Life is such a bloody battle field?

[Springsummer]

or just me?

 

It seems I have to fight for every little thing in my life.

 

The best example was how I got my motorcycle license. I got kicked out when the course was barely just started. what did I do? I never touched a bike before I started the course. and I just walked it in one round and felt heavy and put it down. I didn't drop it. then the female instructor refused to let me continue the class no matter how I 'begged'.

 

I had to escalate the issue and was put to another course. An instructor told me he had never seen someone who can balance on a stand still bike. That gave me confidence and I passed the course, even I had never touched a bike before, not between the courses either. A strong black guy in my work place didn't pass the course in his first try.

 

One guy did terribly in the final test and he still pass. I am sure if it were me, they would have failed me.

 

What gives? why everything seems to be difficult for me? I find myself in a similar situation now. I have to fight for a position in the workplace that they asked someone to take it.

 

why I have to fight for it while it's so easy for other? If she is really technical better than me, I don't have an issue. The problem is I don't think the person is really that qualified.

 

on the other hand, the motorcycle incident served me well: Don't let authority to judge me who I am. They might be wrong. I use this to fight in my current predicament. That gave me courage and strength.

 

but I really feel mentally tire of having to fight every little things in my life.

 

Now, I really think not to have children is a good thing. why bring another human to this earth to suffer?

 

or am I just a whiner and too much self-pity?

[Springsummer]

sometimes I feel it does take immense mental strength and resilience to survive. At times, I feel I have gone to death/hell and back mentally.

[Springsummer]

How about you? do you have to fight for everything in life as well? or your life is smoother? or even harsher?

Just want to put myself into perspective.

Is this life? or just my life?

Edited November 19, 2019 by Springsummer

[basil67]

You are no different to anyone else. Everybody's lives include many challenges - some are thrust upon us while other challenges are of our own making. The difference between those who feel beaten down by challenges and those who don't is their attitude towards those challenges. If you see those challenges with a victim's eyes, you will remain a victim. If you see them through the eyes of someone positive, you will see a more positive outcome.

 

To be honest, I would agree that you have too much self pity. And to still see yourself as a victim after putting a bike down shows a degree of being unable to accept consequences for foolish decisions.

[Artdeco]

I agree. It’s all about attitude, because honestly, most people struggle with stuff on a regular basis. And most of the time it’s more serious than a dropped motorcycle. This is really not a good example of a life being a “bloody battlefield”. Nor even close.

 

I sometimes tend to be that way, too, though. So I can somewhat relate. But whenever I catch myself in this woe is me attitude I force myself to snap out of it ASAP. Because it’s not helpful, plus, others have it much tougher than me (and you, definitely).

[mark clemson]

So, I may not be the best person to respond, but I would say I have it smoother in life generally right now. I haven't had to struggle too much for the things I have, although I do work hard and focus. I've had the benefits of education and a combination of luck and "good decisions" to be in a place where I'm doing ok in life.

 

I've had tricky times. I've been in "knife edge" situations that could have had a major negative impact on my life, but so far I've been fortunate that they either broke in a favor for me or an alternative option appeared. I've also had some major struggles.

 

Now, I believe I try to work smarter and not necessarily harder except when it's called for. I also tend to take a slow (but steady) approach to things like career and salary. I took a knowledge/tech economy, rather than a service economy approach to jobs, which I believe helped a lot in the longer term.

 

Dunno if that is what you're looking for. There are so many people in so many different situations (some quite idiosyncratic) in the world that to "put oneself in perspective" may be pretty tricky.

[basil67]

I agree that the issues you've cited hardly quality as being a "bloody battlefield". Heck, I dropped a bike when I was an early learner. Smashed mirrors, dented bike, dented body and dented pride. So you're one up on me in the motorbike situation.

 

My life is one where the challenges I face have prompted some people to say to me "I couldn't do what you do". But there's no sense in me feeling like a victim to life. It is what it is and facing it with the most positive outlook is the best way forward. Besides, I know people who have it SO MUCH worse than me and I don't know how they get through life. That said, none of them have ever said "why me?"

 

When you're facing challenges, remind yourself other people go through this stuff every day too. Ask yourself how a positive person would face the issues.

Edited November 19, 2019 by basil67

[RecentChange]

I have a saying "attitude affects everything".

 

It affects how you see the world. How you interpret situations and people. It affects how you deal with adversity.

 

Generally I have a very positive attitude, I count my blessings and stay optimistic through rough spots.

 

From my own perspective I have had an extremely easy / blessed life. Some people are born into war, extreme poverty, horrible abuse - yet stay optimistic - those are the kind of people that I am in awe of.

 

I could go on and on about how lucky I am to be born the place I was, to the parents I had, and all the many opportunities I have been given - and those are the things I focus on.

 

But when it gets down to it, I could dwell about how I have a learning disability and how school was very difficult for me. Or how my parents become drug addicted, bankrupt, and homeless when I was growing up. And how I eventually lost my mother to addiction.

 

But for me, these are just things I am proud of over coming. They gave me a greater range of experience and empathy.

 

Honestly life has never felt like a struggle. There have been some emotionally difficult parts - but all and all I know I have it much better than most people in the world. Makes it hard to ever pity myself knowing the incredible challenges some people face.

[basil67]

One question: How long ago was the bike incident and why are you thinking about it now?

[Springsummer]

One question: How long ago was the bike incident and why are you thinking about it now?

 

4.5 years ago. As stated in my first post that I find myself in a similar position in the workplace.

 

I just had a chain emails with someone who offered to hire someone else, whom I don't think is that qualified. isn't it so easy for that person while it's extremely difficult for me? the thing the person who hires don't know what we do.

why it is so difficult for me? what have I done?

[basil67]

It's not more difficult for you than it is for anyone else in life.

 

That person who's been offered a job - you know NOTHING about who they are and what challenges they've face in life. How dare you presume they've had it so easy.

[Springsummer]

It's not more difficult for you than it is for anyone else in life.

 

That person who's been offered a job - you know NOTHING about who they are and what challenges they've face in life. How dare you presume they've had it so easy.

 

I am only talking about the position. of course I know because we work along side. I know what that person does and the technical skills.

 

How dare you assume I know nothing about who they are and what they do.

[major_merrick]

I know it seems to me like so many other people had it easy. I had to fight for everything I got. But when you grow up so poor you have to steal in order to eat, you start out at a disadvantage. It amazes me how others can start with advantages and not make the most of them. Much of life just comes down to how well you fight.

 

If it was me, OP, that motorcycle instructor would have committed a career-ending offense. If I've paid for a service, I'd damn well better receive it. If not, there's gonna be consequences. Becoming a victim sets a bad precedent, and sooner or later it is like you've got a "kick me" sign stuck to you because everybody senses that you don't kick back.

 

Forgiveness is a nice ideal, and being a nice person is a fine quality. But remember that forgiveness does not always exempt people from the earthly consequences of their actions. And if "live and let live" brings harm to others close to you because weakness has made you a target, then being nice becomes a vice rather than a virtue.

[RecentChange]

"But what did I do"?!

 

Oh I have heard this one before, from depressed and struggling loved ones to be honest.

 

Usually it has nothing to with what you did. Perhaps it has everything to do with what your coworker did do.

 

It's realizing that actions out of your control, might be just that, out of your control.

 

It's an attitude thing. Instead of feeling victimized and wondering "what you did" start doing - be seen, be the light, be the positive action. People are drawn to those qualities. Opportunity is drawn to those qualities.

[major_merrick]

IDK why, but people seem to believe in karma. Then they wonder, "I am a good person, why didn't I get the reward I deserved." Rewards don't go to good people. Good things go to those who are smart, swift, skilled, ruthless, or sometimes just lucky. The person who gets the job you wanted probably just played the game better, and usually there's more butt-kissing that goes into that than actual workplace skill. So you pander to others to make yourself liked, and back-stab the competition. Having skills is a good addition to those two things, but isn't always necessary. And I know that is a nasty reality.

[Springsummer]

IDK why, but people seem to believe in karma. Then they wonder, "I am a good person, why didn't I get the reward I deserved." Rewards don't go to good people. Good things go to those who are smart, swift, skilled, ruthless, or sometimes just lucky. The person who gets the job you wanted probably just played the game better, and usually there's more butt-kissing that goes into that than actual workplace skill. So you pander to others to make yourself liked, and back-stab the competition. Having skills is a good addition to those two things, but isn't always necessary. And I know that is a nasty reality.

 

I totally concur, especially the bold one.

[RecentChange]

IDK why, but people seem to believe in karma. Then they wonder, "I am a good person, why didn't I get the reward I deserved." Rewards don't go to good people. Good things go to those who are smart, swift, skilled, ruthless, or sometimes just lucky. The person who gets the job you wanted probably just played the game better, and usually there's more butt-kissing that goes into that than actual workplace skill. So you pander to others to make yourself liked, and back-stab the competition. Having skills is a good addition to those two things, but isn't always necessary. And I know that is a nasty reality.

 

I don't like to think of my self as a butt kisser or back stabber - but yes, much of the above is true. I work hard to never make enemies nor burn a bridge. I'll put on a face and make nicey nice with people I can't stand. I associate myself with people who can further my gain.

 

I'll say in many fields, people skills will get you further than anything.

 

I remember in college feeling like I was never totally applying myself, but rather had come up with a number of creative ways to work the system. Made an effort to befriend professors, was vocal in class, figured out how to transfer easy credits etc.

 

And in one way I felt like I was cheating the system - but in another? THOSE were the skills that have allowed me to excel in a corporate climate. It wasn't the damn homework, it was knowing which rules must be followed, and which to manipulate in my favor.

 

I work hard, I am extremely dedicated - but unless I was wriggling my way to the front somehow - I would have been forgotten in the masses.

[Springsummer]

I know it seems to me like so many other people had it easy. I had to fight for everything I got. But when you grow up so poor you have to steal in order to eat, you start out at a disadvantage. It amazes me how others can start with advantages and not make the most of them. Much of life just comes down to how well you fight.

 

That's what it looks like to me now.

 

If it was me, OP, that motorcycle instructor would have committed a career-ending offense. If I've paid for a service, I'd damn well better receive it. If not, there's gonna be consequences. Becoming a victim sets a bad precedent, and sooner or later it is like you've got a "kick me" sign stuck to you because everybody senses that you don't kick back. .

 

Now, come to think of it, I shouldn't have just let the instructor got off without any consequence. I am too nice/weak, I guess.

 

Exactly. I have to kick back. am kicking back now.

[Springsummer]

I don't like to think of my self as a butt kisser or back stabber - but yes, much of the above is true. I work hard to never make enemies nor burn a bridge. I'll put on a face and make nicey nice with people I can't stand. I associate myself with people who can further my gain.

 

I'll say in many fields, people skills will get you further than anything.

 

I remember in college feeling like I was never totally applying myself, but rather had come up with a number of creative ways to work the system. Made an effort to befriend professors, was vocal in class, figured out how to transfer easy credits etc.

 

And in one way I felt like I was cheating the system - but in another? THOSE were the skills that have allowed me to excel in a corporate climate. It wasn't the damn homework, it was knowing which rules must be followed, and which to manipulate in my favor.

 

I work hard, I am extremely dedicated - but unless I was wriggling my way to the front somehow - I would have been forgotten in the masses.

 

I guess those are my problems. I can't fake. I am too emotional and too straight forward. I don't play games. I am people stupid. I don't wriggle. I am humble. I am an idealist and pacifist.

[Piddy]

I think some people just have bad luck. Several years ago my wife was in the hospital and a male nurse was tending to her and come to find out they shared the same birthday. He said to her we have terrible luck. I said, yes that's right she does have terrible luck!!!

 

Here's an example. We both worked for a large fortune 500 company. She worked in the office as a Master Scheduler and was represented by the union. She then was chosen for a management supervising position which she took.

 

A year or so later the **** hit the fan and they started downsizing. She was 11 months (age) shy of qualifying for the management pension offer, but had she stayed in the union office job she would've received the union buyout package and received her pension immediately.

 

So the old adage that you should always try to improve your position proved to be a bad idea for her. Anyway, there's several other examples I could give.

 

Bad things happen to good people for no reason everyday. For some it is more of a struggle than for others. But as someone said, you have to keep fighting.

 

As my grandfather used to say, "it's a tough life, damn few of us get out of it alive."

[BaileyB]

Recent change, my favourite quote is from Scott Hamilton - the only disability in life is a bad attitude. It says it all.

[BaileyB]

I am too emotional. I don't wriggle. I am an idealist.

 

Little wonder why you feel that life is hard for you. One could probably argue that you tend to make it hard for yourself. That’s fine, but self pity is never an attractive quality.

[mark clemson]

...it was knowing which rules must be followed, and which to manipulate in my favor.

 

 

I have to agree there's something to this. I've been in situations where, if I had followed the rules to the letter, I wouldn't have been able to do what's best for the client. Such as getting advance budget for travel on a Sunday (never would have happened in the timeframe required, if at all).

 

So I bent/broke those rules in order to perform on the client's behalf. Not too shockingly the client liked my work (overall, not just the 2-3 times/year travel on weekends stuff) and eventually offered me FT with better pay, benefits, etc. It was the overall picture/performance, which included NOT having the minor black mark of making a fuss over very minor budget issues.

[Happy Lemming]

In regards to the motorcycle class incident, the instructors have a duty to protect potential riders from themselves. They can't just hand out endorsements to anyone who can write a check for the class.

 

Many, many years ago when I got my motorcycle endorsement, two people flunked out... one man and one woman. The instructor was right to kick them out, as they had no business being on two wheels. They would have hurt or killed themselves if they were allowed to have that endorsement.

 

To be a successful rider, you have to have good balance and upper body strength. Recently, I rode over an imperfection in the road (pavement separation) and it through my sportbike sideways, it took all my upper body strength to throw the bike back upright and avoid a crash.

 

So, what motorcycle are you riding??

 

I'm still riding my '09 Yamaha R6. Other than front brakes, a new battery & a chain, there have been no repairs. I do keep up the maintenance. Its a solid, dependable and fun ride.

 

And yes, life is hard and sometimes you don't get want you want. You just have to work harder to accomplish your goals. I never expected anything to be handed to me, I worked long hard hours to accomplish my goals.

 

"I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have" - Thomas Jefferson

[major_merrick]

I guess those are my problems. I can't fake. I am too emotional and too straight forward. I don't play games. I am people stupid. I don't wriggle. I am humble. I am an idealist and pacifist.

Well, you hit the nail on the head with your self-analysis. Now change it. You can do it. Learn to hide or control your emotions. Learn to lie, cheat, steal and shamelessly promote yourself. False humility instead of real humility is a skill. Fake a pleasant demeanor until your worst enemy thinks that you like him, then finish him off. Ideals are only good if they get you what you want. Pacifists make excellent targets. Now you know.

 

I will say that being straight forward has always been one of my problems. I tend to be blunt, and learning to be charming has been on of my weak points. I found that making connections is a good thing, and it was friends of friends who finally got me the job where I made really good money.

 

One key is to work in a field where there are others with a similar personality to yours, as fakery can only carry you so far. I worked in a male-dominated tech field where I didn't have to interact with tons of people, so a decent-looking woman with attitude could make an OK life. If I had tried a different field such as marketing or education, that wouldn't have gone so well.