What does she mean by that?

[Tom1231]

Hey,

 

I recently started talking to a girl and I kinda like her. We already went out a few times alone to a bar or other places. Yesterday she told me about a guy hitting on her and then said "Maybe there is someone else out there who likes me except him but you never know"

 

I am really bad at picking up clues but was she trying to get me to say that I like her? Or did she want me to say something else?

 

Thanks for your help.

 

I know I am good at overanalyzing I could also just go for it. Maybe I should.

[schlumpy]

It does sound like a leading question.

 

Why didn't you reply just a vaguely? Something holding you back? How much do you like this girl?

 

You could also read it as a warning that someone else has an interest and if you don't make a move soon she will dance off with the other young scamp.

[smackie9]

egad she a s&*^ tester. Run Forest Run!

[Tom1231]

I'm not a 100 percent sure whether I like her in that way or not. That's why I didn't way anything!

 

egad she a s&*^ tester. Run Forest Run!

 

What do you mean by that? :') Sh**tester?

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I'm not a 100 percent sure whether I like her in that way or not.

 

She's not sure how you feel either, and I think was trying to find out!

[Silver_star]

She was trying to find out if you are interested or not.

[preraph]

Well, I mean, it's fine if you don't know if you like her. You said you "kinda" like her and then you said you didn't know if you liked her or not. At the same time, it sounds like you've been out on a couple or more dates with her without making a move. I think it's time to decide if you want to be friends or kiss her. She's telling you she can't tell if you like her or not. I mean, the alternative is stop asking her out if you don't like her. If you keep asking her out, you must like her. What's holding you back?

[Tom1231]

Well, I mean, it's fine if you don't know if you like her. You said you "kinda" like her and then you said you didn't know if you liked her or not. At the same time, it sounds like you've been out on a couple or more dates with her without making a move. I think it's time to decide if you want to be friends or kiss her. She's telling you she can't tell if you like her or not. I mean, the alternative is stop asking her out if you don't like her. If you keep asking her out, you must like her. What's holding you back?

 

I don't know. There are just a lot of things that I don't particularly like about her. I love hanging out with her, etc... but I am not yet sure about committing a 100 percent. I might need some time to figure it out myself and then I would make a move.

I am just not a 100 percent certain whether she is the right match or not. My friends also say that she is NOT the right match for me. So that makes it even harder to decide.

[rjc149]

egad she a s&*^ tester. Run Forest Run!

 

All but very unattractive women are sh-t testers. Some are worse than others. Some are more gentle than others. Typically the more attractive she is and the more options she has, the more she will test to see if you're fit enough to be her mate. But women must test their men's internal strength and confidence to remain attracted to them. It's biology. If you don't want to be tested by women, date men.

 

OP, she's trying to see how you'll react. I would nonchalantly reply "Yeah I'm not surprised" while leaning back in your chair. Or "yeah right, he was hitting on YOU??" in very obviously comical, playful, flirty way.

 

I am not yet sure about committing a 100 percent. I might need some time to figure it out myself and then I would make a move.

 

Are you even hooking up with this girl? Who said anything about committing? And if you like her why are you hesitating to make a move?

 

See, this is why women test men, to screen indecisive, un-confident, relationship-focused guys out. Make a move already!!

[Silver_star]

I dont get it. It's not like she is asking you to profess your undying love.

 

She probably wants to know if you are interested or attracted to her at a level that would make sense for her to even keep investing time hanging out with you all the time. Otherwise you are wasting her time and keeping her from finding someone that is interested.

 

Liking someone does not equal any kind of exclusivity or commitment.

If you just like hanging out but are not interested in her romantically then why dont you just ask her to be your friend?

[Tom1231]

Well I think you misunderstood what I meant.

I don't know if I am interested. I don't know if I wanna get closer with her. I might just wanna be friends with her. I know I will have to make that decision sooner rather than later.

[smackie9]

Well that's why she's fishing around (in an immature way I might add), she wants to know if you see things progressing here or not. You sound lukewarm so I'm gonna go with no not that interested in her.

[preraph]

I think you should drop it right now and let her know you realized you already know she's not the right match for you. You're too ambivalent for her to be the one. It doesn't sound like dating casually is something you like to do (I don't either, feel like I'm stringing someone along), so time to call it.

 

Now you have to worry if she's got feelings that will keep you from, in good conscience, even being friends with her, even if you're honest, because it would give her hope. But maybe she isn't that attached.

[Tom1231]

I'm gonna make myself seem like a douche here but whatever:

 

I know she likes me. I know she would want more if I would make the move. And I had ENOUGH opportunities to make a move but I never felt it. I never felt like I should do it. Something was holding me back. However, I kinda like her chasing me. And that's why I wanna stop it. I like it, but I also appreciate her as a friend and don't wanna hurt her.

 

Like when we are in a group with friends I almost never talk to her. However, she always eavesdrops my conversation with other people and then randomly tries to join the conversation without being part of it in the first place. I normally don't keep the conversation up because I just like that she is chasing/trying to get me.

[Silver_star]

you are definitely on a power trip. You are even aware of that fact.

 

So since you are aware of this ...you do have a choice about how to behave since you say she is one of your friends.

 

I like getting attention from guys too, but there is a line that will never be crossed if I have no intention of getting with them. A point where I need to be direct and clear about my intentions... and that is for guys I am not even friends with, but have approached me and I have gone on a date with and decided I was not into.

 

It's different if that person is your friend. I had a guy friend that was interested in me before, and i did like the attention for while because I could tell he was super into me, and I know he was super cool so I tried to feel something...and it never happened. You cannot force feelings.

I felt bad getting his hopes up spending time with him alone...he kept hinting and trying and trying to get closer physically until eventually I had to say I didnt feel anything that way for him, and he was very disappointed and confused, but eventually accepted that I only wanted to be his friend. I wished I had that conversation earlier so I didn't confuse him for the months we spent with the "possibility" something would happen.

 

As long as she is not investing more and more into you then the chances are she is eventually going to give up and stop chasing you. If you keep stringing her along, spending time with her alone, flirting or giving her mixed signals..she is going to be confused, hurt and disappointed. Dont be that kind of friend.

[rjc149]

I know she likes me. I know she would want more if I would make the move. And I had ENOUGH opportunities to make a move but I never felt it. I never felt like I should do it.

 

Then why do you care?

[Tom1231]

I don't know. Maybe I like her and just don't wanna admit it? I have no clue.

It's like when I think she likes me, I don't really like her.

But when she like doesn't text me for a day, etc... then I feel like I like her?

I think it's just that I want what I can't have... Which sucks..

[schlumpy]

I don't know. Maybe I like her and just don't wanna admit it? I have no clue.

It's like when I think she likes me, I don't really like her.

But when she like doesn't text me for a day, etc... then I feel like I like her?

I think it's just that I want what I can't have... Which sucks..

 

Now we are getting down to where the real problem is, so the next question is have you been this way with girls in the past? Is this a pattern?

[Tom1231]

Now we are getting down to where the real problem is, so the next question is have you been this way with girls in the past? Is this a pattern?

 

No I never had a feeling like this. It is just with her. I don't know why.

 

I realized it yesterday. She texted me throughout the day but I didn't feel like answering and answered like 4 hours later. Then at night she would only text one word answers, so I wanted to text her again...

Also I get jealous when she is with other boys BUT as soon as I know that the guy is just a friend, I don't have a need to be with her again.

I think that is just me seeking for attention? And being afraid that when she finds someone else that I won't get her attention?

[ChatroomHero]

What doesn't make sense is the original question you hid behind. Your original question was:

 

"Does she like me? Is she dropping a hint?...I am really bad at picking up clues but was she trying to get me to say that I like her? Or did she want me to say something else?"

 

Then you say you already absolutely know she likes you and the issue is when she gives you attention you lose interest but when she disappears a bit you get interested again.

 

So what are you really trying to ask? Why is your first question a loaded question that you already knew the answer to? You were pretty specific that you are bad at picking up clues and you were trying to figure out what she wanted but apparently that was a lie and that question was so far from the truth and reality of why you posted in the forum, I have to wonder...why the deceit? What's your end game here?

[Tom1231]

What doesn't make sense is the original question you hid behind. Your original question was:

 

"Does she like me? Is she dropping a hint?...I am really bad at picking up clues but was she trying to get me to say that I like her? Or did she want me to say something else?"

 

Then you say you already absolutely know she likes you and the issue is when she gives you attention you lose interest but when she disappears a bit you get interested again.

 

So what are you really trying to ask? Why is your first question a loaded question that you already knew the answer to? You were pretty specific that you are bad at picking up clues and you were trying to figure out what she wanted but apparently that was a lie and that question was so far from the truth and reality of why you posted in the forum, I have to wonder...why the deceit? What's your end game here?

 

 

I really don't know. I think the initial intention was just to get conformation that she actually likes me. I just wanted to feel like she wants me and that other people think the same. It is weird. I only have it with this girl, with other girls I don't want them to chase me.

 

I also don't know what to do. Half my friends tell me to make a move. They say I am scared and that's why I don't make a move but I think it is because I don't want to. I don't know.

 

My emotions are so confused over this girl. And I tried to get them sorted by talking about it, I guess?

[assertives]

Well, just make a move then. Either you want to continue seeing her long term, or you don't. If you don't or you feel unsure, you likely don't like her as a potential partner anyway. If the knowledge of her liking you makes you want to push her away, then please don't waste hers and your time. This is hardly a healthy nor sustainable dynamic long term. Let her go and find that someone who is willing to commit to her. You and her both deserve someone who is sure of each other and want to commit to building something together.

[Zinging]

You wanted/want her around only for validation. In the bargain, it seems you're beginning to sacrifice a little bit of 'peace' yourself as a trade-in.

 

You wouldn't pay her attention while in a group, wouldn't respond to her chats until she got tired of chasing you - and now, you're the one chasing answers.

 

Can you see the pattern? If you let this fester, increasing chance that what might be coming for you would be the five-lettered Sanskrit word that begins with K and ends with A. I'm half-convinced she senses what you're up to, so your behaviour ceases to be attractive to those around beyond a point too. Please be matured in your approach to this hereafter. Have an honest chat with her, letting her know where your feelings (or lack thereof) stand - and then, either be genuinely cordial or block her - both, for herself and for yourself too.

Edited December 1, 2019 by Zinging

[Tom1231]

You wanted/want her around only for validation. In the bargain, it seems you're beginning to sacrifice a little bit of 'peace' yourself as a trade-in.

 

You wouldn't pay her attention while in a group, wouldn't respond to her chats until she got tired of chasing you - and now, you're the one chasing answers.

 

Can you see the pattern? If you let this fester, increasing chance that what might be coming for you would be the five-lettered Sanskrit word that begins with K and ends with A. I'm half-convinced she senses what you're up to, so your behaviour ceases to be attractive to those around beyond a point too. Please be matured in your approach to this hereafter. Have an honest chat with her, letting her know where your feelings (or lack thereof) stand - and then, either be genuinely cordial or block her - both, for herself and for yourself too.

 

 

THIS.

 

I love you for this answer. I think this describes this situation exactly. And I think me and her would be happier if we could just settle this whole relationship in one way or another. Thank you so much.

[preraph]

To be honest, it sounds like you have maybe some resentment toward women in general and don't like to make them happy. You've already been a jerk with her ignoring her in conversations, a real jerk to do that.

 

And your reason for not caring until she backs off is because YOU like ego validation, even if you don't care about the person and maybe don't even like them. You have some work to do before you get into a good relationship.