LDR girlfriend ended relationship of 3 years for someone else!?

[TeddyBundy1993]

Hello all I'll make it as much as short as possible please bear with me. I m a sri lanka and my ex girlfriend is from Europe we met on Facebook and became friends. Her then boyfriend committed suicide and she was devastated I was there to help her through and we spoke non stop day and night online we fell in love and went on to date for 3 years. I m 27 she is 31 now. While we fell in love she I was 24 she was 28. I was supporting to her and she opened up much about her life to me she was married at 18 but divorced later. Had a tuff childhood. She opened up much to me more than any other human in her life. She was madly in love with me could not live without talking for a day. We had our fights too. She is a moody person. Finally we met this year and she lived with me and my family for 1 month. Was very happy with me. But there were cultural differences she was shocked about anyhow fast forward she returned and everything went fine for a while. Later she started complaining for culture and told me I must live in Europe but financially we are better off in my country. She started to get distant she earlier also got distant but things went fine later on. After 4 months of returning she told me that she met someone and we should end it because we are from different worlds. I didn't begged or pleaded told I am happy for her. I went into NC she texted me time to time and once I blocked her she called and said she still loved me and have feelings for me but culture killed it, I got Hopes up thought she would return went NC again. 2 weeks later she left her country to be with this man in Europe he is nearly 10 plus years older in 40ies hes type of bad guy she prefers. After 29 days of her moving in with that guy mutual friend texted her and asked what went wrong she told her I and her were not for each other and was aggressive told she found another man and love him and said doesnt care what anyone think. I got angry next day and blocked her telling she kicked 3 years of love and got attracted to a man in 28 days and left. She was very cold told me she wished me all luck. I really dont know what's in her head is she over me ? She literally begged me to be her friend earlier and sounded confused. But now she is cold and hot. Please suggest me both of our families knew about us and as far as I know her family wont allow such a old man to be with her she has left her earlier also to live with older men returned later. Should I move on. Or wait as this sounds like GIGS

[TeddyBundy1993]

With last text I told her we can't be friends. And this time she cold about it. But she checks my Facebook very often I m confused what this women is upto. A part of me wanna give up on her. Other says shes just struggled a lot because of distance. 15 days before breaking up she asked when am I coming to visit her...

[d0nnivain]

Alas it's not GIGs. The realities of the immigration issues & cultural differences smacked her in the face when you met. She knows what her boundaries are & living outside of Europe with a man who comes from such a contrasting background violates those boundaries. You were there for her during a bleak time in her life, after her BF died but you weren't all that real . . . you were a fantasy on the computer & it was easy. Now that you have met she realizes it doesn't work for her. Sorry. You should let go & find a local woman to date.

[TeddyBundy1993]

I did told her about the culture before hand only. And she agreed to adjust accordingly. But nevertheless she has more often emphasized that it's over. I have accepted that also. Still wanted opinion of people who have been through this thanks for reply mate

[ExpatInItaly]

I did told her about the culture before hand only. And she agreed to adjust accordingly. But nevertheless she has more often emphasized that it's over. I have accepted that also. Still wanted opinion of people who have been through this thanks for reply mate

 

Saying she would adjust is one thing, and means little before she had the chance to actually experience it. She realized she was not capable.

 

My guess is that her new guy has been on her radar longer than she admits, but even if he wasn't around, this still would't have worked out. The logistics and cultural differences were just too much for her and she knew it wasn't the right situation for her.

 

I am sure she feels guilty for not being able to hold up her end of the agreement to adjust culturally, and disappointed that the fantasy didn't translate well offline. This is probably why she wants to stay friends and is still curious what you're up to. But realistically, the chances of this working out well and extremely slim. You would be best to let go and work on finding a local woman you're more compatible with.

[TeddyBundy1993]

Yeah I already let go of her. Wished her luck and all. Fine I'll give up any reconciliation hope now. And move ahead dang it's not easy but no option left.

[preraph]

Sorry this fell apart for you. These long distance and cross-culture relationships rarely work out. This one was obviously both. It's a long time to date, but her issues with not wanting to live within your culture are legitimate. I mean, it's a different world to her, a different way of living, thinking. She wasn't up for it. Not many people would be, so I am so sorry you're hurting, but she has indeed gone on to other pastures, because this one just wasn't right for her. Next time you can save yourself a lot of grief by dating local and skipping all the obstacles of long distance and cultural differences. Very best of luck to you.

[ExpatInItaly]

It would be best not to get involved in these super long-distance online romances, OP.

 

The fantasy is alluring for many, I realize, but people tend to get far too attached to the fantasy and have a hard time accepting the reality of it. Meeting only once in 3 years was your first sign that the logistics were not in your favour. Add to that the great cultural differences, and you're setting yourself up for a lot of significant challenges that are often too great to overcome.

 

Your time would be better spent on dating locally, where the prospect of developing an actual relationship that can sustain over time is much more realistic.

[TeddyBundy1993]

Have dated locally too hahaha but ended up same people just change over time. I honestly have nothing left to give to anyone

[chillii]

Sorry man l'm a bit lost. WTH would you not give up on a women that moves to another country for another man?

And she starts it behind your back.

Who cares what she looks at , block her, you don't want a woman like that man.

And if that's not enough to make you run like the wind then l dunno what would be but she think you two are screwed anyway because of the cultural stuff, you don't want a women like that either. You've both gotta support each other and be in it 110% if it's gonna work , assuming she didn't just run off with someone else again in the meantime, it wouldn't last 5mins with her.

[TeddyBundy1993]

She has mental issues and accused me of cheating. And was abandoned by father. She told me all of dark secrets if her life. I accepted her she went jail too for few months and told me she wants a better life with me in my country. I trusted her but she backed off and now seems pretty happy with that man yeah I have dodged a bullet and there are other women who wanna date me badly right now just feel pathetic how she forgot all my support and moved in with this older man seems she still have unresolved issues but I loved her. But I know I should go on and keep her blocked no body can save her lol if I couldn't I have all the patience in world but life is a bitch thanks all for your opinion

[Maplewaffle]

She has mental issues and accused me of cheating. And was abandoned by father. She told me all of dark secrets if her life. I accepted her she went jail too for few months and told me she wants a better life with me in my country. I trusted her but she backed off and now seems pretty happy with that man yeah I have dodged a bullet and there are other women who wanna date me badly right now just feel pathetic how she forgot all my support and moved in with this older man seems she still have unresolved issues but I loved her. But I know I should go on and keep her blocked no body can save her lol if I couldn't I have all the patience in world but life is a bitch thanks all for your opinion

 

She didn't truly love you, I don't think, sounds like she just wanted to escape her own self.

[TeddyBundy1993]

She didn't truly love you, I don't think, sounds like she just wanted to escape her own self.

 

Maybe I think about this as well. But we both made every efforts like convincing our families. It wasn't easy. I think she loved. Or maybe no yeah I was her escape from her reality. She has codependency issues I guess from love of her life to precious friend pfff all women are same. Either ways too late to think about it shes gone and wont give her any bit of my time again.

[rjc149]

...we met on Facebook and became friends... we spoke non stop day and night online we fell in love and went on to date for 3 years... Finally we met this year and she lived with me and my family for 1 month.

 

This was never a real relationship.

 

You never dated her. She was your pen pal. You didn't even meet her in person until just last year, and then she was thrust into a very alien, very culture-shocking situation for a westerner in which she is living with you, someone she JUST met, and his family for an entire month. Way too much for someone to process.

 

I'm sorry if I sound blunt, but a relationship without physical touch and intimacy is not a relationship. This was a fantasy for both of you. She decided she wanted a physical relationship with someone. There is hardly anything wrong with that. You should do the same.

 

Interesting user name, by the way. Go read up on Ted Bundy.

[TeddyBundy1993]

Yes but she liked the culture first but later changed the momind. I didnt got Visa to visit her I applied but was rejected.. after she returned she told me to move to Europe also. But anyhow she made her decision to go to someone I m ok with that what hurts is she wanna be friends real badly. Idk why but I wont give her that. And yeahh I know about Ted Bundy

[ExpatInItaly]

She has mental issues and accused me of cheating. And was abandoned by father. She told me all of dark secrets if her life. I accepted her she went jail too for few months and told me she wants a better life with me in my country.

 

What exactly attracted to you to someone who is so dysfunctional?

 

Or did you go for a woman like this because you couldn't imagine her leaving for anyone else after you tried to act as White Knight to her?

 

You have some reflecting to do here about yourself, OP. There is a lot to be learned from your own choices in this relationship.

[chillii]

She has mental issues and accused me of cheating. And was abandoned by father. She told me all of dark secrets if her life. I accepted her she went jail too for few months and told me she wants a better life with me in my country. I trusted her but she backed off and now seems pretty happy with that man yeah I have dodged a bullet and there are other women who wanna date me badly right now just feel pathetic how she forgot all my support and moved in with this older man seems she still have unresolved issues but I loved her. But I know I should go on and keep her blocked no body can save her lol if I couldn't I have all the patience in world but life is a bitch thanks all for your opinion

 

 

 

 

Oh Jezuz , that's even 10fold worse, Do yourself a huge favor and stay well away from that one man.

Don't worry plenty of fish in the sea , it just takes time to find the right one.

[haikss3]

Well man, I can sure feel you. So many years wasted not pursuing other girls and relationships because you were faithful to her. You both was thinking that this is for real. She was your east, your west, your working week and your Sunday rest.

Reminds me that song -

 

you can call me through the rain

but if love is one-sided it slowly turns into pain

you can call me through the snow

it sounds too sweet, my dear, it sounds for me like a

show

hey, the wind still blows

hey, too much reality shows

 

This relationship took years to develop and it can also take years to forget. You was dating local girls but probably things ended faster because it was not so special as with someone from other country. Those relationships are always exotic.

 

You both were lonely and found each other. That's how it worked for you. She had issues and you accepted them all because you had issues too and that's why you was attracted to her cause you felt like you deserve her. Sure you now feel lonely again. But good news is that Jesus won't leave you alone if you turn to him. I mean there are so many nice people you can meet in places of interest if you are faithful. Sure friends help a lot to get over breakups. Staying busy and social. We all look for deep emotional intimacy. And you had it with her. But with time you will learn to trust people again. God needs broken hearts too and he can heal anything, even broken hearts and fill them up with love. That's what happened to me.

Its important that you don't really on one person to make you happy and give you everything you need. Cause that's a formula to disappointment and pain. People will always sooner or later let you down or dissapoint. Because we are all humans with sinful human nature. What matters is that you feel up this spare time and empty void with good things. You need healing and food for soul. God bless.

Edited December 3, 2019 by haikss3

[TeddyBundy1993]

On 12/2/2019 at 11:56 PM, ExpatInItaly said:

 

What exactly attracted to you to someone who is so dysfunctional?

 

Or did you go for a woman like this because you couldn't imagine her leaving for anyone else after you tried to act as White Knight to her?

 

You have some reflecting to do here about yourself, OP. There is a lot to be learned from your own choices in this relationship.

She was transparent and honest with me that's what attracted me to her.  And it's not being a white knight or something. I mean the trust she had in me and bond was very strong. I dont understand how she got over it so soon and now says we were not for each other. She is trying to contact me through mutual friends I know she just want to be just friends with me but its enough for me now. Her saying we were not for each other nailed for me. Else I respected her for spending money on Visa fee and tickets to meet me and didnt took money from me when I offered her back. 

[TeddyBundy1993]

On 12/3/2019 at 1:31 AM, chillii said:

 

 

 

 

Oh Jezuz , that's even 10fold worse, Do yourself a huge favor and stay well away from that one man.

Don't worry plenty of fish in the sea , it just takes time to find the right one.

I will mate. I got my reasons to stay away from her 

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, TeddyBundy1993 said:

 I dont understand how she got over it so soon and now says we were not for each other.

 

Because she was not anywhere near as invested as she led you to believe. She started detaching a while before she told you it was over. 

 

It seems quick to you, I realize, but it is evident she'd been having doubts since she actually came to visit you and saw the reality of the situation. 

 

Further to your other point: Being open and transparent is good, yes, but it should not mean you totally gloss over the dysfunction and warning signs. They are still dysfunction and warning signs. 

[TeddyBundy1993]

36 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

 

Because she was not anywhere near as invested as she led you to believe. She started detaching a while before she told you it was over. 

 

It seems quick to you, I realize, but it is evident she'd been having doubts since she actually came to visit you and saw the reality of the situation. 

 

Further to your other point: Being open and transparent is good, yes, but it should not mean you totally gloss over the dysfunction and warning signs. They are still dysfunction and warning signs. 

Yes now I realized she started to detach herself one month after she returned home.  I can understand it was different world to her. From clothes to environment.  I think it wasn't her mistake either since here she was financially dependent on me only also(which wasn't a problem tho) but still there also she left her country and went to another country to live with a older man. That too I just found out is 16 year older to her pffff. But I accepted the fate for us. And choose to live with what I have now I dont chase or reply to her anymore. After all we both have been through together sharing darkest part of our lives together it's all foolish to be friends with her simply.