Why would he do this?

[jah526]

This was a long time ago, but I remembered it and was curious. Several times he toyed with the idea of inviting me to a party/barbecue at his house. I never would have gone, but just wondered about his motivation behind it.

 

1. His brain is so compartmentalized that he just thought of it as a nice thing to do for me, nothing more or less.

 

2. He has a seething resentment towards his wife and this would’ve given him duper’s delight.

 

3. He enjoys risk-taking, and this would’ve given him a little rush.

 

4. He was trying to subconsciously relive his childhood (his father brought a second wife into his home when he was young, not unusual in his culture).

 

Maybe a combination of all of the above, I dunno. Personally, I believe it was mostly #2, though I’m not sure about the resentment part. I think he just loves conning people.

[BaileyB]

You know him, we do not.

 

I will say, to even consider something like this... that takes balls. And I don’t mean that as a compliment.

[S2B]

Are you still with this MM?

 

Seems you’ve provided your own answers... and you really didn’t specify a question. A real jerk there.

[Starswillshine]

I'll propose another scenario. If he knows you, he knew you would never go. So he gets credit for inviting you without worrying about you truly showing up.

[jah526]

Are you still with this MM?

 

Seems you’ve provided your own answers... and you really didn’t specify a question. A real jerk there.

 

No, I ended it a few years ago. But we still work in the same group. I rarely ever see him because I rearranged my schedule so as not to run into him.

 

Sometimes questions still occur to me though, like this one. He is generally well-liked at work, except by those of us who know who he really is. I have a suspicion he is a sociopath.

 

Anyway, thanks for the feedback.

[elaine567]

#3 basically I guess.

It would have made him feel like "da man", his mistress and his wife at the same venue...

 

But who knows, could be all 4 or a mix?

Suffice to say whatever the reason, he was doing it for himself NOT you.

[mark clemson]

Maybe a combination of all of the above, I dunno.

 

This would be my guess. Many decisions are the sum of a combination of factors. The "credit for inviting you" think may play into it as well.

 

Suffice to say whatever the reason, he was doing it for himself NOT you.

 

Definitely agree.

 

I would think this would be super awkward for most people, but perhaps he is so used to "putting on an act" for everyone, including his wife and you, that it would have just seemed natural to him?

[IfWishesWereHorses]

Triangulation with risk taking! Bad combination! Run. Fast!

[lovesB]

I think #'s 2 and 3 for an ego boost and a secret dis against the wife

[jah526]

Triangulation with risk taking! Bad combination! Run. Fast!

 

Yeah I think this is it. His wife knew about me because he brought his kid once when we met up (in public). And I knew about the girl he was trying to pick up. He told me she was a “friend”, no doubt the same thing he told his wife about me. Was all a sick game to him. I was desperate enough to imagine he cared about me...

[Poppy47]

xMM asked me to go out with him and his grandchildren once. I refused. Another time, he just turned up with the 7 year old when we met. I pretended I didn't know.

 

I think he resented his wife a lot for her love of socialising and lack of intimacy with him. He once said:" if she wants to socialise with her girl friends, I will make my own life".

So your MM could have issued the invite for any of his own reasons... I'll be it had little to do with you

Poppy.

[jah526]

xMM asked me to go out with him and his grandchildren once. I refused. Another time, he just turned up with the 7 year old when we met. I pretended I didn't know.

 

I think he resented his wife a lot for her love of socialising and lack of intimacy with him. He once said:" if she wants to socialise with her girl friends, I will make my own life".

So your MM could have issued the invite for any of his own reasons... I'll be it had little to do with you

Poppy.

 

Hi Poppy. Hope you’re doing well.

 

Yeah, bringing his kid along was bad. I basically ended up babysitting for her but I’ve never felt like such an interloper in my life. I can only hope she never remembers it.

[solostand]

This is very interesting, because I will sometimes (albeit rarely) wonder the same thing about the x mm who caused so much damage to me emotionally.

 

I was so sick back then. But once, he was in the hospital. I of course was sneaking in to visit him, but as I walked by his room, I saw his wife was there so I tried to just keep walking.

 

However, he saw me, and yelled my name and basically called me in. So I sat there beside him in his bed, his wife on one side, and me on the other. Oh, how he MUST have LOVED that. I can hear his evil laugh now.

 

Later, after Dday and all the horror that entailed, his wife said to me: "I should have been more suspicious in the hospital" as though it was her fault for not being vigilant enough or something.

 

He used to really LOVE when there would be meet ups, accidentally. I was always in the know, she was not.

 

I used to think he resented his wife. I used to think it was all a competition thing, that he loved me better and all that.

 

Now, I think he was just a sociopath.

[Poppy47]

This is very interesting, because I will sometimes (albeit rarely) wonder the same thing about the x mm who caused so much damage to me emotionally.

 

I was so sick back then. But once, he was in the hospital. I of course was sneaking in to visit him, but as I walked by his room, I saw his wife was there so I tried to just keep walking.

 

However, he saw me, and yelled my name and basically called me in. So I sat there beside him in his bed, his wife on one side, and me on the other. Oh, how he MUST have LOVED that. I can hear his evil laugh now.

 

Later, after Dday and all the horror that entailed, his wife said to me: "I should have been more suspicious in the hospital" as though it was her fault for not being vigilant enough or something.

 

He used to really LOVE when there would be meet ups, accidentally. I was always in the know, she was not.

 

I used to think he resented his wife. I used to think it was all a competition thing, that he loved me better and all that.

 

Now, I think he was just a sociopath.

 

xMM used to buy his wife movie tickets, overseas travel and manipulate everything she did. I am never sure whether it was to stay in the affair with me or whether he got a buzz out of fooling her. He once said what she didn't know wouldn't hurt her. OUCH!

Poppy.

[jah526]

xMM used to buy his wife movie tickets, overseas travel and manipulate everything she did. I am never sure whether it was to stay in the affair with me or whether he got a buzz out of fooling her. He once said what she didn't know wouldn't hurt her. OUCH!

Poppy.

 

I think it’s the buzz. Mine told me once that his wife wasn’t too smart but when it came to him, she was a genius. Must have given him a big jolt getting one over on a MM genius.

[Poppy47]

I think it’s the buzz. Mine told me once that his wife wasn’t too smart but when it came to him, she was a genius. Must have given him a big jolt getting one over on a MM genius.

 

XMM used to pay all the bills and control the finances. He was a computer wizz even in his later years. She had no clue how to turn on a computer, so he said.

 

I wonder if he manipulated things so she didn't learn. He definitely controlled a lot, but not everything.

 

Poppy.