Loksija9 Posted November 19, 2019 Share Posted November 19, 2019 I was seeing a guy for two months, and it was casual and nice, he was always initiating contact. I fell in love but also I wanted to get to know him better. After some time he told me that he has a girlfriend, but also asked me what do I want from men in general and what I expect from him and that his relationship is at crossroads. He has a long distance relationship. I told him that I do not want to proceed with this because I felt some guilt, and I know that it is the best, but I am sad. Was he just using me? Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted November 19, 2019 Share Posted November 19, 2019 I don't know if he was using you. I guess it depends on his intent and whether his long-distance girlfriend thought they were in an exclusive relationship. Did you tell him how you feel, THEN he admitted to the long-distance girlfriend, and asked you what you want from men and from him? It really depends on the circumstance, and I'm not sure there is enough information here to determine whether he was using you. Do you feel like he was using you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Loksija9 Posted November 19, 2019 Author Share Posted November 19, 2019 No, I didn't tell him how I feel, he supposed that because I am a woman, that I want a relationship with him, and then he told me out of the blue, that he has a girlfriend. The last time we saw each other, he asked me lots of questions and asked me about my relationships and told me that his actions look like he is using me and that isn't true. When I asked him if he cares about his girlfriend, he said yes. Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted November 19, 2019 Share Posted November 19, 2019 No, I didn't tell him how I feel, he supposed that because I am a woman, that I want a relationship with him, and then he told me out of the blue, that he has a girlfriend. The last time we saw each other, he asked me lots of questions and asked me about my relationships and told me that his actions look like he is using me and that isn't true. When I asked him if he cares about his girlfriend, he said yes. That is unfortunate. He cheated on his girlfriend with you, unless he is lying about having a girlfriend to keep you from expecting a relationship with him. Either way, I'm not sure how he doesn't think he was using you, given the fact that he had a girlfriend the entire time. I'm sure you FEEL like you were being used, and rightfully so. You deserve better. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted November 19, 2019 Share Posted November 19, 2019 He needs to go to his crossroads by himself and make his own decision and decide who if anyone he wants to be with. I'm glad he let you know, though. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
The Outlaw Posted November 19, 2019 Share Posted November 19, 2019 Even if he were to end the relationship he has, you wouldn't ever fully trust him. And it's hard to determine if he was actually using you. But it's just best to cut contact and move on. He'd never be a good prospect. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Loksija9 Posted November 19, 2019 Author Share Posted November 19, 2019 I know that, and I backed out because I don't want to be the third wheel or to fell bad because of the cheating. I dont know what do you mean that you are glad he let me know? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 19, 2019 Share Posted November 19, 2019 It seems like he has a long distance GF but that relationship is fizzling out. Instead of having integrity & breaking things off with her, he tried to start something new with you so he'd have a soft place to land when he ended his LDR. He wasn't brave enough or emotionally strong enough to end one relationship without knowing he could ease into a new one. In that sense he was using you but it wasn't in a mercenary way or a malicious way; it was just that he was weak & scared. It's good that you learned about the GF before you committed to him. You needed this info about his weak disposition & unethical character before you went all in. All I can do is share with you what I once said to a MM who expressed interest in dating me: I like you & am attracted to you. If you were single my answer to your Q would be different but right here & right now, I don't date MM. Call when the ink is dry on your divorce. He needed a few more reminders to go away but eventually he backed off. Shortly thereafter he started an affair with a woman in his office. It was one of the worst kept secrets in our community. His wife left him. The OW got pregnant. They married. She cheated on him & now he has an airheaded GF with a killer body who is 1/2 his age. He stopped being somebody I could respect a long time ago. Somewhere between his 2nd wife & his new GF he made another pass at me but I was already happily married. I laughed in his face. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ABernie Posted November 20, 2019 Share Posted November 20, 2019 How long has he been dating her? What is their arrangement? IDK, I feel like especially with today's dating apps, that men and women are dating multiple people until 1 relationship gets serious. It's happened to me and I've done it. It wasn't like there was a relationship and then I started dating. I was dating a few people until one connection became obvious over the others. 2 months is not long at all. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted November 20, 2019 Share Posted November 20, 2019 It seems like he has a long distance GF but that relationship is fizzling out. Perhaps. Or maybe he is just lonely and bored. Maybe this a “crime” of convenience. Hard to say. OP, well done for ending it. Besides, it’s been two months of “casual” dating - you didn’t know him all that well and you really weren’t in love with him yet. No big loss. Better to know early that he is not the kind of guy you want to date, than find out when you were more invested. Consider this a bullet dodged. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Loksija9 Posted November 20, 2019 Author Share Posted November 20, 2019 He has been dating her for two years, and I have asked him if she is cheating like they have that agreement to be free and he said that she is not cheating him. What do you mean by that two months is not long? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Loksija9 Posted November 20, 2019 Author Share Posted November 20, 2019 Perhaps. Or maybe he is just lonely and bored. Maybe this a “crime” of convenience. Hard to say. I don't know, it was strange to me when the last time we saw, he said that I am his, and that he didn't like if I sleep with anybody alse. But, also he said that I need love. And he got angry when I didn't reply to his message. I know that I've dodged a bullet but I haven't felt anything like this in a long time. Link to post Share on other sites
ABernie Posted November 20, 2019 Share Posted November 20, 2019 He has been dating her for two years, and I have asked him if she is cheating like they have that agreement to be free and he said that she is not cheating him. What do you mean by that two months is not long? I just meant if he started dating both of you at the same time - 2 months to decide which one to go forward with. That is not your case though Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted November 20, 2019 Share Posted November 20, 2019 I don't know, it was strange to me when the last time we saw, he said that I am his, and that he didn't like if I sleep with anybody alse. But, also he said that I need love. And he got angry when I didn't reply to his message. I know that I've dodged a bullet but I haven't felt anything like this in a long time. IDK, those kinds of entitled and controlling behaviours would turn me off of him real quick... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Jordan's thoughts Posted November 22, 2019 Share Posted November 22, 2019 I was seeing a guy for two months, and it was casual and nice, he was always initiating contact. I fell in love but also I wanted to get to know him better. After some time he told me that he has a girlfriend, but also asked me what do I want from men in general and what I expect from him and that his relationship is at crossroads. He has a long distance relationship. I told him that I do not want to proceed with this because I felt some guilt, and I know that it is the best, but I am sad. Was he just using me? Let me just say I am sorry for what you went and are going through but be glad U found out now instead of when u are engaged or married....as someone also recovering from a cheating x-girlfriend I must say I am still in recovery but leaving her absolutely beneficial for my life.....U will get through this simply because it has made u stronger and wiser even if you don’t see it now Link to post Share on other sites
Jordan's thoughts Posted November 22, 2019 Share Posted November 22, 2019 I don't know, it was strange to me when the last time we saw, he said that I am his, and that he didn't like if I sleep with anybody alse. But, also he said that I need love. And he got angry when I didn't reply to his message. I know that I've dodged a bullet but I haven't felt anything like this in a long time. An Expert fisherman will always know the right bait to use or an experienced engineer we’ll always know which nuts and bolts to mess with...My guess is that if he doesn’t even respect his own long term girlfriend enough to have the decency to break it off officially before starting something new chances are he may very likely do the same to u if he had u,always remember a good indicator of future actions is past actions and based on the evidence given He is clearly not to be trusted.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Loksija9 Posted November 22, 2019 Author Share Posted November 22, 2019 Yes, you are right. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Harry2020 Posted January 18, 2020 Share Posted January 18, 2020 Basically in a relationship both people used each other. In a relationship you want to be used. We called it love so being used is not really being used so it’s ok. Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy47 Posted January 18, 2020 Share Posted January 18, 2020 This man sounds self entitled to me. He is making a lot of decisions about how you should feel and what you should do. Tell him to come back to you if he has ever left the other relationship. Even then it would be difficult to trust him. Poppy Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 18, 2020 Share Posted January 18, 2020 On 11/19/2019 at 3:22 PM, Loksija9 said: No, I didn't tell him how I feel, he supposed that because I am a woman, that I want a relationship with him, and then he told me out of the blue, that he has a girlfriend. The last time we saw each other, he asked me lots of questions and asked me about my relationships and told me that his actions look like he is using me and that isn't true. When I asked him if he cares about his girlfriend, he said yes. So you had no idea he had a gf when you first started seeing him? This should always be a question to ask guys. "Do you have a gf or wife?" Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 9, 2020 Share Posted February 9, 2020 I know it hurts, but it's for the best. This way you can move on quicker. Just accept he wasn't who you hoped he was and wasn't the right person for you. Link to post Share on other sites
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