boyfriend.

.

 

Yeah....I see that too...

 

But my gut feeling is those guys are probably living off her SSDI checks and are bums that don't do shyt on a daily basis but get stoned/drunk. and flop on the couch...

 

I doubt anything about those deals is "conventional"....

 

TFY

[somanymistakes]

Maybe it's different where y'all live but here, even the most unappealing ladies have numerous Tinder matches and don't spend much time alone.

 

So yeah, you have a very different social circle if you don't know a single person who doesn't go out and party every weekend.

 

IRL, I don't even know a single person who's ever used Tinder.

 

Which does sort of wrap back to my point about the world being big and diverse. I absolutely believe there are a lot of people who are having wild weekend sex. For that matter, I know swingers exist and most of them aren't very attractive and they're off having orgies all the time.

[somanymistakes]

The moral to this story boys and girls is that although she was in a rural district which lends itself to social isolation and she was very much overweight, she still had a boyfriend.

 

He might be a psychological mess or suffering from White Knight syndrome but she did managed to find someone.

 

Possibly a Feeder. They have... issues.

 

Anyway, I've also seen stories about hugely overweight housebound disabled men who manage to find girlfriends.

 

I'm never sure if that proves there really is someone for everyone, or if it proves nothing because it's just a single point and not an overall data analysis!

[preraph]

I do think the problem is average and below guys, some of them, still think they're entitled to an average or above woman.

 

There ARE loads of unattractive women out there and always have been. That's who these guys should be dating but they're not mature enough in the head to want to do it and because it's not their brains doing the majority of the thinking.

 

That said, I've certainly known some very slovenly overweight bad dressing women who had outgoing personalities and usually had a boyfriend. I still think it comes down to their sociability and personality. Women who feel unattractive tend to dress terrible and just focus on hiding whatever curves they have and wear huge square tops and everything baggy and just try to be invisible.

 

One thing I have noted in my own extended friend circle over the years is even if you have a woman with nothing going for her but boobs, she can get a boyfriend. She may not be the most popular person or date much, but she has some action. But again, it comes down to 1) boobs and 2) personality.

 

You have to work with what you have.

 

A best friend of mine years ago had kind of a bad face, nice hair, and dressed only in western shirt and jeans, completely obscuring her perfect boobs. Once in a while, some guy would see through that and get interested in her. Not the best men, mind you, but she did marry and have kids.

 

Women need to show off whatever their best features are. Some feel they don't have any, but just about everyone has something. A friend of mine in high school was really doofy in the face, like Alfred E. Newman (dating myself) and red hair and freckles, and one day, she grew an amazing butt and decent boobs and started looking hot from the neck down and got a boyfriend, a pretty cute one. Great personality, knew how to dress to look cute.

 

It's the women who try to make themselves invisible and wear terrible baggy or masculine clothes and aren't outgoing enough to talk to people who are in the same boat with the guys who aren't getting anywhere for some of the same reasons. You have to assume their self-confidence is nonexistant. I don't know how you fix that. I always just encourage people to find a passion for something, because that tends to change a person for the better.