Regret

[JohnBo]

Dear everyone,

 

I would like to share my story about how me and my now ex-gf broke up.

Me and her were together for almost 3 years, we lived together and have a dog together.

Last few months she started going out more, clubbing etc and that was the start of me being needy and insecure because she gets ALOT of attention and guys try with her all the time.

During those months we became distant to each other, I had alot of things going on and we only saw each other in the evening when we just watched some tv.

After a while the attraction between us was almost completely gone, we were like brother and sister.

So before my worktrip (10dayS) I decided to break up with her ,

I figured some time apart would do us well.

She took completely the wrong way and moved out that week.

She was mad that she wasn’t good enough for me anymore etc.

This came as a shock cause after my trip I wanted to try and reconsile. Because I felt that the relationship was worth saving.

She told me she was confused and that we maybe get back together later but right now that wasn’t an option. She acted cold towards me aswell

I was fine with that cause I felt guilty for dumping her and breaking her heart.

So days went by and we stayed in touch and met up occasionally but only for walks with the dog or just going for a walk and talk.

After a while I was sick of it and asked what we were doing cause I wanted to go on dates again with her.

She didn’t want that “cause people may see us and think we are back together”

I felt like she was holding me as backup for easy attention.

So I told her that I couldn’t live like that and she told me she understands.

Now later that week she was at this bar where I usually hang out and she saw me talking to a girl. She got mad jealous.

We ended up talking about it that night and after that we hooked up.

I drove her home and I asked so now you want to start doing dates again and she said yes. So I said okay next week Friday fine for you? She agreed.

The night before the date she texted me that she didn’t want to go through with the date because that would be weird to start dating again, she again only wanted to meet for walks or other non romantic activities.

So again I told her no, it’s everything or nothing at all.

Nothing at all it was.

Later that week I heard that she had already went on a date with some other guy.

Fast forward to this week, she reached out by reacting to my insta stories and sending me a few meaningless texts.

I answered all of them neutral cause I don’t want to seem needy.

Last night I invited some friends from work and another ex girlfriend of mine cause she used to work with me too.

The older ex girlfriend filmed me playing guitar and put it on her insta story.

I shared this on my own insta and after 2-3 min my recent ex girlfriend saw this and went wild. Telling me “ haha directly posting this shamelessly on your story”

She then blocked me on insta and facebook.

 

That’s the current situation.

I’m currently working hard on myself emotionally to become stronger and diving into work stuff to keep my head from overthinking.

Right now I’m stuck cause I don’t know what to do.

I know she still is the love of my life, what we had I never had or will have with anyone else.

I doubting between fighting for her and reaching out or to simply go no contact.

 

Anyway thanks for everyone reading this

I’d love some advice or insights.

 

J

 

 

Ps: English is not my native language so please look past the spelling and/or grammar mistakes.

[preraph]

Oh, I'm sorry. I have to say it does sound like you two had been drifting apart for some time, and your statement that you felt more like she was your sister and no attraction seemed mutual.

 

But yet, when she got jealous, you hooked up. So seems like there's some kind of inconsistency there.

 

But it's kind of sounding like you have love but not much sexual attraction anymore. Seems like this started because she maybe got bored and started going out clubbing. So before she started going with her girlfriends, were you taking her out on the town at all, dancing, clubbing, to dinner, etc.? Some people are just not ready to stay home and do nothing with you when they're still young -- and some never are. So do you think maybe you hadn't been taking her out enough so she went on her own?

[JohnBo]

Oh, I'm sorry. I have to say it does sound like you two had been drifting apart for some time, and your statement that you felt more like she was your sister and no attraction seemed mutual.

 

But yet, when she got jealous, you hooked up. So seems like there's some kind of inconsistency there.

 

But it's kind of sounding like you have love but not much sexual attraction anymore. Seems like this started because she maybe got bored and started going out clubbing. So before she started going with her girlfriends, were you taking her out on the town at all, dancing, clubbing, to dinner, etc.? Some people are just not ready to stay home and do nothing with you when they're still young -- and some never are. So do you think maybe you hadn't been taking her out enough so she went on her own?

 

Yes that’s right.

But now she doesn’t give me the chance to make things right and treat her like she deserves.

[ajequals]

One of the hardest things in life men have to deal with is the ever changing mind of a women ,that's not to say all of them are like that but IMHO a majority are.. And that's never seems to go away no matter how old you are.. Unfortunately in a relationship the woman is in charge as you have found out. Yes sometimes we have a say but if she doesn't want you there is no changing her mind she has to decide..I'd probably start moving on and make your future choices based on their character...you won't regret it

[healing light]

Why would you break up with her before a 10-day trip with the intentions to reconcile after? Were you going to hook up on that trip?

 

Regardless, never break up with someone unless you want it to be final. Her reaction of moving out was sensible for someone who was broken up with. It would have made no sense for her to stay and muddy the waters.

 

I think you guys need to both go no contact and if you still want to get back together later after you have had time to grow individually, then maybe the chemistry will reignite. Right now when you're not on the same page with each other, it will just create tension between you both.

 

But I wouldn't hold my breath for a future reconciliation, you have already expressed the desire and she rejected your advances.

[Inspire]

 

On 12/1/2019 at 11:42 AM, JohnBo said:

So before my work trip I decided to break up with her, I figured some time apart would do us well.

She took completely the wrong way and moved out that week.

What exactly did she take the wrong way. You broke up with her  ... Was this a test? Did you expect her to wait for your return so she could beg for beg, crawl and plea for forgiveness and reconciliation? Her response was a reaction to the state of your relationship. It was a dwindling fire and you stomped out the flames.

Fighting for her will do no good. Right now she is the one holding all the cards. You have no power here. She has to come back on her own recognizance. My advice to you is go no contact, continue working on yourself and begin to move on. If she reaches out again at some point do not assume she wants to get back together. If she writes, you should only respond if its something impactful. Often times an ex may come back to test the waters out of curiosity, or to see if you're still there waiting in the wings for them.

[FMW]

I really don't understand why you broke up with her and then expected to reconcile when you returned from your trip.  Can you explain what your thinking was?

 

Without some explanation, it seems your relationship just got stale, you chose to break it off with her, and she took you at face value and saw it as over.  Sure, there was the jealousy and momentary hookup, but clearly that didn't fix whatever the problem was.  You broke up with her - regardless of what she does or doesn't feel about you, she likely doesn't feel like she can depend on you sticking around to work on things.