Is it insensitive of me to do this to my friend?

[ironpony]

My best friend going back to when we were kids has cancer, and was living in the same city as her family for the past four years, to back to university.

 

I got a message from her family saying she doesn't have much time left. I wanted to see her if that was the case, and called work to tell them I won't be in the next day likely. I debated if I should just drive up there, that afternoon, even though it was already later in the day, and it was a long drive. They said that her other friends from here are coming in and they went, so I thought perhaps I should too.

 

I told my other friend who is friends with her too. Not near as close of friends as me and her, but still close good friends. My friend asked if he can come with but wait till tomorrow cause he has tomorrow off, and we can just go up in the morning. I was really debating it cause what if I go in the morning and it's too late by then.

 

But my gf and my mom said it's better to go in the morning cause then you have more daylight while driving in the winter time, and then I am not driving alone then and have someone with me. And my friend really wanted to go with me and was really wanting to see her one more time if he could.

 

So I decided to wait till the next morning and go up with him. But it was too late then and she passed away. We also had a flat tire on the way, but that probably doesn't make much of a difference as to how much time we had if we still chose to leave that morning.

 

So now there is the funeral coming up. My friend really wants to carpool with me to go to that now. However, because of his job, he's probably going to really want to head up early in the morning, rather than the day before and stay overnight in a hotel, thus missing two to three days of work instead of one, if we have to stay overnight again, after the funeral.

 

So I feel like telling him, I'm going to head up the night before and get a hotel, just to make sure I make that funeral cause I don't want to head up early the same day as the funeral, where anything can go wrong on the way, and then I miss it. I feel like telling him he is welcome the day before and do the hotel, but I don't want to go up with him the same day. I also feel like telling him I don't want to be on the clock at the funeral, in case he has to be driven back for work the next morning. So if that's the case, maybe we should take separate vehicles, which means we won't do it together and more gas money. Would that be insensitive since he really wants to be there too, but might have more trouble getting off of work to go 2-3 days?

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Does your friend have any other way of getting there?

[ironpony]

Yeah, he has his own car, he just prefers to go together.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Then, no. You're not being insensitive at all. You literally only get one chance at this. I'm so sorry for your loss .

[alphamale]

^^I agree with CO

 

sorry for the loss of your friend, ironpony. I too lost a good friend a long long time ago...

[LivingWaterPlease]

Agree with CO and alpha. Perhaps you could tell your friend to contact you as soon as he arrives and you can follow each other in your cars so you can sit together. That way you can stay as long as you need to.

 

I do that when a friend asks me to ride with him/her and I need independence.

 

I'm so sorry to read of your loss.

[ironpony]

Oh well I don't know if he would follow me in a car, since he may want to leave the day of the funeral most likely, where as I want to go before and not miss it. It's just he is really not taking the friend's death well, and is upset and shouts about everything, so I don't want to make him mad/upset even further.