grays Posted November 20, 2019 Share Posted November 20, 2019 Ugh. I have so much on my plate right now that this problem which has just been presented to me completely out of the blue tonight is just too much to think clearly about let alone come up with a solution or game plan about. I feel like it’s something a lot of parents have had to deal with, though, so maybe someone has a BTDT story for me... When I went into my kid’s room to say goodnight a little while ago he told me that he was scared for his friend because he was talking about harming himself. Apparently some smallish thing happened that upset his mom and she was yelling and hit him. But my kid tells me that she has always been volatile with him, only him and not his two younger brothers, and hits him regularly. He says the father is really passive and no help at all. I can totally see that dynamic with the parents — mom is a force to be reckoned with and dad lets her take control and is maybe even a bit checked out. Sooo, tonight’s situation... There’s no way I could jump in the car and go rescue the friend. I’m friends with the mom but not the kind of close friend who could get involved in family stuff or confront her. I’m thinking about whether I could text her and say that my kid’s worried about her’s and she should make sure he’s ok. I’m imagining she’s the kind of abuser (if she is an abuser) who might snap out of it and let go of her rage if she’s worried about him. But who knows, maybe it could make things worse for him. I almost feel like the best I can do is nothing. It seems very likely to me that he’s just fantasizing about hurting himself — like a “she’ll be sorry when she sees what she’s driven me to,” fantasy, which I am familiar with because my mother was an angry yeller, too. I can’t imagine any way to intervene tonight that wouldn’t make everything worse. And then what about going forward? It’s clear that my kid has known about this problem for a long time and it’s really upsetting him. He was tearing up telling me about it. And this friend of his is a sweetheart and I’m really sad to think that his life is somewhere between yucky and horrible. My kid seems to think it’s really bad. I’m in no position to foster a teenager and I very much doubt this family would want me meddling... What do people do in this situation??? Link to post Share on other sites
ajequals Posted November 20, 2019 Share Posted November 20, 2019 this is simple call the parents or the police or both Link to post Share on other sites
Author grays Posted November 20, 2019 Author Share Posted November 20, 2019 this is simple call the parents or the police or both If other people agree with this, I will really consider it. I worry about those things making it worse, though. He and my kid are very close and my kid tells me that they talk in a way that he and his other friends don’t, like not just about guy stuff. It would be really sad for both of them to be cut off from each other and I’m afraid that could leave him feeling more isolated and hopeless. I can’t imagine her allowing them to remain in contact if I confront her or call the police. Link to post Share on other sites
ajequals Posted November 20, 2019 Share Posted November 20, 2019 (edited) ask yourself. if the kid off's himself tonight. how are you going to feel? How many school shooting occurred because of this thought process? Edited November 20, 2019 by ajequals Link to post Share on other sites
Author grays Posted November 20, 2019 Author Share Posted November 20, 2019 If I thought there was any chance of that, I would’ve called his mom. What my kid was telling me didn’t make me think it was at that level. My kid was upset more because of the fact that his friend was being treated this way by his mom over the long haul and last night than he was about what his friend might do. He was angry and frustrated with his friend being in the situation and I think he was hoping there was some way to have him just come live with us or something along those lines. After I posted last night I asked my kid if his friend had texted anymore and he said yeah and he seems ok now. Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted November 20, 2019 Share Posted November 20, 2019 I would not call the police nor alert the mother. If she is abusive, you're right, it will make it that much harder for the kid and he'll feel even more isolated and might withdraw from your son, as well. I've seen that scenario turn into a nightmare. I would recommend one of two things - 1. Notify a school counselor. They can bring him into their office discreetly and give him a safe place to express concerns. Also, if they suspect or see evidence of abuse, they are required by law to report it to authorities. 2. Notify child protective services yourself. They are required to investigate every report. However, this sometimes also goes south if they simply show up, find the accusation "unsubstantiated", and close the case. I am for notifying the school counselor because, like I said, it can give the boy a safe place to go during school and his mother does not have to even know it came from you, or your son. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted November 20, 2019 Share Posted November 20, 2019 You call CPS and ask to remain anonymous. Tell them at least one of the kids is being abused and is very depressed. Don't talk to the mom. She will take it out on the child and also you'll lose being able to see him. Police won't do anything unless it's call CPS, so you just do that yourself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 20, 2019 Share Posted November 20, 2019 Agree with reporting it to someone. If the kids are in the same school perhaps call the teacher & get the school involved. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts