It surely is better to be a man

[chillii]

I don't think it is "better" to be a man or a woman, just different. I know there has never been one day where I thought to myself how great it would be to be born a woman, not even one. Sure, men have it easier in some respects, and women have it easier in others, but I like being a man, and I think that most women like being women too. I also think it is a waste of time to worry about what gender has it easier since, IMO, it is not something you can do anything about.

 

 

 

 

Yeah prettywell same here.

l wouldn't wanna be a woman for anything but then they probably don't wanna be a man either.

But yep , there's goods and bads in both.

Once l was thinking about all that and for most bads goods easy's and advantages or disadvantages to either, there's usually a vise versa equivalent in some form.

[gaius]

I grasped Timshel's point pretty easily tfy. That you probably see couples where the woman is older all the time but you just don't realize it, because the woman doesn't look any older. And she's spot on. Nobody notices with us.

 

Post any observations you want, and that might be the reality of your group of friends, but I know in real life more older women / younger men couples than I do guys with wives decades younger. One guy who's been married 20+ years, one couple who's been together 10+ years and I'm working on 5 years with a woman it took me almost 6 months to agree to a date. Which is not the level of effort I have to put in to get a date. But she's the one it feels utterly right to spend my life with. The connection and feelings I have for her I have not felt and cannot be replicated in any other, young or old. It's not always just about getting laid. And it's not that uncommon anymore.

 

Anyway, now you've met someone who's pursued a woman older than himself for more than sex. It's nice to meet you.

[Woggle]

Most men have certain traits they are attracted to in a woman and whether those traits are found in an older or younger woman is beside the point.

[hotpotato]

Of course, only a minority of men have money and/or fame. Hence all the older men on here who want a younger woman and can't find one.

 

Don't confuse prostitution of the rich and famous with what is reality for the hoi polloi.

 

Exactly. Men need to get real about what they can and cant have.

 

My ex was much older than me, but he was far from the typical man. He looked like he used to be a football player, was over 6 ft tall, and makes good money. For other men ymmv. There are skinny fat, broke grandpas still fantasizing abt 18 year old brides.

 

Men seem to love some young women for sure. I'm glad I'm away from all that.

[Mr. Lucky]

Men seem to love some young women for sure.

 

Just as women seem to love good-looking, well-off men?

 

He looked like he used to be a football player, was over 6 ft tall, and makes good money.

 

Mr. Lucky

[thefooloftheyear]

Not sure why this is so hard to comprehend....

 

Men value beauty and women value security/confidence...

 

Not all, of course(), but generally speaking these hold true...

 

You are more likely to find beauty in youth and you are more likely to find security/confidence in age....Because most men don't put much value in confidence and security in older women, they cant use that with the same advantage/asset an older man can with younger woman..

 

Its really not that more complicated than that...

 

TFY

[salparadise]

Do you ever read threads on this forum by some of the men who are unable to find love, no matter how hard they try? You might find it enlightening. If you took the time to read their stories I don't think you would say it is easier for men.

 

The constant disappointment, rejection, and frustration some men face is devastating. To add to that, they know their only option is to keep putting themselves out there to be rejected because women are less likely to pursue them.

 

Great post Scarlett. I'm glad that at least one woman (and I know there are more) appreciates what so many men have to endure to even have a chance at finding the love and connection that we all want and need. It's not a uniquely male or female problem, it's one of the hardest struggles of being human, and there is no easy solution.

 

From an average man's perspective, it's disheartening to realize how much this is about the superficial aspects for so many women, when all we want is to give and receive genuine love and affection, to be happily coupled and enjoy closeness and connection with a dedicated mate. We put ourselves out there time and time again, trying our best to stay optimistic. But the women seem to have a different agenda, an all or nothing mentality –– if they can't get a-b-c-d in a man, with a lifestyle upgrade, they'll hold out 'til hell freezes over. Oh they'll date around some, which seems to temporarily satisfy their need for sex and companionship, but always judging with one foot out the door... while men are accepting and find ways to overlook flaws or behavioral issues, women are keeping a scorecard. If she gets the idea that the man has a shortcoming, or if she starts to believe she could possibly do a little better... boom, without a second thought. I'm not saying this is truth in any objective sense, just the way it feels.

 

What's the result? We quit believing, lower expectations to nearly zero, quit pursuing women who exhibit any propensity whatsoever for the transactional model, and resign ourselves to being alone, perhaps with the occasional short-term fling if she initiates. We start to view women as biologically and culturally handicapped in terms of pure love and affection, and only able to have relationships through a lens of entitlement and a man's ability to deliver.

 

I know that lots of women end up with a parallel kind of disillusionment due to not being able to get what they feel they deserve, which usually includes the transactional aspects. If we could transcend that expectation we'd have a lot more happy couples growing old together and meeting each other's needs for love and companionship.

[alphamale]

Not sure why this is so hard to comprehend....

 

Men value beauty and women value security/confidence...

 

Not all, of course(), but generally speaking these hold true...

 

You are more likely to find beauty in youth and you are more likely to find security/confidence in age....Because most men don't put much value in confidence and security in older women, they cant use that with the same advantage/asset an older man can with younger woman..

 

Its really not that more complicated than that...

 

TFY

 

indeed tfoty

[Ruby Slippers]

There are pros and cons to being either sex. I've never had any trouble as a woman finding hot men of any age, though I look for a much wider variety of traits than just good looks.

 

I don't think it's any easier for either sex to find real love, which in the end is what most people want. My new boyfriend has told me dating stories. He's attractive and does well, so can easily get dates. But he's not interested in being used for his money, which eliminates a large swath of women from his consideration.

[somanymistakes]

Among all the people I know, I think I know one woman who has a consistent tendency to be involved with older men, and even then she goes for guys about ten years older than her, not 20+. It's not for financial stability either, she's an accountant with a good salary. That's just her taste in men.

 

I've known a couple of guys who went for older women. And I knew one who was into older women when he was young, then women his own age, then women slightly younger than him, etc. He seems to be stuck on '30-35' as the ideal age for a woman. Remains to be seen whether that will hold up as he gets further and further away from that age range.

 

Almost everyone I know goes for people around their own age, though.

 

I don't think I personally know ANY couples with a woman 20+ years younger than the husband. But what's most common in the people around you is going to depend a whole lot on what sort of people you associate with. If you hang around with pilots, then you'll think that all men cheat on their wives. (It's a stereotype for a reason!) If you hang around with a certain kind of businessman, you'll think all men want younger trophy wives.

 

My not knowing them personally obviously doesn't mean they don't happen. They do! But we really have to be careful about making sweeping statements. We all know such tiny segments of humanity. People are weird and varied.

[Prudence V]

I don’t know any man who walks around wherever they go making a mental note of nearest exits, who looks like a threat, how to avoid getting sexually harassed or raped, etc.

 

Every single woman I know does this - if not every single day, at least often enough for it to be an autonomic response.

[thefooloftheyear]

I don’t know any man who walks around wherever they go making a mental note of nearest exits, who looks like a threat, how to avoid getting sexually harassed or raped, etc.

 

Every single woman I know does this - if not every single day, at least often enough for it to be an autonomic response.

 

Good point...its also a lot easier to take a leak if you cant find a suitable restroom...

 

BTW, not making light of that concern...its very real, and its not only about sexual assault, its also just being mugged, car jacked, robbed, etc...

 

Just about all of those murder shows involve women as victims...If you are a guy its really not that much of a concern...If you are a big guy, its really not even enough to move the needle...

 

TFY

[normal person]

hey, I didn't say it's easier for ALL men.

I meant if you are a man, then you don't really need to worry about age, you can just focus on making money. woman can't, because they have a short biological clock.

 

A woman's prime years are often spent with no shortage of suitors, men buying them drinks, dinners, gifts, etc. No one has more sexual market value than a woman age 18-30, men will trip over themselves to be with them, giving those young women lots of leverage and the power to pick their partners from a pretty big field. Lots of women will have more than enough opportunity to find their partners in this period of life.

 

If men aren't often the ones those women are picking, then a lot those men might not have much sway until they have some money, respect, and a way to provide.

 

In this regard, women are born rich and die poor, and men are born poor and die rich. So while it seems women get the short end of a stick later in their lives, don't be so quick to forget the entire decade of their lives where western women are treated like princesses totally spoilt for choice in the dating market.

 

So thinking about your statement, "it's better to be a man," I'd agree that it's better to be an older single man than an older single woman. But I bet there are plenty of women who would give anything to be 22 again, and plenty of older successful men who are finally enjoying the tables being turned now that they have an advantage.

 

This is a thread about gender and age, not about gender.

[Kitty Tantrum]

I think that no matter which gender you are, you're not going to set yourself up for success by approaching dating and relationships as a competition between men and women.

 

Absolutely agree with normal person said above.

 

The thing you're missing in your assessment of the older man/younger woman dynamic is that it's not just "older man has easier time getting woman," it's ALSO "younger woman has easier time getting man."

 

So how is it strictly a male advantage? Well, it's NOT. You can just as easily say "wow, look at how easy it is for a woman to snag a rich/famous man, women have it so much easier."

 

Zeroing in on any one facet of what you perceive to be "human value" in the dating/relationship market - in this case, age - and making an argument based on the assumption that this factor should be evaluated in the exact same way between men and women is silly. Using that assumption to then broadly paint one gender as advantaged/disadvantaged seems wilfully myopic.

 

If I were being evaluated for "relationship value" as though I were a MAN, I'd be all but worthless.

 

And that's where so many women go horribly wrong. They think they need to be more like men, because men have XYZ "advantage" - solidly missing the fact that the same qualities which are advantageous to men are disadvantageous to women.

 

Don't position yourself as the competition! Position yourself as the complement.

[Els]

I'm probably not the best advocate of the benefits of being female. I mean, the thing I like best about being a woman is the multiple orgasms (seriously, it's not even close for the guys, not even with prostate stimulation and not even with "training").

 

But I honestly feel that anyone who constantly looks for the downsides of what they were born with is the kind of person who will never be happy to begin with. If they were born male, they'd probably be fixating on something else.

 

IMO contentment and happiness is as much about your state of mind as it is about the physical circumstances. Unless you were REALLY given the short end of the stick in life (and frankly if you are alive and have the resources and freedom to be posting on LS, you were NOT), happiness is a choice.

[FMW]

I'm a woman over 50. I have always enjoyed being a woman and that has probably even increased as I've aged. I'm content with my romantic opportunities, my career, and my life in general. Sure, some crappy things have happened along, life isn't always fair and there are always things for which to strive. But overall, I'm happy. I've certainly never thought things would be better if I was a man.

 

I'm thankful to have had great family and friends all along the way, so I realize my experience isn't the same as some others'. But I agree with Elswyth - being happy is often a choice. Appreciating all the good and learning to roll with the bad is an important skill to develop.

[chillii]

I don’t know any man who walks around wherever they go making a mental note of nearest exits, who looks like a threat, how to avoid getting sexually harassed or raped, etc.

 

Every single woman I know does this - if not every single day, at least often enough for it to be an autonomic response.

 

 

 

 

Yeah right and see this is one of the things l love about being a guy we can do what we want. Still gotta use our brains but you know, pretty well.

l also think for the same reasons it's a bit easier for a single guy too despite the way a lot of the single threads bang on . lt's a lot harder and trickier for women to get out to pretty well anywhere they want and chat up men , and downright dangerous in many cases.

Edited December 1, 2019 by chillii

[somanymistakes]

It's also worth noting that men are victims of violent crime much more often than women are. Personally, I was jumped by a gang when I was a teenager, hit in the head with a brick, knocked unconscious, and several of the other guys kicked me while I was down.

 

Yep, this is consistently true (and sorry that happened to you).

 

Violent crime by strangers is far, far more often aimed at men.

 

Women are almost always attacked/murdered by current or former partners. There are exceptions, obviously, and the news loves to harp on them and build a sense of fear and helplessness among women. (And the constant victim-blaming in the media also ramps up that hyper-vigilance, as women don't just worry about being attacked, they worry about being told it was all their fault.)

 

But while anyone CAN assault you, 9 times out of 10, it's the people you date, not the stranger in the parking lot.

[Els]

In terms of being the potential victim of violence, men definitely face a lower risk, IMO. Yes, the victims of violent crime are more often men, but that's because men are much, much more likely to take risks (and to get embroiled in arguments/gang fights that turn physical) than women are. A man taking the same level of precaution as a woman (not walking alone at night, avoiding violent neighbourhoods, disengaging if anyone tries to pick a fight, etc) will almost certainly not be attacked.

 

 

That being said, I do think that people, even complete strangers, tend to look out for and protect women much more so than men. Whenever I travel alone I am always struck by how people go out of their way to help me or look out for me - H and my male friends don't get the same luxury.

[Ruby Slippers]

^ My boyfriend pointed out that I probably don't realize how many people go out of their way to help and assist me as a woman, whereas as a man he's mostly on his own. Now that he mentioned it, I'm more aware and he's right. It seems as if customer service people in stores are coming after me to proactively help me... while he says he could be chasing someone down for a while

[chillii]

You can always find the people that grew up in decent neighborhoods. You wanna meet some dudes that are always looking for the next threat? Check out your inner cities like Baltimore, MD. Maybe in the nice places you hang out, men don't worry about that sort of thing, but anyone that grew up in an underprivileged area knows all about scanning for threats constantly. It's also worth noting that men are victims of violent crime much more often than women are. Personally, I was jumped by a gang when I was a teenager, hit in the head with a brick, knocked unconscious, and several of the other guys kicked me while I was down.

 

https://www.cbs.nl/en-gb/news/2018/51/fewer-women-than-men-fall-victim-to-violence

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yep true too so once again ya see , the other side of the coin.

like l was sayin , there's usually the equivalent in both , one way or another.

 

Then there's the whole thing Ruby's talkin about. Or eh , if your going through a divorce the red carpet is literally rolled out for women , everywhere they go compared, even if she's the one that screwed around and blew up the marriage . Ha , all a guy gets is screwed nad ahhh, get over it.

 

So as usual , it goes on and on and on round and round and we could bang on forever, pros and cons all over the place once again.

Edited December 1, 2019 by chillii

[Metsgal]

It makes me mad when men complain that they are "old." A few male co-workers were complaining about turning 30 was too old for them. I was like wth? They can still be ugly, 50 and could possibly have that option of having that hot young girlfriend if they had money in their pocket.

[chillii]

But see , same again, usually what women moan about men ,they don't realize , most women do it to. l've hear heaps of women moan about getting old, even my gf does and she's 8yrs younger than me, ex w did too and she was 11yrs younger than me.

 

Thought of a funny one though why l dropped back.

l always chuckle when l see a chick broken down somewhere . l just drive straight past them, ok l'm a mthrfckerm , well we know that already

l've even had em stare at me as l go past like wtf , your not even gonna stop, l always chuckle to myself and think nope, sorry lady. But don't you worry, just give it 5 min's and there'll be 10 suckers lining up to do anything for you.

Well once l drove past this chick , bit of a hottie, bonet was up smoke comin out of everywhere , hot day , l thought fk it l'll be back in 5 if she's still alone l'll think about it.

Coming nack past 5mins later , sure as day , here's 3 separate suckers all over that damn car and wiping her pretty little brow for her

If your gonna brake down fellas , make sure you throw on a skirt eh.

Edited December 1, 2019 by chillii

[stillafool]

So can women if they have money. Money can by you time with whatever age range you want, it just can't buy you love. So just because these older men/women have younger partners it does not mean these young folks are in love with them.

[basil67]

Chillii, where were these dudes each time I had to change a tire?!