My break up story

[English Pete]

Hi. I probably don’t need any advice as I think I know what I have to do but I wanted to write down my story so people can read it and I can move on.

 

It started like this. I got into a rebound relationship with my sons teacher. She had been with someone for 4 years and he’d recently left her. I asked her out on a date and she said yes. We spent the next 2-3 months together in a ‘secret’ but romantic relationship, I helped her move and sort furniture/things like that. It felt great. It was always in the back of my mind I might be a rebound but I was willing to accept it.

 

Fast for to a couple of weeks ago. I had to travel. When I left she told me she loved me, she’d miss me and couldn’t wait till I got back. For the first week she was constantly in touch, messaging 100 times a day, calling all the time etc.

 

After a week she told me that a ‘friend’ might be coming to visit The city and she might meet up with him. Then she asked me what we were. I said I thought we were dating, unlabelled but exclusive. She agreed but said she no longer wanted to be exclusive. She wanted the freedom to be able to do as she pleases. I was disappointed and told her so. During the next few days her contact diminished to about a tenth of what it had been.

 

On the night that I was coming home she told me that a friend had contacted her on Facebook and she was meeting him for dinner. She felt nothing sexual and it was just dinner. Then she went dark for the entire duration of the night.

 

I received a text the next morning saying that she couldn’t sleep with me any more as something had happened with her friend and that she liked him. Gutted.

 

Ok so this is where I turned into psycho ex. I found out her ‘friend’ was married and told his wife, opening a whole new can of worms that ended up with threats towards my child from him and her almost losing her job. Immature from me and I fully accept that it was stupid.

 

I smoothed her job over with her boss, taking the blame and ensuring she kept her job. I talked to her as well. Whilst talking I kissed her head which always drove her orgasmic crazy. It did so again, but when I moved in for a kiss she backed away.

 

The day after when I picked up my kid she just stared at me constantly. Almost an angry stare.

 

Yesterday I was at an xmas party, she stared at me a lot, waved at me a couple of times in an almost sympathetic fashion but lots of shy smiling.

 

I am really struggling to handle this whole thing. I want to keep NC but it’s so so hard.

[ExpatInItaly]

She's probably hoping you'll be her back-up now that her married man is no longer an option to her.

 

It just seems like a bad idea to even try to reignite this. It very much looks like it was a rebound for her.

 

But a couple questions to clarify because I give further thoughts: I am gathering your relationship was a "secret" because she is your son's teacher and it was so new? How did she nearly lose her job over this married man? I don't see the connection between this romantic fiasco and her career.

[Mr. Lucky]

I am really struggling to handle this whole thing. I want to keep NC but it’s so so hard.

 

I’m not sure labels like “rebound” matter here. The secrecy and lack of clarification on both your parts aren’t recipes for success, compounded by your acting out at the end.

 

Sometimes you just have to acknowledge wrong place, wrong time. You may also be getting a glimpse as to why her other relationship ended...

 

Mr. Lucky

[English Pete]

She's probably hoping you'll be her back-up now that her married man is no longer an option to her.

 

It just seems like a bad idea to even try to reignite this. It very much looks like it was a rebound for her.

 

But a couple questions to clarify because I give further thoughts: I am gathering your relationship was a "secret" because she is your son's teacher and it was so new? How did she nearly lose her job over this married man? I don't see the connection between this romantic fiasco and her career.

 

 

The secret thing is correct. The job thing blew up because of her ‘other guys’ threat to my child. Someone told his mum about it and she couldn’t let it lie.

 

Unfortunately she is actually still seeing this guy.

[schlumpy]

At this point it should be all about protecting yourself. Someone always love more in a romance and that's you. That puts you in a very disadvantage position.

 

You can't take her back unless she is willing to some heavy lifting to convince you that this won't happen again. If you don't require that from her - it will happen again. She will be more careful next time.

[ExpatInItaly]

The secret thing is correct. The job thing blew up because of her ‘other guys’ threat to my child. Someone told his mum about it and she couldn’t let it lie.

 

Unfortunately she is actually still seeing this guy.

 

Nor should she. It takes a special kind of lunatic to threaten a child. I would outraged and very worried if I were his mom, too.

 

You need to stay far, far away from this woman, OP. She is playing with fire with both you and her boyfriend and you would very foolish to continue to engage with her.

[English Pete]

Nor should she. It takes a special kind of lunatic to threaten a child. I would outraged and very worried if I were his mom, too.

 

You need to stay far, far away from this woman, OP. She is playing with fire with both you and her boyfriend and you would very foolish to continue to engage with her.

 

 

Thanks for the advice. I know this is what I have to do. It’s just so hard. I fell harder than I should for this one and seeing her kills me. But you’re right as well. She’s probably playing games now. Also, I hate to say this but my pride hurts.

Edited December 1, 2019 by English Pete