michael.simpson99 Posted December 1, 2019 Share Posted December 1, 2019 Hello To sum things up because it is looooong story... I was on a party last year, found a girl which looked stunning etc..didn't know she had boyfriend at that time, she slept with me etc and she told me she will dump him...she did and we started dating...it went amazing for 2-3 months, then i started to see her dark side..she was paranoid, making me feel guilty for lots of stuff, her parents are divorced and she had rough childhood so i know it has something to do with her instability etc... So after 2-3 months she started fighting with me and she began to search again for her ex..and she said how he is better blah blah.. Then suddenly she felt more and more jealous on all people...so this is where all happens. She said one time that because i am living with my mother only and my brother when he is around, that she is jealous of HER!!!! I can't believe what she said..at that time i had soo much love for her so much that i forgave her all... And then she started accusing me how she had this type of experience with her ex boyfriend with her sister in law and she thinks incest is real and that lots of people are doing it!!! OMG OMG OMG So to sum it up..i moved out with her and we lived in different state but she wanted me to forget about my mother she wanted me to stop even calling her she hated her etc etc. She even confronted her etc.. So after 1 month ago i finally put a stop to this i returned back because i didn't have more money to pay only for her because she is narcisstic too and very spoiled. So i broke up with her because i found out she cheated on me with her ex and also because of this paranoid stuff... We stayed in contact but every time we speak she is insecure because her ex is not here anymore, and she doesn't have boyfriend how she needs love how no one is loving her, how she will hurt herself and how she still thinks about incest and keeps writes me messages and says how i am crazy and she won't let me do anything because i am living with my mother... I didn't mention a loooot of stuff here because it will be boring to read for many of you...so my question is because i am OK staying in contact with her, but i can't stand this too much she keeps abusing me and calling and saying take a pic where are u now if not i will go and find new boyfriend just for sex, and i know she will do it but my point is how can i be OK with her because when she is OK, we can stay in contact etc.. To be honest we slept few times non obligated because i have no girlfriends now and i don't want to be honest, i want to chill my head... So my question is because i know she is very good person, but she has some personality disorder or something...how can i be OK with her and just stay in contact etc without her crying all the time and swearing and telling me how she will kill herself etc.. I am afraid in this anger because she said she was nice girl before me, and this broke her into pieces so she is putting guilt on me a lot... I know i am not guilty but her family thinks that my family is crazy, that i want her to be crazy etc... I am in weird situation and i know best is to block her and never contact her, or her family etc...But something inside says that we somehow can be at least friends etc.. if someone understand me Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted December 1, 2019 Share Posted December 1, 2019 I'm sorry but I don't see a chance of this working without you wearing the robe of a martyr. If you stay with her it could be you that has the personality disorder. You want to stay in contact? Not recommended, but Ok, wear the white hat and realize that unless she is willing to seek therapy this is who she is. Help her by telling her there is no relationship unless she seeks professional help. It's the kindest and most loving thing you can do for her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author michael.simpson99 Posted December 1, 2019 Author Share Posted December 1, 2019 I'm sorry but I don't see a chance of this working without you wearing the robe of a martyr. If you stay with her it could be you that has the personality disorder. You want to stay in contact? Not recommended, but Ok, wear the white hat and realize that unless she is willing to seek therapy this is who she is. Help her by telling her there is no relationship unless she seeks professional help. It's the kindest and most loving thing you can do for her. Thanks for the help...i told her many many times but she refuses she says that she is not crazy and that my and my mother are crazy ones, she definitely has some issues but because i care for her as person i want to help her somehow but she always threatens me and she is very paranoid. She is jealous on basically every woman..when i go out and she knows she says how i will find girlfriend there, how some lady is watching me how i will flirt with all of them even if she is 60 years old OMG i am 27 and she is 32. However i don't know what kind of issue she has...She is making me feel guilty every day like she had better life before she met me...But because this is small city i know she was paranoid back with her exes before so she is definitely lying. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted December 2, 2019 Share Posted December 2, 2019 You can't help her, OP. You are neither a doctor nor a therapist. This one is totally above your pay-grade. She sounds extraordinarily emotionally unstable, and trying to be friends is just not realistic. She more than likely truly believes whatever lies and accusations she hurls as you, which are a function of the mental issues she clearly suffers from. The sort of help she needs is not the kind you can offer her. Unless you want continued drama, you need to cut contact with her. And then ask yourself why you even want to stay connected to someone who has done little but bring chaos and dysfunction into your life 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted December 2, 2019 Share Posted December 2, 2019 She's an adult, she has to own it that she has a problem and to seek help. There will be a day she will figure it out, but it has to be her own decision. Don't worry she will find someone else to latch onto....you were not the first and by all mean will not the last. Going no contact is your answer. It will be tough, but will be a relief. Right now you are in the thick of it. You can't see how unhealthy and damaging this to your own mental health. You have to let go. I myself have experienced an abusive relationship....you need to get away from her. Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted December 3, 2019 Share Posted December 3, 2019 Run, do not just walk away from this one. You can not do anything to help her if she doesn’t even think she is in the wrong or the one that is crazy. Link to post Share on other sites
TheFinalWord Posted December 3, 2019 Share Posted December 3, 2019 Well, you met her in a less than ideal way. Once she revealed she had a boyfriend and cheated with you, you should have had alarm bells going off. I guess now you're emotionally invested and realizing you made a bad decision. What happens in these situations is you find yourself caught in the sunk cost fallacy. What that means is you made a bad investment, but since you already invested so much, you keep hoping if you keep investing, eventually things will pay off. It is sort of like if you invest in a losing company in the stock market. Instead of cutting your loses, you keep investing, thinking they will turn things around. What you need to do, painful as it is, is cut your loses. Don't keep investing in her. Link to post Share on other sites
VIOLET EDEN Posted December 21, 2019 Share Posted December 21, 2019 I would highly reccommend to change your number and give her zero contact. Cold turkey. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted December 24, 2019 Share Posted December 24, 2019 OP---a "very good person" doesn't confront your mother over lying BS, she doesn't accuse you of incest with your mother and she doesn't threaten to go out and have sex with the first guy she lays eyes on because she can't have way. You've just convinced yourself that you can't do any better than this chick and that's not true. This is going to age you well before your time by the time she's done with you. You're choosing to ignore the bright, flashing red neon flags whipping you in the face to your own emotional peril. Link to post Share on other sites
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