Old first time mama stories?

[BettyDraper]

Can anyone share any stories of first time mamas who were of advanced maternal age?

 

I seem to have come down with the baby rabies again. This time, my husband and I are going to follow the instinct. He will reversing his vasectomy next year when we have the funds. We have consulted with 2 different urologists and they believe that there is an 80%-95% chance of a successful reversal. We will be using the best urologist in the country as well.

 

I will be 38 when we start trying. My doctor says that 38 is "too old" to conceive. I disagree based on my research and observations. Of course, I will be evaluated by an OB/GYN before we spend the money on a reversal. My regular period is a good sign but I know I need more extensive testing. My doctor has sent me for bloodwork.

 

If we have a child, then that would be wonderful. If not, then it just wasn't meant to happen. We can be at peace with failure to conceive because we do enjoy being childfree as well. We realize we have many hurdles to overcome.

 

In the meantime, we are taking supplements and making our respective lifestyles healthier.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

My doctor says that 38 is "too old" to conceive.

 

That is ridiculous. Off the top of my head, I can think of at least 6 of my friends who had kids over 40. And one who had a surprise at age 38.

 

My only advice would be to make sure you're at your healthiest headed into it. For example, you wouldn't want to become pregnant already having high blood pressure.

 

Good luck!!

[BettyDraper]

I appreciate your kind words! Thanks.

[preraph]

Your doctor sounds like he hasn't kept up. Plenty of women in their late 30s have their first child then. It matters most to be aware of any hereditary issues, such as mom who got diabetes from pregnancy, or diabetes running in your family. Because pregnancy often causes diabetes in those susceptible to it through heredity.

 

The main thing is going to be how healthy you are. And also how much stamina you have because babies the real work starts after birth! You need to make sure your hubby and you both understand how exhausting this will be and that he is also fit and can take the strain and is willing to help.

[BettyDraper]

Your doctor sounds like he hasn't kept up. Plenty of women in their late 30s have their first child then. It matters most to be aware of any hereditary issues, such as mom who got diabetes from pregnancy, or diabetes running in your family. Because pregnancy often causes diabetes in those susceptible to it through heredity.

 

The main thing is going to be how healthy you are. And also how much stamina you have because babies the real work starts after birth! You need to make sure your hubby and you both understand how exhausting this will be and that he is also fit and can take the strain and is willing to help.

 

I agree with your opinion of my doctor. Over 70% of women age 35-39 conceive within a year and 90% conceive within 2 years. The chances of a viable pregnancy decrease after age 35 but not by much.

 

We were both living a very healthy lifestyle but then we moved across the country and we were preoccupied with that for a while. Now we're starting our healthy lifestyle again. It's a good thing we have several months to prepare for TTC.

 

Your encouragement means a lot. Thanks!

[Mr. Lucky]

In the meantime, we are taking supplements and making our respective lifestyles healthier.

 

Congratulations on your decision, best of luck with the process. My wife was 37 when our last ‘surprise’ child was conceived, 38 when he was born. It was almost like first time parents, my middle kids were tweenagers at the time. Though I will admit, having a child old enough to babysit our newborn was sweet !

 

You’ll do great, having the life-experience and smarts to handle the challenges. Keep us posted...

 

Mr. Lucky

[preraph]

Good luck to you and your husband, Betty. Maybe just start walking the dog a couple times a day to start building up your cardio at least. Might also want to do some back exercises because from what my friends say, both pregnancy and motherhood take a toll on your back. Just a couple of simple back excercises before bed would help. My friend ruined her back picking up kids. Ruined it for life. Start now practicing saying "no" to chunky toddlers who always want to be carried!!

[BettyDraper]

Good luck to you and your husband, Betty. Maybe just start walking the dog a couple times a day to start building up your cardio at least. Might also want to do some back exercises because from what my friends say, both pregnancy and motherhood take a toll on your back. Just a couple of simple back excercises before bed would help. My friend ruined her back picking up kids. Ruined it for life. Start now practicing saying "no" to chunky toddlers who always want to be carried!!

 

Thank you!

 

I already walk our dog fairly often. I'm going to go back to long speed walks and weight lifting.

 

The back exercises are an excellent idea!

[Art_Critic]

You’ll do great, having the life-experience and smarts to handle the challenges.

 

Mr Lucky is right on!!

 

BTW, my wife was almost 39 when our Son was conceived and almost 40 when he was born, I was just shy of 45 when he was born...

[LivingWaterPlease]

Oh, BettyDraper! This is just the best news! I'm so happy for you and your husband! And, yes, I know lots of people who had children later on. I know someone who conceived at age 50! I just can't recall who it was, lol! But, I do recall hearing someone I know tell me that!

[BettyDraper]

Oh, BettyDraper! This is just the best news! I'm so happy for you and your husband! And, yes, I know lots of people who had children later on. I know someone who conceived at age 50! I just can't recall who it was, lol! But, I do recall hearing someone I know tell me that!

 

Thank you! I went back and forth on the decision to become a parent.

 

I decided that I could no longer let fears rule my life and I realized that I needed to at least try regardless of our ages.

 

My husband was supportive either way. I think it is beautifully romantic that he is willing to go under the knife again to bring our baby into the world.

 

Whether or not we can conceive is up to God, Fate, or whatever force governs the universe.

[LivingWaterPlease]

We will all be following your story for as much as you want to post, BettyDraper!

[BettyDraper]

We will all be following your story for as much as you want to post, BettyDraper!

 

That's very sweet. I will post my story for anyone who is interested.

At this stage, we are preparing our bodies for conception with supplementation and exercise. I will have bloodwork done and we will book the surgery depending on what the test results are.

[elaine567]

It is easier for a woman who has already been pregnant to conceive over 30, than it is for a woman who has never been pregnant.

(Due I guess at least in part to the number of women who never got pregnant, being actually infertile)

 

In this study the likelihood of pregnancy after 12 cycles at age 38-39

with previous pregnancy = 81%

without previous pregnancy = 35%

Table 3.

[divegrl]

This is wonderful my friend.

 

In my little friend group, most women were advanced maternal age when they had some of their later babies. I know 3, again from my small group, that were in their 40s and conceived naturally and had healthy pregnancies/babies.

 

I was also advanced maternal age with my most recent baby. The OB will want to run extra tests due to age. Just be prepared, and know that you can always opt out.

 

Also, I would plan to see a physical therapist, at least in the last few weeks of pregnancy. So many women have issues with their psoas muscles and back pain. My physical therapist was able to help be greatly reduce the pain in the last few weeks!

 

Congratulations again. This is beautiful news.

[BettyDraper]

It is easier for a woman who has already been pregnant to conceive over 30, than it is for a woman who has never been pregnant.

(Due I guess at least in part to the number of women who never got pregnant, being actually infertile)

 

In this study the likelihood of pregnancy after 12 cycles at age 38-39

with previous pregnancy = 81%

without previous pregnancy = 35%

Table 3.

 

It is certainly easier but far from impossible for an older woman who has never had a child to conceive. Honestly, I’m not sure why you posted this in what was meant to be a positive thread. I have enough scary or negative statistics to look at. I don’t need any more. Thanks.

 

It might interest you to know that the current research on advanced maternal age is far less ominous. The often quoted statistics are out of date. I realize that not everyone is educated about this topic though-sometimes not even family physicians.

 

I’m not interested in derailing my thread with a battle of statistics or negativity. We will still try to conceive regardless of naysayers.

[elaine567]

The study quoted was done in 2016 so hardly out of date.

I posted in response to posters citing late pregnancies after already having kids, which is a completely different scenario to the one you are in.

Also no-one said it was impossible, a 35% rate is not "impossible" surely?

[major_merrick]

I don't think 38 is too old, but you're pushing the limit. After 35, the various risks increase. Definitely not impossible so go ahead and try! I'm in my early 30's, and if God keeps giving me kids I plan on having more until I hit 40. I wouldn't let turning 38 stop me from trying once more, and definitely not if I hadn't had kids and really wanted to.

 

Be sure that you are in good health, and that you eat the very best quality food while pregnant. I don't eat out, I don't eat non-organic food, and I watch what I eat.

[BettyDraper]

Thanks a lot. I must say that I'm very scared.

 

I'm scared of being broke. My husband does well but kids are extremely expensive.

 

I'm scared of having a child with severe defects.

I'm scared of the surgery not working and then we will have wasted all of this money on a futile exercise.

 

My various fears made me decide not to bother before. I'm trying to push through them this time but they come up.

I wish I could see into the future to know if I'm making the right choice.

Edited December 3, 2019 by BettyDraper

[major_merrick]

The pricetag of kids depends on how you raise them. I gave birth at home and I use breastmilk. Aside from a few tests during pregnancy to rule out defects, my children cost very, very little. I use natural infant hygiene and re-usable diapers, so I barely spend any money. I don't plan on sending my children to college. Tech schools are cheap and you can get an excellent career that way. I doubt I'll spend a tenth of what most people spend having kids.

 

As for the defects - get good tests early and abort if there's an issue. Then eat the very best food. You can never know the future, but there's ways around many of the problems. I decided when I got pregnant the first time that I will never raise a child with defects or disabilities. Most of the money I spent so far has been on prenatal testing to make sure I had a chance to abort if necessary. If I got an unpleasant surprise after birth, I'd give the child up at a hospital or fire station as permitted by my state. Since I figured out my plan, I haven't really worried about it since.

 

I think your biggest unknown is whether the surgery will work. If you've got the means, go ahead and do it. You'll never know unless you try. I spent many years thinking I would never be able to have kids. And then some more time being afraid of what having a baby would be like. Now I've got three and another on the way. My life is changing and some parts have been crazy, but it has been worth it!

[BettyDraper]

The pricetag of kids depends on how you raise them. I gave birth at home and I use breastmilk. Aside from a few tests during pregnancy to rule out defects, my children cost very, very little. I use natural infant hygiene and re-usable diapers, so I barely spend any money. I don't plan on sending my children to college. Tech schools are cheap and you can get an excellent career that way. I doubt I'll spend a tenth of what most people spend having kids.

 

As for the defects - get good tests early and abort if there's an issue. Then eat the very best food. You can never know the future, but there's ways around many of the problems. I decided when I got pregnant the first time that I will never raise a child with defects or disabilities. Most of the money I spent so far has been on prenatal testing to make sure I had a chance to abort if necessary. If I got an unpleasant surprise after birth, I'd give the child up at a hospital or fire station as permitted by my state. Since I figured out my plan, I haven't really worried about it since.

 

I think your biggest unknown is whether the surgery will work. If you've got the means, go ahead and do it. You'll never know unless you try. I spent many years thinking I would never be able to have kids. And then some more time being afraid of what having a baby would be like. Now I've got three and another on the way. My life is changing and some parts have been crazy, but it has been worth it!

 

I can't breastfeed due to medical issues.

I will be using cloth diapers when/if we have a child.

 

I don't know if we truly have the means. We just moved across our country and that was expensive. We would have to save for almost a year to afford the surgery because of the move. That worries me too because then I will be TTC at 38-39.

 

I still need to find out if I'm healthy enough to have a baby anyway.

 

I don't believe in abortion. I also think that it would be extremely difficult to just leave my child at the fire station even if they were very disabled.

[Art_Critic]

Hey Betty, Good Luck.. and don't worry about anything.. I doubt there are many parents who actually could afford them before, funny thing is though that we figure it all out and make it happen, changing priorities and all that...

 

Each day I get up my day starts and then finished with him being the priority that comes first, it's just something that naturally occurs and occurs without you actually making any known decisions.

 

They can be expensive..but sooooooo worth it...

 

Don't worry, but be ready to feel and enjoy something like you have never felt before.

[major_merrick]

Betty, I think when one has kids you have to look at things in a cold, logical way without letting emotion get in the way of it. I don't like abortion either, but to me it is preferable to wasting resources. You get to make your own choice, and it is likely that everything would be fine! And as Art_Critic said, most people tend to make up some things as they go along.

 

Also, if you're really in financial trouble, there's often grants that you can apply for to get your surgery. It depends on what nation you are in, but many places have some kind of help available. Food and medical help are also available - if not through the government, then through private religious organizations. You might look into it and see if there's some options you've overlooked.

 

I do know what it is like to raise a child with almost zero income. I raised my little sister when my mother refused to feed her....I was 9-10 years old trying to take care of a baby. Too young to make breast milk and too young to get a job. I found formula, and what I couldn't beg from neighbors I simply went to the store and stole. I don't advocate that, but I use it as an example of "where there's a will, there's a way."

[BettyDraper]

Hey Betty, Good Luck.. and don't worry about anything.. I doubt there are many parents who actually could afford them before, funny thing is though that we figure it all out and make it happen, changing priorities and all that...

 

Each day I get up my day starts and then finished with him being the priority that comes first, it's just something that naturally occurs and occurs without you actually making any known decisions.

 

They can be expensive..but sooooooo worth it...

 

Don't worry, but be ready to feel and enjoy something like you have never felt before.

 

That sounds so beautiful!

 

I don't believe in just "making it work" when it comes to something as serious as being able to provide for children. I think that mindset is irresponsible though I understand that it is popular. I guess I've seen too many children grow up in poverty.

 

Our child would not be impoverished but I don't know if I would resent not having any disposable income. My parents certainly did. It's been just my husband and I for so long and sometimes people who have been childfree for a long time deeply regret having children.

 

I won't know if I'm fertile until I get tested. That remains to be seen. I know I need to be examined because it wouldn't make sense to do a reversal if I'm unable to conceive.

 

I love children. I find myself aching for a child. I'm just very practical and I would hate to see thousands of dollars go down the drain if the vasectomy reversal is not successful. We can't afford IVF and that is often suggested for older moms if vasectomy reversals are not successful. The idea of IVF is not palatable either. Even if we could afford it, I wouldn't want to be full of hormones for a process which may not even be successful.

 

Talking to a therapist would be helpful. I have to separate my natural urges to reproduce from the positive and negative possibilities. Kids are not just cute little people who bring joy and fulfillment.

[major_merrick]

Yeah, you're going to have to figure out your real motives for having kids. For me, my first pregnancy was a surprise. Second one too, really. Raising kids is serious for me. I am raising the future, the only immortality I will have in this world, and a significant achievement for the next world. My children will be warriors trained to conquer their environment. I want them to surpass me in capability and power. Joy and fulfillment are nice, but secondary.