p4percut Posted December 2, 2019 Share Posted December 2, 2019 Hi, I used to be a long-term Lovershacker under a similar username, but I forgot my password as it has been too long since I last used my account. Another thing was that I never thought I would be back here on this forum again especially since I have weathered a few difficult relationships in the recent past without seeking online advice. However after lurking for the past two days, I felt the need to sign on again because of a recent breakup which occurred two days ago while I was on vacation visiting family overseas. The breakup wasn't unexpected but it still stung because I ended up being the one to break it off against my will. Our relationship had a lot of ups-and-downs, and my ex-bf had voiced on several occasions that he had been unhappy and that he was not in love with me anymore. I was very blind to his needs and despite his wishes to break up for the past few months, I fought him on it and forced him to stay. I did all the fruitless begging and crying. He was still around but he was cold and distant and barely had any time for me. Furthermore, his job with a non-profit organization was arranging to send him out of state and eventually overseas to Europe and the uncertainty of him every coming back to New York City was the driving force of him to not want to be with. He didn't want to do long distance. During the last day of my trip in China, I reached out to him to ask him how he was and whether he will be able to see me on Sunday, which was when I got back. He said he wouldn't be able to because his plans to leave out of state was expedited and he was leaving on Sunday. I finally got fed up and in a moment of anger and crying I told that if that was what he wanted I accepted it and that I will never look for him or his family again. All this was done in text. And now despite my decision, I am hurting. He told me he checked out months ago and I believe him because we hadn't had sex in months and the last time we did, he couldn't get excited (down there). Whenever I asked him how he felt, he could only tell me he was miserable with me and that he would be happy if I moved on with someone else. I was also secretly miserable knowing he didn't love me. I bought him a $250 watch a few weeks ago and he said he loved it. But he didnt say he love me only that he said that we can see. Now, I'm back in New York, and he's gone. His job will keep him busy to forget me. But I'm still in love with him and in love with the idea of us. But keeping him around when he doesn't want me around will only make him resent me. I broke up because it was what he wanted but I can't help but keep a little hope that he will come back for me. I really just want to smack myself for being so delusional. He has me blocked on social media and he has also removed his picture from LinkedIn. I find it very difficult to pick up the pieces when he is the one who already moved on from me in months. Can someone please tell me what I can do to move on? Should I even hold on to hope that he would even think about me again? Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted December 2, 2019 Share Posted December 2, 2019 From what you have described so vividly in your post, I have to believe that this episode of your life is over and you should firmly accept that. Now you must take some time to grieve. Erase all traces of him from your media devices. If you can't get rid of them store them in a file somewhere. Take all of his presents and memorabilia and put it away. Box it up and find a nice corner in a large closet or attic. Make an effort to change your environment. Move some furniture around. If any of your furniture brings back memories move it to another room or get rid of it. Bringing something new into your life can signify a new start for you. Stick to doing routine things. If you eat at specific times keep to your schedule. If you make up your bed each morning - continue to do so. Keeping to a routine is like putting the mind on autopilot. Get support from friends and family and if you need to talk to a counselor please do so. No one can tell you how long it will take to move on. That all depends on you. I think you can look forwards to one thing, and that is this will not happen to you again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted December 2, 2019 Share Posted December 2, 2019 I agree with Schlumpy. This has been over in all but name for a long time and I very much doubt he will come back. As far as how to move on, again, I would follow Schlumpy's suggestions. Great starting point. The rest will be giving yourself time to accept and heal. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 2, 2019 Share Posted December 2, 2019 He has been very clear for months that he doesn't want this relationship and it's pointless to continue to try to get him back. To move forward you just have to be gentle on yourself to heal. You are already in NC so you have to stick it out. You'll be okay. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 2, 2019 Share Posted December 2, 2019 Do not hold out hope. It will only keep you stuck. You need to accept that things are over & take some time to lick your wounds. Focus on yourself & what you want out of life, (but not what you want in a mate). Learn how to be happy & secure in your own skin 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted December 3, 2019 Share Posted December 3, 2019 Even if he did come back - which I doubt strongly - why would you want to be in a relationship with a man who has been so clear that he doesn't want to be with you, doesn't love you or even want to have sex with you? Sounds horrible, you owe it to yourself to move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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