preraph Posted December 22, 2019 Share Posted December 22, 2019 I'm telling you, you need to be more proactive. He's trying and you're just not giving him much encouragement. Measure your finger online and say, Hey! Look what i found online. And then measure your finger. He may be wanting to get the ring and then of course propose with the ring. It won't likely happen before Christmas, but certainly he can buy the ring and then have it sized afterwards. It's done all the time. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovetherain Posted December 22, 2019 Author Share Posted December 22, 2019 11 minutes ago, preraph said: I'm telling you, you need to be more proactive. He's trying and you're just not giving him much encouragement. Measure your finger online and say, Hey! Look what i found online. And then measure your finger. He may be wanting to get the ring and then of course propose with the ring. It won't likely happen before Christmas, but certainly he can buy the ring and then have it sized afterwards. It's done all the time. Ok next time he brings it up. Im gonna see for Christmas first if he gets me that ring I lost! that may say more of his intentions. The last marriage joke he made was "We need to get married...because..so and so." and I did respond with "Yeah thatd be great" 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lana-banana Posted December 23, 2019 Share Posted December 23, 2019 (edited) It could be that he's faking you out, and that he intends to do it anyway. But it would be pretty hard to find a ring in your size so quickly unless it's coming from a department store. Honestly, don't worry about it. It's on his mind and he's planning it at sone point; just let it happen and relax. We went ring shopping together, but my husband spent a LONG time faking me out to the point where I was sure I knew exactly when the proposal was coming. Nope, it happened a week before on what I thought was just another night out! I was shocked. You gotta relax. It's out of your hands. Edited December 23, 2019 by lana-banana 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovetherain Posted December 23, 2019 Author Share Posted December 23, 2019 18 minutes ago, lana-banana said: It could be that he's faking you out, and that he intends to do it anyway. But it would be pretty hard to find a ring in your size so quickly unless it's coming from a department store. Honestly, don't worry about it. It's on his mind and he's planning it at sone point; just let it happen and relax. We went ring shopping together, but my husband spent a LONG time faking me out to the point where I was sure I knew exactly when the proposal was coming. Nope, it happened a week before on what I thought was just another night out! I was shocked. You gotta relax. It's out of your hands. Yeah and to be honest, we've been together SO much there's no way he's had a chance to just go to a department store and buy one lol. Haha did he really? Aww!! That is exciting. Yeah im gonna try to just relax. Just enjoy the fact that it'll happen, and not feel the need to try to control something I cant! ha 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovetherain Posted December 25, 2019 Author Share Posted December 25, 2019 UPDATE for anyone who wants to hear one lol! NO proposal. NO gift ring. SOOOO odd. Literally two days before Christmas made a fiancé joke. Soo...maybe thinking of waiting until new years and if nothing then maybe a discussion about the "jokes?" Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted December 25, 2019 Share Posted December 25, 2019 This is nothing to be guessing and posting on a board full of strangers about for a whole month. He financially supports you, himself and your child - you live together - you have the privilege of staying home with your child. Why are you living like this if you're not sure that you are even into marrying, or that he is planning to make this permanent and official? I'd think that if it's basically a day to day relationship, you'd be planning your independent future. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovetherain Posted December 25, 2019 Author Share Posted December 25, 2019 I'm into marrying him? He seems to want to, I just am irritated at the hints over and over. And I am planning my independent future. I am attending college this year for a career.. Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted December 26, 2019 Share Posted December 26, 2019 10 hours ago, lovetherain said: I'm into marrying him? He seems to want to, I just am irritated at the hints over and over. You're into marrying him? Why a question mark? Anyway, forget about the jokes. Speak to him like one adult person to another - you are parents together FFS. Something like: "I've noticed over the past few months that you are constantly mentioning marriage related things. Have you been thinking about making our relationship official?" Next comes the part where you are clear with him about your hopes and expectations for the future of your relationship. Example: "I've been wanting to get married and hoping you were on the same page. Since we have this child together I think it's important that we make some concrete plans for our futures." Apologies if I sound cranky. It's hard for me to wrap my mind around this situation, given that you are both adults and not teenagers. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovetherain Posted December 26, 2019 Author Share Posted December 26, 2019 Not sure why I put the question mark. Anyways, I understand where you are coming from. I'm just gonna see if the jokes stop, and if he jokes again I think I might just tell him to stop joking. Honestly the more he mentions the comments I just brush it off because clearly its driving me mad and I'm tired of thinking about it Link to post Share on other sites
lana-banana Posted December 26, 2019 Share Posted December 26, 2019 That seems like the wrong reaction. If you haven't had serious conversations about what your future looks like together, complete with agreement on work/home/kid responsibilities and what your shared goals are, you really shouldn't be getting married at all. Those conversations are much more important than your ring size. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovetherain Posted December 26, 2019 Author Share Posted December 26, 2019 we have talked about that stuff along with the expectations etc Link to post Share on other sites
lana-banana Posted December 26, 2019 Share Posted December 26, 2019 Then why is this so irritating? If you have agreed that you plan to be married and you know that you are soon going to be married in the future, why do his jokes bother you at all? Your response to NuevoYorko as well as other posts in this thread imply you really haven't talked about these things at all, and you only insist that you have when people point that out. Only you know what the truth is. But if you're both on the same page about marriage then I don't understand why you feel frustrated or mad at him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 26, 2019 Share Posted December 26, 2019 On 12/3/2019 at 9:19 PM, lovetherain said: Soo im interested in marrying him. But I don't feel ANYYY rush to. Like I would be good for another couple years if he didn't ask the question. But personally hes gotta be JOKING with me. and if he can joke about that stuff , I don't know. kinda rude Why not do this - the next time he jokes with you about marriage tell him "I'm interested in marrying you but I don't feel anyyy rush to for another couple years after we get on better financial ground and I have a job. If you say this to him the stupid jokes will stop and you both will have clarity. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted December 26, 2019 Share Posted December 26, 2019 8 hours ago, lovetherain said: Not sure why I put the question mark. Anyways, I understand where you are coming from. I'm just gonna see if the jokes stop, and if he jokes again I think I might just tell him to stop joking. Honestly the more he mentions the comments I just brush it off because clearly its driving me mad and I'm tired of thinking about it This is a very questionable plan. Why would you addressing this most important subject in your entire relationship be hinged on "jokes"? Very childish. In any case, I hope that whatever path you want for this relationship is the one it takes. Too bad you're not taking any initiative in moving in the best direction for YOU and your child / children. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovetherain Posted December 26, 2019 Author Share Posted December 26, 2019 Oh god. we were talking today and he was letting me know how for Christmas he was trying to find me the ring I lost!! it all makes sense now. that's WHY he asked my ring size, OMG. not even worth talking about it now? EH I feel pretty dang DUMB Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted December 28, 2019 Share Posted December 28, 2019 Why don’t you just tell him point blank you expect an engagement ring because you want to get married soon? you appear very passive about stating how you feel and what you want. be direct. when do you return to work? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 28, 2019 Share Posted December 28, 2019 She says in one post that she'd be good for a couple of years before an engagement, yet she is coming off as if she does really want one but pretends not to. If she is acting this way with him about the engagement he won't propose for a while. OP says one thing but really wants another. That can be confusing to her partner. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted December 28, 2019 Share Posted December 28, 2019 On 12/26/2019 at 12:26 PM, lovetherain said: Oh god. we were talking today and he was letting me know how for Christmas he was trying to find me the ring I lost!! it all makes sense now. that's WHY he asked my ring size, OMG. not even worth talking about it now? EH I feel pretty dang DUMB Why? This thread started off about "jokes." The ring aspect seems to be a fairly recent development. It's time to sh** or get off the pot with this relationship, though. Clearly marriage is on your mind and you're not contented to maintain the status quo until whenever it organically peters out, or one of you meets the person they wish to make a lifetime commitment with. I know I could not stand to just hang around until a relationship died off or my partner fell in love with someone. Since you have a child with him (and others I gather) it's not just about you and your feelings, right? Don't you feel like you need to know where you're heading? You're going to find out by talking frankly and honestly with him. Not through freaking jokes. Good luck and happy new year. Link to post Share on other sites
PinkFlamingo Posted January 1, 2020 Share Posted January 1, 2020 I'm dumbfounded that someone who has a kid and should strive to be a sensible adult is spending time on an internet forum analyzing her partner's marriage jokes instead of just talking to him. And it's obvious he wanted to propose and wanted to test the waters, but he probably gave up because of your passive behavior. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Banana Bender Posted January 5, 2020 Share Posted January 5, 2020 Yep, this is one of those "WTF?" threads. It's not like this is somebody you hardly know, you've been in a relationship for two years and have a kid. Start out by figuring out what it is you want, then TALK to him. If you're thinkin you would like to get married some day, TALK about it and make plans. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 19, 2020 Share Posted January 19, 2020 And if he won't talk about it, it means that either a) he's not interested or b) he has little respect for you having a say in the direction your life is heading. Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted January 27, 2020 Share Posted January 27, 2020 He pays all the bills. How about getting a job and contributing to help make things a little easier on him. Maybe he'll be able to afford a ring then. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted January 27, 2020 Share Posted January 27, 2020 5 hours ago, JTSW said: He pays all the bills. How about getting a job and contributing to help make things a little easier on him. Maybe he'll be able to afford a ring then. They have a 1yo kid together that the OP is taking care of. It sometimes doesn't make financial sense for people without marketable skills to work with a young child, because daycare costs more than they'll earn from their minimum wage job. On 1/5/2020 at 9:52 PM, Banana Bender said: Yep, this is one of those "WTF?" threads. It's not like this is somebody you hardly know, you've been in a relationship for two years and have a kid. Start out by figuring out what it is you want, then TALK to him. If you're thinkin you would like to get married some day, TALK about it and make plans. I know, right??!?! 🤐 Link to post Share on other sites
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