How open does one have to be in a relationship

[chillii]

Sensitive???

You have been messaging and seeing women behind her back and she is "sensitive"

You are minimising this.

This would be a deal breaker for many women.

You many lose her over this.

 

 

 

 

 

 

It's true fox, no woman's gonna like that, not one bit.

[Foxhall]

Chilli, yes ok I may have to look at this,

 

the thing is it will be a struggle to meet another girl than I have as good of connection with,

 

I think I can be a good boyfriend for her,

 

she is razor sharp though and effectively has control over me now if things are to progress,

 

I will get away with nothing,

 

but Im open to adjusting see how it goes

[elaine567]

I will get away with nothing,

Why would you want to "get away" with anything?

Relationships are built on truth, honesty and reliability, not on lies and deception surely?

[schlumpy]

She has been thinking about investing more into the relationship and she used the phone request to help her make up her mind. That's how I read it.

[preraph]

When deciding how much is too much, it's something you have to look at carefully, because as we've seen on this forum over and over, usually the jealous person who is paranoid about everything, that is THEIR problem with insecurity because it is often unfounded and I wouldn't stay with that person.

 

In this case, it's partially warranted because he's keeping his line in the water, but does that mean she isn't overly insecure? Not necessarily. You have to look at her actions in general. Does she freak out if you are nice to a waitress even when it's innocent, that type of thing, to find out if it's mostly you or mostly her. But in general, a relationship where there has to be monitoring is a relationship without trust and will be a strain to live under.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

There is nothing and never has been anything in my purse that a bf shouldn't see.

Like what?

 

lol I think I'd rather someone go through my purse than my phone.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Foxhall, this is off-topic, but what's the most you've ever won while gambling?

[pepperbird]

op,

right now, you have an important decision to make. Do you value your "freedom" more than being in a committed, long term relationship? There's no right or wrong answer.

 

 

 

If you want your relationship to move ahead, you will need your girlfriend on your side, and that mans she has to trust you. It's not so much about control over you as it is her looking out for herself, which I'm sure you can understand.

 

 

 

In your shoes, I would sit down with her and talk through this. Ask her why it bothered her so much, and once she has answered, see if there is a way the two of you can address that point together. It could be as easy as introducing your girlfriend to your female friends so she can get to know them, or being sure not not hide that you are calling/texting whatever with them. It really doesn't have to be complicated.

 

As for the gambling, think of it this way. Say instead of gambling, she liked to drink. There's nothing wrong with having a couple of drinks every now and again, but wouldn't you want to know if she was an alcoholic so you could decide whether or not you want to hitch your star to her wagon? She may well want to know if you just place a few bets every now and again, or if you have to go without because you bet your whole pay on a race.

[preraph]

The problem is twofold. One, he is having trouble with commitment. But before he even considers it, he needs to find out is this is one chronically insecure person who will never be able to trust.

[Foxhall]

Foxhall, this is off-topic, but what's the most you've ever won while gambling?

 

well no life changing sums, more near misses in that regard,

 

7,400 euro on horse racing was my biggest individual win back in July 2014.

 

5,000 won on the Japanese tennis player Naomi Osaka who won the US Open tennis in 2018,

 

Ive had about 15 wins over 1,000,

 

not all sunshine, plenty of losses too, especially back in my early 20s where a more reckless streak was there,and I learnt the hard way how not to bet.

 

500 was my biggest losing bet,

 

my biggest individual bet nowadays is 100 euro.

(milder this last few years so heading in the right direction!)

 

this year I am up about 4000 at this point, which is roughly 80 euro a week.

 

Im certainly not recommending gambling to anyone by the way, Ive seen a few acquaintances badly stung with it,

no easy money out of it.

[Foxhall]

Yes I want to try to commit to a relationship with this girl,have been used to the single way of life but would like to give this a shot.

 

Ok perhaps meeting some of these people in question is a good idea,

 

it did strike me actually how upset she looked at the thought of me flirting with other women, so I will be more considerate of that,

 

few texts today and plan is to try and move forward from this, going to a group social christmas party thing next week, so that may be a good idea get her integrated with some of my acquaintances and so on,

[Happy Lemming]

Im certainly not recommending gambling to anyone by the way, Ive seen a few acquaintances badly stung with it...

 

Yes, I had this one friend that bet the horses, quite a bit. He paid his bills, but he did push the envelope (in my opinion). One day, he told me about this horse and that it was a sure thing (30:1) odds. I told him he was crazy, he insisted that this horse would come in. He told me to "bet the rent" on this one. To shut him up I handed him $2 (which was the minimum bet, back then). The next time I saw him he handed me $60, he had indeed "bet the rent" and made a bundle.

 

As far as your girlfriend, I can understand wanting to try to make it work, but don't force a square peg into a round hole. There are plenty of women out there. The whole "sharing is caring" crap and the phone snooping leave a bad taste in my mouth. What is going to be her next demand??