What Option Should I Take To Try And Solve My Dating Woes?

[Envy123]

I was in your situation before, GG7. I have Asperger's too.

 

But here's the thing. The women who I class to be off-limits (maybe they look like a model or I've heard rumours that they are taken), I think that there's no chance of romance, so I don't pressure them. That subset of women has been the only one, which has shown interest in me and where romance has happened. Whereas, girls in my league, I think that there's a high chance and I end up pressuring them, so that subset had no success.

 

This is because - pushing romance straight away, women can see that a mile away. And by not doing that, I make them comfortable and I stand out as one of the relatively fewer guys who don't want to get into their pants.

 

Try treating every woman you meet as "off-limits". Assume they're taken and you have no chance for romance. Believe me. You'll not only find great new friends but some will fall for you. It won't happen overnight, as it requires a change in attitude but if I can do it, I'm sure you can do it too.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

My loneliness is my prison cell!

 

UNLESS, I go to Nevada and lose my virginity there through prostitution. Perhaps that's my way out.

 

How do think this would fix your loneliness?

[Garcon1986]

I am willing to teach you via instant message (check your PM) my life lessons learned. Up to you whether you have the commitment.

[ZA Dater]

Honestly, it wouldn't surprise me at all if 3 years from now, I look at myself in the mirror and i'm still a kissless virgin who's never had a girlfriend.

 

I wasn't designed for this... I wasn't built to be in this world alone, yet I didn't have a choice... My loneliness is my prison cell!

 

UNLESS, I go to Nevada and lose my virginity there through prostitution. Perhaps that's my way out.

 

Your ONLY way out is to

 

1: Change your thinking

2: Find some confidence

3: Forget instant gratification and recognise you are young

4: Adopt a more positive attitude.

5: Find internal happiness, a GF or sex wont make you happy.

 

What you should be doing is working on yourself, it easy to sit back and moan but the thing you CAN change is your approach, that has nothing to do with height, nothing to do with being a virgin.

 

Ultimately you need to think differently and fundamentally so, you need to see the positive in each day, you cannot go through life with this negative an attitude.

 

You cannot let dating consume you to this extent, its not healthy and ultimately its making you severely unattractive because believe me ladies pick up on this.

 

How about this, just walk into a room an be yourself, stop looking at ladies as dates but rather as people, who cares of they don't speak to you, who cares if they look down at you. You need to control your emotions better, you give people too much power over you.

 

Believe me when I say this height isn't your issue, you approach and attitude is.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

You cannot let dating consume you to this extent, its not healthy and ultimately its making you severely unattractive because believe me ladies pick up on this.

 

Yes, we do.

 

GG, you seem very unwilling to heed advice to try to find ways to not let dating consume you. Are you willing to give it a try?

[Mysterio]

Why is everyone trying to encourage GG7 to date. He needs a break from this, so his soul can relax.

 

He is pressuring himself to have it made in the dating/love department.

 

I say take a break. Better for a woman to discover you while your relaxed.

Edited November 26, 2019 by Mysterio

[GuitarGuy7]

Yes, we do.

 

GG, you seem very unwilling to heed advice to try to find ways to not let dating consume you. Are you willing to give it a try?

 

 

 

Well i'll just go watch some more porn then, maybe it will lower my sex drive far enough to where I don't want to pursue real women anymore. Fine by me, real women have brought me too much pain and trauma for the last four years anyways...

 

I better avoid mainstream radio as well. I can't turn on the radio without hearing horny singers and rappers talking about their love and sex life. Don't wanna feel left out...

 

On Valentines Day, i'll probably take that day off and lock myself up in my room all day. Don't wanna see all the happy couples, would probably trigger my loneliness even more. I'll listen to the anti-valentines day mix I made a few years back. Ridin Solo and 99 Problems are some of the songs on there.

 

Don't forget about the ASMR girlfriend roleplay videos. It's a girl pretending to love and care for me, asking about my day, wanting to be with me. I love that stuff.

[Garcon1986]

This is precisely running away from your demons rather than confronting them. Did you check your PM?

[GuitarGuy7]

This is precisely running away from your demons rather than confronting them. Did you check your PM?

 

I did

 

I will get back to you sometime tomorrow.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

 

Don't forget about the ASMR girlfriend roleplay videos. It's a girl pretending to love and care for me, asking about my day, wanting to be with me. I love that stuff.

 

This is not what having a girlfriend is actually like, GG.

[Envy123]

It's not always going to be lovey-dovey. She would want you to support her in times of need.

[normal person]

Honestly, it wouldn't surprise me at all if 3 years from now, I look at myself in the mirror and i'm still a kissless virgin who's never had a girlfriend.

 

It wouldn't surprise me either, because you don't seem to want to take much positive action, based on what you post and abstain from responding to.

 

Again: what are your thoughts on entering a program or school that helps to socialize people with autism? What are your thoughts on telling people you have autism so they're able to help facilitate your learning?

 

UNLESS, I go to Nevada and lose my virginity there through prostitution. Perhaps that's my way out.

 

Do you really think that other people will respect, admire, and want to associate with you have to pay someone to sleep with you?

 

 

Why is everyone trying to encourage GG7 to date. He needs a break from this, so his soul can relax.

 

I'm not sure what thread you're reading, but I don't really see anyone encouraging him to date.

 

He needs a break from this, so his soul can relax.

 

I'm not sure what this has to do with souls relaxing, or taking a break. His problems are all likely a result of his height and autism. If he can get some help learning to decode, interpret, and react to neurotypical behavior, he might not be met with such disdain by people. Young women have very little patience or sympathy for any person they think is weird or creepy in any way, which is how people with autism are commonly thought of. If he can figure out how to behave more appropriately, I bet people wouldn't be so dismissive of him. It's not that he needs a break from trying, it's that he's never tried doing things the right way.

[Envy123]

I'm not sure what this has to do with souls relaxing, or taking a break. It's not that he needs a break from trying, it's that he's never tried doing things the right way.

 

The problem is this. I have Asperger's, just like GG7. And the only way I managed to stop alienating women, was to not do the chase.

 

Not chasing women doesn't mean giving up on dating. It means not approaching every woman one finds attractive and doing the whole "you're cute, please date me!" shtick. If interest is shown, of course one should go for it but it should not be the main motivator of speaking to a woman.

[elaine567]

It's not that he needs a break from trying, it's that he's never tried doing things the right way.

Seems to me there is school of thought here, often from long single men, that "taking a break" will somehow help their dating chances but it is actually just a form of kicking the can down the road.

They try to busy themselves doing anything and everything else apart from dating, as dating is "too hard".

 

It is like when there is that difficult essay to write or, the tricky job to be done at work and you spend your time doing that oh so important grocery shop or you decide to tidy your desk... Yes you can justify the grocery shop, "I need to eat" or the desk tidying "Clutter is bad", but both are really about procrastination.

I get taking a break after some horrendous relationship, but taking a break before one has succeeded in dating anyone, sounds like opting out...

 

normal person is correct GG7 has not tried "doing it right". He is no doubt as Envy says "doing the whole "you're cute, please date me!" shtick"... and as a guy with few social skills, women are running away

 

Until he has tried "doing it right" and getting some success, then "taking a break" should not really be an option.

[GuitarGuy7]

Well the only way I stand a chance is to improve my social skills and try to looksmax as much as possible. Obviously can’t do anything about height but dressing nice and getting a decent a haircut can help me look my best. Also avoid clothes that make me look scrawny.

 

 

I understand I might be scaring girls away due to the way I portray myself, but the problem is that I have no idea what exactly I’m doing wrong. How can I fix the problem if I have no idea what I’m doing wrong?

 

Which is why I have an idea... what if I record myself having conversations with people, especially women? I want to see how I come off from a third person point of view. Then I can look at the video, or even send the video to friends or others and I might be able to better evaluate what I’m doing wrong and see the vibe that I’m giving off.

[mark clemson]

You could try that, it might help. You could also enlist a male (or even female) friend to support you by being around etc. Many men and women have a "wingperson" when they go to bars, etc.

 

 

Along with clothes you could try adjusting your body language at some point, but one thing at a time, clothes and haircut first def.

[GuitarGuy7]

All I know is that if some short autistic guy can find a way to get a girlfriend or get laid, then almost anybody can.

[normal person]

Well the only way I stand a chance is to improve my social skills and try to looksmax as much as possible. Obviously can’t do anything about height but dressing nice and getting a decent a haircut can help me look my best. Also avoid clothes that make me look scrawny.

 

Women think you're a creep to the point where they leave the room when you try to talk to them. The solution to the problem is far beyond getting a nice haircut, a new shirt, or seeing a prostitute.

 

I understand I might be scaring girls away due to the way I portray myself, but the problem is that I have no idea what exactly I’m doing wrong. How can I fix the problem if I have no idea what I’m doing wrong?

 

For the third time, you can possibly fix it by enrolling in a program like one of these, or exploring the resources some of these sites provide or are affiliated with:

 

https://www.autismspeaks.org/social-skills-and-autism

https://experiencecle.com/

https://www.vistalifeinnovations.org/about

Services ? Spectrum Services

https://wrongplanet.net/

 

What's stopping you from doing that? And what's stopping you from telling people you have autism? As I said, they might be more sympathetic and likely to help you if tell them up front.

 

 

Which is why I have an idea... what if I record myself having conversations with people, especially women? I want to see how I come off from a third person point of view. Then I can look at the video, or even send the video to friends or others and I might be able to better evaluate what I’m doing wrong and see the vibe that I’m giving off.

 

Women already run away from you, I can only imagine how horrified they'll be when you ask if you can take video of them, or worse, take video of them secretly. You seriously need to stop all this scheming and calculating stuff before something terrible happens to you. Every idea you have is more off putting than the last and each will make you exponentially less desirable. You need to accept that you won't be viewed favorably by women until you can at least not creep them out or make them uncomfortable. It sounds like you can't figure out how to do that on your own, so you should seek help from professionals who can help you out without the judgment, or without making others uncomfortable.

 

Why won't you do that?

 

All I know is that if some short autistic guy can find a way to get a girlfriend or get laid, then almost anybody can.

 

Most can't, though. According to a study, apparently, only 10% of autistic men have ever had a sexual relationship. Do what you can. If you can buck the trend, great. But you should also mentally prepare yourself for the very real possibility that you can't, because that's fine too. There's much more to life and there are plenty of other worthwhile things to get preoccupied with.

Edited November 27, 2019 by normal person

[nospam99]

According to a study, apparently, only 10% of autistic men have ever had a sexual relationship.

 

This link is NOT TO A STUDY! It's according to the Huff Post - NOT a Source of Authority. The Huff Post sob story (my snark) does link to a study https://www.researchgate.net/publication/262581068_Brief_Report_Parent-Child_Sexuality_Communication_and_Autism_Spectrum_Disorders The 10% I see is in 'Table 1 Parent-reported sexual behaviors displayed by adolescents with autism spectrum disorders (N=190a)' (bolding mine) in response to 'Has your child ever…Had a sexual/romantic relationship with anyone of the other sex?'. Am I missing something? Or is this study third party reporting on adolescents with a small sample size? How many parents know if their neurotypical children are having sex?

[normal person]

This link is NOT TO A STUDY! It's according to the Huff Post - NOT a Source of Authority. The Huff Post sob story (my snark) does link to a study https://www.researchgate.net/publication/262581068_Brief_Report_Parent-Child_Sexuality_Communication_and_Autism_Spectrum_Disorders The 10% I see is in 'Table 1 Parent-reported sexual behaviors displayed by adolescents with autism spectrum disorders (N=190a)' (bolding mine) in response to 'Has your child ever…Had a sexual/romantic relationship with anyone of the other sex?'. Am I missing something? Or is this study third party reporting on adolescents with a small sample size? How many parents know if their neurotypical children are having sex?

 

Fair enough, most of these links provided have just been cursory searches, but I encourage OP to check them out and decide for himself, and search for resources in whatever manner suits him. Regardless, he seems a bit fanatical about all this and I don't think it's a bad idea for him to perhaps temper his expectations a bit, just as precaution.