NYDame Posted December 2, 2019 Share Posted December 2, 2019 Hi everyone, So I’m recently divorced with 3 small children. Due to certain events I’ve put an order of protection on myself but can still communicate with the father of my kids by phone. I much rather communicate only through email with him to keep tensions low as he tends to get aggressive with me and will always find a reason to yell at me and fight. So I’ve put some boundaries up as far as communication with him and I keep conversations minimal and dry. Today he called me out of the blue to say that things are not okay. Every time he calls or sees me he wants to say that things are not okay and that things must change. He says he concerned for the kids but it feels fake to me. His concern is that I’m not communicating with him about the kids but there is very little that we need to talk about concerning them. He wants to know about every person that comes in and out of our house. He selectively chooses when to ask me if I’ve made it home safely with the kids. He doesn’t ask each and every single time. To me it’s just a form of control. I have 100% physical custody but that’s because he hasn’t been wanting to step up more. He sees them once a week for a couple hours and this is his choosing. He hasn’t had a job for a year and doesn’t pay child support, obviously, or offer to cover any of their costs. He wants to act angry and hostile whenever he sees me which is why I put up boundaries. But he wants constant communication with me about the kids and I don’t know what to tell him to get him to just leave me alone. I fear that if I tighten the order of protection and ask for no contact whatsoever, his anxiety about the kids will get worse and I’ll be worsening my situation. I feel like I just need to deal with this without the courts intervention anymore. It’s so immature that he wants to act like he’s concerned about the kids but won’t take them long enough to spend time with them or financially support them. Just venting on here. Has anyone else gone through this? How do you respond? Link to post Share on other sites
ajequals Posted December 2, 2019 Share Posted December 2, 2019 Of course I can only give a male prospective I think his concerns about non family members in the household are a legitimate concern. there are those men out there looking for single moms.. I remember years ago I use to listen to dr Laura on the radio ,her take was that mother's not introduce any men in the household till the children were out of the house ..in her experience the new man seemed to take center stage replacing the children as the number 1 concern ..I know this value seems outdated in this day and age but the children should be the number one concern I can also see his side as the walls you have in place are not allowing parental disclosure. Maybe you should see if counseling can help calm the situation ,it does take two parents to raise children. Both are important for their welfare. a step parent just doesn't cut it as it is not their child and it shows IMHO divorce is probably the worse thing for a child much ness 3. You have a tough road ahead ,I think your ex is probably the best choice for a partner when it come to raising the children , that is as long as he does not have a drinking or substance issue 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted December 2, 2019 Share Posted December 2, 2019 I think your ex is probably the best choice for a partner when it come to raising the children... How can a man who pays no child support and doesn't contribute to the expenses of child care who only sees his kids once a week for two hours (his choice)whose means of communication is yelling and arguing ...possibly be the best choice of a partner??? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NYDame Posted December 2, 2019 Author Share Posted December 2, 2019 How can a man who pays no child support and doesn't contribute to the expenses of child care who only sees his kids once a week for two hours (his choice)whose means of communication is yelling and arguing ...possibly be the best choice of a partner??? My thoughts exactly. I’m in no way dating or looking for another partner or father for my kids. I live with my mom and two brothers at home with my kids. I think my ex is asking to know who comes in and out because my brother has a new girlfriend and he probably sees a new car parked outside of my house when he drives by. Yesterday he called me asking who’s at the house at that moment. My suspicions are that he drove by and saw her car there. My ex has been paranoid in general. The other day he called me saying he couldn’t sleep at night because a car drove by his house and he thought it might have something to do with me. Makes no sense. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 2, 2019 Share Posted December 2, 2019 (edited) Once per week send him a quick email about the kids' activities; attach a photo of the kids. He gets his update. You don't have to talk to him plus you get evidence of the updates. Have the kids send him snail mail letters including pictures, test papers that got sent home etc. depending on their age Edited December 2, 2019 by d0nnivain 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted December 2, 2019 Share Posted December 2, 2019 How can a man who pays no child support and doesn't contribute to the expenses of child care who only sees his kids once a week for two hours (his choice)whose means of communication is yelling and arguing ...possibly be the best choice of a partner??? And this is the same man who was hit with the RO originally due to physical abuse, and who's asked the OP to remove the order so he can buy a gun. NYDame, I'd do as d0nnivain advises and cease all verbal contact, blocking his calls and texts. He's forfeited his right to ask questions... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 2, 2019 Share Posted December 2, 2019 I would not leave the courts out of this if I were you. If he loves his kids so much he would get a job and support them. I would not let him see them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted December 2, 2019 Share Posted December 2, 2019 You need to settle all this with an attorney helping you and go before the judge and get some judges orders about how things are supposed to be. have your attorney asked that he be restricted to email communication on one of those websites that are specifically for divorced people who still have to communicate because they share kids. these websites keep everything so that no one can hide what they say and has to behave and if they don't behave then you can take the transcript to the judge. You have got to stop negotiating with your ex and leave that up to the court. Link to post Share on other sites
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