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Just found out I am OW

Veronica73

By Veronica73,
in The Other Man / Woman

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Veronica73

Veronica73

Posted
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I don’t know if this is the right place to post this. But...I just found out the guy I’ve been seeing...has a significant other who he is living with. I didn’t know. I feel sick. Like I’m a piece of garbage. I don’t feel guilty-I didn’t know. And also, she’s not my significant other, so I’m not the one who cheated. But I still feel sick. And disgusting. The guy is somebody I have known for awhile and considered a friend. And he failed to mention the fact that he has a partner. :(

 

I feel like a piece of trash.

Edited by Veronica73
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preraph

preraph

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Veronica, I'm so sorry. So unfair for him to do that to you. Some friend, huh? Hey, I got involved with a friend I knew him and his brother for 3 years and the very night we first slept together, he sits up afterwards and says, Now I feel guilty. And I said, Guilty? What for? And THEN he tells me he's married and come to find out also had a little one. He never took her out in public, was out all the time at the clubs, playing or listening and seeing bands. Knew his brother, thought that's who he lived with, because that was where I'd been over the years (they had a music studio in the brother's house) and he didn't even live there. Had a house with the hidden wife. I liked both these guys, but ugh, what on earth is wrong with people?

 

Take a shower and wash him off you. It's him not you that is dirty here. Eat some ice cream.

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BaileyB

BaileyB

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Posted

It’s hard to imagine sometimes that people can be so cruel... and yet...

 

I’m sorry this happened to you. You have reason to be disappointed, not ashamed. Take care.

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somanymistakes

somanymistakes

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You're not trash - HE treated you that way, and he had no right to do so. Find your anger and aim it at him! How dare he?

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Veronica73

Veronica73

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Thank you everybody. I still feel sick about it.

 

He didn’t admit to it. Somebody else told me, and so I did some digging around online and found some things that she wrote about him.

 

When I confronted him he said he didn’t realize she felt that way about him and that he would get it sorted out. Says they are just roommates and friends.

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mark clemson

mark clemson

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Well that sounds weird and player-ish. Hope I'm wrong. Perhaps in the week while LS is shut down for upgrades you will find out more and can fill us in once it's back up.

 

Hope it turn out to be a misunderstanding.

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CAPSLOCK BANDIT

CAPSLOCK BANDIT

Posted
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Typically when a woman has to spell out her love for a man, she usually ends up rejecting him in the end.

 

Either he is lying to you or she has kind of put out the signals and he has just not taken notice... But it is a difficult thing to say, because typically when you live with someone, sex and love by extension, usually happen naturally. Natural relationships typically manifest when an individual over-extends their boundaries that they share with normal people and the other person, the person who's space is being infringed upon, does not reinforce the boundary or even provides encouragement for the normal boundaries to dissolve.

 

The thing with natural relationships is that when they manifest, we understand that the normal boundaries have dissolved, but often, we leave the actual 'Relationship/Couple' boundaries without reinforcement until some type of larger event happens where we are forced to acknowledge the reality of the situation. For men, we can be quite dull when it comes to seeing all the signs and often, we are resistant to forming relationship/couple boundaries with a natural relationship partner, because when we do, the level of convenience provided by this relationship plummets; we get to have sex whenever we want with the person we live with, but also explore options outside the household... This dynamic is what men want, to have sexual convenience without any of the strings. 

 

These dynamics are complex and if you are interested in exploring further, I strongly recommend you pay a visit to him at home and meet this woman. When you do, you reinforce the boundaries you feel you and him have and see how she reacts... Hold his hand, etc... Unless she begins reinforcing these boundaries first, then you know this guy cheated on her with you... Or you could just move along. Second option seems easier and less complex.

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Veronica73

Veronica73

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Thank you. I’m just moving along. When I originally asked if he was seeing someone he straight up said “No.” But later, after I confronted him about her, he said the situation between them was “vague and unclear”. I think it’s vague and unclear because that’s the way he wants it. That way he can have sex with me, or whoever, and technically he’s not cheating. And he can tell me he’s not seeing anyone and technically he’s not lying. So in his mind he is doing nothing wrong. But she clearly considers him a very important significant other. “The significant other she has been waiting for since her marriage ended”. And he knows me well enough to know I’m not down for casual sex with him cheating on somebody. Ugh. It’s gross and upsetting.

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The Outlaw

The Outlaw

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Posted

Anybody that can stoop that low and use someone else is garbage. Not you. It's just a sad state when it's always someone we trust. 

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The Outlaw

The Outlaw

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2 minutes ago, Veronica73 said:

    Thank you so much. It is sad and I did trust him. I feel betrayed.   

He’s not who I thought he was.

He's a d*****bag. They're very good at that sort of thing. Ticked me off just reading about it. It stings, but we've all been used. Just try not to let it get you down. He isn't worth it. 

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snowcones

snowcones

Posted
Posted (edited)

There comes a time in every single woman over the age of 40 life where she encounters a married man who is trying to cheat with her.  That's how common it is.  Eventually it will become repetitive as you will find many married men trying to lure you into their pathetic lives.  You will begin to spot it immediately, rather than being deceived and strung along like you were before, then you can thwart it.  And yes it may come from men you once respected.  Keep your guard up and don't assume anything about anyone, good or bad, until you verify everything. Everything. How you decide to react to it makes all the difference in the world.

Edited by snowcones
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